I have been really struggling with believing for some time. I can talk and discuss doctrine, theology etc. and read a lot on that, and that seems safer to me. But it seems to me like I am trying too much to believe in my conscious mind, and living in theories. I have studied and read within nearly every sort of theology and philosophy - from Calvinism to Existentialism to Neo-Orthodoxy... I get the impression from some christians (not all) that faith is a much, much deeper thing with them. Its like my faith is too much connected to activities like praying, too behavioural, too external as it were, when prayer needs to be something which is from deep within, because one has faith.
I have had traumatic events in my life ans suspect i have some dissociation and wonder if that might be part of the reason?
I have had traumatic events in my life ans suspect i have some dissociation and wonder if that might be part of the reason?
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