Spouse of Depression

[Amlejnek]

Hi, I have been married for 18 years and have 3 children. My husband suffers with severe depression and anxiety. He goes through major ups and major downs. It is exhausting sometimes. I feel like I am never enough to make him happy. In the last 2 years, my mom died of brain cancer, my uncle (her only sibling) committed suicide and our home was destroyed (during a construction project) that displaced us for 7 months. I feel like Satan is attacking at every turn and I struggle to keep my head up and I feel like I’m doing it alone while trying to cheer him up... which never works. I know he loves me and needs me, but with the depression he is apathetic at best and normally short tempered and passive agressive. I am struggling to be mom and dad and wife as well as Granddaughter (as I am the only one left to care for my grandma) and do it all alone! My needs are getting !pushed to the side and I know I’m not dealing with my grief because there isn’t time or energy! I would love some advice/prayer/support! Thanks. I feel like I just need to express some of it and yet I dont have time to see a counselor!

 

[Truthfrees]

praying for you

i am a care-taker type personality and the way i deal with it is i pray and ask God to give me the wisdom and the ability to do what He wants me to do

i do need to take time out when everyone is sleeping to seek God and get His wisdom and strength

i also play the new testament on dvd continously to have God's good words soak my brain

and i listen to something uplifting as often as possible - anything that gives me hope/answers

all this is to keep myself filled with the best info and spiritual input - which i really need

praying for you dear one

 

[Truthfrees]

also dealing with someone with depression disorder is tricky

i have found that telling them their good points - and showing them love and patience really helps

i know their disorder is not something i or they can change - but being quietly loving toward them seems to help them

telling them what to do or pushing them to change does not help at all

other members here can maybe give more info on what kinds of things they find helpful to them when they are dealing with their deppression disorder and how they would like to be treated when they struggle with their own depression symptoms

God Bless you dear one

 

[Liza B.]

Hi, I have been married for 18 years and have 3 children. My husband suffers with severe depression and anxiety. He goes through major ups and major downs. It is exhausting sometimes. I feel like I am never enough to make him happy. In the last 2 years, my mom died of brain cancer, my uncle (her only sibling) committed suicide and our home was destroyed (during a construction project) that displaced us for 7 months. I feel like Satan is attacking at every turn and I struggle to keep my head up and I feel like I’m doing it alone while trying to cheer him up... which never works. I know he loves me and needs me, but with the depression he is apathetic at best and normally short tempered and passive agressive. I am struggling to be mom and dad and wife as well as Granddaughter (as I am the only one left to care for my grandma) and do it all alone! My needs are getting !pushed to the side and I know I’m not dealing with my grief because there isn’t time or energy! I would love some advice/prayer/support! Thanks. I feel like I just need to express some of it and yet I dont have time to see a counselor!

I am just so desperately sorry and have prayed for you. Do you have a church family you could reach out to?

God bless you.

 

[Basil the Great]

Welcome to the forums, Amlejnek, and may God bless the time you spend here. It sounds as if your husband is in need of medication or counseling or probably both. Can you get him to go to the doctor?

 

[46AND2]

Well, being a single, atheistic, non-parent, who has no dependents of any age, I recognize that I identify with exactly nothing of what you are going through. But I can identify, to some degree, with what your husband is going through, as depression is something with which I struggle.

I have recently been in contact with an old friend who is going through some difficult times. It has given me a sense of purpose, to be there to support that person. And it has helped, to some degree, with my own depression.

Obviously, I can't know if your husband will find that same sense of purpose, but perhaps you can find a way to convince him that you need him as much as he needs you right now. Just open up and be honest. His first inclination may be to become defensive, but press patiently on, with respect and non-judgment concerning his limitations with depression.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Welcome to the forums, and prayers for you!

By the way, I noticed you had a duplicate thread and closed the other one in case it was a glitch, and to keep all your replies in one place.

