struggles with homosexuality/bisexualiy

[lilnicciebaby]

I have been struggling with my sexuality since I was a child. I was sexually abused as a child and sexually assaulted as an adult. I have tried to keep my thoughts at bay. I know in my heart it is wrong and that I am sinning by having these thought. I do not judge anyone else as harshly as I do myself. I feel so guilty. I want to get married someday and possibly have more children, however, I cannot shake these feelings. I do not know what to do. I am afraid to ask my pastor for help for fear I might be kicked out of Church. I am choosing not to act on my feelings but even with all that said, I just cannot shake these feelings.

What is a single mother to do? How can I shake these feelings? I feel God slipping out of my fingers. I feel ashamed. I feel bad. I feel I am sinning even though I am choosing not to act on them.

I turned an innocent friendship into twisted feelings for her and I cannot even look at her without feeling guilty.

 

[grandvizier1006]

I've gone through things similar to this, but I wasn't sexually abused. I have no excuse for my own sexual issues. I initiated them.

Pray that God will help you see your friend as she really is--a sinner in need of God's grace, just like you are. Perhaps she simply struggles with different sins.

Remember that God is strong enough to help you through this. One thing you must know is that there is a difference between getting aroused and acting on these feelings. Do your best to resist the temptation, and in time it may go away. Keep allowing yourself to grow spiritually in Christ. I know that it's a difficult sin to overcome, but remember that you don't have to give in. Just because you have feelings doesn't mean you are sinning, necessarily, unless you seek her out and sexualize this other woman. Do your best not to, even if your brain and body tell you that you should. Satan is telling you lies.

I will pray for you. God bless!

 

[grandvizier1006]

Also, find someone or some people you can trust. Let them realize that you are struggling with this issue and that you do not want to surrender to it. The fact that you recognize it as wrong despite society telling you it isn't shows just how strong you are. Growing in Christ and remembering God in times of trouble can help you grow stronger.

 

[lilnicciebaby]

Thanks for all the kind and honest words. And thank you for praying for me.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I'm wondering, if part of what you might be feeling is the safety of being with a woman who perhaps mentally there is a thought that she wouldn't hurt you like you were hurt before? I know I felt like that before.

Have you ever sought counsel to deal with the abuse and assault? If you haven't, that could help a lot, and even help with what you are going through now with your struggles... especially if you could find a Christian counselor who understands the challenges of the spiritual sides of trauma and healing.

 

[lilnicciebaby]

I am currently going through counseling and have been since my teenage years off and on so I am dealing with past issues and current issues. I have confided in my pastor and he is also helping me.

 

[barotaro]

Yeah i'm going thru the same thing. It can be very difficult, but i'll pray for you!

 

[Johnnz]

I have been struggling with my sexuality since I was a child. I was sexually abused as a child

That often activates one's sex drive which then can be very confusing for a child. Guilt and distaste are common and carry through into adulthood.

and sexually assaulted as an adult.

That then builds on the earlier experiences fueling guilt, shame, self abasement and confusion, all the while living with one's own sexuality as an adult. Trust, self confidence, dislike of sex along with awareness of your sex drive leading to guilt and shame.

I have tried to keep my thoughts at bay.

Understandable but now that you are getting counsel you are confronting the past.

I know in my heart it is wrong and that I am sinning by having these thought.

That may not be true. You are having confusing sexual thoughts, but your understanding and experience of sex is confused anyway. Confusion does not make you bad. Wounded people can feel many things that are not well based due to what happened to them. But that must not result in guilt. Unfortunately many pastors are not very clear about this.

I do not judge anyone else as harshly as I do myself. I feel so guilty. I want to get married someday and possibly have more children, however, I cannot shake these feelings. I do not know what to do. I am afraid to ask my pastor for help for fear I might be kicked out of Church. I am choosing not to act on my feelings but even with all that said, I just cannot shake these feelings.

That's the horrible dilemma many such as you face. You need to be listened to non judgmentally, to feel safe in your vulnerability, not to have additional burdens loaded onto you. Jesus' salvation is far bigger than your past. Guilt will hinder your progress. But it's not necessary because of Jesus.

What is a single mother to do? How can I shake these feelings? I feel God slipping out of my fingers. I feel ashamed. I feel bad. I feel I am sinning even though I am choosing not to act on them.

You need support that allows you to move on from those feelings, support that lets you know Jesus has come to you, in compassion, not judgement, and will walk with you through whatever you need to face without belittling you in any way.

