• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.

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Hammster

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Please understand that not every decision we make is perfect. Well, mine are, but hey, there's only one of me. ^_^

There also may be things we see as 'outsiders' that may not be obvious to those involved in the discussion. And posts may have been deleted and actioned in the time you were away, or at the time we close it.

Keep in mind, also, that there are very few actions that mods can do unalterably. Most are done on consensus. This means that in most cases, more than one mod has looked into a situation and agreed on a course of action.

So basically, what you see is not always what is actually happening.
 
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A New Dawn

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New Dawn
I hope I did this right. I am not sure how to do the link stuff.
Anyway, I am posting what I think is a link below:


http://www.christianforums.com/t7618636/

Title of thread: Sin and the Wet Dream
BY: Niffer 12-24-2011


NOTE: Niffer was a moderator

sdmsanjose, that is not the thread you were asking about in the post I quoted, there were only 4 posts in it, and two of them were mediation posts. But did you have a question about it? I think it was stated in the closing post why it was closed and where it could be discussed.
 
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citizenthom

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How would the poster be verified as such? They can always cheat and modify their info to show that they are.

Do the same "as a term and condition of using this site" warning that porn sites use. And then if someone lies, the site's off the hook, which is all they're worried about anyway.
 
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citizenthom

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Another thread (Withholding sex from your spouse) that got closed by a moderator recently was a poster that was in great pain because her husband was watching porn and he would “get off using ME” She was desperate and asked the question


This woman did not present sex in a graphic way and was respectful in her posts. She was crying out for help from Christians about how God would view her situation. Her main concern was what God thought.

She got responses from both MEN AND WOMEN and she was getting HELP!
Don’t take my word for it read her actual words below:




This woman was obviously helped by people on this forum but the thread was closed because this topic“ is no longer permitted in the main Married Couples forum.”


Threads like this are real serious problems in the real world with real Christians.This woman was helped by men and women that responded to her cry. Isn’t one of the main reasons that the Married Couples forum is on this Christian Forums is so that Christians can help Christians?

Would the moderators reconsider and allow such cries for help to be allowed?

Sex is marriage, especially Biblically-speaking. A Married Couples section where we can't discuss sexual issues is about as useful as a car with no tires.
 
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freezerman2000

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Do the same "as a term and condition of using this site" warning that porn sites use. And then if someone lies, the site's off the hook, which is all they're worried about anyway.

Sounds fair.
 
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mkgal1

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I think that the issues in this forum are sort of like a difficult marriage....where things have been heaped on for years. Sometimes getting to the root issue is complex. One speaker I heard recently said that we often have a habit of attacking the fruit of issues, instead of getting to the root cause.

There are different reasons for new members being run off. Here's another example that doesn't have anything to do with other members:

http://www.christianforums.com/t2507880-6/ (the new member posted in post #55)

Since this *was* a new member....I doubt she even had access to where she was directed. That was her first and probably last post.
 
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WalksWithChrist

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I think that the issues in this forum are sort of like a difficult marriage....where things have been heaped on for years. Sometimes getting to the root issue is complex.

There are different reasons for new members being run off. Here's another example that doesn't have anything to do with other members:

http://www.christianforums.com/t2507880-6/ (the new member posted in post #55)

Since this *was* a new member....I doubt she even had access to where she was directed. That was her first and probably last post.
Just move the thread.

I don't see an issue. Problem solved.
 
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mkgal1

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Just move the thread.

I don't see an issue. Problem solved.
I agree :thumbsup:. It's just good hospitality :)

*It may be too late for that one....but, maybe in the future?
 
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sdmsanjose

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Originally Posted by sdmsanjose http://www.christianforums.com/t7666803-9/#post60818602
New Dawn
I hope I did this right. I am not sure how to do the link stuff.
Anyway, I am posting what I think is a link below:

http://www.christianforums.com/t7618636/

Title of thread: Sin and the Wet Dream
BY: Niffer 12-24-2011

NOTE: Niffer was a moderator



REPLY by New Dawn
sdmsanjose, that is not the thread you were asking about in the post I quoted, there were only 4 posts in it, and two of them were mediation posts. But did you have a question about it? I think it was stated in the closing post why it was closed and where it could be discussed.


