Struggling with loneliness and being single and turning 25

[pinkjess]

I have been really struggling with lonely feelings. I am not sure exactly what triggered it, but I think me contemplating my future and seeing most people my age married or dating may have set it off. It I am turning 25 this year and have been thinking more than ever about what I want to do concerning my singleness and how it pertains to my future. Ever since I was young, I felt that maybe God would like me to be single for lifestyle reasons, as to better serve Him in the areas I would like (homeless street ministry, mission work, etc.) This carried on until my mother passed away in 2014, when I realized I would like to go through life with a partner by my side instead of being single. I know I have Christ by my side, and He should be enough for me--but I am also struggling to accept that He may want me to remain as I am for life.

Can I be happy if I never get to experience a romantic relationship with a man? Will I always have the desire there as a thorn in my side to keep me looking upward as a result? It's harder on me because I have never had that kind of relationship before, so I am really naive about it and perhaps I glorify more than I should because I am eager to see what it is like. I know I have attachment issues and I think if I were to have somebody it would turn toxic quick because I am avoidant and co-dependent. I understand this must be worked on in my life, and I feel like this year God has really shown me parts of myself that He has hidden until He knew I was ready to face them.

I am just unsure about what His will is. One minute I feel content being single as I think of the future, but then the next day I can be in an entirely different state of mind. I start to think about the natural events of life and start to panic as I imagine going through it physically by myself. Like the passing away of family members as I get older, dealing with health crises alone, having to live on one income, going to bed alone afraid of someone breaking in. Those kinds of things make me want to have someone to share my life with. But I know God is sufficient for my needs and He is my Protector. I guess I just don't know how to make up my mind. I let my feelings overcome my reasoning and before I know it I get sucked right back in to self-pity and fear.

Getting older just makes this so much worse. I worry that all the good Christian guys will be snatched away before I can heal from my issues to ever be ready to date them. People my age don't even date anymore, you know? Most people in their mid-twenties are already settled. Gosh, I'm done for.

I am just heartbroken that pretty much everyone else around me gets to have somebody to hold at night while I just snuggle a blanket and pretend it's a man. I wish God could speak to me and tell me what He would have me do about this. I have prayed and asked Him to show me His will concerning whether or not He wants me to remain single but I haven't really received a concrete answer, I don't think.

I know the Sunday School answer: just get closer to God and read the Bible and delight yourself in Him. I know. I know. I am working on getting closer to Him. Last weekend I was a hot mess crying out to Him for healing and to comfort the ache I feel in my heart. I know I need to focus my eyes on Him and not my circumtances. And I know I need to help other people and stop thinking so much about how "I" feel. I know, I know. I just wish I felt less like a minority and more normal. I already feel like such an alien from my social anxiety and misophonia. I still feel like I am lost at sea with no compass or map to lead me home, and everyone else is safe on an island somewhere. LOL that is the best analogy I can think of at the moment to describe how I feel.

Okay. Rant done. Thanks for reading if you did. I'm sure I will feel embarrassed about it later. But I need to process this and writing out my innermost thoughts and sharing them (with strangers, for some reason) helps.

 

[RoRoberto]

I'm 26 years old and turning 27 this summer.
I believe it's entirely understandable and natural the way you feel. Unfortunately, there isn't a pattern that we can follow to make sure we'll get everything we want in life. The only we can do is to prepare ourselves and hope for the best!
Having this in mind, I can only offer you my own perspective and experience, that isn't guaranteed to work or bring you the desire results, considering that I'm in a similar stage in my life.
Just like you, sometimes I worry about finding the right person, sometimes I have this feelings like I'm deeply missing someone I don't even know. I've always been very family oriented and even when I was in my early teens I would envision myself in the future as a man that his wife, kids and family would be happy and honored to have. In order to accomplish that I focused on improving myself in any way I could. Up to this point I'm still doing that and I thank God for facilitating the conditions to help me get closer and closer to where I want to be.
Having a sense of purpose and duty is the best balm for my heart when I get afflicted by melancholy.

