Struggle with knowing God loves ME

[Crosssword]

I am beginning to see the where and why of it. In my own life anyway.

Ever since the day that I didn't pick on three obvious warning signs that my father was going to kill himself, and then my grandmother passed away, I have hated myself, I hated my life, and I hated my own origins.

Now it's hard to love someone as yourself if you don't love yourself. It's also hard for God's love to reach you and do anything for you.

Just like you try to love another person, but their own self hate counters the effect. Self hate also leads into sin and destructive patterns. Doubt in God's love is not some cute affirmation of humility, but a serious act of disbelief.

However, I do not believe the sins and negativity that come from hating one self warrant wrath from the lord, but if repented, warrant his love and mercy finally accepted. Hating the self is similar to denying the self, and hating the world is similar to denying the world, except that sorrow lead into sin as a psychological means of reinforcing ones belief that God hates them.

Indeed mine has been a broken life, the people I often associated with sad and broken, the one serious relationship I had was with a girl who was molested and abused by her father and suffered incredibly low self esteem and became very overweight.

In trying to make sense of my life and repent for my shortcomings it seems that rather then hopelessly appeal to an angry God, what I really need to do is learn to love myself and finally accept the love and mercy that are offered to me. Did Christ die for me personally? Would he do it for me if no one else was around? I have never believed God would do anything for me or that I deserved anything.

Pessimism is a prudent way of life. For we expect and prepare for the worst. Living by grace is something completely different. Here we believe we are freed from our sins, that our hearts can connect directly with God, and that aspire to love in all things, staying away from that which is sinful, for all sin is spiritually unhealthy if not physically unhealthy:

Gluttony: leads to obesity, very unhealthy
Wrath: anger and stress are unhealthy. killing is especially unhealthy lol
Lust: perversion destroys relationships
Pride: being proud leads one to error
Envy: This destroys satisfaction, happiness, and makes one unthankful to God.
Greed: demonstrates selfishness, insecurity, and destroys the merits of faith

God has not come to punish the broken-hearted, but to heal them. Surely he will not deny their repentance. It's like a blind man apologizing for bumping into people. Who is seriously going to be angry with him?

So that, in a nutshell, is why I did not become the believer I always wanted to be. For lack of faith in the system, in people, in myself, and in God by way that I wasn't faithful he could love me.

So... learning to love myself just in time for the tribulation? What a strange, paradoxical, and ironic life it has been.

 

[Erie79]

"it seems to me that God was originally JUST the God of the Israelites. When they failed to live up to his expectations he then opened the offer of salvation onto everyone, via Jesus Christ."

I have thought about this for a long time!!!

 

[Crosssword]

Some possible answers

In Genesis "The sons of God who came upon the daughters of man," Also described in Daniel's vision of the clay and iron feet where he mentions a race other then the seed of men attempting to mix with the seed of man, and finally "The seed of the woman shall destroy the seed of the serpent." There are other references to this race of fallen angels too.

Women and snakes have been linked together for milenia. Also, how do we go from the great flood to being enslaved in Egypt? I'm willing to bet there were more then just Noah who survived the flood.

In other words, those lands which contained races of people that were offensive to God were of the demon seed and needed to be exterminated. There were giants in those days too, sons of the Nephilim, fallen angels. David fought one of them. They are also the titans in greek myth.

Those were also far more violent days.

The Bible is largely historic. Not everyone in it was righteous. King Solomon was the worst. He kept a harem of over 1000 including women from all the peoples God forbad the israelites to marry. He wrote the key of Solomon the king, which is the ground work for modern occultism. As a kid reading Solomon's original wisdom you would think otherwise, but he really became corrupt. So much so that Jesus mentions him and he is likely the apex of why God chose to shame the wise with the things of fools.

So I wouldn't be surprised if some of the "God told me to slaughter millions of people" turned out to be a lie.

Jesus is Alpha and Omega, he was there in the beginning. It may have even been God's original plan for him to have been born from Adam and be our leader even as early as Eden.

Between the serpent saying "ye shall be as Gods," and Jesus saying "Have I not said ye are all as Gods," many believe what happened in Eden to be necessary or that the serpent and the messiah are one and the same. They don't believe in original sin. Well we were always sons of God, but the sin is that the serpent seduces us to TAKE what we want instead of EARN it.

