Statement from Staff

[LinkH]

But when every single day (and this is no exaggeration) you get four to eight reports from the same people about the same people, it get tiring. Especially when you realize that they are trying to win the debate through reports.

I don't want to ask this about any individuals. I just want to understand the rules and how things work. I rarely report anything, but I just wanted to know how things work around here. Is overuse of the report feature a way to get banned?

 

[A New Dawn]

which opinions and points of view were not welcome here and would get you insulted and chased away? I'm struggling with this because I know who has been banned and they represent all sorts of opinions and points of view.

Athene, the people who have been run off are those who came here and maybe posted a thread asking for advice and it turned into a war zone. They are people who lurk instead of posting because they are afraid to say what they feel or believe. It's likely you wouldn't know them by name because they rarely get more than a couple of posts posted before they don't feel welcome anymore. But we hear about it when people write in to complain about the problems in this forum.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I don't want to ask this about any individuals. I just want to understand the rules and how things work. I rarely report anything, but I just wanted to know how things work around here. Is overuse of the report feature a way to get banned?

Not usually. But there is a rule against spite reporting. When every blessed one of the many reports coming in on posters A and B are made by posters C and D, there is a big problem. There is an even bigger problem if the reverse is also true.

Please do report flagrant rule violations. But as Hammster hints at, the report button is not a debate tactic.

 

[sdmsanjose]

JRSUT
It's just hard because once you take off divorce, submission, traditional vs liberal, etc - that's actually a lot of restriction cuz these topics are directly related to marriage and what we experience.

Good point JRSUT!!
I would like to add my observation to this issue. I have seen the topic of sex taken off or interfered with by some moderators. I am only talking about a few threads that talked about wet dreams (nocturnal emissions), and masturbation. The thread author were asking because they (husband and wife) had a conflict because the husband stated

“Husband said that the information he read on it, said that it was sinful, should be repented and counted as adultery.”

The response from the moderator was
“This topic really should not be discussed in a common forum.
You might want to open a thread in the Personals.”


The thread was respectful and there was NO GRASPHIC TEXT of any sort just asking about the sinfulness of nocturnal dreams. This is a case where I would like to see the moderators come up with a way to allow a discussion about sex and sin to be presented. I do not know about women but every man that I know that answered a question of;” have you ever had a wet dream?” has said yes. My guess is that most Christians have had wet dreams and a discussion as to whether it is a sin or not would be helpful.

Wet dreams and masturbation are real issues that affect marriages and I would like to see them allowed in the CF-Marriage Coupes section. Threads that discuses this issue without any graphic text should be allowed.

So my question to staff is, would you be open to the idea of allowing respectful, non-graphic text threads about general sex issues and specifically nocturnal dreams and masturbation to be discussed?

 

[JRSut1000]

Again, limiting these types of discussions (whether its sex, divorce, submission, traditional vs modern, etc) to gender specific chat really only gives someone half the insight they may be looking for. If this is the marriage section, it would make sense to gain insight on any topic from BOTH sides of the marriage spectrum since marriage consists of a man and woman.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

So my question to staff is, would you be open to the idea of allowing respectful, non-graphic text threads about general sex issues and specifically nocturnal dreams and masturbation to be discussed?

In mixed company?

*squick*

But that's my personal reaction and doesn't speak on official policy, either existing or proposed.

 

[JRSut1000]

Yes, in mixed company, we're all adults here. (I HOPE!) lol

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Yes, in mixed company, we're all adults here. (I HOPE!) lol

So do I. My personal issue is that while I would have no problem talking to my husband about our sex life, I don't want to talk to YOUR husband about our sex life. Or anyone else's husband. And while my husband may speak freely to me about sexual matters, it's TMI if I'm hearing the same discussion from any other man.

 

[A New Dawn]

This site is considered a PG-13 site. That means that certain topics cannot be discussed where it is directly viewable by children. Some of these topics are intensely personal, and it is one thing to ask for advice or direction from someone of the same sex, but really, there is no need for some things to be discussed between women and men when it comes to intimate issues.

