Struggling with homosexual desires

[strivingforpurityinChrist]

Hi guys. My name is Caleb. I am 16 years old. This could get long so please bare with me. I tend to tell stories in a popcorn style as things come to me because I have a lot on my heart.
I guess I should start from the beginning, because I don't really know where else to start. I was sexually molested several times VERY early in my childhood (I think I was like 4 at the oldest) by my uncle (mom's brother). My parents eventually found out after I casually mentioned it (as I didn't know what he was doing).
They put an end to it, but didn't take any legal action. Now if I could gear away from that for a second, I will explain my Christian journey. I grew up in a loving Christian home, and went to a Christian school up until this year. It was a very legalistic Christian school, which now I believe really harmed my views of the Lord, even though my home life wasn't legalistic at all. So basically, I grew up not really caring about Jesus, although I did ask him into my heart when I was seven. All I cared about was getting an A on all my Bible class tests. However, a little over a year ago, I felt God speaking to me to just give my life to him. I did, and I was baptized as well. It was a really great experience. Meanwhile, around the same time this was going on, I was molested two times again by the same uncle. I pretended like it didn't happen. I lied to myself. It kept eating at me up until this very year, when I told my family. They took legal action this time, but that's a whole other story. I was very sexually curious of other men as a child, which I believe was a result of being abused at a very young age. I always wanted to see men without shirts and stuff like that. I started masturbating at an early age, but I didn't really know what it was then. It is still an issue to this day. I have struggle with porn, although I mainly struggle with thoughts inside my head. I have prayed, and I have prayed, and I have prayed for God to help me battle the temptation of homosexuality, but I fell like absolutely nothing helps. I even see a professional sexual abuse counselor at my church who knows of my struggles. I feel like nothing helps. I feel like God made me this way. I honestly feel like I can't help being attracted to the same sex. It is so discouraging, and I always feel weighted down by it. Just this morning, I woke up from a dream of me kissing this guy I have always been attracted to. I know it was just a dream, but it just felt so good and so right. I just feel trapped between two worlds. I really don't know what to do anymore, and I have basically given up on trying to change. I have prayed this to God over and over "I know I can't change on my own strength, I need you. Please help me change." And sometimes it helps but I always end up in the same place. I feel like I would be happier if I could just be myself versus having to constantly fight desires I feel like I have absolutely no control over. I just want to be happy, and right now, I am absolutely miserable. I have resulted to self harming at ties. I am confused, and I'm afraid. I know God says it's wrong, but it just feels so right. I feel like he would have helped me by now. Some people say it's okay, and you can still be a Christian if you're gay; and others say it's a sin and that I can change. I don't know what I believe anymore. I could just really use some advice. Sorry this was so long. Thank you for reading this.

 

[GardenOfEdenWithYou]

Honey, you are trying to get rid of the pain/ shame/ repulsion/ embarasment by internalising all your negative personal experiences as being " normality". It is your brains way to cope with it. By thinking you as gay, your brain tries to justify what happened, tries to make sense of what happened.

I doubt you are trully gay. Its nust the consequence of what your uncle did to you.

My opinion is: report that man, put the. Dark secret in the light, get it out of your system. Try to forgive in your heart your uncle and see him as a victim of his mental illness , but report him. Than cry this negative emotion caused by past out of your heart , put it all behind and start a new fresh life!

You are still young and can afford to be single for a year or two. Meanwhile keep praying, keep crying out to jesus. It took me a few years of me crying to god , until i just could not take it anymore, that God helped me with my ailment.

Tomorrow you might meet a girl, fall madly inlove and live a normal life. Never loose hope. God is certainly taking long sometimes to answer, but he always does.

Lots of love and a big hug. This too shall pass. As i said, report the man, free yourself of this bad experience, put it behind and start a new beginning. Give yourself a chance.

 

[praisehim13820]

I know what you're going through Caleb. I didn't have to deal with a traumatic childhood like yours but I grew up in a Christian home. But I've struggled with homosexual feelings too, so maybe it's not a result of the abuse. I do think homosexual desires are a temptation that can be avoided though.
I grew up in a small town and there was an older divorced guy who lived alone who everyone said liked to seduce young men <staff edit>. I went off to college and came back for my 21st birthday because some of my friends wanted to take me out drinking. Of course they left me at the bar alone, so the older guy offered me a ride home. We ended up going back to his place and he pressured me into doing some sinful things. I should have been strong enough to tell him no, and I told myself I would never let it happen again. But when I went back for my senior year of college I went back to living in sin for almost a whole year.
Now I'm 29 and my parents are bugging me about settling down with a nice girl for marriage. It sucks. There's so much pressure and I'm just awkward with women. But my parents are right and I hate myself for having the urges to live in sin.

 

[RoboRyan]

All you can do is just keep loving on God, read the Bible, pray,, surround yourselves with positive people who will be there for you. I'll be praying.

 

[pure4u2]

Everyone has a story! I can relate with you so much but in my own way. Remember, that it was NOT your fault. There is these youtube clips called I am Second, you should check out some! They are pretty powerful. You can get help, just put it in God's hands!! I'll be praying for strength to overcome this with His timing.

 

[strivingforpurityinChrist]

Thank you both so much. My uncle has been reported. I appreciate your prayer. God will get me through this!

