Strange thoughts

[blackberrys77]

Hi everyone,

I have a problem. I might sound crazy, but please try to take this seriously. I sometimes have bizarre thoughts about God, and I don't know if I think them on purpose or if it is OCD. I was recently having thoughts that made me think that God had left me. I was really afraid for a few days, then I went to a bible study and was praying more, and I started to feel at peace knowing that God would never leave us. Just as I was starting to feel better, I thought something else which is now filling me with anxiety.

I have in the past had thoughts that if I don't do a certain thing (like not wear a certain thing) that someone in my family would go to hell. This time I had a thought that if I ate the food I had prepared for dinner, that it would mean that I committed the unforgivable sin. I threw out my plate of food because I was afraid. Then the same thought came to my mind, but this time the thought was that if I didn't tap my foot 10 times, I would be committing the unforgivable sin. This time I started tapping but didn't count. Afterwards I started feeling so afraid, asking why I just didn't do what the thought told me, and what if it was true. I started thinking that I would be condemned, and asking myself why I just didn;t just count how many taps.

Can someone please help me??? Is there anything that someone can say, think, or do, intentionally or unintentionally, that God will not forgive. What if someone said something crazy, or really bizarre, but didn't really want it to happen, or didn't really mean it? Please help, I know I sound crazy but I can assure you that I am otherwise normal except for these crazy thoughts that sometimes cross my mind. Any scriptural advice or anything you have heard from a priest would be really helpful to me right now. Thank you and God bless you.

 

[SeraphimSarov]

I have OCD myself. That sounds like symptoms of OCD.

You can do nothing to separate somebody from God; in the end, it is on each person to decide whether they want God. Also, the only thing that can separate you from God is your own desires. God will never abandon you as long as you keep after Him (and even then, God will come after you in ways you might not expect).

I'd talk to a priest and if he agrees, maybe a doctor. Your worries are unfounded, but from my experience with OCD, knowing things on a rational level doesn't always make the worry go away -- which is where a doctor might be able to help.

 

[Coralie]

What you describe sounds like classic OCD.

As Seraphim says, go to a priest and a doctor.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

 

[blackberrys77]

Hi everyone,

I really appreciate so much your taking the time to write to me. I'm sure you all understand the overwhelming anxiety that comes with not following through a compulsion correctly. Then afterward I keep thinking about how easy it would have been to complete the compulsion so that the horrible thought that I had does not play out. I will even have images of standing before God and being condemned for this very "mistake" I made of not completing the compulsion, which I equated in my mind with committing the unforgivable sin.

I am trying to just occupy my time with anything else, so that I can give myself some perspective and look back and see whether my thinking made any sense. I know on some level that it does not. And it is especially when I am out and see others with such peace and joy in their lives, no matter where they are at in life, that I start to realize that something with the way I am thinking and feeling is wrong. I see parents with their children and I think, its not possible that God, who is pure Love, would condemn me for a single thought and action that I did not do properly. Then sometimes my thoughts will run away and I will think horrible things like, "Maybe I am condemned, but maybe God wants to be merciful to me while I am on earth, so He is allowing me to think that I am not." Jesus said he is the truth, so I know that God would never deceive us, but then even when I think that I start to think "Well maybe I am deceiving myself." It just doesnt make sense to me that God would condemn anyone who really wants to be good and do His will and be in heaven. But sometimes I fear that my whole life will be spent worrying like this, and that I won't know until my life is over whether I am right or wrong.

All I want is to feel at peace. I keep telling God that I don't care what happens to me for the rest of my life...or whether any of my previous wishes about what I want in life come true...as long as He shows me the truth and as long as I can know that I will be in heaven one day. That is all that I want. I don't want to be ungrateful, but sometimes I feel that it is not fair that God will allow me to feel this way and have these fears. I start becoming angry at Him and blaming Him and saying that He doesn't care about me. Then I end up feeling even worse.

I have a question...even if my thought was not caused by OCD, will God still forgive me for having the thought and not doing what I said I would do?