I am closing this for the night. Since the discussion has been going fairly respectfully, I can open it again tomorrow.

 

[A New Dawn]

I am opening this back up in case there are some who wish to continue. It was a pretty good discussion yesterday, so I am hopeful there will be more good discussion today.

 

[Puptart]

Good morning

You said some topics cannot be discussed where it is directly viewable by children.. but is it not the responsibility of parents to know what their children are doing? I don't think it's the responsibility of the internet to do the parenting for them. All of the adults on a forum shouldn't be restricted from talking about an issue that may be pressing for them (although of an adult nature) just because parents refuse to parent out there in the world somewhere.

 

[citizenthom]

Good morning

You said some topics cannot be discussed where it is directly viewable by children.. but is it not the responsibility of parents to know what their children are doing? I don't think it's the responsibility of the internet to do the parenting for them. All of the adults on a forum shouldn't be restricted from talking about an issue that may be pressing for them (although of an adult nature) just because parents refuse to parent out there in the world somewhere.

Why not make the section available only to verified married people (except the "questions from singles" section)?

 

[freezerman2000]

Why not make the section available only to verified married people (except the "questions from singles" section)?

How would the poster be verified as such? They can always cheat and modify their info to show that they are.

 

[WolfGate]

I see I missed a lot while I was away on business. Posted a couple of times but not even enough to realize some people were missing...

I do think the non-graphic "is it sin" type of discussion could be valid. Take the whole nocturnal thing. Answering a topic about if it is sin or not could be decidedly non-graphic. And if a wife asked because she was unclear, and it could be only posted in the women's section, it would only be answered by people who have never 1st hand experienced it. That leaves a whole big perspective out. And that would stay within the PG-13 parameter.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

I've been away during a lot of this too.

I just wanted to say thanks to staff for allowing this thread. It's been a good discussion from what I'm seeing.

Feedback from members is always very important. Sometimes I feel like speaking like this is more productive than an MSC thread which is staff-only.

I'm sad that we lost so many members in one sweep, but I do understand the action taken. ANewDawn mentioned protecting new members and members needing help. That is one of the main reasons I've taken so much of my limited time on CF trying to push for positive change. I just wish I could have done more.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Another thread (Withholding sex from your spouse) that got closed by a moderator recently was a poster that was in great pain because her husband was watching porn and he would “get off using ME” She was desperate and asked the question

And if the husband, despite his wife's pleadings, continued down his sinful path and continued to mistreat her emotionally, sexually and spiritually, is withholding sex indefinitely a sin against God in His eyes or would He understand why she is doing this and render her behavior towards him acceptable and just?

This woman did not present sex in a graphic way and was respectful in her posts. She was crying out for help from Christians about how God would view her situation. Her main concern was what God thought.

She got responses from both MEN AND WOMEN and she was getting HELP!
Don’t take my word for it read her actual words below:

Thanks again to ALL who have posted responses! You all don't have ANY idea how MUCH this has helped me.
~ LiSa

Thanks for your post, sir. It's good to see a man who lives in the Faith! God Bless You!
~ LiSa

Thanks Autumn, for causing me to reflect upon certain points regarding this. Your insights and opinions are welcomed and taken into consideration.
~ LiSa

This woman was obviously helped by people on this forum but the thread was closed because this topic“ is no longer permitted in the main Married Couples forum.”


Threads like this are real serious problems in the real world with real Christians.This woman was helped by men and women that responded to her cry. Isn’t one of the main reasons that the Married Couples forum is on this Christian Forums is so that Christians can help Christians?

Would the moderators reconsider and allow such cries for help to be allowed?

 

[WalksWithChrist]

Another thread (Withholding sex from your spouse) that got closed by a moderator recently was a poster that was in great pain because her husband was watching porn and he would “get off using ME” She was desperate and asked the question


This woman did not present sex in a graphic way and was respectful in her posts. She was crying out for help from Christians about how God would view her situation. Her main concern was what God thought.

