- Sorry...one more time

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I feel like God is making it obvious he doesn't like me at all...im stressed and I feel I can't do nothing about it...when I say stressed...this is super high anxiety..I couldn't really eat much yesterday BC I was so anxious...ill end up throwing up.

So I didnt...just ate chips, and I guess from the combo of having an attack and not having anything in my aystem..also the fact I have horrible light.ares, made me stay up the entire night.my body felt horrible, especially my chest...( however , I ate today and my body is well I eventually went to sleep and I feel rested...but I had a night mare..

I know you guys cant do much..... But I need to vent...i can't talk anyone about my anxiety..they have their own lives, and are also stressed to the max...so I just keep everything under wraps..

But its getting to me...to the point...i just want to starve myself and die...bc its just too much to damn deal with, and before you tell me to call a hotline...I did that already and they were 0 help at all...i made a thread about it early..... Anyway...I just feel God is making it clear he does not like me at all...

When I think of my life, I feel absolutely cursed. Because of my anxiety I feel terorizzed in the day and night...im losing my hair,...and been living in a hotel 3 yrs with my family... Were tryin to move but the date always seems to be pushed back...like God is waiting for me to die in this hotel or something. Classes for me start on the 22nd, I barely made it last semester...i worry for this one coming up...sometimes I dont want to see another day

I pray and get no relief, I just wonder...why did god make me if this was gonna be mu life ? I try to be positive ( that's when I'm not on here ) and have faith...I did until things happened..that I wont repeat. I'm just like why was I even born? Youre not helping accomplish anything..just watching me struggle....i just feel like God is just....laughing at me...like my life is a side show to him.

.

 

[HighRyzr]

I pray for you and hope it gets better. I feel like I'm torn between the thoughts that God is tearing my life apart to fix it or to kill me slowly. I can't figure it out. I pray God is for us and something positive happens soon.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I pray for you and hope it gets better. I feel like I'm torn between the thoughts that God is tearing my life apart to fix it or to kill me slowly. I can't figure it out. I pray God is for us and something positive happens soon.

I know...i feel that way too I'm hope something good comes along for the both of us tho.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

Listening to Mandisa's "Overcomer"

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Listening to Mandisa's "Overcomer"

I listened to that before....

 

[LonelyTraveler]

Aye, I'll pray for you as well. I'm kinda at the point of believing that God is using me to show the Christian faith that suicides can go to heaven. I believe that He's gonna work good from both of our experiences.

 

[Winter]

((hugs)). This fear you have will not last forever. Praying for your peace.

What has helped me lately is listening to audio meditations. This has helped me very much. Try some of Louise Hay's meditations that you can find on Youtube. I haven't tried this particular one but give it a try.

 

[Tempura]

God isn't a torturer who laughs at you. Christ didn't come to hate us. We should have hope in His name, in fact the more we suffer the more we feel the need for that hope, and we can be drawn to Him. We can take that hope, you can too. No matter how hard our feelings and depression and despair may distort God and ourselves into some kinds of monsters. It's easy to give in to our own warped views on things, especially when we're sick and miserable, but they are often the farthest things from truth.

I hope you get help, sister. No matter how many reasons you have not to. My offer still stands. While I'm having trouble getting out of benzos, and I even abused them a lot at some point, they really did help me. It was a relief to find out that I can rid myself of the horrible anxiety for a while. Therapy helped too, although that can be a long road. Some others things helped as well. But I needed something, and I was lucky to get help that worked even at parts. The trick is to keep trying, if at first (or even second or third) you don't get results. There are things that help, things that work. I certainly needed that help, because I too know what kind of a friend anxiety is.

Said a prayer for all of you.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

Sorry about the music choice. Nothing soothes me more than music but if you have heard it, it must not have much meaning if you cannot relate to it.

God is not laughing at you. Where did you get this idea? God would never laugh at us when we are down. God loves us and cares for us all. I am disheartened to read that you feel so wretched that you think God would mock you. This is your mind playing tricks on you. I think you feel absolutely terrible. I can relate. I have been there and done that. Life improves one step at a time. There is hope with God. I have had experiences where I felt so much despair that I wanted to end it all. I almost did. I lost my job and was all alone. I decided to put an end to my misery and took a bottle of sleeping pills and put a plastic bag over my head. This is it, I thought. Well, I woke up with the plastic bag next to my head and a voice saying to me,"You have so much to live for!" I lived and ran to church the next weekend. I was expecting to die and some entity probably an angel saved my life. You don't have to go where I have to experience God's love for you. You have options. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. You can take the path of life instead. I know how you feel. Lonely and abandoned as if you were a worn out old boat rocking away in the midst of a storm where nobody can find you. But, you are not alone. God is with you and with me too. He saved my life from attempted suicide. He saved my life from a deadly blood clot too. He saved my life while I was homeless. And, He will save you too from your despair. You probably should seek professional help if you feel so alone and miserable with nowhere to turn nor hide. I beseech you to get help before you take the wrong path. I have not always been lucky and have suffered in silence from mental illness without being medicated. This is the reason I became homeless. You don't need to go down this path though. Please seek professional help before its too late. Life is short for all of us. We should cherish each day as if it were God-given. Times are tough for all of us who don't have much support. I understand. This is the reason I depend on God. God is there when I need Him. He answers prayers on my behalf. He has been there for me through it all. I also thought occasionally that God had abandoned me. But, I was wrong. I abandoned God. This is the reason I suffered all alone until I fell on my knees and embraced God again. He is there calling you. He knows your suffering. Please pray to Him and ask for help. Also, please seek help from others who can help you. Please don't be afraid to ask for help.

