Is Spanking Teenagers for Discipline Appropriate?

[spinningwheelgirl]

Important to remember, any law that violates God's law is an illegitimate law. If I lived in Canada I would still spank because God commands it. (prov23:13) God says those who do not use the rod hates their son. (prov13:24)
Some other discipline can certainly be effective for older children but we can never say that another person should never spank their teenager. Only the parent of that particular child knows that child well enough to make that decision but certainly should make that decision in light of Scripture. Sometimes spanking does not get immediate results so it is abandoned too early. We should never grow weary of well doing, even in this area, as God commands corporal punishment. I have a hunch that some parents don't spank hard enough for it hurt. It's supposed to be unpleasant, it's chastening!
Some very determined children need spankings well into their teens; others do not. As boys get older, they do better with fathers applying the rod of discipline but if I, as the mother, were the only one available to do it, I must. Anything else would be disobedience on my part.
We must remember where we get this anti-Christain propaganda about spanking being harmful to their "self-esteem": from God hating humanist psychologists like Freud and others.

You are missing something here that is exteremly important in Biblical interpretation. When interpreting it is a MUST that it be taken within context. Within the context of Israelite culture (as someone has already pointed out) anyone 13 and over was an adult. That means that they would be treated as an adult. The verse whether or not it means that children should be spanked, only applies to children. That means that the verse does not apply to teenagers. It is very degrading to spank a teenager and it is not very respectful. There is absoluty nothing wrong with Canada's law. It is perfectly reasonable.

 

[Judy02]

You are missing something here that is exteremly important in Biblical interpretation. When interpreting it is a MUST that it be taken within context. Within the context of Israelite culture (as someone has already pointed out) anyone 13 and over was an adult. That means that they would be treated as an adult. The verse whether or not it means that children should be spanked, only applies to children. That means that the verse does not apply to teenagers. It is very degrading to spank a teenager and it is not very respectful. There is absoluty nothing wrong with Canada's law. It is perfectly reasonable.

I'm not sure on the UK's stance on this legally, but it does sound very good and well balanced, the Canadian law. There have been talks in making this practice illegal on all children from time to time, not completely sure if I agree with or not, but yeah. I think hitting a 16 year old with a belt - there would definetely be a case for legal action.

Teenagers are biologically adults, they're developed physically, and defined in biblical times as adults socially. Of course, we all have growing periods to do, as teenagers and other adults have. I think even most conservative people would think hitting a 16 year old just doesn't seem quite right. There comes a time and age where it just doesn't seem right or appropriate. Just because something apparently 'works' isn't an automatic indicator it was the right thing to do. Hitler managed to stop people rebelling from his authority through all kinds of sickening ways, beginning from fear and intimidation to well, things much worse. Few are foolish enough to think his acts were righteous, even if it prevented those rebelling in his country from the beginning.

Discipline should never compromise the dignity and respect of another person. And if this example mentionned earlier was humiliating (which iv no doubt it was) that should be a sign in itself. Although, I think few personally at that age would stand there and take such abuse. Most 16 year old girls I've known were taller and usually stronger than their mums by then anyway.
That was a great post! It's good to see intelligent responses.

 

[cutie76]

I do not believe that in the Bible does it says ALL MINORS are to be spanked. It says spare the rod, spoil the child. I am almost 30 years old, but Ill be you know what if my father lifted his hand to spank me. I am still his child.
A child is no longer considered to be a minor at 18, but is still a teenager. Spankings for 13-17? It doesn't strike me as being a sensible thing to do in the least.
Just as the others said, there is a time where most parents understand that spanking is no longer appropriate nor is it effective.

No - absolutely not!! For all of the reasons already stated!!

 

[Jesus-is-the-1]

I think spanking teens is borderline sexual abuse and should NEVER be used.

 

[joanna1]

I posted this in teh main forum but it's relevant to teen spanking... in other words please don't do it
http://www.geocities.com/cddugan/RoyLessinOpenLetter.html

 

[doglover]

I wasn't going to post in here, just read stuff, but then I saw other teens posted, so I figured it must be okay.
From my perspective, I think it totally depends. On EVERYTHING. What the parents are like (Christians? Abusive? What's the family situation?), what the teen has done to get punished, and a ton of other factors.
The last time I was spanked I was 6, though I'm pretty sure there were several times after that age that I SHOULD have gotten a spanking, but begged out. I personally would probably be pretty offended if I was spanked now, though I also wouldn't turn my parents in. One of my friends (who is now 18) told me that she was spanked when she was 15. I would say that was a bit extreme, but I don't know the situation. She isn't a bit resentful about it. I think that for the most part, spanking a teenager isn't the best thing, but I think teens need to have such a high level of respect for their parents that even if they DID get spanked, they wouldn't turn them in or freak out. Every situation is different.