I pray things are soon better for you. By the way, we also have a prayer wall where you can ask for prayer, advice forums, and those dedicated specifically to marriage. You might get different responses or find folks to fellowship on different forums.

It really sounds like you could use some time dedicated to something you enjoy doing, that "recharges your batteries" a bit. What that might be is different for different folks. Have you tried pursuing anything, or do you have any particular interests that way?

Prayers for you!

 

[chaoticfirefly]

If you need counseling, imalive and 7Cups are helpful. imalive is run by trained professionals, typically intended in a time of crisis and 7Cups is an app where there are therapists available, but you can talk through your problems with a kind stranger who can offer a different perspective.

And hobbies, like Anastasia suggested.

 

[Winken]

Hi, I have been married for 18 years and have 3 children. My husband suffers with severe depression and anxiety. He goes through major ups and major downs. It is exhausting sometimes. I feel like I am never enough to make him happy. In the last 2 years, my mom died of brain cancer, my uncle (her only sibling) committed suicide and our home was destroyed (during a construction project) that displaced us for 7 months. I feel like Satan is attacking at every turn and I struggle to keep my head up and I feel like I’m doing it alone while trying to cheer him up... which never works. I know he loves me and needs me, but with the depression he is apathetic at best and normally short tempered and passive agressive. I am struggling to be mom and dad and wife as well as Granddaughter (as I am the only one left to care for my grandma) and do it all alone! My needs are getting !pushed to the side and I know I’m not dealing with my grief because there isn’t time or energy! I would love some advice/prayer/support! Thanks. I feel like I just need to express some of it and yet I dont have time to see a counselor!

Your profile lists you as "male."

 

[jsimms615]

Hi, I have been married for 18 years and have 3 children. My husband suffers with severe depression and anxiety. He goes through major ups and major downs. It is exhausting sometimes. I feel like I am never enough to make him happy. In the last 2 years, my mom died of brain cancer, my uncle (her only sibling) committed suicide and our home was destroyed (during a construction project) that displaced us for 7 months. I feel like Satan is attacking at every turn and I struggle to keep my head up and I feel like I’m doing it alone while trying to cheer him up... which never works. I know he loves me and needs me, but with the depression he is apathetic at best and normally short tempered and passive agressive. I am struggling to be mom and dad and wife as well as Granddaughter (as I am the only one left to care for my grandma) and do it all alone! My needs are getting !pushed to the side and I know I’m not dealing with my grief because there isn’t time or energy! I would love some advice/prayer/support! Thanks. I feel like I just need to express some of it and yet I dont have time to see a counselor!

If he is both up and down then he's probably bipolar, which has a component of depression, but also mania. It would lead to some behavior that is really unpredictable. Medication is usually recommended for bipolar as it is a chemical imbalance. i would encourage him to see a doctor

 

[Amlejnek]

Yes, thanks. I try to respect my husbands privacy. I don’t want him to ever feel uncomfortable in church. Church is a real struggle for him when he is down, so I don’t ever want him to feel that anyone there is hearing more than he wants them to hear. Our pastor knows of his struggles and tries to help him. Thanks ! I really appreciate your prayers and concern and I have found such relief in just sharing the struggles!

I am just so desperately sorry and have prayed for you. Do you have a church family you could reach out to?

God bless you.

anks

 

[Amlejnek]

He is working with a doctor, but not having great luck with meds so far. It took over 16 years of marriage to convince him to take some help. He is still trying, but it gets very discouraging! Thanks so much!

 

[Amlejnek]

praying for you

i am a care-taker type personality and the way i deal with it is i pray and ask God to give me the wisdom and the ability to do what He wants me to do

i do need to take time out when everyone is sleeping to seek God and get His wisdom and strength

i also play the new testament on dvd continously to have God's good words soak my brain

and i listen to something uplifting as often as possible - anything that gives me hope/answers

all this is to keep myself filled with the best info and spiritual input - which i really need

praying for you dear one

Thanks so much for the prayers!