Perhaps something similar could be useful in your situation? Are you currently pursuing any goals?

 

[Applekrate]

I have been really struggling with lonely feelings. I am not sure exactly what triggered it, but I think me contemplating my future and seeing most people my age married or dating may have set it off. It I am turning 25 this year and have been thinking more than ever about what I want to do concerning my singleness and how it pertains to my future. Ever since I was young, I felt that maybe God would like me to be single for lifestyle reasons, as to better serve Him in the areas I would like (homeless street ministry, mission work, etc.) This carried on until my mother passed away in 2014, when I realized I would like to go through life with a partner by my side instead of being single. I know I have Christ by my side, and He should be enough for me--but I am also struggling to accept that He may want me to remain as I am for life.

Can I be happy if I never get to experience a romantic relationship with a man? Will I always have the desire there as a thorn in my side to keep me looking upward as a result? It's harder on me because I have never had that kind of relationship before, so I am really naive about it and perhaps I glorify more than I should because I am eager to see what it is like. I know I have attachment issues and I think if I were to have somebody it would turn toxic quick because I am avoidant and co-dependent. I understand this must be worked on in my life, and I feel like this year God has really shown me parts of myself that He has hidden until He knew I was ready to face them.

I am just unsure about what His will is. One minute I feel content being single as I think of the future, but then the next day I can be in an entirely different state of mind. I start to think about the natural events of life and start to panic as I imagine going through it physically by myself. Like the passing away of family members as I get older, dealing with health crises alone, having to live on one income, going to bed alone afraid of someone breaking in. Those kinds of things make me want to have someone to share my life with. But I know God is sufficient for my needs and He is my Protector. I guess I just don't know how to make up my mind. I let my feelings overcome my reasoning and before I know it I get sucked right back in to self-pity and fear.

Getting older just makes this so much worse. I worry that all the good Christian guys will be snatched away before I can heal from my issues to ever be ready to date them. People my age don't even date anymore, you know? Most people in their mid-twenties are already settled. Gosh, I'm done for.

I am just heartbroken that pretty much everyone else around me gets to have somebody to hold at night while I just snuggle a blanket and pretend it's a man. I wish God could speak to me and tell me what He would have me do about this. I have prayed and asked Him to show me His will concerning whether or not He wants me to remain single but I haven't really received a concrete answer, I don't think.

I know the Sunday School answer: just get closer to God and read the Bible and delight yourself in Him. I know. I know. I am working on getting closer to Him. Last weekend I was a hot mess crying out to Him for healing and to comfort the ache I feel in my heart. I know I need to focus my eyes on Him and not my circumtances. And I know I need to help other people and stop thinking so much about how "I" feel. I know, I know. I just wish I felt less like a minority and more normal. I already feel like such an alien from my social anxiety and misophonia. I still feel like I am lost at sea with no compass or map to lead me home, and everyone else is safe on an island somewhere. LOL that is the best analogy I can think of at the moment to describe how I feel.

Okay. Rant done. Thanks for reading if you did. I'm sure I will feel embarrassed about it later. But I need to process this and writing out my innermost thoughts and sharing them (with strangers, for some reason) helps.

Gosh, I feel for you. Lots of us are really seeking a mate for life. Do not feel bad about expressing your feelings. Afterall, this is a Christian singles area where you have brothers and sisters in Christ to communicate with and to comfort you.
You said you know all the basics.
Take a good look at yourself in pics and mirror. We all can look a little better to the opposite gender and often it does not take much to be a bit more attractive. Guys like a nice looking gal who takes care of herself. One does not need to look like a Barbie doll or model but, it is important to look attractive, healthy and appealing.
Not sure if you get out often, this is Easter week and lots of people are going to church. I volunteered to serve at a large church that has services both Sat and Sun. You just never know when the right gal/guy comes by and you need to be ready. we all do.
Keep you head up and eyes open. Look for opportunities, more opportunities to where you can meet a decent person that may have interest.
I am in the exact same boat and sure many of us here are too. Wishing you the very best and a Blessed Easter from Arizona.