 

[tp65]

I wasn't going to post in here, just read stuff, but then I saw other teens posted, so I figured it must be okay.
From my perspective, I think it totally depends. On EVERYTHING. What the parents are like (Christians? Abusive? What's the family situation?), what the teen has done to get punished, and a ton of other factors.
The last time I was spanked I was 6, though I'm pretty sure there were several times after that age that I SHOULD have gotten a spanking, but begged out. I personally would probably be pretty offended if I was spanked now, though I also wouldn't turn my parents in. One of my friends (who is now 18) told me that she was spanked when she was 15. I would say that was a bit extreme, but I don't know the situation. She isn't a bit resentful about it. I think that for the most part, spanking a teenager isn't the best thing, but I think teens need to have such a high level of respect for their parents that even if they DID get spanked, they wouldn't turn them in or freak out. Every situation is different.

You sound very wise. (whether you are 15 or 50)

 

[doglover]

You sound very wise. (whether you are 15 or 50)

Haha, thanks. I really am 15 though. (But by the time this month is over I'll be 16.)

 

[Judy02]

I posted this in teh main forum but it's relevant to teen spanking... in other words please don't do it
http://www.geocities.com/cddugan/RoyLessinOpenLetter.html

I actually did feel physically sick reading that!

Oh, what a sad sad story!

I hardly ever say things like this about people who say they are christians, but parents who behave like they did in that article you outlined, I honestly think seriously lack the spirit of God in them! (not for smacking in general necessarily, but to the sickening extreme it managaed to become there).

I don't know how they didn't feel any twinge in their conscience, behaving that way for so long, but it is great that the father is humble enough to listen to the daughter now, and admit he was wrong! Some parents never do listen to their children at any age - a twisted idea of authority perhaps.

I've thought for a few years now, that childhood can really be an oppressive time in their life for some. This has certainly not swayed me from that view.

That man will face the consequence of such foolish talk, without thinking of the results of his words.

 

[jasmine88]

I don't really know what you guys mean by spanking, that term was never used in my house. As a child, my parents hit us as discipline, and it worked. There seems to be this consensus, that if you hit your child it is abuse, sexual in some way, or due to anger. That is simply not the case. If I was in trouble, my parents would beat me, and then after discuss why, and then always made sure to hug me and tell me that they loved me at the end. Anyway, as teenagers, they should not receive beatings, but a good smack in the face is not wrong. I also don't understand why this question is coming up, "But what if they hit back?" Why are you afraid of your children??? Why do you think that would be their reaction?? I would never even dream of raising a hand to either one of my parents. Also, I don't understand how parents are threatened by their children (as far as they will call child services or the like). I remember telling my mother that, and she handed me the phone. I never responded that way again! I think the problem with my generation is that their parents don't use discipline or parents are trying to be their child's friend and are worried about what their kid will feel about them. That doesn't matter. Parents need to discipline their children and children should respect their parents, period.

I haven't gotten smacked in a while, because I have matured much, and I don't act in such a way that would warrant a smack. My brother, who is 14, has behavior issues. And he is no stranger to beatings still.

 

[tp65]

That says it all, doesn't it? Your brother has behaviour issues and receives beatings (why haven't they worked yet?) I have never "smacked" my kids and they don't have any behaviour issues. Don't get me wrong, they are disciplined, but even that hasn't been necessary for years. They learn respect, not by hitting, but by correct discipline. I am sorry you were ever beaten, yes, I would have called the authorities on your parents if I saw you being beaten (not spanked on the bottom). God never justifies a beating.

 

[jasmine88]

My brother's behavior issues, this basically means he's hardheaded and he often talks back. (I just didn't know how to word it...he's a typical teenager, who woulda thunk it?) I should have added, that my parents didn't physically discipline him nearly as much as they did me or my older sister. That is why he has such a problem listening now.

Please- my parents are wonderful. They are God-fearing and filled with the Holy Ghost. I love and respect my parents and my parents would do anything for me. We have an excellent relationship. Perhaps this is a cultural difference that is sparking your disagreement. A beating, in my definition, is when your parent, either with a hand or belt or switch, "hits you on the bottom." I was never hit anywhere else, I was never abused, I never had any bruises, and I never doubted my parents' love for me and I knew their discipline was not out of anger, but a Godly desire in trying to train me in the way I should go.

I really do think the reason my words are being misconstrued is due to a cultural difference more than anything else.