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Hi guys. My name is Caleb. I am 16 years old. This could get long so please bare with me. I tend to tell stories in a popcorn style as things come to me because I have a lot on my heart.
I guess I should start from the beginning, because I don't really know where else to start. I was sexually molested several times VERY early in my childhood (I think I was like 4 at the oldest) by my uncle (mom's brother). My parents eventually found out after I casually mentioned it (as I didn't know what he was doing).
They put an end to it, but didn't take any legal action. Now if I could gear away from that for a second, I will explain my Christian journey. I grew up in a loving Christian home, and went to a Christian school up until this year. It was a very legalistic Christian school, which now I believe really harmed my views of the Lord, even though my home life wasn't legalistic at all. So basically, I grew up not really caring about Jesus, although I did ask him into my heart when I was seven. All I cared about was getting an A on all my Bible class tests. However, a little over a year ago, I felt God speaking to me to just give my life to him. I did, and I was baptized as well. It was a really great experience. Meanwhile, around the same time this was going on, I was molested two times again by the same uncle. I pretended like it didn't happen. I lied to myself. It kept eating at me up until this very year, when I told my family. They took legal action this time, but that's a whole other story. I was very sexually curious of other men as a child, which I believe was a result of being abused at a very young age. I always wanted to see men without shirts and stuff like that. I started masturbating at an early age, but I didn't really know what it was then. It is still an issue to this day. I have struggle with porn, although I mainly struggle with thoughts inside my head. I have prayed, and I have prayed, and I have prayed for God to help me battle the temptation of homosexuality, but I fell like absolutely nothing helps. I even see a professional sexual abuse counselor at my church who knows of my struggles. I feel like nothing helps. I feel like God made me this way. I honestly feel like I can't help being attracted to the same sex. It is so discouraging, and I always feel weighted down by it. Just this morning, I woke up from a dream of me kissing this guy I have always been attracted to. I know it was just a dream, but it just felt so good and so right. I just feel trapped between two worlds. I really don't know what to do anymore, and I have basically given up on trying to change. I have prayed this to God over and over "I know I can't change on my own strength, I need you. Please help me change." And sometimes it helps but I always end up in the same place. I feel like I would be happier if I could just be myself versus having to constantly fight desires I feel like I have absolutely no control over. I just want to be happy, and right now, I am absolutely miserable. I have resulted to self harming at ties. I am confused, and I'm afraid. I know God says it's wrong, but it just feels so right. I feel like he would have helped me by now. Some people say it's okay, and you can still be a Christian if you're gay; and others say it's a sin and that I can change. I don't know what I believe anymore. I could just really use some advice. Sorry this was so long. Thank you for reading this.

I really appreciate you sharing this.

It is understandable how you got on this journey of finding other males sexually attractive in light of what occurred to you when young.

Please bear in mind, that, many things may 'seem or feel right' to us because our Flesh is very demanding and doesn't care about things such as morality, pleasing God, living responsibly, or about our spiritual relationship to our Creator ; our Flesh is only interested in getting fulfilled and asap . This is why its called our flesh nature and that it is in conflict with our Spiritual nature . So, I say all this to advise you that you do not need to follow thru on your Flesh nature even though you get urges and fantasies . Instead you can and actually MUST starve this nature and allow Gods Spirit to reside in your Soul completely which is pure, good, and represents Gods highest good for you and me. In short, we as Christians don't need to become a slave to anything and God has given us power to be overcomers of such fleshly draws in our lives.

Here is a brief list , in order, of what has to take place so we can become victorious over the flesh and actually Satans attacks to keep you down :

1. Completely admit to yourself and God that you are helpless at this point.

2. Be in constant prayer for Gods power to fill you so that it will overshadow and defeat the flesh desires. Do this many times per day. God honors real zeal of ours for victory.

3. Do all you can to avoid tempting situations, venues, people , etc...who are toxic for you in this issue. Go out of your way to avoid such things.

4. When you get a thought of male lustful desire, immediately turn it over to God and ask God to replace that with a good, wholesome thought about something . Please read Philipians 4:8 for what to think about.

5. Get with a group of guys that are real Christians and who want to live for God . Meet with them as a group preferably and share your struggles. Seek their prayer support and emotional support. Let them hold you accountable for how you are doing.

6. Seek out a seasoned older Christian Man...maybe your Youth Pastor or Elder at your Church, and share with him your personal struggle . It wont surprise him cause hes heard these things all before. He will instill in you encouragement to stay the fight , and can give you much wisdom on how to overcome .

7. Check out www.newlife.com for a resource book/tape/cd on male homosexuality. They alos have a daily Radio Program where callers call in with these kinds of issues all the time. Learn from the advice they give the Caller.

8. Do not seek out people who will enable you to stay in the addiction as is common today with the tolerance philosophy to anything and everything that is wrong or dangerous to partake in.

9 . Become aware of the very real dangerous consequences to male homosexuality. Google for the medical consequences of male homosexuality (by this title). I also did a formal debate on CF with a guy who promotes male homosexuality if you care to read the debate. I get into the dangerous consequences of the lifestyle without even opening the BIble.

10 . I want to become available to you via PM if you are at all interested. God has given me a special Spiritual Gift of Godly Wisdom and Godly exhortation as my primary Spiritual Gifts . Id like to put them to use with anyone I can who comes to me . I can promise complete confidence and I have counseled practicing Homosexuals before as well as those who are not practicing but who get the urges . As a fellow Brother in Christ, id like to help you anyway possible. Ill pray for you. Dave.