 

[Applekrate]

not sure why my post repeated, sorry. cannot figure out how to delete it

 

[redblue22]

I know I have Christ by my side, and He should be enough for me--but I am also struggling to accept that He may want me to remain as I am for life.

it would turn toxic quick because I am avoidant and co-dependent.

But I know God is sufficient for my needs and He is my Protector. I guess I just don't know how to make up my mind. I let my feelings overcome my reasoning and before I know it I get sucked right back in to self-pity and fear.

Getting older just makes this so much worse. I worry that all the good Christian guys will be snatched away before I can heal from my issues to ever be ready to date them. People my age don't even date anymore, you know? Most people in their mid-twenties are already settled. Gosh, I'm done for.

I know the Sunday School answer: just get closer to God and read the Bible and delight yourself in Him. I know. I know. I am working on getting closer to Him. I know I need to focus my eyes on Him and not my circumtances. And I know I need to help other people and stop thinking so much about how "I" feel. I know, I know.

Where did you get all this? Is this what your church says?

 

[pinkjess]

Where did you get all this? Is this what your church says?

No not from MY church (haven't been in years though) but from reading online articles and just common knowledge from the modern Christian school of thought. Jesus IS enough but I think when we are lonely and don't invest in that fellowship with Him we get hungry and look for "snacks" (I.e. Boyfriends, girlfriends, food, workaholicism, materialism, shopping.) to satisfy that gap. It's just hard knowing whether I'm "really " hungry for Jesus, or if I am genuinely wishing I had someone.

 

[NurseAbigail]

I feel that way too. Feeling blessed one day because of singleness then loneliness hits me like a truck out of nowhere, scrolling through facebook makes me depressed because most of my friends are paired up, and i begin to ask myself is something wrong with me? But just want to encourage you with my recent blog post, like i literally typed this 2 to 3 hrs ago...then saw your post here...might not be coincidence

God In The Box

 

[redblue22]

No not from MY church (haven't been in years though) but from reading online articles and just common knowledge from the modern Christian school of thought. Jesus IS enough but I think when we are lonely and don't invest in that fellowship with Him we get hungry and look for "snacks" (I.e. Boyfriends, girlfriends, food, workaholicism, materialism, shopping.) to satisfy that gap. It's just hard knowing whether I'm "really " hungry for Jesus, or if I am genuinely wishing I had someone.

So, what is the popular Christian response to what you are going through?

 

[DYOLF]

I have been really struggling with lonely feelings. I am not sure exactly what triggered it, but I think me contemplating my future and seeing most people my age married or dating may have set it off. It I am turning 25 this year and have been thinking more than ever about what I want to do concerning my singleness and how it pertains to my future. Ever since I was young, I felt that maybe God would like me to be single for lifestyle reasons, as to better serve Him in the areas I would like (homeless street ministry, mission work, etc.) This carried on until my mother passed away in 2014, when I realized I would like to go through life with a partner by my side instead of being single. I know I have Christ by my side, and He should be enough for me--but I am also struggling to accept that He may want me to remain as I am for life.

Can I be happy if I never get to experience a romantic relationship with a man? Will I always have the desire there as a thorn in my side to keep me looking upward as a result? It's harder on me because I have never had that kind of relationship before, so I am really naive about it and perhaps I glorify more than I should because I am eager to see what it is like. I know I have attachment issues and I think if I were to have somebody it would turn toxic quick because I am avoidant and co-dependent. I understand this must be worked on in my life, and I feel like this year God has really shown me parts of myself that He has hidden until He knew I was ready to face them.

I am just unsure about what His will is. One minute I feel content being single as I think of the future, but then the next day I can be in an entirely different state of mind. I start to think about the natural events of life and start to panic as I imagine going through it physically by myself. Like the passing away of family members as I get older, dealing with health crises alone, having to live on one income, going to bed alone afraid of someone breaking in. Those kinds of things make me want to have someone to share my life with. But I know God is sufficient for my needs and He is my Protector. I guess I just don't know how to make up my mind. I let my feelings overcome my reasoning and before I know it I get sucked right back in to self-pity and fear.