 

[tp65]

I am sure your parents love you beyond understanding. But out of our love we sometimes make mistakes, please read the article posted earlier on this forum. I am not sure what cultural differences we could have both being in the U.S. (regarding discipline). What you described does not seem to be mere spanking. However, the issue here is spanking teens and I believe that it is not wise to do so. Not bc we are afraid of our teens but bc there are much more effective and non-physical ways of teaching. You sound like a very respectful young lady, but I believe it probably has more to do with your relationship with God (which is probably a credit to your parents) than the fact that you were hit in any way.

 

[jasmine88]

I do understand and appreciate your concern. I read the article, and nothing there applied or was even remotely related to my upbringing or anyone in my entire extended family. The main point that I was trying to get across, though, that there is nothing wrong with "spanking" and hitting a child does not mean abuse. I'm not an advocate of "spanking" in all circumstances or as the only means of discipline, but I do advocate its use when appropiate. As far as spanking of teens, I guess I agree with you now, but there's nothing wrong with a good slap if the situation calls for it.

 

[emilyJ]

I get spanked but I don't think of it as abuse. My parents love me enough to care. OK it's really really not fun , but I've never been spanked and not deserved it.

 

[bigvman]

I've certainly used "spanking" with my little ones when they were just that, little!
I believe there is certainly a place for it, but it must come from love and not anger. Even Jesus driving out the money changers was done after he had stopped and made a whip. That would have taken time.

I have no plans to spank my kids any more now that they are approaching high school age. To me that would be like trying to spank a grown-up. I now try to talk to my eldest the way I would an adult and discuss problems afer the heat has gone out of the event. This allows us both to say our 2c worth and usually ends in a hug, not a hit.

 

[~Anastasia~]

No, just don't do it.

My mother spanked me when I was 14 in front of my best friend because I didn't know where her shoe was (I hadn't taken it and was in no way responsible - she was just taking some frustration out on me).

It didn't hurt, but I was mortified. My friend was embarrassed. I remained angry for a LONG time. I still remember, all these many years later, though I've forgiven her. My friend remembers too - she mentioned it a couple of years ago.

It served no positive purpose. Fortunately I respected her too much to hit her back, or my life could have spun into something much worse, had the authorities gotten involved. These days it's probably more likely a parent could be jailed for it.

Don't do it. As someone else said, there are MANY more effective ways to discipline a child that age. I wouldn't even THINK of spanking my teenager.

 

[66christian]

Most posts here view spanking teens from one side--the parent--and approach the idea is it good for them. That's one sided. What do they think? What discipline 'works' for them.

Problem's the same in an HOH marriage.

Discipline works well when mutually agreed upon for both parties in a relationship. What actions require discipline? What discipline works?

Discipline and self-discipline are mutually reinforcing.

 

[Inkachu]

NO I don't think teens should be spanked. I don't think spanking should ever be used as a primary or regular form of discipline, period. I think it should only ever be used as a last resort, and only on small children. Spanking is a means of asserting authority and obedience through force, when every other measure has been exhausted and hasn't been effective.

Teens are not "children", they're budding adults, and they've got an entirely different awareness of their bodies, their own individualism and independence, and their relationship with their parents. Spanking a teenager is wrong in every sense of the word, both physically and mentally. It is pure humiliation and power control, it is not "correction". You aren't going to produce a healthy young adult who makes good choices, you're going to produce an angry, resentful young adult who wants nothing to do with you.

 

[ProudMomxmany]

Spanking a teenager? Really? You can't think of another form of discipline other than asserting your dominance over the child?

We were not a spanking family, spankings were reserved for truly out of control behavior that was not responding to other forms of discipline (as toddlers/preschoolers). By the time they got to be teens, they knew what the expectations were and the penalties for disobedience. There are much more creative ways...one of my favorites was cleaning a bathroom with a toothbrush...

Attempting to exert physical dominance over a teenager is probably going to get YOUR behind whipped. Honestly, I would not blame the teen for striking back in a case like that. I have "friends" who tried that and ended up in jail for assault. Don't even THINK of trying to spank a 16 year old...you WILL end up on the short end of that one.

There are MUCH better ways to handle a disobedient teen. Remove privileges, add chores, increase their responsibilities. For example...if your child is ugly in the morning, give the child an alarm clock and tell them they are fully responsible for getting themselves up, ready for school and out the door on time. If they fail, they accept the consequences. If your child does not respect their home (messy, slovenly habits), then they get to spend a day cleaning...use a toothbrush to clean the bathroom, spot clean the carpet in their room, dusting everything, every nook and cranny, scrubbing the kitchen floor on their hands and knees (old school style). OR, they can pick up all the dog poop in the yard, weed the flowerbeds, mow the lawn, detail a car or two, do all the laundry...there are many things that they can do that will show them that disrespect will not be tolerated.