I am not sure how to explain this but I'll give it a go and maybe I am overthinking everything but the issue on my mind as far as God is concerned is to do with the difference between "belief" in God as something I do versus God himself as an objective reality. In the first I am in my world of belief or ideas as it were and in the second I am in reality. But I suppose thats the whole issue does my view of reality include God? I have met people for whom reality definitely does not include God and they are strongly opposed to those for whom it does - a clash ensues - one or other must give in.
I've met the same sort of people. They don't interfere with my knowing and walking with God, though. The mere presence of atheist detractors of the Christian faith shouldn't steer you away from God. There are always folk about eager to deny reality - especially these days.
What I am thread is related to another one I posted about whether one need reasons to believe in God?
God seems to think we do, which is why we have the testimony of Creation, the witness of our conscience, and the special revelation of Scripture giving us plenty of reason to believe in Him.
In some ways I think I am past caring. Over twenty years ago I reached that point - like I no longer care.
This is inevitably what happens when you suppress the truth of God. After a time of denying Him - which is what you do, essentially, each time you consider Him as a possibility but walk away - you have calloused yourself to the whole matter. Whatever inner prompting you've had you've denied and each time you do so, the prompting grows quieter. Eventually, you'll cease to care at all. The Bible calls this "hardening."
The reason I fell away from church is a bit complex - I am not much of a mixer - the mission hall I grew up going to was mostly adults and older generation - and my dad was the missionary. But even in the Sunday school I never really mixed - I'd just go an sit in my chair while the other kid would be running around. I resisted going to youth organisations. During my teens I'd occasionaly make an attempt to go to some church or another - and after the service someone would point me in the direction of the youth fellowship but I'd no interest in walking into a room by myself where others knew each other and I knew absolutely no one.
I can relate. I was an introverted pastor's kid. Had a hard time socially as a young person. God has done a great deal of inner "renovating" since then...
So maybe I have been through a false conversion, been through the motions, that leaves me trying to live some kind of christian life while inside I am unchanged - but its a bit complicated because I have been into so much philosophy. And now I feel trapped in unbelief and hypocrisy.
"Feelings come and feelings go,
And feelings are deceiving..."
But going back to what i said earlier about belief - I really think there is a sort 'believing' in God which is not in touch with reality - if God is only real when I believe then I am kind of making my own God. Of course it may be to do with what believe deep down about reality and whether there is a God.
God is only real when you believe? Um, no. Goodness, what a peculiar idea. This ain't the God revealed in the Bible. If anything, we're figments of His mind.
I doubt very much I am in touch with my own 'inner reality' - I have constructed mental mechanisms to keep me out of touch with it because its a mess and I find it an intolerable state to be in. So I don't really know what I want.
It's not really about what you want - this question of God's existence - but of what you need. If He exists and is who the Bible says He is, you cannot do without Him!