I really need all of your prayers right now. I have been really struggling for 2 months now, and basically praying for a miracle. I am trying so hard to trust in God, but sometimes I feel almost betrayed, because I keep on praying and trying, and it seems like my fears keep escalating. Please pray for me

 

[Coralie]

I am praying for you.

Go and talk to a priest and a doctor. It won't help you to try to find assurance here. I am sure you know by now that no matter what I or anyone else says, your mind will still find a way to obsess about something.

I hope I don't sound dismissive--I really mean this in love and concern for your health, but spiritual and physical. I can tell you're in pain. But looking for assurance is part of the OCD cycle, and if we give it to you, you will end up feeling worse.



Go and see a priest and a doctor as soon as you can. Is there a church nearby that you can go to tomorrow? Have you made an appointment to see anyone this week?

 

[MariaRegina]

I am praying for you.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son and Word of the Living God, have mercy and heal Thy handmaiden.

 

[Gwendolyn]

I am being treated for OCD, and it manifested for me in the same sorts of symptoms - obsessive thoughts and anxiety related to experiencing them/feeling compelled to follow through with them.

With therapy, and possibly with medication (not everyone requires medication to help them), the symptoms calm down drastically. They become manageable and they no longer seem so overbearing. They may even go away, or at least be kept at bay.

Do not hesitate to do what you need to do in order to manage the part of your anxiety that is within your control.

 

[blackberrys77]

Thanks so much for your replies and advice everyone. And a special thank you for your prayers. I have been to a few therapy sessions, and mostly the therapist is just trying to get to know me, so there hasn't been a lot of behavioral therapy yet. Although I have gotten a lot of good advice from Christian forums that I am trying to apply. I am really trying to ignore these thoughts. It's really difficult, when you even have doubts whether the thoughts are OCD, or your own.

For example, with what I was explaining before with the foot tapping thing, I am worried that I may have said the thought on purpose, because I kept on expecting that maybe the thought would occur again. But I am trying to not keep thinking about it. I don't think it can help me. It just makes me feel unsettled and afraid, and I know that is not what God wants.

 

[127.0.0.1]

Yeah, I have OCD, I know how it can be.

It's really difficult, when you even have doubts whether the thoughts are OCD, or your own.

Doesn't matter. Either way, God forgives all.

 

[127.0.0.1]

^
Nice that your trying to help, but...you might want to familiarize yourself with what OCD is.

What is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, OCD, is an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Repetitive behaviors such as handwashing, counting, checking, or cleaning are often performed with the hope of preventing obsessive thoughts or making them go away. Performing these so-called "rituals," however, provides only temporary relief, and not performing them markedly increases anxiety. More about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder »
Signs & Symptoms

People with OCD may be plagued by persistent, unwelcome thoughts or images, or by the urgent need to engage in certain rituals. They may be obsessed with germs or dirt, and wash their hands over and over. They may be filled with doubt and feel the need to check things repeatedly. More about Signs & Symptoms »
Treatment

Effective treatments for obsessive-compulsive disorder are available, and research is yielding new, improved therapies that can help most people with OCD and other anxiety disorders lead productive, fulfilling lives. More about Treatment »

Source

<staff edit>

God never abandons God's lil' ones

<staff edit>


As a fellow OCD suffer, my advice to you would be, firstly, pray from the heart (God never abandons God's lil' ones), second be with people. I can't tell you how many times being with other people has markedly reduced my anxiety.

The key to remember with OCD is that it is an anxiety disorder, that's where all the habits & rituals come from. So focus on getting rid of the anxiety.

Also, speaking of reducing anxiety, vitamin B6 helps... I sometimes take a single vitamin pill in the morning and after a few days I'll notice a difference. Sunlight also seems to help me feel better.

 

[Perfect_Love]

<staff edit>



Is OCD really that bad? How does it originate in a person? What causes someone to become psychotic like that? . . .


How do people get OCD in the first place?

 

[127.0.0.1]

Is OCD really that bad? How does it originate in a person? What causes someone to become psychotic like that?

