Struggling with jealousy

[Bella Vita]

My husband and I have been married 4 years this year. We have a house great jobs, health insurance ext. But it is still not enough we still don't make enough every month. And my husband is in the process of finishing school he will be done with his associates next fall. It's hard because we want to start a family so bad all of our friends are having babies people who have been married less time and some who are not even ready or can afford a child. Some are already on their second baby.

I am really struggling because I want to have a child I want to be a mother. Part of me screams there will never be enough money we will never have perfect timing. But the other half of me screams that is stupid you need to be more prepared you need to make sure you are ready and can afford it. I also have the fact that i have medical issues so I really do not want to be having children past 30 I will be 25 this year. I want possibly two kids and need to space them out. So I feel like we need to get moving my husband is terrified and says no we are not ready.

We make enough money for us to be comfortable we spend money on ourselves. If we budgeted we could have a child it would be tight but we could do it. My husband is just scared he wants to be making more than we are right now and have more saved away.

Anyway I am done rambling I am sure I am not the only one out there who feels this way.

 

[98cwitr]

Bella! You're not alone! My soon-to-be sister-in-law and brother-in-law just had their first baby and they are in their mid 30s. They both have PhDs, but currently just work at the church, so they dont bring in a whole lot. I admire their patience for the "right time," when they were both done with school and settled into their career.

That said, you'll never have "enough" money when it comes to raising children, but I do suggest your husband finish with schooling before becoming a parent. While completely doable, school + work + new baby (or TWINS!) would be a tremendous amount of stress, and also considering you will take some maternity leave there's that to consider. Then comes the question of staying home for a while or day care (which is really expensive!)

Since you both work for the federal gov, there are a lot of benefits and you guys should be okay. It will always be a struggle, so just be as prepared as you can.

Im 30 now and my fiance is 28, so we are late starts, and want to enjoy our marriage for a few years before having kids. This is the only life you will be dealt, so dont rush through it!

Give it some prayerful consideration and God bless.

 

[SeventhValley]

We waited to 25 to have kids. Now at 30 they are having Enlisted retention boards(AF force cuts). In my job 60% of E-6's will be involuntarily separated early and I have no degree and am the sole beadwinner. Since I am a good NCO I would get a severence package but that will only last so long.
My point is security is a illusion you might have money this year then not next year. So if you want to have kids just do it.

 

[Bluelion]

thing is is there never is a good time to have a child. Things work out when you have one, but if you keep waiting for the right time you will never find it.

 

[Johnnz]

Money is an idol in our society. Life is a challenge, and taking some risks is part of living.

John
NZ

 

[Bella Vita]

Money is an idol in our society. Life is a challenge, and taking some risks is part of living.

John
NZ

Right but we are talking about children's lives. Not having a good childhood myself growing up in poverty. I want better for them.

It is a hard choice deciding when to start a family.

 

[miamited]

Hi bella,

From my own experience I can say this:

So long as you have good medical insurance to cover the medical costs of a child, the other costs aren't particularly high in the early years. Yes, you'll need diapers, but infant and young children's clothes can be had a dime a dozen at most thrift stores. Food is a bit more expensive and if you decide to feed formula over breast feeding, then that will also cost a bit more.

As mentioned, thrift store clothing is the way to go. Most infant and young children's clothes are a really good deal at thrift stores because small ones generally grow much to fast to ever wear their clothes out. If you're not ashamed about not keeping up with the Jones's then cloth diapers are much, much cheaper than quick stick disposables. If you do go with formula, mixing dry is much cheaper than ready to eat. You can also make your own baby food which is pretty inexpensive.

So, yes, it will cost you somewhat more, but thousands upon thousands of families have done so and millions upon millions of families have done it with cloth diapers and homemade food. Remember, there was no 'Gerbers' 300 years ago and earlier. Disposable diapers are also a relatively new invention. Parents have been raising their children without these 'new and improved modern day luxuries' for centuries.

As far as growing up in poverty yourself, don't let your fear of 'I don't want my children's lives to be like mine' become a stumbling block to you. There is a big difference between growing up in poverty and just having to pinch a few pennies to make a comfortable income encompass the costs of a child.

God bless you.
In Christ, Ted

 

[Rehoboth1485]

Check out Financial Freedom by Jim Sammons on Embassy Institute. It's about applying God's principles in the Bible to your financial life, which I think maybe a lot of Christians do not do. Have you heard of Jim Duggar? The father from 19 Kids and Counting, they attend this seminar that is now available online, many years ago and applied it and it changed their life. They were living debt free even before they had a reality tv show.

 

[iambren]

I learned this on a seminar I viewed:


Age when a woman is most fertile---------------20.

Fertility declines for a woman--------------------30.

Steep decline----------------------------------35.


You must be reasonable but erase the notion that there will be a perfect time to have children. Most generations find a way,actually if you breast feed and get used furniture they really aren't that expensive in the early going. I WOULD be tempted to buy more sleep that first year lol!

 

[Bluelion]

Right but we are talking about children's lives. Not having a good childhood myself growing up in poverty. I want better for them.

It is a hard choice deciding when to start a family.

There is your mistake, it is not about things of this world it is about Love, being a parent to them. I came from a wealthy family. I am not wealthy. I was never given much my brother was the favorite, but what i missed most was having parents who loved me. My mom bought me cigarettes at 14, i started drink at 7. My parent caught me at 7 drinking to, but instead of saying wait something is really wrong, they just payed no attention. My dad got up at 5am and went to work at 6am he stayed at the bars until 2am when they closed. He came home around 2:30- 3 am and went to bed. He did that all my life, Me and my Dad are good now. but I sure missed having a loving family. Our kids have nice things we do with out something to get them things that are nice. That is loving your kids. It does not matter how much you have you find a way for your kids. Love is the greatest thing you can give them.