Getting older just makes this so much worse. I worry that all the good Christian guys will be snatched away before I can heal from my issues to ever be ready to date them. People my age don't even date anymore, you know? Most people in their mid-twenties are already settled. Gosh, I'm done for.

I am just heartbroken that pretty much everyone else around me gets to have somebody to hold at night while I just snuggle a blanket and pretend it's a man. I wish God could speak to me and tell me what He would have me do about this. I have prayed and asked Him to show me His will concerning whether or not He wants me to remain single but I haven't really received a concrete answer, I don't think.

I know the Sunday School answer: just get closer to God and read the Bible and delight yourself in Him. I know. I know. I am working on getting closer to Him. Last weekend I was a hot mess crying out to Him for healing and to comfort the ache I feel in my heart. I know I need to focus my eyes on Him and not my circumtances. And I know I need to help other people and stop thinking so much about how "I" feel. I know, I know. I just wish I felt less like a minority and more normal. I already feel like such an alien from my social anxiety and misophonia. I still feel like I am lost at sea with no compass or map to lead me home, and everyone else is safe on an island somewhere. LOL that is the best analogy I can think of at the moment to describe how I feel.

Okay. Rant done. Thanks for reading if you did. I'm sure I will feel embarrassed about it later. But I need to process this and writing out my innermost thoughts and sharing them (with strangers, for some reason) helps.

I do feel for you and hope everything becomes clearer. I do see however you are not sure whether God wants you to be single so you can serve him better. I am sure if you were called to such a calling then you would know about it. As Christians it's always a good idea to base our values on what the bible says regarding situation. I normally enjoy this:

1 Cor 7: 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

This right here does show us everyone can get married.

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Here Jesus does show there are some who are called to not being married but not all can receive that calling. The issue here is generally people ought to get married and if God didn't want you to then he would tell you. If I was in your situation I would start by not having doubts regarding getting a partner.

 

[jovanovic]

I have been really struggling with lonely feelings. I am not sure exactly what triggered it, but I think me contemplating my future and seeing most people my age married or dating may have set it off. It I am turning 25 this year and have been thinking more than ever about what I want to do concerning my singleness and how it pertains to my future. Ever since I was young, I felt that maybe God would like me to be single for lifestyle reasons, as to better serve Him in the areas I would like (homeless street ministry, mission work, etc.) This carried on until my mother passed away in 2014, when I realized I would like to go through life with a partner by my side instead of being single. I know I have Christ by my side, and He should be enough for me--but I am also struggling to accept that He may want me to remain as I am for life.

Can I be happy if I never get to experience a romantic relationship with a man? Will I always have the desire there as a thorn in my side to keep me looking upward as a result? It's harder on me because I have never had that kind of relationship before, so I am really naive about it and perhaps I glorify more than I should because I am eager to see what it is like. I know I have attachment issues and I think if I were to have somebody it would turn toxic quick because I am avoidant and co-dependent. I understand this must be worked on in my life, and I feel like this year God has really shown me parts of myself that He has hidden until He knew I was ready to face them.

I am just unsure about what His will is. One minute I feel content being single as I think of the future, but then the next day I can be in an entirely different state of mind. I start to think about the natural events of life and start to panic as I imagine going through it physically by myself. Like the passing away of family members as I get older, dealing with health crises alone, having to live on one income, going to bed alone afraid of someone breaking in. Those kinds of things make me want to have someone to share my life with. But I know God is sufficient for my needs and He is my Protector. I guess I just don't know how to make up my mind. I let my feelings overcome my reasoning and before I know it I get sucked right back in to self-pity and fear.

Getting older just makes this so much worse. I worry that all the good Christian guys will be snatched away before I can heal from my issues to ever be ready to date them. People my age don't even date anymore, you know? Most people in their mid-twenties are already settled. Gosh, I'm done for.

I am just heartbroken that pretty much everyone else around me gets to have somebody to hold at night while I just snuggle a blanket and pretend it's a man. I wish God could speak to me and tell me what He would have me do about this. I have prayed and asked Him to show me His will concerning whether or not He wants me to remain single but I haven't really received a concrete answer, I don't think.

