Spanking

[andiesmama]

I just wanted to put in my 2 cents with Katydid....sometimes Andie's just being outright rebellious. She's not tired, she's not hungry, she's simply testing the boundaries.

She does something (ex: kicking, hitting) and I'll tell her that we do not kick/hit & if she does it again she will get a swat. She looks right at me & does it again!! (*smack forhead*) Sometimes I have to hide my smile, don't tell me kids don't know how to push your buttons! lol

But the point is, those are the instances where I resort to a smack or spanking. I know when she's acting up because she's tired or hungry, and those times I tend to be a little more understanding....within reason!

 

[bliz]

sometimes Andie's just being outright rebellious. She's not tired, she's not hungry, she's simply testing the boundaries.

She does something (ex: kicking, hitting) and I'll tell her that we do not kick/hit & if she does it again she will get a swat. She looks right at me & does it again!! (*smack forhead*) Sometimes I have to hide my smile, don't tell me kids don't know how to push your buttons! lol

A perfect example of when to spank, IMO. She is defying your authority to tell her what she may and may not do. We felt that spanking for that kind of offense was quite appropriate.

 

[bostonlass]

A perfect example of when to spank, IMO. She is defying your authority to tell her what she may and may not do. We felt that spanking for that kind of offense was quite appropriate.

But doesn't it make sense that if you are spanking her and she is hitting back that she is just mimicking exactly what you are doing to her?

 

[Katydid]

But doesn't it make sense that if you are spanking her and she is hitting back that she is just mimicking exactly what you are doing to her?

I might agree, except.....Me, my brother, my three children, have all been spanked for behavior like that and none of us hit. Besides, she didn't say her daughter was trying to hit her bottom, but kicking and punching, which is not what I do, and I doubt Andiesmama does to her daughter. To mimic would be for her daughter to try to do the SAME thing that is done to her. This is a different action all together.

 

[andiesmama]

I might agree, except.....Me, my brother, my three children, have all been spanked for behavior like that and none of us hit. Besides, she didn't say her daughter was trying to hit her bottom, but kicking and punching, which is not what I do, and I doubt Andiesmama does to her daughter. To mimic would be for her daughter to try to do the SAME thing that is done to her. This is a different action all together.

The BOLD part is my addition...sorry, but that just struck me as funny for some reason!!

It's what Bliz & Katydid I think are saying....it's the defiance thing, you know? She might be kicking at me when I'm trying to put on her pj's, or hitting my arms when I'm trying to brush her hair...you get the idea. She's not hitting back after I spank her, she's outright defying me when I tell her "not" to do something. I gave examples of kicking/hitting....it may be something else like going out in the yard when I said "no" or something else like that.

 

[Zoomer]

But doesn't it make sense that if you are spanking her and she is hitting back that she is just mimicking exactly what you are doing to her?

If you use spanking properly and in a manner in which you are not angry, then no she is not mimicking. Her daughter is hitting out of anger while her mother is disciplining out of love.

 

[sara elizabeth]

I just wanted to add another note here about spanking. Too often those who are against spanking think that we who spank are continually swatting our kids.
I have found that if I am consistant with spanking for deliberate disobedience, that it rarely occures.
Out of my four kids (8-2) I only have to spank probably less than twice a month (that's total). My oldest never needs it any more and the 4 and 6 year olds usually only need to be told that their behaviour is not acceptable. This will do the trick most of the time. The 2 yr. old is still in the testing his limits stage, so needs a bit more. But even so, it is not like we're constantly spanking.

 

[Pentecostal Boy]

take it from a kid/teen there is nothing wrong with it.

 

[Pentecostal Boy]

as long as you don't abuse them

 

[newcreature]

Aren't there studies out there that support the fact that teen rebellion or violence is on the rise? If this is the case, then why is the blame put on spanking? Many people are now choosing not to spank, so you would think that because of this, there would be a decline in these negative behaviors.

 

[bostonlass]

Aren't there studies out there that support the fact that teen rebellion or violence is on the rise? If this is the case, then why is the blame put on spanking? Many people are now choosing not to spank, so you would think that because of this, there would be a decline in these negative behaviors.