 

[Amlejnek]

If he is both up and down then he's probably bipolar, which has a component of depression, but also mania. It would lead to some behavior that is really unpredictable. Medication is usually recommended for bipolar as it is a chemical imbalance. i would encourage him to see a doctor

Thanks so much.! He is working with his doctor . So far antidepressants are the treatment .. just can’t find one that works well! Hopefully this new one helps !

 

[Amlejnek]

Your profile lists you as "male."

Oops.. fixed it . Thanks

 

[Amlejnek]

Well, being a single, atheistic, non-parent, who has no dependents of any age, I recognize that I identify with exactly nothing of what you are going through. But I can identify, to some degree, with what your husband is going through, as depression is something with which I struggle.

I have recently been in contact with an old friend who is going through some difficult times. It has given me a sense of purpose, to be there to support that person. And it has helped, to some degree, with my own depression.

Obviously, I can't know if your husband will find that same sense of purpose, but perhaps you can find a way to convince him that you need him as much as he needs you right now. Just open up and be honest. His first inclination may be to become defensive, but press patiently on, with respect and non-judgment concerning his limitations with depression.

I appreciate your honesty and sharing. My husband is very open with me about his depression, but I haven’t found many others he can open up with. We will keep pressing on. I am glad you found some purpose.. I’m sure that does help. I have found that sometimes counseling others about a past tragedy that I had to endure, gave me some of my first feelings of purpose as well!

 

[Jeshu]

Hi, I have been married for 18 years and have 3 children. My husband suffers with severe depression and anxiety. He goes through major ups and major downs. It is exhausting sometimes. I feel like I am never enough to make him happy. In the last 2 years, my mom died of brain cancer, my uncle (her only sibling) committed suicide and our home was destroyed (during a construction project) that displaced us for 7 months. I feel like Satan is attacking at every turn and I struggle to keep my head up and I feel like I’m doing it alone while trying to cheer him up... which never works. I know he loves me and needs me, but with the depression he is apathetic at best and normally short tempered and passive agressive. I am struggling to be mom and dad and wife as well as Granddaughter (as I am the only one left to care for my grandma) and do it all alone! My needs are getting !pushed to the side and I know I’m not dealing with my grief because there isn’t time or energy! I would love some advice/prayer/support! Thanks. I feel like I just need to express some of it and yet I dont have time to see a counselor!

Sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. Thank you that you love your husband enough to stand beside him though that is greatest. Keep seeking support for him as well as yourself. i know from my wife efforts what a mega job it is to be married to someone who is mentally ill.

Much loving support your way

 

[jsimms615]

Thanks so much.! He is working with his doctor . So far antidepressants are the treatment .. just can’t find one that works well! Hopefully this new one helps !

A mood stabilizer might work better. It would cover both highs and lows.

 

[teresa]

also dealing with someone with depression disorder is tricky

i have found that telling them their good points - and showing them love and patience really helps

i know their disorder is not something i or they can change - but being quietly loving toward them seems to help them

telling them what to do or pushing them to change does not help at all

other members here can maybe give more info on what kinds of things they find helpful to them when they are dealing with their deppression disorder and how they would like to be treated when they struggle with their own depression symptoms

God Bless you dear one

what helps is to reminded of any good quality I may have and yes, being quietly loving, sending scripture or any kind and loving thoughts my way are very healing and helpful.

as far as being told what to do, let me tell you that a good friend is the one who lovingly tells you when you have the figurative "green food stuck in your teeth" when no one else will bc they think they are being polite.

Why let a friend walk in darkness and continue to reap despair?!

I really appreciate a friend who will be brave enough to take me quietly aside and inform me of my "green food stuck in teeth" situation.

It takes guts and lots of practice to lead someone away from their darkness. Sometimes they want to "shoot the messenger," however, if they really know Christ, for me at least, a seed was planted-and it edified me!