I got baptized in 1981 and attended a church that was not real accepting of me. Reason was my husband did not attend and the church was more like a club for couples. But I went because I thought it was what God wanted me to do. I wanted to teach my child about God. So I went. After awhile I started getting sick and over time got so sick I was unable to attend. No one really cared. But the whole time I went I was under a lot of stress mostly from the congregation. It hurt a lot. I look back and actually realize the persecution I experienced was from the congregation itself. I was told I could not have friends outside the church but then they were not interested in me either.
So after I left I felt sad because I did not know what God wanted from me. I drifted through life. I ended up getting caught up in a life of lies. I think I got tired of trying to be perfect for God (not that I ever was but I did try to be a Godly person). I saw everyone else doing whatever they wanted and justifying their behavior while condemning me and others. They seemed to be enjoying life. I was not.
So I started doing things I knew were wrong. Deceiving others, lying and things I have forgotten. A couple years ago I decided enough was enough and I needed to get back to God and be someone Jesus would call his own. So I did. I stopped all the bad behavior. I apologized to those I felt needed one from me. In the time I had started my bad behavior I moved twice, so I am not where this all started.
But soon after I rededicated my life to God the problem started coming and have not stopped. My life has become a literal living hell. Everyday there is something I have to deal with and I have become ultra paranoid and feel I am under extreme attack. It is so bad I feel close to a mental breakdown. I know it is Satan attacking me. He did not care when he knew he had me in his grasp. Now I am not and he wants me back. Sometimes I feel like giving up because I cannot take another minute of it. The stress is overwhelming.
I pray and pray and pray and pray. I seek God, I am closer to God than I ever have been but I feel he has abandoned me to Satan's whims. Yes I know about the book of Job and I feel bad for him. He had it worse. But he had the luxury of sitting in a pile of ashes and moaning all day. I wish that is all I had to do. Anyway that is my persecution. Satan working through other people to get to me. He is using evil people to hurt me and my family and it is working. I am hurt and devastated.
I just want to say I hope all the evil people and Satan are having a nice laugh and having fun because you are doing a good job. I feel like life is not worth living. You have succeeded in making me miserable every single day. I just hope God has pity on me soon and gives me a break and chases you off. I am trying to stay with God no matter what. I do have a breaking point though and last night came pretty close.
Have your fun evil ones because you won't be laughing forever.
So after I left I felt sad because I did not know what God wanted from me. I drifted through life. I ended up getting caught up in a life of lies. I think I got tired of trying to be perfect for God (not that I ever was but I did try to be a Godly person). I saw everyone else doing whatever they wanted and justifying their behavior while condemning me and others. They seemed to be enjoying life. I was not.
So I started doing things I knew were wrong. Deceiving others, lying and things I have forgotten. A couple years ago I decided enough was enough and I needed to get back to God and be someone Jesus would call his own. So I did. I stopped all the bad behavior. I apologized to those I felt needed one from me. In the time I had started my bad behavior I moved twice, so I am not where this all started.
But soon after I rededicated my life to God the problem started coming and have not stopped. My life has become a literal living hell. Everyday there is something I have to deal with and I have become ultra paranoid and feel I am under extreme attack. It is so bad I feel close to a mental breakdown. I know it is Satan attacking me. He did not care when he knew he had me in his grasp. Now I am not and he wants me back. Sometimes I feel like giving up because I cannot take another minute of it. The stress is overwhelming.
I pray and pray and pray and pray. I seek God, I am closer to God than I ever have been but I feel he has abandoned me to Satan's whims. Yes I know about the book of Job and I feel bad for him. He had it worse. But he had the luxury of sitting in a pile of ashes and moaning all day. I wish that is all I had to do. Anyway that is my persecution. Satan working through other people to get to me. He is using evil people to hurt me and my family and it is working. I am hurt and devastated.
I just want to say I hope all the evil people and Satan are having a nice laugh and having fun because you are doing a good job. I feel like life is not worth living. You have succeeded in making me miserable every single day. I just hope God has pity on me soon and gives me a break and chases you off. I am trying to stay with God no matter what. I do have a breaking point though and last night came pretty close.
Have your fun evil ones because you won't be laughing forever.