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Struggling with homosexuality

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Greek73, Apr 24, 2018.

  1. Greek73

    Greek73 New Member

    15
    +11
    Cyprus
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Hello
    I'm from Cyprus in Europe and I'm Greek Orthodox.
    I need some advice about my situation. I'm a 45 year old married man with a son in his early teens. I am gay and in the closet. I have kept this secret from my wife of 22 years. I have been away from sin for 1 year now after having confessed.
    My problem is I keep having sinful thoughts mainly because there is temptation everywhere.
    I read the Bible everyday and pray, but I feel weak and I'm afraid I'll fall into temptation and sin again... ☹
     
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  2. akaDaScribe

    akaDaScribe Well-Known Member Supporter

    +892
    United States
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    Do you love your wife? Does she know?
     
  3. HereIStand

    HereIStand Regular Member Supporter

    +3,004
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    Don't beat yourself up. Being tempted isn't sinful. God bless.
     
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  4. Tigger45

    Tigger45 St. John Supporter

    +9,318
    United States
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    US-Constitution
    Welcome to CF and keep fighting the good fight. We are all struggling with some form of sin. Don’t feed it and don’t give in. Keep seeking support primarily from your priest and other Christians especially the Orthodox here at TAW The Ancient Way - Eastern Orthodox
     
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  5. hedrick

    hedrick Senior Veteran Supporter

    +6,339
    Presbyterian
    Single
    Introduce Yourself isn't the right place for this. Moderators generally redirect substantial discussions to the appropriate forum. If you look, you've find that there are groups for discussion of struggles over sexuality.

    However you should think about your attitude. Even if you accept that homosexuality is legitimate for Christians, you might still believe that you are called to honor your commitment to your family. In that case you'll want one kind of help, which CF might be an appropriate place for. (Note however that you're generally better off getting help in-person from someone with counseling experience.)

    If you don't consider yourself bound to this commitment, or believe that trying to keep it will create harm to yourself or those around you that's unacceptable, CF is not the right place to talk about it.
     
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  6. dreadnought

    dreadnought Lip service isn't really service. Supporter

    +3,406
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    United Methodist
    Celibate
    Sexual immorality is sexual immorality, whether it's of a heterosexual or homosexual nature. You need to stop entertaining immoral sexual thoughts, period.
     
  7. Mountainmanbob

    Mountainmanbob Goat Whisperer Supporter

    +10,277
    United States
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    The Bible tells us to finish the good race. We have (our) work cut out for us.

    Congratulations on your one year clean time -- keep up the good work.

    M-Bob
     
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  8. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Angels Team Supporter

    +9,415
    United States
    Baptist
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    Welcome Greek and may you be blessed here, I am praying for peace for you and your family through this trial. Keep seeking God and bathing your situation in prayer.
     
  9. Job3315

    Job3315 Well-Known Member

    747
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    I heard a person say “everyone deals with a sin of preference”. He meant, we all have a stronger desire (sin) that we tend to lean to more. For example, for an alcoholic, its alcohol. A person who is a recovering alcoholic could have a really hard time when he is around alcohol. I never had a desire to drink so I can live in a bar and never have a desire to drink, because that’s not what my soul seeks.

    Now, the thing about sin/wickedness is that there’s a hidden reason for it. The attraction/desire is coming for a reason, and the devil knows what it is, but so does God. The devil accuses you, but God brings it up to heal you. For example, in the case of an alcoholic, the desire to drink alcohol its to numb a feeling, situation, problem or even other desires. The alcohol becomes an excape. Unfortunately that escape also brings your body down as well, you get two problems; finding the hidden problem for drinking and that the body is now qddicted.

    In the case of lust and sexual desires,we have to understand that the body is also involved. Sexual desire is a natural desire, the problem starts when the devil distorts the image/reason behind God’s original healthy plan. The devil, using porn or other things can perverse the initial healthy natural desire of sex. So, the first thing I’d do is admit x desire doesn't align with God’s plan and ask God to show you His truth.