I turned an innocent friendship into twisted feelings for her and I cannot even look at her without feeling guilty.

There are other explanations for what happened that don't entail or even assume homosexual tendencies.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[phydaux]

"I am afraid to ask my pastor for help for fear I might be kicked out of Church."

No pastor is going to do that. It should come as no surprise to him that there are people in the body who are struggling with victory over sexual sin. It certainly comes as no surprise to God.

It is common for people to think "God has forgiven me for all my sins except this one, 'cause that one is REALLY bad." That's simple not true.

Grace washes us clean.

"But I feel so guilty."

And if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.

"But I keep struggling with the thoughts!"

And His mercies are new every morning.

It was a big moment for me in my life, personally, when I realized that God knows everything. And if He knows everything, then He can't be surprised. And if He can't be surprised, then He can't be disappointed. He really [/i]does[/i] know everything about us, and He loves us anyway.

Also, I just re-checked Galatians chapter five, and shame is not a Fruit of the Holy Spirit. God wants a lot of things for your life, but shame isn't one of them. Shame leaves us buried neck-deep in the muck with our sins. It is the goodness of God that leads us to repentance.



(I actually shouldn't say that no pastor would do that. There are idiots everywhere, even in pulpits. But no pastor with a brain, certainly no pastor with a heart, would do that.)

 

[phydaux]

I am currently going through counseling and have been since my teenage years off and on so I am dealing with past issues and current issues. I have confided in my pastor and he is also helping me.

Ah! Didn't see this. I'm glad.

 

[Timothy2016]

I have been trough nearly the same. I have had a lot of counseling deliverance prayers, and even psychotherapist. I am still struggling with homosexuality and porn addiction. I have tried everything I could. I don`t know to be honest, what would be the best. Its goes away for a while at all times than coming back again and again.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

They say to replace one addiction with another good addiction.

I am planning to be active in church as much as possible.

I think the 10-step program for alcoholics is the same thought. They have meetings all of the time. The best method is abstinence and to be with others who understand your situation.

I believe I have a sexual-thought addiction. I think about sex constantly sometimes. I realized this is because I am not as busy as I should be with other tasks. At work, I don't think about sex. Also,at church I don't think about sex. It is when I am by myself, I think about it. I have seen porn and thought about being with other women. But, I have never done this in reality. As a result, I am trying to keep myself busy with tasks that keep me from thinking about sex. I am a woman but probably for a man it is much harder to do.

I am going to pray daily about my issues and be with others who will support me in my path with Christ.

We are all sinners and need guidance. The media bombards us with less than holier images of sex. It is up to us to make choices and act upon these choices. I am taking a vow of celibacy and am planning to stick with it.

This means keeping myself busy with work, reading the bible, exercising, hanging out with other good Christians, etc.
God bless!

 

[Johnnz]

They say to replace one addiction with another good addiction.

I believe I have a sexual-thought addiction. I think about sex constantly sometimes. I realized this is because I am not as busy as I should be with other tasks. At work, I don't think about sex. Also,at church I don't think about sex. It is when I am by myself, I think about it. I have seen porn and thought about being with other women. But, I have never done this in reality. As a result, I am trying to keep myself busy with tasks that keep me from thinking about sex. I am a woman but probably for a man it is much harder to do.

This means keeping myself busy with work, reading the bible, exercising, hanging out with other good Christians, etc.
God bless!

You are being sensible and practical. Just don't see your inherent sexuality as being 'bad' or 'wrong'. Some people are very sexual naturally and that is not sin. It can make living with your sex drive a bit uncomfortable sometimes but don't load up on guilt or some unhealthy attempts to suppress your normal sexuality.

John
NZ

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I have been trough nearly the same. I have had a lot of counseling deliverance prayers, and even psychotherapist. I am still struggling with homosexuality and porn addiction. I have tried everything I could. I don`t know to be honest, what would be the best. Its goes away for a while at all times than coming back again and again.

Maybe try to get used to a life of celibacy.. I'm a straight female but I haven't had luck with men, so I've decided to just keep to myself..im tired of willing love..

Once you just focus on your life... I think it becomes easier
.
However I do think its easier for me to accept a life of celibacy since I have a very low libido to begin with, been single since birth( not an exaggeration) and heterosexual sex , is just painful


But there are still times I get urges..

So you aren't alone.