P
pepstar
Guest
hi guys, i already made an introduction at the new members part but i thought i'd share my whole story here since its a little more appropriate. I really have no one in my "real life" to talk to so sorry if i babble.
i am 20 years old and am a recovering drug addict. I started doing drugs when i was 11 which was marijuana. i smoked almost everyday. i loved the way it calmed my mind down because as a child i had a lot of behaviour problems and marijuana seemed to settle them. i never did it alone, always with my group of friends who i stayed doing drugs with until this day. at age 13 we came across an ecstasy dealer and started doing 'e' about 3 times a week. again, my school and family failed to notice my permanently dilated pupils, odd behaviour and weight loss. I was almost always high and felt invinsible because i had never been caught and felt that i could function on drugs.
i always felt like the rest of the world was missing out, or couldn't handle what i could handle. when i was 16 i snorted coke for the first time. the crash from that first time was too much to deal with, it was as if the terrible truth of my entire life was crashing in on me. from that day i spent most of my time trying to get a fix to stay away from the crash. allowing myself to be a failure in the drug lifestyle was unacceptable. i smoked crack shortly after and quickly started crystal meth after that. i had dabbled in ketamine, lsd and various other drugs but mainly stayed with a combination of coke and crystal meth. i moved onto the streets when i was 16 as well to be closer to the drugs and to have a larger group of users around me. i mainly lived in shelters during the day and walked around all night while i was high. i started to do anything for crystal meth which included turning tricks. at this point, i am absolutely ashamed of my lifestyle.
i was put into a mental hospital by police after i was walking around aimlessly acting like a lunatic downtown for days (i don't remember any of this). from there i was placed in a detox program at the hospital. i am not completely clean but am on my way. the physical effects on my body are unbelievable. at 91 lbs i can't seem to gain weight. i look like an old 12 year old! my brain is slow and i often go through 5 minute spans without a thought in my head. it really scares me.
i really want a connection to God. i didn't grow up in any sort of a chrstian environment but i have a strong longing to be close to God. i have no idea where to start and i have a fear of talking to "normal" people (clean/sober people) which i actually am getting counselling for. i don't own a bible but am saving up money to do so. has anyone else been in this desperate situation? where do i start and what do i do to keep my life in the right direction? i haven't smiled in days and feel like i need to find some sort of straight path to God.
thx for reading, it really helps me when i explain my past.
i am 20 years old and am a recovering drug addict. I started doing drugs when i was 11 which was marijuana. i smoked almost everyday. i loved the way it calmed my mind down because as a child i had a lot of behaviour problems and marijuana seemed to settle them. i never did it alone, always with my group of friends who i stayed doing drugs with until this day. at age 13 we came across an ecstasy dealer and started doing 'e' about 3 times a week. again, my school and family failed to notice my permanently dilated pupils, odd behaviour and weight loss. I was almost always high and felt invinsible because i had never been caught and felt that i could function on drugs.
i always felt like the rest of the world was missing out, or couldn't handle what i could handle. when i was 16 i snorted coke for the first time. the crash from that first time was too much to deal with, it was as if the terrible truth of my entire life was crashing in on me. from that day i spent most of my time trying to get a fix to stay away from the crash. allowing myself to be a failure in the drug lifestyle was unacceptable. i smoked crack shortly after and quickly started crystal meth after that. i had dabbled in ketamine, lsd and various other drugs but mainly stayed with a combination of coke and crystal meth. i moved onto the streets when i was 16 as well to be closer to the drugs and to have a larger group of users around me. i mainly lived in shelters during the day and walked around all night while i was high. i started to do anything for crystal meth which included turning tricks. at this point, i am absolutely ashamed of my lifestyle.
i was put into a mental hospital by police after i was walking around aimlessly acting like a lunatic downtown for days (i don't remember any of this). from there i was placed in a detox program at the hospital. i am not completely clean but am on my way. the physical effects on my body are unbelievable. at 91 lbs i can't seem to gain weight. i look like an old 12 year old! my brain is slow and i often go through 5 minute spans without a thought in my head. it really scares me.
i really want a connection to God. i didn't grow up in any sort of a chrstian environment but i have a strong longing to be close to God. i have no idea where to start and i have a fear of talking to "normal" people (clean/sober people) which i actually am getting counselling for. i don't own a bible but am saving up money to do so. has anyone else been in this desperate situation? where do i start and what do i do to keep my life in the right direction? i haven't smiled in days and feel like i need to find some sort of straight path to God.
thx for reading, it really helps me when i explain my past.
