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Featured Still angry

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Lybrah, Dec 6, 2017 at 4:00 PM.

  1. Lybrah

    Lybrah Member

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    I was bullied tremendously growing up, and a few years ago, was targeted and railroaded at work. I pray all the time to forgive and forget, but then I catch myself thinking about these people, past memories, and I find myself always mad. I can't seem to get rid of it! I'm still hurt. As for work, it has taken a while to get my self-confidence back, but for awhile I was paranoid about everything and everyone. What can I do? I already see a counselor.
     
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  2. vinsight4u

    vinsight4u Contributor

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    /nvm
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017 at 4:52 PM
  3. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    What honestly helps me the most is thinking what if God had never forgiven me?

    And you know, God doesn't just ask us to forgive, He demands it. Do you know it is scarier to not forgive then to forgive? Because this is what God 's Word says if we want God to forgive us we have to forgive.

    Ephesians 4:32
    Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

    Mark 11:25
    And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

    Luke 17:3-4
    Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

    Luke 6:37
    “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;

    Matthew 6:14
    For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,

    Spiritually, you must forgive.

    So just keep working at it and pray for them if you can.
     
  4. HereIStand

    HereIStand Regular Member Supporter

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    So sorry. I had confrontation with a neighbor (maybe a year ago) in which he shoved and cursed me. I've prayed about it also, but the anger is still there.
     
  5. Femi Williams

    Femi Williams Member

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    Where does my help comes from? My help comes from the Maker of Heaven and Earth.

    My advise to you will be to: Fall Upon Your Knees… and cry out to your maker.

    God bless.
     
  6. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Me too. I just keep trying. Hurt is hard to get over. I just hold that we have to keep trying
     
  7. Lybrah

    Lybrah Member

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    I want to forgive, but I can't seem to turn my feelings off.
     
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  8. GandalfTheWise

    GandalfTheWise In search of lost causes and hopeless battles

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    One of the challenges we all face is when we have spiritual and emotional wounds hanging around from the past. They are every bit as real as a physical injury and can affect us quite a bit. In the same way a broken leg in a cast prevents us from running, jumping, and dancing, (and hurts every time we overdo it), emotional and spiritual wounds can hinder us as well. Sometimes things we cannot seem to control such as compulsive behaviors and emotions are symptoms of these injuries. Sometimes we need God's healing in our lives before we can run, jump, and dance as we should.

    From what I've seen in my life and stories I've heard from others, it seems like God will use different means of healing us. Sometimes it's easy and simply reading a particular Bible passage, hearing a sermon, or a friend who says something to us the God uses to deeply touch us and change us. Sometimes it happens like a miracle in response to prayer. Sometimes it happens as a process where someone (a pastor or Christian counselor) walks alongside us for awhile. Our church has some prayer partners associated with transformationprayer.org that have helped many people. Some of these people have mentioned that forgiveness came easily after some amount of healing occurred.

    I think that part of how easy it is to forgive or how hard it is to forgive is sometimes related to how deeply we have been emotionally wounded. Being willing to forgive and wanting to forgive is very different from being able to fully forgive. Sometimes the bondage and burdens we carry are simply too heavy and too deeply embedded in our hearts to accomplish it all via our own willpower and choice. Sometimes the pain we feel is a reminder to us that we need God's healing in some way in order to move forward. I've known a few people who got caught into a trap of feeling like something external had to happen (such as getting back at someone, getting a legal judgement, getting an apology, seeing change in someone, getting some type of reparation, etc.) before they'd be satisfied. But, this is about fixing what is inside of us so that person (and what they did) no longer has us locked in emotional and spiritual bondage.

    It sounds like you are heading in the right direction. The only advice I'd give is that sometimes the things that concern us the most are symptoms and not the root cause itself. God usually steers us toward addressing the root cause. Speaking for myself, I often felt somewhat bullied and lacked self-confidence most of my life. A few years ago, God reminded me of a traumatic event in my life when I was in high school. (Long story, leaving out the details.) During a time of prayer, I just felt like God wanted me to address that in some manner. I just sat back and remembered what happened. Then it was as if God said, "now you need to see this through My eyes." I started thinking about it again, and suddenly I came to a realization, "hey, I did know what I was doing!" I realized in an instant that I had a lie ("you don't know what you are doing.") buried into my heart that shouldn't have been there and I just tossed it off in an instant. It had been there most of my life. I ended up seeing a big change in my life following this (to the point my wife and daughters noticed the change as well). I'd had no clue that there was something like this hanging around my heart that had been hindering me in so many ways over the years. Not to say this is your case, but that sometimes there are some root issues and things that we are unaware of that have a big impact on us.
     
