Struggling and lost

[techprincess]

I am having a really hard time wanting to be in God's presence lately. I have been depressed about a lot of things that have happened and I feel stuck. In the past year and a half, I have been through a lot. I am just trying to figure out what it all means. I am only 23 and I just feel like I have been put in a position that I can't possibly wrap my head around.

In Dec 2009 I got Acute Pancreatitis an had to stay in the hospital for a week. After that, I was still sick for nearly three months. Shortly after, I learned my ex that I dated for three years and had recently broken up with decided to marry my childhood friend that he had been dating for 2 months. In July 2010, I was in a four alarm apartment fire that started on my floor and I was trapped inside until the fire fighters came to rescue me. The next month, I was hospitalized for a large blood clot in my leg that had traveled into my lungs. I was in critical care for a week and it took me 2 months to recover. I am now permanently on blood thinners (Coumadin) because I have 3 genetic bleeding disorders that cause my blood to clot very easily. All of these issues that I have had this year and last have made it so I have to go to the doctor at least once a week and I have been in and out of the ER with complications from my medications and medical issues.

After all this stuff happened I just feel like I shut down. I had to drop all of my classes twice because of the hospitalization. Now I am dealing with all of these bills from all the doctor visits, er visits, blood tests, etc. I know that I am being attacked and I just want to figure out how to beat this. I am so depressed and I have no way to pay for all of these bills and now all of the student loan companies are calling me telling me I have to start paying them too. I have a full-time retail job but it is not enough. I need prayer and I need to find the strength God has put inside me but I am having trouble finding it.

Another thing that is on my mind is my boyfriend. I love him but he does not know the Lord. He is very accepting of my faith and he is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know the bible says " do not be unequally yoked" but I can't let him go. He is the only good thing in my life right now and I have never felt so connected to someone. I don't know why I am writing all of this, I guess for advice and prayer. I just feel broken and indecisive.

 

[certainofuncertainty]

I dnt have much advice to offer but I will be praying for you. Praying that God heals you and provides for you. Keep fighting.

God bless

 

[ChrisLeishy]

sorry double post

 

[ChrisLeishy]

This came to mind for you

Hard times come for a reason it gives you perseverance and builds character. Hard times come and go. I hope yours ends soon.


Ecclesiastes 3 (New International Version, ©2011)

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.


1 cor 10:13 NIV
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.


Have already prayed for you hope it helps you.

 

[Christownsme]

I am having a really hard time wanting to be in God's presence lately. I have been depressed about a lot of things that have happened and I feel stuck. In the past year and a half, I have been through a lot. I am just trying to figure out what it all means. I am only 23 and I just feel like I have been put in a position that I can't possibly wrap my head around.

In Dec 2009 I got Acute Pancreatitis an had to stay in the hospital for a week. After that, I was still sick for nearly three months. Shortly after, I learned my ex that I dated for three years and had recently broken up with decided to marry my childhood friend that he had been dating for 2 months. In July 2010, I was in a four alarm apartment fire that started on my floor and I was trapped inside until the fire fighters came to rescue me. The next month, I was hospitalized for a large blood clot in my leg that had traveled into my lungs. I was in critical care for a week and it took me 2 months to recover. I am now permanently on blood thinners (Coumadin) because I have 3 genetic bleeding disorders that cause my blood to clot very easily. All of these issues that I have had this year and last have made it so I have to go to the doctor at least once a week and I have been in and out of the ER with complications from my medications and medical issues.

After all this stuff happened I just feel like I shut down. I had to drop all of my classes twice because of the hospitalization. Now I am dealing with all of these bills from all the doctor visits, er visits, blood tests, etc. I know that I am being attacked and I just want to figure out how to beat this. I am so depressed and I have no way to pay for all of these bills and now all of the student loan companies are calling me telling me I have to start paying them too. I have a full-time retail job but it is not enough. I need prayer and I need to find the strength God has put inside me but I am having trouble finding it.

Another thing that is on my mind is my boyfriend. I love him but he does not know the Lord. He is very accepting of my faith and he is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know the bible says " do not be unequally yoked" but I can't let him go. He is the only good thing in my life right now and I have never felt so connected to someone. I don't know why I am writing all of this, I guess for advice and prayer. I just feel broken and indecisive.

I believe the Ecclesiastes verses are very important. Plus, in Isaiah 61:1-3 Jesus lets us know some amazing comfort. I wish I could take your pain for you. It is very interesting - I had to quit college when I was diagnosed with a mental disorder. My whole world turned insane and upside down. 20 years later I'm still dealing with repercussions.

Another thing I can point you to is a couple of more verses:

1 peter 5:7, and Philippians 4:6-7

Some of these may make you upset. Because it IS hard to find comfort, to connect to God with physical pain and illness. 1 Peter 5:7 is pretty straightforward. Philippians 4:6-7 (I'll let you read these out of your own bible) basically says we have an avenue for our anxiety. Turn EVERYTHING, even anger, confusion, tears, numbness,... into prayer. Attempt to express everything into prayer. Even what you can't express, know that God hears His Holy Spirit pray in utterances too deep for words (romans).

I've prayed for you, and know this, too: It will take time. My illness took 20 years to get in grips with it. But God has a reason, as hard as that is to grasp.. there's a reason for it all. God revealed His reality and love to me thru this illness of mine. He was full of grace and mercy, pardoning sins after sins. I've grown up so much since then.