As for living in a hotel, I have done this also before I became homeless. I know where you are now. It it tough living in a hotel without an address to call home. However, it is better than living on the streets, believe me. I have lived at the shelter- the Rescue Mission with other women who were down and out. They came from all walks of life. I realized that no matter where we came from, we all wanted to survive and make it out of there. A hotel is better than a shelter. You have some privacy and a place to shower. I know it is not what you want. But, the hotel beats the streets anytime. I had to live on the streets since the shelter was full when I arrived. I spent a few days and nights roaming the streets by myself. I slept at a church since it had a bench and the lights were bright all night. The police came by but did nothing. This was my place until I could get into the shelter. You say life is tough. Yes, it is. We all make choices though. A choice to be satisfied or not to be satisfied. I was happy to get into the shelter and have something to eat. On the streets, I did not eat. I was hungry most of the time. I did not beg for food. I just ate at the shelter once a day. I ate whatever they offered. I was satisfied with this. The Rescue Mission saved my life literally. Some people hate the shelters and preferred to be on the streets. I did not. I wish I could have been in a hotel though instead of the shelter. But, I had no money. You talk about down and out. I know what you mean. You talk about despair. I understand.

Life is hard for you. It also has been for me. I could have taken the road of death and ended up in the morgue. But, God's angels directed me towards life. I ask of you to cherish what you have. You have enough for now. You have enough to eat. You have a place to sleep. You have clothes to wear. You don't have any life-threatening illnesses. If you want to see despair, go to the shelter - the Rescue Mission and talk to the women there. You will hear stories that will make you cherish what you have.

I am grateful to God for what I have. I have what I need. I am poor but am thankful. I am rich in spirit though and feel blessed by God above. Take care and God bless you!

 

[W2L]

No matter what the hardship, we can always put trust in the Lord. The Lord isn't here to laugh at us when we humble ourselves before him, and his mercy is unfailing. We are unfaithful at times yet he is faithful always. Don't listen to those thoughts that condemn you. I live with them everyday and they are lies. Things will change eventually. My biggest problem is that I don't really get out much. Seclusion is like a prison. I know it effects my thinking and my happiness. Its because I see this that I know God is with me. He shows me the truth. You can trust that God is not hating you, but is patient and merciful. Don't listen to those thoughts. Listen instead to how patient God is, and how merciful he is. Also, try to remember that things will change, we must have patience too.

 

[W2L]

Seclusion is like a prison, but sometimes it can also be liberating. It can liberate us from faith in men and help us find strength in the Lord. Sure we may be separated from things that can make us happy, but we are also separated from all the deceptions of the world. It can be a blessing if we want it to be. Still though, its good to get out once in awhile.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Sorry about the music choice. Nothing soothes me more than music but if you have heard it, it must not have much meaning if you cannot relate to it.

God is not laughing at you. Where did you get this idea? God would never laugh at us when we are down. God loves us and cares for us all. I am disheartened to read that you feel so wretched that you think God would mock you. This is your mind playing tricks on you. I think you feel absolutely terrible. I can relate. I have been there and done that. Life improves one step at a time. There is hope with God. I have had experiences where I felt so much despair that I wanted to end it all. I almost did. I lost my job and was all alone. I decided to put an end to my misery and took a bottle of sleeping pills and put a plastic bag over my head. This is it, I thought. Well, I woke up with the plastic bag next to my head and a voice saying to me,"You have so much to live for!" I lived and ran to church the next weekend. I was expecting to die and some entity probably an angel saved my life. You don't have to go where I have to experience God's love for you. You have options. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. You can take the path of life instead. I know how you feel. Lonely and abandoned as if you were a worn out old boat rocking away in the midst of a storm where nobody can find you. But, you are not alone. God is with you and with me too. He saved my life from attempted suicide. He saved my life from a deadly blood clot too. He saved my life while I was homeless. And, He will save you too from your despair. You probably should seek professional help if you feel so alone and miserable with nowhere to turn nor hide. I beseech you to get help before you take the wrong path. I have not always been lucky and have suffered in silence from mental illness without being medicated. This is the reason I became homeless. You don't need to go down this path though. Please seek professional help before its too late. Life is short for all of us. We should cherish each day as if it were God-given. Times are tough for all of us who don't have much support. I understand. This is the reason I depend on God. God is there when I need Him. He answers prayers on my behalf. He has been there for me through it all. I also thought occasionally that God had abandoned me. But, I was wrong. I abandoned God. This is the reason I suffered all alone until I fell on my knees and embraced God again. He is there calling you. He knows your suffering. Please pray to Him and ask for help. Also, please seek help from others who can help you. Please don't be afraid to ask for help.