I know the Sunday School answer: just get closer to God and read the Bible and delight yourself in Him. I know. I know. I am working on getting closer to Him. Last weekend I was a hot mess crying out to Him for healing and to comfort the ache I feel in my heart. I know I need to focus my eyes on Him and not my circumtances. And I know I need to help other people and stop thinking so much about how "I" feel. I know, I know. I just wish I felt less like a minority and more normal. I already feel like such an alien from my social anxiety and misophonia. I still feel like I am lost at sea with no compass or map to lead me home, and everyone else is safe on an island somewhere. LOL that is the best analogy I can think of at the moment to describe how I feel.

Okay. Rant done. Thanks for reading if you did. I'm sure I will feel embarrassed about it later. But I need to process this and writing out my innermost thoughts and sharing them (with strangers, for some reason) helps.

this is the 4th thread you write about this subject in just 2 weeks, seems like you are struggling much. but if you are that lonely then why did you ignore my message to you? there is guys trying to make contact with you but you ignore it and you dont take contact with guys yourself, if you where more open and more social you would have a boyfriend and friends in no time. I promise.

you talk about concrete answer from god, but god do not give answer with voice or write you a letter, he gives a answer in different way. i might be that concrete answer, i am just like you lonely and christian. perhaps god brought u and me together . take the chance and date me .

 

[pinkjess]

So, what is the popular Christian response to what you are going through?

Get closer to God and delight yourself in Him

 

[pinkjess]

this is the 4th thread you write about this subject in just 2 weeks, seems like you are struggling much. but if you are that lonely then why did you ignore my message to you? there is guys trying to make contact with you but you ignore it and you dont take contact with guys yourself, if you where more open and more social you would have a boyfriend and friends in no time. I promise.

you talk about concrete answer from god, but god do not give answer with voice or write you a letter, he gives a answer in different way. i might be that concrete answer, i am just like you lonely and christian. perhaps god brought u and me together . take the chance and date me .

I appreciate the offer brother but I don't think that would be a good idea. We live in different countries and it is odd. I know I need to work on being more open.

 

[pinkjess]

I do feel for you and hope everything becomes clearer. I do see however you are not sure whether God wants you to be single so you can serve him better. I am sure if you were called to such a calling then you would know about it. As Christians it's always a good idea to base our values on what the bible says regarding situation. I normally enjoy this:

1 Cor 7: 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

This right here does show us everyone can get married.

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Here Jesus does show there are some who are called to not being married but not all can receive that calling. The issue here is generally people ought to get married and if God didn't want you to then he would tell you. If I was in your situation I would start by not having doubts regarding getting a partner.

thank you

 

[pinkjess]

I feel that way too. Feeling blessed one day because of singleness then loneliness hits me like a truck out of nowhere, scrolling through facebook makes me depressed because most of my friends are paired up, and i begin to ask myself is something wrong with me? But just want to encourage you with my recent blog post, like i literally typed this 2 to 3 hrs ago...then saw your post here...might not be coincidence

God In The Box

Love this! Thank you for sharing it. I never thought about it like that.

 

[redblue22]

Get closer to God and delight yourself in Him

How do you do that?

 

[jovanovic]

I appreciate the offer brother but I don't think that would be a good idea. We live in different countries and it is odd. I know I need to work on being more open.

 

[pinkjess]

I'm not sure what to say to that.

 

[pinkjess]

How do you do that?

making God #1 in your life

 

[jovanovic]

I'm not sure what to say to that.

 

[SarahsKnight]

I'm sure I will feel embarrassed about it later.

If it makes you feel better, I do not see why you should be embarrassed for pouring your heart out here in the way that you did, PinkJess. (Probably mainly because you didn't spend your OP attacking the opposite gender for not giving you the love you appear to seek, unlike many people who have made these kinds of threads in the Singles community in the past; thus I am far more receptive to hearing you out and empathizing with your problems. And the same probably goes true for most others here who have read your OP.)