Who said that the blame for teen rebellion and violence is put on spanking? I think there are a lot more things that go into the blame for the violence and teen rebellion, for example the increasing voilence in video games, the lack of a good loving home (spanking or no spanking we all agree that we love them and try our best to raise them in Christian homes), increasing amounts of time where teens are unsupervised (latch-key kids, etc). I don't think spanking or not spanking has to do with any of the increasing violence and I'd like to see any proof that it does along with the source.

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

I spank my kids for deliberate disobedience. That is when I've made it plain that they are not to do something and then they do it.

Like has already been said, one of the most important things to remember is to never spank if you are upset or angry. In those cases it is much better to send the child to his room and give yourself time to calm down and think clearly about the situation.

i totally agree, my husband was spanked as a child. he dad did it out of love and never in anger. my husband turned out to be a great person, me on the other hand...lol... i was never spanked and wasnt really a good kid. didnt have guidelines, etc....

so we are spanking our child when needed.

 

[bostonlass]

The BOLD part is my addition...sorry, but that just struck me as funny for some reason!!

It's what Bliz & Katydid I think are saying....it's the defiance thing, you know? She might be kicking at me when I'm trying to put on her pj's, or hitting my arms when I'm trying to brush her hair...you get the idea. She's not hitting back after I spank her, she's outright defying me when I tell her "not" to do something. I gave examples of kicking/hitting....it may be something else like going out in the yard when I said "no" or something else like that.

Unrelated to spanking but I was thinking as I was reading this that boy this girl has a lot of spunk!!! I would bet money (if I were a gambler which I'm not ) that she is going to be a great leader for a very good cause someday!!! I'm thinking someone who will make big wonderful changes in some area!

 

[andiesmama]

Unrelated to spanking but I was thinking as I was reading this that boy this girl has a lot of spunk!!! I would bet money (if I were a gambler which I'm not ) that she is going to be a great leader for a very good cause someday!!! I'm thinking someone who will make big wonderful changes in some area!

We can only hope!! lol

Funny....methinks she read this thread when I wasn't looking....had a struggle with bedtime tonight, she kept getting out of bed for like an HOUR and a HALF!!! (excuses like water, potty, etc etc etc) Then lamer & lamer like she wasn't tired, she wanted to watch tv, you get the drift. Finally I told her that "this" was the last time, the next time she got out of bed she would get a spanking. Dontcha know not 5 minutes later she was creeping into the computer room to see what I was doing??? So I said "Remember what mommy said? Let's go back to your room." We went, she got her spanking (well, 2 swats on her hiney), and cried like her heart was breaking "Mommy you spanked me!" I explained I loved her so much but it's important for to listen to mommy & daddy when we ask her to do something. I told her that it's important we get the sleep we need...blah blah blah...then told her if she got out of bed again she'd get another spanking...and she was asleep in 5 minutes!

I'm sure some people will disagree with the route I took, but just wanted to post another example...willful defiance after a warning, that's when I resort to the spankings.

 

[Katydid]

Funny....methinks she read this thread when I wasn't looking....had a struggle with bedtime tonight, she kept getting out of bed for like an HOUR and a HALF!!! (excuses like water, potty, etc etc etc) Then lamer & lamer like she wasn't tired, she wanted to watch tv, you get the drift. Finally I told her that "this" was the last time, the next time she got out of bed she would get a spanking. Dontcha know not 5 minutes later she was creeping into the computer room to see what I was doing??? So I said "Remember what mommy said? Let's go back to your room." We went, she got her spanking (well, 2 swats on her hiney), and cried like her heart was breaking "Mommy you spanked me!" I explained I loved her so much but it's important for to listen to mommy & daddy when we ask her to do something. I told her that it's important we get the sleep we need...blah blah blah...then told her if she got out of bed again she'd get another spanking...and she was asleep in 5 minutes!

Man, that makes it harder. At least mine our outright open about defiance. This is what typically happens with my middle child when he doesn't want to sleep.

Me--it's time for bed
Justin--I no wanna go night night
Me--let's go to bed
Justin--NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!
Me--Justin, if you don't want a spanking you need to go get into bed
Justin--- WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH I NO GO TO BED!!!
Me--Alright, Justin either go to bed now, or get a spanking THEN go to bed, but you WILL go to bed.
Justin (on a bad day)---NO NO NO NO NO

That is when he gets a spanking and placed in bed. So YEAH, mine are way open about defiance. Well, my middle one and my oldest. My daughter, I am finding, is more manipulative in her disobedience. Maybe it is a boy vs. girl thing. I don't know.