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  9. Woofiedog

    Woofiedog New Member

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    I don't find it all that helpful, no matter how well-meaning people are, to just simply tell or demand that someone who is hurting should forgive (which usually means 'forget') and then list a few passages to support their position - usually out of context. This could easily create mental health issues if the victim still feels tormented and angry and their feelings are suppressed as they add to that pain the burden of continued wrongdoing in the eyes of God to worry about. Those feelings need to be acknowledged and treated as well, otherwise forgiveness will be impossible and possibly ruin their relationship with God when they find that God is harsh and unyielding and it is easier to just not follow Jesus at all. I think it is far more helpful to contextualise what it means to forgive someone who has abused them. From what I have been taught, a spirit of forgiveness that God demands of us means to pardon and to overcome the pain that gives rise to that forgiveness too, and in doing so to grow closer to Jesus and be more like him. I think that in our pain it is helpful to realise that God is steadfast and faithful at all times. God sees the sin of the world and the sin in all our hearts and actions when we stumble and fail to follow his path at all times and be more like him in return for his ultimate sacrifice on the cross to make us righteous as a matter of status. We don't deserve what Jesus has given us - not ever. yet God never fails us, yet we fail him all the time. Yet when he remains faithful even when we stray from him and do wrong, he will gladly welcome us back into the fold when we repent and try again. That is the key to forgiveness of other people too who have hurt us. If you tackle the abuser head on, are they repenting of how they have hurt you? If not, because they are of an evil heart and never would do, then the best thing to do to comfort yourself and to make forgiveness more likely and sustaining without suppressing the pain of what they have done to you is to realise that unless they too repent they will never be right with God but you will be if you forgive them for what they have done and still do. Furthermore, because God is faithful to you, how much easier it is for you to not allow your abuser to continue to torment and anger you. If God can remain faithful when so many lose faith in him at times and blame him for things that come from the world, turn away from him and backslide and yet welcome them back then he will surely give you the strength to do the same to your abuser. God never expects more of us than he can give of himself. Bask in the magnitude of God's forgiveness of our sins makes it far easier for us to forgive the relatively minutae sins of those who transgress against us, particularly when we know they have to repent or find themselves ousted from God's kingdom with no everlasting life after death. Therefore to forgive the wrong-doer is to invest in your relationship with Jesus - and investment your abuser will never reap the dividends of unless they too come to God, repent and help you heal from their past transgressions. If that doesn't make you feel better, what does?
     
  10. vinsight4u

    vinsight4u Contributor

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    /nvm
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017 at 4:54 PM
  11. quietpraiyze

    quietpraiyze In The Secret Place

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    I just wanted to say that it's okay to tell God exactly how you feel. For some of us anger helps us to know we've been violated and whatever happened to you was not okay or alright. I think sometimes in just having that acknowledged and validated can do wonders. It's really a myth that if you haven't forgotten or still feel angry that you haven't forgiven. That's just simply not true. It takes time to heal and move through hurts. I know what it is to do all the “right” stuff according to Christendom. Although I had forgiven, it wasn't until I sat down inside myself and said “Lord those people or situations really hurt me” did I finally get some relief. There really isn't a formula. A book that helped me is called “Forgive & Forget: Healing The Hurts We Don't Deserve” by Lewis Smedes...powerful book. Other than that, I just wanted you to know that I hear you *hugs*.
     
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  12. FutureAndAHope

    FutureAndAHope Just me Supporter

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    I would often in the past find myself doing just what you say happens to you. Often random thoughts would pop into my mind about a person who had hurt me, and feelings of anger would come at the same time. I realised that in my situation it was the devil trying to anger me. He is quite crafty, giving thoughts into our minds, and messing with our emotions at the same time. For me I eventually realised what was happening, and would ignore the thoughts. These thoughts don't originate with us, so there is little you can do, other than ignore them. I find if I ignore the devils attacks for long enough he just gives up and goes away. Don't feel bad about the thoughts and feelings, just ignore them. You are trying to forgive, that is all that is needed.
     
  13. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    How long has it been?

    Deep hurt takes time sometimes
     
  14. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I believe it is us, the hurt who remain hurt when we don’t forgive. I don’t think it is all for the other person. I think God wants to relieve us of the burden of holding on.
     
  15. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I think that too. Sometimes people expect forgiveness to come immediately and sometimes it does sometimes not for. While.

    I do think the forget part helps us.
     
  16. Ancient of Days

    Ancient of Days Member Supporter

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    Its called a resentment and there is a way to get rid of them. Its called forgiveness. but the reality is that YOU don't want to forgive them that's why its called a resentment.

    We like to hang on to them for reasons of self justification.
    Read this: Helps to emotional stability


    Lybrah, Let me ask you this, have you ever forgiven anybody that has hurt you before?
     
  17. quietpraiyze

    quietpraiyze In The Secret Place

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    God ask us to forgive but He does NOT ask us to forget. As a matter of fact to NOT forget can help you to not be in the same situation that caused you pain in the first place. It is a fallacy that you forget when you forgive. What I know to be true is that when I do remember God has taken the pain out of the memory and moved it far from me but as far as forgetting NO...
     
  18. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I meant more the fact that she said that she keeps remembering and thinking about it.

    That is the forgetting I was thinking of. That her negative feelings she will forget and come to peace in her mind and heart.
     
  19. Ancient of Days

    Ancient of Days Member Supporter

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    Actually it does: "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.

    To forget the wrongs others have done to us is the point when we have truly forgiven. When we think of those people that have harmed us, do we still want to harm them back or do we visualize hugging them and thus loving our enemies. I don't believe God takes the pain out of those memory's, we do, when we forgive and thus forget. God has placed the responsibility of us forgiving others on us. Does he guide us through the process when we are WILLING TO DO OUR PART? Absolutely!
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2017 at 11:31 PM
  20. quietpraiyze

    quietpraiyze In The Secret Place

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    Actually you are using the Word of God out of context. Anybody can “cherry pick” Scripture(s) and give “interpretation” to mean whatever they want it to which you have done. The Advice Forum is not for debate, so we are going to have to agree to disagree and leave it at that.
     
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