I also pray for your situation with your boyfriend. Just because he hasn't expressed faith in Christ doesn't imply much.. God knows the heart of him. Who knows, he may have faith you can't know of yet, because he's working up the courage to open up and confess. Pray for him continually.

And as far as doctor bills, I know that's a tough issue. I pray the Lord will provide you with what you need financially. I really do.

 

[ashout]

perhaps the book of Job would be a comfort to you. in it, Job becomes sick and loses all his family members except his wife. This happens so that he can be tested, I wonder if your not being tested as well. a lot of times people only love God when they get things from him or are in good health. if they lose their health and God gives them nothing, they don't love God anymore! my advice is this, obey Gods commands and suffer knowing that you are a righteous person, even IF God doesn't provide for you.

 

[CommunityStraightUp]

Another thing that is on my mind is my boyfriend. I love him but he does not know the Lord. He is very accepting of my faith and he is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know the bible says " do not be unequally yoked" but I can't let him go. He is the only good thing in my life right now and I have never felt so connected to someone. I don't know why I am writing all of this, I guess for advice and prayer. I just feel broken and indecisive.

I can see from your post that there is a lot going on in your life. More than I can hope to understand. But God understands all, and his scripture is true in any circumstance. There are so many encouraging bible verses and books and chapters, but I will leave that to you. What I can tell you as my sister in Christ is this:

1.) Read your word. It will answer more questions than you can imagine.

2.) Spend ALONE time with God. Quietly. Maybe not even saying anything. Just allow yourself to be in His presence. He longs for this much more than we think.

3.) Get involved in the body of Christ. Use your spiritual gifts. If there is not a church service you can attend, go to a bible study. If there is not a bible study you can attend, maybe you could start one. You'd be surprised how God will work in your life when you let go of your desires and fears.


Also, as my sister in Christ I must address this concern of yours regarding your boyfriend. I am married now, to the girl that was once my girlfriend. We were both believers when we started dating. I'm going to be honest with you, we were living in sin with eachother. But you know what? We saw biblical truth, and through the Spirit, we both decided we needed to get legally married. Not only for our own sake, but to honor and glorify God.

If your boyfriend is not a believer, there is a very easy explanation. No. It is a no all the way home. A definite no. That relationship must be cut off immediately. Please see my words as love and not hate. Let me put it into perspective for you.... From what you wrote, you are holding your bf higher than Jesus and the scriptures. You said yourself "I have never felt more connected to anyone" and you also said "I know the bible says (insert any scripture here), but (insert excuse here)". These are two very very dangerous statements. Should we not feel more connected to Jesus than anyone on this earth? I love God 100x more than I could ever love my own wife or even my own children, my own flesh and blood, or my mom, or dad, or brother. That's what he has to mean to you. To all believers. Or you can not be His disciple.

It is not easy, living this life in this world. Being a follower of Jesus makes it even more difficult from the physical body point of view. We must use our spiritual eyes to see the truth of what God is teaching us through these worldly circumstances.

In love,
Jonathan Wright

 

[eyeofthestormministries]

Always remember there is always a place to turn. The Lord is always reaching for us we must meet him halfway and reach for Him. I will pray for you!

Pastor Michael

 

[paul1149]

Hi TechPrincess,

That really is a full load you have. Paul tells us to bear one another’s burden and thus fulfill the law of Christ. I pray you find you’re way through this jungle, and I’m sure in the Lord that you will, and in the doing you will grow in Him.

On the practical side, if the debts are big it might be best to explain why you can’t keep up with the original payment schedule and negotiate a more relaxed schedule. Or maybe a debt counselor would be a good idea. Sometimes financial wizzes at church can help out for gratis.

If the schooling is too much of a burden now, maybe it could be postponed. A year or so is not fatal, especially as you have no children as yet.

As for your boyfriend, it's great that you found someone that you are so interested in, but I would draw the line on serious involvement until the spiritual channels are opened. I have walked away from just such relationships, and I know it is painful, but I would rather please God, and I believe that I am protecting myself at the same time as well. It doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is a No; it may be a Not Yet.

As far as the rest, it's hard to understand why we must go through these trials, and it's easy to take the sorrow of the fallen world onto ourselves and lose hope. This is where the good fight of faith comes in. Rom 8.28 promises that God will work all things for good for those who love them. This is the time to take your stand on the promises, and abandon yourself to the Lord. Strive to get the spiritual victory now, ahead of the manifest victory, and you will come out of this strong spiritually. You will no longer be ruled by emotions and you will be prepared to properly handle the coming blessings that God wants to bestow on you.

I pray the Lord comforts you with the love, peace, hope, protection and guidance He has reserved for you.

p.

 

[1watchman]

Hello friend. You have had a lot of trouble, it appears, but sometimes that is God's way for one to accomplish His purposes --in you and through you.

The best and most important resource for you is IN the Lord Jesus Christ --believe me! One might believe in God, but we all need the Savior --God's beloved Son, in our heart. It sounds like you already know Him, so talk to Him earnestly (see 2 Cor. 10:5). Speak lovingly and carefully to your boyfriend about the love of God in His Son, and urge him to also go into his "closet" --private place (Mt. 6:6), and come to know the Lord Jesus in a personal way. I will be praying for you.

- 1 Watchman

 

[Gnarwhal]

I am so sorry for what you've gone through, that is absolutely devastating. I admire that you want to sort through everything and find a way to reconnect with God after what has happened.

Do you enjoy reading? There's some encouraging stuff from authors like Rob Bell and C.S. Lewis out there.