New Dawn
Here below is the second thread link that I have been talking about (Withholding sex from your spouse) and the one you were inquiring about:

http://www.christianforums.com/t2507880/
Withholding Sex From Your Spouse
This post was closed after a newbie (Llan) posted her first post on this forum on 6-21-12. She was having the same problem as the OP. Do you think that closing the thread when a newbie wants to discuss the same issue is going to attract new members? I did not see anything wrong with this thread and hope that you moderators would consider allowing these real problems in the real world to be discussed in hopes of offering help for the very troubled victim.





New Dawn
Yes I do have a question for the thread about wet dreams, the thread by Niffer, the former Moderator. You can read my question to the moderators on post 64 of this thread. I am glad that you are open and interested in looking at other members’ point of view. Please examine this thread and tell me if you find that the thread had illicit sexual text or if it was disrespectful. Thank you



 
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Puptart

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Do the same "as a term and condition of using this site" warning that porn sites use. And then if someone lies, the site's off the hook, which is all they're worried about anyway.

Exactly. That's all you can do on a public internet site is give a disclaimer and allow people to make their own choices, parent their own kids, and so on. This idea of over-padding everyone and everything with rules and boundaries trying to "protect everyone" only serves to limit all the people, rather than giving people the freedom to be.. well, human.

I'd rather have more freedom of speech and less people (because I guess they'd leave since everyone could speak freely? Which still baffles me but whatever..), than the other way around (more people and less freedom).
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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Here below is the second thread link that I have been talking about (Withholding sex from your spouse) and the one you were inquiring about: http://www.christianforums.com/t2507880/
Withholding Sex From Your Spouse

This post was closed after a newbie (Llan) posted her first post on this forum on 6-21-12. She was having the same problem as the OP. Do you think that closing the thread when a newbie wants to discuss the same issue is going to attract new members? I did not see anything wrong with this thread and hope that you moderators would consider allowing these real problems in the real world to be discussed in hopes of offering help for the very troubled victim.

I did that, and you're not alone in the opinion that my action wasn't the best choice. I could have just moved it to the appropriate forum. And I'll claim that. I could have. In fact it's not too late to do so, but my concern was that it was a resurrection of an old thread begun in 2005 that was made before the rules changed. That's why I suggested that the member begin a new thread.

If she doesn't have access to where she was directed, she should. :confused: Admins? Comments or suggestions there?

ETA after skimming previous posts I had missed, I want to make clear that I did not close that thread because of my own personal squeamishness on discussing sex in mixed company. It's like Hammster said a while back. Whether or not we agree with the rules is not the issue. We still need to follow what's written. I can move the thread to the Married Women's Personal forum, but again my reason for closing it is that it has been resurrected from 2005 and was posted under a different SoP, which it didn't violate at the time but does now.
 
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Redheadedstepchild

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I'm going to close this up for the night.

A few notes...when we reopened the forum a few months ago we did say that old threads would be closed if bumped. A newbie wouldn't have known that of course and we can continue to look at what happened with the aforementioned thread.

Several of you have asked us about submission. Removing it from the forum was not an action we took lightly. We even explored the idea of adding a subforum for discussion. We brought it to the membership for discussion with the criteria that there would be no debate in the thread. Unfortunately that did not work out. Since that time we have collectively come to the understanding that submission, much like sex, is not a topic that is appropriate for mixed forums. Men should not be giving out advice on such things to women who are not their wives and visa versa. At least not on a Christian forum. Please discuss these topics in the private forums.
 
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Redheadedstepchild

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I'm sorry I didn't realize that this had not been re-opened yet. Sundays are a little busy at home. :)

I'll leave this open for the evening. However this is not intended as a long term thread so it may be closed permanently tonight.
 
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mjmcmillan

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Exactly. That's all you can do on a public internet site is give a disclaimer and allow people to make their own choices, parent their own kids, and so on. This idea of over-padding everyone and everything with rules and boundaries trying to "protect everyone" only serves to limit all the people, rather than giving people the freedom to be.. well, human.

I'd rather have more freedom of speech and less people (because I guess they'd leave since everyone could speak freely? Which still baffles me but whatever..), than the other way around (more people and less freedom).