    The best thing you can do is know yourself and your limitations. Know what your triggers are. For an alcoholic could be avoiding going into bars or social events with alcohol involved until he is strong enough. A great technique I learn from Bob Hamp.is that every time you get a desire to do something that you know it’s against God’s natural plan, grab a piece of paper qnd write whats going on through your mind and talk to God about it. Most of the time, the desire will go away.

    Since we were born without God in us we desire earthly things. That’s our nature. Once we are born again the Spirit of the Lord make us grow so we can overcome those desires, and His nature becomes our nature. The devil will never forget your past, but the Lord will always be there to show you who you are; made in His image. The devil can lure us into doing things, but when we learn self control, we can overcome. One of my favorite passages is when God tells Cain: Sin is knocking at your door but you can overcome it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2018
  10. Project Panda

    Project Panda Member

    136
    +77
    Australia
    Seeker
    Private
    Just be yourself mate.
     
  11. Greek73

    Greek73 New Member

    15
    +11
    Cyprus
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Yes I love my wife. This is why I am fighting these feelings! But she doesn't know I'm gay!!! I think she suspects it though because I've made some mistakes in the past which gave her a few hints that I'm cheating, but I have never admitted it and she hasn't any proof, besides her suspicions.
     
  12. akaDaScribe

    akaDaScribe Well-Known Member Supporter

    +892
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Are you still regularly intimate with her?
     
  13. Greek73

    Greek73 New Member

    15
    +11
    Cyprus
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Thank you @hedrik
    I'm new to CF so I don't know how the forum works! I thought that I was posting in a forum, but as it seems I was wrong! Can you or someone else please explain what the right way to discuss this is?
     
  14. Greek73

    Greek73 New Member

    15
    +11
    Cyprus
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Yes I am...very much!!!
     
  15. Greek73

    Greek73 New Member

    15
    +11
    Cyprus
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Thank you everyone for your replies and prayers!
     
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  16. akaDaScribe

    akaDaScribe Well-Known Member Supporter

    +892
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Based on the information you’ve given, it sounds like you need to identify what makes you want to do it.

    The thrill of the chase
    The thrill of being chased
    Taking risks
    Feeling dominant
    Feeling subordinate
    Being bored with your life
    Etc…

    The reason I bring up the points is because some of these elements could be incorporated into your marriage with a bit of work. You really need to get closer to your wife and rediscover/discover what you love about her. The closer you get, the more attractive she will be to you. In addition, the closer you get, the more safe you will feel to express some of your needs. And who knows? She may have some of those same needs.

    In some ways fidelity won’t ever be as exciting as infidelity. On the other hand, a deeper relationship with someone who knows you and loves you for you is irreplaceable.

    Beyond that, learn to be content with what you have and develop other aspects of your life.

    Just 1 man’s opinion. ;)
     
  17. hedrick

    hedrick Senior Veteran Supporter

    +6,339
    Presbyterian
    Single
    Introduce Yourself is technically a forum, but it's really intended for greeting new members. I recommend "Struggles with Sexuality," in the "Recovery" category.

    You'll want to look at the statement of purpose first:
    Statement of Purpose - MUST READ & General Information for SWS Statement of Purpose

    This assumes that you consider homosexuality wrong, and want help in dealing with homosexual attraction. If you're considering whether it's really wrong, CF isn't the place for that discussion.
     
  18. FranklinJM777

    FranklinJM777 New Member

    2
    +0
    United States
    Christian
    Divorced
     
  19. FranklinJM777

    FranklinJM777 New Member

    2
    +0
    United States
    Christian
    Divorced
    I'm quite nervous...but this is good... Started searching the internet, looking for accountability against SSA. I too am an older male, with a son, currently going through a divorce. Looking to connect with someone for accountability. We could do it by email...maybe eventually phone. Seems awkward to post this for everyone to see! Can I message privately?
     
  20. hedrick

    hedrick Senior Veteran Supporter

    +6,339
    Presbyterian
    Single
    Again, I suggest the forum Struggles with Sexuality here. You’re going to get a better response than in Introduce Yourself.
     
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