How do people get OCD in the first place?

You are born with it. You're either born with it, or you don't have it at all.

It can get better or grow worse, depending on how bad you let it get. Fortunately, OCD is highly treatable and rarely, if ever, requires drugs.

 

[blackberrys77]

I don't know if we will ever fully understand whether certain things are caused by spiritual illness, or a physiological type of problem. Possibly some things like OCD may have several causes. For example, I believe depression can be cured through faith, because God has the power to heal anything, but as for the cause, I think some people have more of a "tendency" towards depression than others, and maybe this is because of something physically in their brains, or maybe it is a combination of factors.

What I do know is that I have had many types of anxiety disorders in the past. Even in elementary school, I had developed a fear of contracting AIDS after we learned about it in school. I also had fears that if I didn't complete a certain task, something bad would happen to someone in my family. Then as I grew older, I would get anxiety attacks, generalized anxiety, and even hypochondria. But what I am experiencing now is by far the worst, because many of my thoughts had led me to believe that I was condemned.

Without getting too much into exactly what I said (and I don't know whether it was intentional) I had a thought that if I didn't do a certain task, I would be irreversibly condemning myself at the time of my passing. (really strange, I know)The nature of the thought made me believe that no matter what, because of what I had said, there was no hope of my being forgiven, because I did not complete the task. (I will give you a less serious example- If I don't blink 10 times, then everyone I know will die. ) It was a thought like this that is illogical, but my mind was telling me that I had doomed myself. My question then became is it possible for someone to intentionally have a thought that can condemn them, or is this entirely irrational? I tried to make a comparison that went something like...well, if I told my parents that I wanted for them to never forgive me again and kill me, it doesnt mean that it will happen, because they just would not do that, even if I for some reason intentionally told them to. And I'm sure if I "took back" the thought, they would forgive me for saying such a horrible thing.

I was also having bizarre thoughts that God had left me because of similar weird thoughts that I was having, and sometimes I would have the thoughts multiple times in a row. I try to control the thoughts but sometimes they get away. Sometimes I even have strange images of God appearing on an object, and then I think I can't use that object. Or an image of God will appear in my mind on some food, and I will think that I can't eat it.

Sometimes I reflect on my thoughts, and I think I am just being nonsensical, and I laugh at myself, and then I start to feel anxious that I am laughing at the thoughts. It's somewhat of an endless cycle, but I have been to a few therapy sessions and am slowly making progress.

Any more insight you guys can share would be really appreciated. I thank you so much for your responses. God bless you.

 

[Perfect_Love]

I don't know if we will ever fully understand whether certain things are caused by spiritual illness, or a physiological type of problem. Possibly some things like OCD may have several causes. For example, I believe depression can be cured through faith, because God has the power to heal anything, but as for the cause, I think some people have more of a "tendency" towards depression than others, and maybe this is because of something physically in their brains, or maybe it is a combination of factors.

What I do know is that I have had many types of anxiety disorders in the past. Even in elementary school, I had developed a fear of contracting AIDS after we learned about it in school. I also had fears that if I didn't complete a certain task, something bad would happen to someone in my family. Then as I grew older, I would get anxiety attacks, generalized anxiety, and even hypochondria. But what I am experiencing now is by far the worst, because many of my thoughts had led me to believe that I was condemned.

Without getting too much into exactly what I said (and I don't know whether it was intentional) I had a thought that if I didn't do a certain task, I would be irreversibly condemning myself at the time of my passing. (really strange, I know)The nature of the thought made me believe that no matter what, because of what I had said, there was no hope of my being forgiven, because I did not complete the task. (I will give you a less serious example- If I don't blink 10 times, then everyone I know will die. ) It was a thought like this that is illogical, but my mind was telling me that I had doomed myself. My question then became is it possible for someone to intentionally have a thought that can condemn them, or is this entirely irrational? I tried to make a comparison that went something like...well, if I told my parents that I wanted for them to never forgive me again and kill me, it doesnt mean that it will happen, because they just would not do that, even if I for some reason intentionally told them to. And I'm sure if I "took back" the thought, they would forgive me for saying such a horrible thing.