 

[98cwitr]

There is your mistake, it is not about things of this world it is about Love, being a parent to them. I came from a wealthy family. I am not wealthy. I was never given much my brother was the favorite, but what i missed most was having parents who loved me. My mom bought me cigarettes at 14, i started drink at 7. My parent caught me at 7 drinking to, but instead of saying wait something is really wrong, they just payed no attention. My dad got up at 5am and went to work at 6am he stayed at the bars until 2am when they closed. He came home around 2:30- 3 am and went to bed. He did that all my life, Me and my Dad are good now. but I sure missed having a loving family. Our kids have nice things we do with out something to get them things that are nice. That is loving your kids. It does not matter how much you have you find a way for your kids. Love is the greatest thing you can give them.

Wow...same boat man. My mom did the same thing, and then some. No structure, no discipline, no foundation, and ultimately no sense of real love. My heart goes out to ya man.

 

[Bella Vita]

There is your mistake, it is not about things of this world it is about Love, being a parent to them. I came from a wealthy family. I am not wealthy. I was never given much my brother was the favorite, but what i missed most was having parents who loved me. My mom bought me cigarettes at 14, i started drink at 7. My parent caught me at 7 drinking to, but instead of saying wait something is really wrong, they just payed no attention. My dad got up at 5am and went to work at 6am he stayed at the bars until 2am when they closed. He came home around 2:30- 3 am and went to bed. He did that all my life, Me and my Dad are good now. but I sure missed having a loving family. Our kids have nice things we do with out something to get them things that are nice. That is loving your kids. It does not matter how much you have you find a way for your kids. Love is the greatest thing you can give them.

And this would be why half the kids having kids my age are living on welfare.

I think love is very important and my children will be raised in household that loves the Lord. But reality is also important.

 

[Bluelion]

And this would be why half the kids having kids my age are living on welfare.

I think love is very important and my children will be raised in household that loves the Lord. But reality is also important.

You'll understand one day

 

[Bluelion]

Wow...same boat man. My mom did the same thing, and then some. No structure, no discipline, no foundation, and ultimately no sense of real love. My heart goes out to ya man.

small world huh 98. Thanks for the kindness. My mom is really sick and has been her whole life, in the head that is. She would by me cigarettes but she would also have the car running waiting for me to get off the bus, she would take me straight from school to the doc for drug testing. One time she told the doc what drugs she thought i was on, basically all of them. the doctor looked at her and said lady I can tell you right now he is not on all that because if he was he would be dead. It was hard because my mom was out of her mind, and my dad was at the bar.

I think you said you had family with mental illness, so you know all about it then I bet.

Peace and Love brother.
blu

 

[Hammster]

My husband and I have been married 4 years this year. We have a house great jobs, health insurance ext. But it is still not enough we still don't make enough every month. And my husband is in the process of finishing school he will be done with his associates next fall. It's hard because we want to start a family so bad all of our friends are having babies people who have been married less time and some who are not even ready or can afford a child. Some are already on their second baby.

I am really struggling because I want to have a child I want to be a mother. Part of me screams there will never be enough money we will never have perfect timing. But the other half of me screams that is stupid you need to be more prepared you need to make sure you are ready and can afford it. I also have the fact that i have medical issues so I really do not want to be having children past 30 I will be 25 this year. I want possibly two kids and need to space them out. So I feel like we need to get moving my husband is terrified and says no we are not ready.

We make enough money for us to be comfortable we spend money on ourselves. If we budgeted we could have a child it would be tight but we could do it. My husband is just scared he wants to be making more than we are right now and have more saved away.

Anyway I am done rambling I am sure I am not the only one out there who feels this way.

My wife and I have never had enough money to start a family. Now we have five kids. Had we waited until we had "enough", we would childless.

God will provide. And you'll be surprised at what you can live without.

 

[Bella Vita]

My wife and I have never had enough money to start a family. Now we have five kids. Had we waited until we had "enough", we would childless.

God will provide. And you'll be surprised at what you can live without.

Right I get there will never be a perfect time or enough money. But it is hard to decide when to take the plunge. It is a big decision and a life changing one. Not to mention my husband is terrified it's normal guy stuff and I know once he had a child he would be an amazing dad. But getting him there is going to take longer than me.

 

[iambren]

Toss the birth-control,slip a little viagra into his dinner, and let God choose when you get pregnant!

 

[Bella Vita]

Toss the birth-control,slip a little viagra into his dinner, and let God choose when you get pregnant!

I am off birth control have been for almost a year. But I will pass LOL =]

 

[iambren]

Don't ya know how to take care of that man of yours? My story--I was evaluated and tested that showed a very low count. Doc said it was highly unlikely that I would have kids. Bummer and I complained to God too.

Then 3 years into marriage B. had pain that wouldn't stop. She was in hospital for a week taking that baseball called an ovary out.

Odds were against us,we were researching adoption when --guess what happened? Yup,two blue lines on that little peed on stick. Didn't believe her but the repeat was the same. We now have TWO teen boys 6'2" and they are the joy of my life. Don't know but B. said I was drinking a lot of orange juice back then. I pray that you will be blessed with a bundle in His good time.

Bonus: We are all adults so if this offends you I am sorry. I have a medical education so here goes... Did you know that a woman has a natural flow downwards vaginally and is probably cleansing,ongoing. BUT,when a woman enjoys her husband,can relax,and go to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] the flow reverses and goes UP. Fertility is increased in orgasmic women. Take a little wine before bedtime. Good luck to you.