She got responses from both MEN AND WOMEN and she was getting HELP!
Don’t take my word for it read her actual words below:




This woman was obviously helped by people on this forum but the thread was closed because this topic“ is no longer permitted in the main Married Couples forum.”


Threads like this are real serious problems in the real world with real Christians.This woman was helped by men and women that responded to her cry. Isn’t one of the main reasons that the Married Couples forum is on this Christian Forums is so that Christians can help Christians?

Would the moderators reconsider and allow such cries for help to be allowed?

I second this.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Originally Posted by sdmsanjose
So my question to staff is, would you be open to the idea of allowing respectful, non-graphic text threads about general sex issues and specifically nocturnal dreams and masturbation to be discussed?

Reply by LoveBirdsFlying
In mixed company?

*squick*

But that's my personal reaction and doesn't speak on official policy, either existing or proposed.



Originally Posted by JRSut1000
Yes, in mixed company, we're all adults here. (I HOPE!) lol

REPLY BY LOVEBIRDSFLYING\
So do I. My personal issue is that while I would have no problem talking to my husband about our sex life, I don't want to talk to YOUR husband about our sex life. Or anyone else's husband. And while my husband may speak freely to me about sexual matters, it's TMI if I'm hearing the same discussion from any other man.

The thread that the above is referring to has as its main issue sin, repentance and adultery (see actual words from the thread below):

“Husband said that the information he read on it, said that it was sinful, should be repented and counted as adultery.”

This woman was not going into graphic illicit sexual detail and in my opinion the moderators should reconsider allowing such threads to continue.

I respect LoveBirdsFlying’s “PERSONAL ISSUE” and her interpretation on this thread but I hope that the moderators will respect other positions and interpretation of this type thread and not impose her PERSONAL interpretations on those of us that do not view this thread the way she does.

I interpreted this thread as a thread that was mostly concerned with SIN, REPENTANCE, and ADULTRY. Those topics certainly are topics that Christians should be able to discuss even if some type of sex is part of the discussion IMO.

 

[A New Dawn]

Another thread (Withholding sex from your spouse) that got closed by a moderator recently was a poster that was in great pain because her husband was watching porn and he would “get off using ME” She was desperate and asked the question


This woman did not present sex in a graphic way and was respectful in her posts. She was crying out for help from Christians about how God would view her situation. Her main concern was what God thought.

She got responses from both MEN AND WOMEN and she was getting HELP!
Don’t take my word for it read her actual words below:




This woman was obviously helped by people on this forum but the thread was closed because this topic“ is no longer permitted in the main Married Couples forum.”


Threads like this are real serious problems in the real world with real Christians.This woman was helped by men and women that responded to her cry. Isn’t one of the main reasons that the Married Couples forum is on this Christian Forums is so that Christians can help Christians?

Would the moderators reconsider and allow such cries for help to be allowed?

Can you link me to that thread and I'll review it?

 

[snoochface]

Can you link me to that thread and I'll review it?

Also, I don't understand why a thread like that would need to be closed, and have discussion completely shut down, when the forum software is perfectly capable of moving a thread out of the main discussion forums and into a more appropriate forum where discussion can continue without interruption.

.....

By the way, I used to participate here regularly. MM was one of the main forums I frequented on CF. I stepped away when things got out of hand in Women's Discussion a couple of years ago, but occasionally dipped my foot into MM still. A few months ago, I just about got eviscerated in here for expressing an opinion that was contrary to many of the women's views. Being a woman myself, I felt like I really didn't fit in, and left MM (other than the Child Free subforum) completely. So while I don't really know much about what has been going on here, I do know that this has not been a terribly welcome place for anyone who doesn't fit with the majority view.

I dislike banning and think it is on par with using a sledgehammer to kill a mosquito. I hope the people banned were not perma-banned and can come back eventually. But I do think some solution to the bickering and unwelcoming attitude among Christians would be helpful.