 

[Andry]

I really can't stand these threads on spanking as the turn into long arguments taking sides for and against.

But I couldn't resist any longer (I waited 4 pages).....

For me, it's the final option. I see in many parents, that it's a first or second option. Why? IMHO, lousy parenting skills more often than not, and not the child.

(Insert from whining parents: "Oh, but you just don't know my child....")

Sure every child is special and different, and your kid is the most _______ (insert adjective of choice) ever born.

But admit it....some of us need to go to parenting school because we just suck. Or dumb. Or lazy.

From reading some of the posts (and if it's not you, don't get offended), it's obvious that our parenting skills need to be sharpened somewhat. We could be great husbands and wives, businesspeople, carpenters, chefs, pilots, etc., but we don't automatically become great parents without putting the time and energy into it.

Just my .02. I pray a special blessing for those parents who are having a difficult time with your kid(s).

 

[erin74]

Just as an extra thought - what do others do with bad behaviour at the dinner table - be it breakfast, lunch or dinner. My son (3) is a major wriggler - we have bench seats and he is often found lying on it - he also sings at the top of his voice, shuffles up and down the bench, plays with his food, plays with anything he can get his hands on, anything but eating basically. Oh - and he argues with us, says 'no' to everything, etc, etc. I can handle this with a time out usually - but find that this doesn't work at a meal, as it's just what he's after - an excuse to not eat! So smacking seems to be our only option... but I am not finding it particularly successful at the moment - at meals at any rate. Different if it's his dad of course.

Any suggestions....

 

[Andry]

I just wanted to add another note here about spanking. Too often those who are against spanking think that we who spank are continually swatting our kids.
I have found that if I am consistant with spanking for deliberate disobedience, that it rarely occures.
Out of my four kids (8-2) I only have to spank probably less than twice a month (that's total). My oldest never needs it any more and the 4 and 6 year olds usually only need to be told that their behaviour is not acceptable. This will do the trick most of the time. The 2 yr. old is still in the testing his limits stage, so needs a bit more. But even so, it is not like we're constantly spanking.

I'm not against spanking, and neither do I assume that parents who do are continually swatting your kids.

But I am against bad parenting and using spanking as the lazy way to keep our kids in check. And then they toss in either the "Well my parents spanked me when I was a kid and I turned out ok", or overused "But we never spank in anger, only in love" cliche.

I'm not being boastful, but I've spanked my 5 yo son just twice his whole life. Super-duper kid? No. Solomon as his dad? Far from it. So what's the secret? No real secret. Just countless time and energy and effort learning to parent past the threshold that most parents I know would rather spank for the given situation. And of course a huge dose of grace! And he's turning out to be such a well-balanced, well-adjusted little man.

Now please don't read this the wrong way. I'm not directing this personally to you, or implying in any way you're not a good parent. And if I had four kids, who knows, I'd be spanking them more too.

I'm just against bad parenting - we all should - whether spanking or no.

 

[Andry]

Just as an extra thought - what do others do with bad behaviour at the dinner table - be it breakfast, lunch or dinner. My son (3) is a major wriggler - we have bench seats and he is often found lying on it - he also sings at the top of his voice, shuffles up and down the bench, plays with his food, plays with anything he can get his hands on, anything but eating basically. Oh - and he argues with us, says 'no' to everything, etc, etc. I can handle this with a time out usually - but find that this doesn't work at a meal, as it's just what he's after - an excuse to not eat! So smacking seems to be our only option... but I am not finding it particularly successful at the moment - at meals at any rate. Different if it's his dad of course.

Any suggestions....

That's what he's supposed to be doing. Feed him before or after your dinner so it doesn't disturb you or your husband from enjoying yours. If he doesn't want to eat his dinner, don't let him eat his dinner. Missing the odd dinner or two won't starve him, and he'll know next time to eat it.

 

[Katydid]

Basically, in our house, we have a rule that you either eat, or sleep. So if he does that at breakfast, in our house he would be told....

If you don't eat your breakfast, you will take a nap.

If it is lunch it is the same. For dinner it is going to bed early. End of discussion. After the first 2 or 3 days of him taking naps and going to bed early, (actually it should only take once or twice) he should start behaving. Now here is the thing, if you get him to his room and he says, "I want to eat" then take him back down and give him a chance, if he again starts being disruptive, then it is off to bed, no third chance.