I've had occasion to visit-- but not join in-- a forum which gives you what you've asked for to the "Nth" degree.. The result is that it's a free-for-all, whittled down to maybe three posters who are as nasty as they can possibly be. Nobody else sticks around long. No moderation, it depends on members flagging objectionable posts which are taken down without any warning--- flagging is ridiculously frequent. It's as close to forum "Hell" as it's possible to get. Reason for not joining in--- see what I just wrote. Swimming in a piranha tank would be safer.
 
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Puptart

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I've had occasion to visit-- but not join in-- a forum which gives you what you've asked for to the "Nth" degree.. The result is that it's a free-for-all, whittled down to maybe three posters who are as nasty as they can possibly be. Nobody else sticks around long. No moderation, it depends on members flagging objectionable posts which are taken down without any warning--- flagging is ridiculously frequent. It's as close to forum "Hell" as it's possible to get. Reason for not joining in--- see what I just wrote. Swimming in a piranha tank would be safer.

The system you're explaining is apples and oranges compared to what we are suggesting. You're comparing a system with NO moderation to a system WITH moderation.

No one suggested there is not a need for moderators, or for rules -- only that the current restrictions are, perhaps, far too tight. You can still have order and rules without being .. well I can't say the term I'd like to use for it, but let's just say "uptight" about it.

I'm actually a member of two forums in particular that do not overly restrict members with rules upon rules. The rules are perhaps five or six items deep, at most, and there are moderators. Everyone is generally quite respectful of each other, even in heated debate. The moderators do step in here or there, but people are generally allowed to work things out between themselves.

And really that's what it is for me.. letting people work things out for themselves, even if it gets a little heated.
 
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LinkH

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Since that time we have collectively come to the understanding that submission, much like sex, is not a topic that is appropriate for mixed forums. Men should not be giving out advice on such things to women who are not their wives and visa versa. At least not on a Christian forum.

Do you mind if I ask how the moderators came to that conclusion? Was there any scripture-based reasoning in it? The reason I say that is that I see something very different in the scriptures. Male apostles, Paul and Peter, wrote letters in which they wrote sections to other men's wives telling them to submit to their own husbands. These letters were to be read to the churches. The implication would seem to be that it is appropriate for a man engaged in sharing the word of God to exhort women who are not his wife to submit to their own husbands. There is scripture telling older women to exhort younger women to, among other things, submit to their husbands, but no scripture forbidding men to say such things to women.

On this forum, people come here with a wide array of problems related to marriage, and both men and women comment with advice. If someone posts advice from an anti-scriptural, carnal point of view, that's their opinion, and it is not against the rules to post this. If someone posts their disdain for something the LORD almighty spoke through Moses, or some revelation recieved by Paul, no one is cited for a rule violation. But if someone posts advice summarizing Paul or Peter in the epistles, it's a rule violation.

Since we are talking about marriage on a Christian forum, all our responses should be influenced by the word of God, so it makes sense that the Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 instructions to husbands and wives would be frequent themes in our posts....only if we are speaking in accordance with God's word.

If we are posting ideas from this present evil age, then of course we aren't going to be talking about the word of God. My question is this, what types of posts do the rules of this forum encourage?

I can understand a limitation on discussion of sexuality between genders because of the under 13 policy. Even so, Moses stood in front of the people and read commandments against some fairly detailed forbidden sex acts, such as those listed in Leviticus 18. The children, down to the age of infant, were to stand there with their parents and hear this. I am all for teaching young children sexual morality. But I see some good sense in not discussing certain details in open forums where children are around, and I can understanding limiting discussion between the genders on this issue.

I do appreciate the effort staff and moderators have put in on this forum. I am sad to see some posters leave, especially since I can think of a couple who were positive contributors probably most of the time. But I understand the need to have a good safe, environment around here. Also, the content of the advice given sometimes has to improve. On occasion, I've seen posts here, and some of the advice they got was potentially damaging if put into practice. I appreciate that the forum needs to be a place where people can share and get some kind of support or advice at times, and there needs to be freedom, and also advice in line with God's word, edification for believers.
 
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