Give or take? Is it really that simple, yes it is! If you are living for yourself then you're a taker. If you are living for others then you are willing to give, give, give, and help other. When everyone is a taken you have pyramid schemes, wars, and killing. When everyone is a giver you have Utopia. If you're of the world you're part of the problem, if you're of God then you're part of the solution.

They also say eat the flesh of gods, become one of them. Kinda makes me wonder if my fathers theory of the original sin being cannablism wasn't right. All the pieces fit together with that theory EXCEPT one: Adam was warned about the tree of knowledge before the creation of Eve. Therefore man could not be the tree which has knowledge.

 

[dwrancho144]

But now Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those
who are asleep. For since by a man came death, by a man also came the
resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all
will be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the first fruits,
after that those who are Christ's at His coming, then comes the end,
when He hands over the kingdom to the God and Father, when He has
abolished all rule and all authority and power. For He must reign until
He has put all His enemies under His feet. The last enemy that will be
abolished is death. (I Cor. 15:20-26)

For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth,
visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or
authorities--all things have been created through Him and for Him. He
is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. He is also head
of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from
the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.
For it was the Father's good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in
Him, and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made
peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, I say, whether
things on earth or things in heaven. (Col. 1:15-20)

For it is for this we labor and strive, because we have fixed our hope
on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of
believers. (1 Tim. 4:10)

And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only,
but also for those of the whole world. (1 John 2:2)

And every created thing which is in heaven and on the earth and under
the earth and on the sea, and all things in them, I heard saying, "To
Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, be blessing and honor and
glory and dominion forever and ever." (Rev. 5:13)

But the free gift is not like the transgression. For if by the transgression of
the one the many died, much more did the grace of God and the gift by the
grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abound to the many. The gift is not like
that which came through the one who sinned; for on the one hand the judgment arose from one transgression resulting in condemnation, but on the other hand the free gift arose from many transgressions resulting in justification. For if by the transgression of the one, death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ. So then as through one transgression there resulted condemnation to all men, even so through one act of righteousness there resulted justification of life to all men. For as through the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, even so through the obedience of the One the many will be made righteous. The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 5:15-21)

Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth; For I am God, and
there is no other. " I have sworn by Myself, The word has gone forth
from My mouth in righteousness And will not turn back, That to Me every
knee will bow, every tongue will swear allegiance. "They will say of
Me, 'Only in the LORD are righteousness and strength.' Men will come to
Him, And all who were angry at Him will be put to shame. "In the LORD all
the offspring of Israel Will be justified and will glory. (Isaiah 45:22-25)

...being found in human form he humbled himself and became obedient unto death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Phil. 2:8-11.)

In all wisdom and insight He made known to us the mystery of His will,
according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him with a view to
an administration suitable to the fulness of the times, that is, the
summing up of all things in Christ, things in the heavens and things
upon the earth (Ephesians 1:8b-10)

For God has shut up all in disobedience so that He may show mercy to
all. (Romans 11:32)

For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing
of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not of
its own will, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the
creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption
into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that
the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together
until now. (Romans 8:19-22)

He spoke another parable to them, "The kingdom of heaven is like
leaven, which a woman took and hid in three pecks of flour until it was all
leavened." (Matt. 13:33)

Even as You gave Him authority over all flesh, that to all whom You
have given Him, He may give eternal life. (John 17:2)

 

[papaJP]

When I first got saved, I had no problem believing that God loved me....His Spirit was all over me and He showed me in so many ways how much He loved me. Miracles happening, and prayers being answered all the time!

But for some reason, I've been having numerous problems with bad things happening....physical, financial, emotional, etc...I have not stopped praying, but I feel like I have maybe done something that God is really mad at me for that I can't remember-and I have repented of everything I can think of, and asked the Lord to bring to my rememberance anything I have forgotten-but He has not let me know of anything else.

I see miracles happen in so many people's lives-healings, wonderful testimonies, etc....and when people have problems, I know that Jesus is the only real answer to their problems, and that He can fix any problem....

But I have had struggles with believing He wants good things for ME. It's like I pray for people and fully believe God will answer prayers...but when I have problems, I feel like I am not worthy of His love and that He does not want to answer my prayers.

I know this is unrealistic, because God is no respecter of persons...but I have really low self esteem from my childhood, and am really having a hard time having faith that God loves me and wants to answer my prayers too, as well as other people's.

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I have been reading post from you on this same context many times.
I will give you some advice that God gave me for others who seem to have the same problem.

Lose and forget the words I and ME. Seek God and do not make everything about how you feel or what you expect to feel or see.