Sometimes I reflect on my thoughts, and I think I am just being nonsensical, and I laugh at myself, and then I start to feel anxious that I am laughing at the thoughts. It's somewhat of an endless cycle, but I have been to a few therapy sessions and am slowly making progress.

Any more insight you guys can share would be really appreciated. I thank you so much for your responses. God bless you.

<staff edit>

May the Lord give the the Spirit of truth - The Holy Spirit.

 

[127.0.0.1]

^^

The thoughts you are having are very common for someone with OCD. Lots of people with OCD have those kind of thoughts. The best thing is to just not get too hung up on them. Just remember that God forgives all.

Also, pray from the heart.

 

[Coralie]

^ Command0182 is right. Your thoughts are VERY common to OCD. I would describe them as "classic" OCD thoughts.

Keep going to your therapist, take the medication he/she prescribes to you (if any), and don't forget to keep your priest updated on what's taking place in your life.

You will start to feel better eventually. We are all praying for you and sending you our love. As Command says, the best thing to do is recognise that *you* are separate from *your thoughts*. God loves *you* and forgives you, and wants the best for you. Your OCD thoughts don't affect that in any way.

 

[blackberrys77]

Hi everyone,

Unfortunately I have not been doing very well today. It started with the very complicated thought I had mentioned, that if I did or didn't do a certain thing, it would be equivalent to committing something unforgivable at the time of my death. I won't share the exact thought, but basically the consequences would be irreversible, because it would be a situation where there was no way of asking for forgiveness any more, but I would be committing it now and living with the knowledge that I am condemned. This is the scariest thing I can think of, and I don't even know if I intentionally came up with this thought, or how it came about.

The thought just keeps on coming into my mind whenever I am about to do something. I bought a breakfast sandwich and a cup of tea this morning, and took 1 sip of the tea when the thought came that if I ate or drank my breakfast, it would be the equivalent of committing the unforgivable right before I pass away.I was asking God what to do. I did not want to throw the food out, but the thought was just so strong that I had to. Then I bought something else to eat from somewhere else, and it happened again. As soon as I stepped out of the Dunkin Donuts, I had to throw out everything I bought. Straight into the trash bin in the parking lot. Then later I decided to get a bottle of water, and I also had to throw that out before even opening it. Then I felt guilty about throwing out so many things. Also, before any of this happened this morning, I had the same thought, but it was as I was about to wear a new cross and chain I had bought. The thought was that i can never wear it, or else I would be committing something irreversibly unforgiveable.

I was eating a banana before and was doing ok until the last bite, which I couldnt eat again. I also was eating something else and had to spit it out.

Now the thought is trying to attack what I am wearing. Somebody pleeease help! Is there such a thing as projecting a sin into the future, and committing it by doing something else. Is there anything "irreversible" that can be said, that we can trap ourselves and not be forgiven, but because its our own fault. I just can't wrap my head around this. When I try to say that it is impossible, I imagine that maybe it isn't and maybe I will go ahead and ignore the compulsion, and end up in hell just because I couldn't complete a simple task like throwing out food.

Please help me I will try to speak to my priest tomorrow, but I need some help now.

 

[127.0.0.1]

@blackberrys77

God forgives all.

Regarding your fears, hang out with your friends more. Do you have anyone you can go to lunch with? Do you live alone? How about a dinner party. You'd be amazed how much it helps to hang out with other people.

Don't forget to pray from the heart.

 

[SeraphimSarov]

Please help me I will try to speak to my priest tomorrow, but I need some help now.

Like I said earlier... talk to your priest and see a doctor. What you're saying has absolute no basis in reality; it is likely a disorder, and it's probably very treatable.

 

[xuxana]

sign for the philoptocos baking team at your local GOARCH parish. old people always make me feel grounded & sane. plus you'll learn how to bake goodies like spanakopita, baklava, and phospora bread.

whatever you do, don't be alone stewing in your own thoughts. keep company with godly people.