As for living in a hotel, I have done this also before I became homeless. I know where you are now. It it tough living in a hotel without an address to call home. However, it is better than living on the streets, believe me. I have lived at the shelter- the Rescue Mission with other women who were down and out. They came from all walks of life. I realized that no matter where we came from, we all wanted to survive and make it out of there. A hotel is better than a shelter. You have some privacy and a place to shower. I know it is not what you want. But, the hotel beats the streets anytime. I had to live on the streets since the shelter was full when I arrived. I spent a few days and nights roaming the streets by myself. I slept at a church since it had a bench and the lights were bright all night. The police came by but did nothing. This was my place until I could get into the shelter. You say life is tough. Yes, it is. We all make choices though. A choice to be satisfied or not to be satisfied. I was happy to get into the shelter and have something to eat. On the streets, I did not eat. I was hungry most of the time. I did not beg for food. I just ate at the shelter once a day. I ate whatever they offered. I was satisfied with this. The Rescue Mission saved my life literally. Some people hate the shelters and preferred to be on the streets. I did not. I wish I could have been in a hotel though instead of the shelter. But, I had no money. You talk about down and out. I know what you mean. You talk about despair. I understand.

Life is hard for you. It also has been for me. I could have taken the road of death and ended up in the morgue. But, God's angels directed me towards life. I ask of you to cherish what you have. You have enough for now. You have enough to eat. You have a place to sleep. You have clothes to wear. You don't have any life-threatening illnesses. If you want to see despair, go to the shelter - the Rescue Mission and talk to the women there. You will hear stories that will make you cherish what you have.

I am grateful to God for what I have. I have what I need. I am poor but am thankful. I am rich in spirit though and feel blessed by God above. Take care and God bless you!

Man that is incredible....and that's also alot to overcome too... Your are very blessed...i realm hope something good pans out for me to believe God just isnt laughing at my misfortune.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Aye, I'll pray for you as well. I'm kinda at the point of believing that God is using me to show the Christian faith that suicides can go to heaven. I believe that He's gonna work good from both of our experiences.

.

 

[Jeshu]

Dear sister in Christ it is so hard to hear you say all these words for it shows me that you believe your depression and not the word of God. The problem being that God and His loving help is not in the lies you have your existence in at the moment. As a matter of fact God suffers your pain ever bit as real as you do, as a matter of fact even far worse for He died to bring you good life, and peace but you keep believing the torturers in lodging in your mind and heart and not Him.

I found that the love of God did not come my way until I let go of my bad life hurting me so bad - denying it the right to torture me and believing the word of God no matter how badly bad life was hurting me. I know this is very, very difficult because satan hates it when we escape his dungeons and will try all his tricks to get you back in the torture room, where overcome by the lies hurting you suffer in utter agony - for that is what lies bring us - pain - just ask God about that, He knows all about the incredible suffering lies have brought down upon existence.

So please dear sister - don't believe the lies but rather expose them with the truth of God's word and stand your ground when the lies hurting try to make you disbelief the word of God, or even simply doubt it - for satan knows we can't get into contact with the truth when we are looking at, and believing his lies. That is how he rules this miserable planet, giving a few of his best henchmen the wealth and the power and oppressing the rest with his bad life robbing, exploiting, hurting, enslaving, imprisoning, perverting and killing good life along the way.

So I hope you will see through the lies hurting you - they give themselves away because whenever you believe them you will hurt more - the more you believe them the worse you will hurt because lies keep us away from God' good life and bring us utter misery instead.

Honest just try to believe in God's truth - even for a little while and see that things begin to improve straight away - and that the lies will do anything to stop you from believing such truths - so that you hurt again. When I first began attempting believing God at His word I used to go up and down like a yo yo on a string - but the truth was as clear as crystal each time I believed God's truth things began to improve and love, faith and hope would soar but each time I believed the (old) lies then I would suffer like anything again. This went on until I final had enough of the wicked playing their nasty mind games and I swore to myself to only believe God and no-one else ever (fully) again. This triggered a whole string of events that bit by bit. At first just minutes, then a hour, a day, a few days, and then a whole week, and then months and finally a whole year and so God's truth growing in me began to bring my good life back - and so much more - comprehension and understanding of the power of His word and long-suffering, endurance, ability, insight, control, love and patience came instead of desolation. Even the times of my worst depression began to bring me good life instead of bad life, as a matter of fact in my worst suffering self - where I suffered the wicked most - God brought me very close to His love and care and where before I felt utterly godforsaken, doomed to hell and utterly cursed I now enjoy the favour of the Lord and may be the apple of His eye.

All these benefits await anyone who dares to leave their bad life and cling to God's loving truth in Jesus Christ for good life instead.

So please don't think you were made to suffer bad life forever - absolutely not! You have been created to share in the goodness of god and rule with Him over life - you will see that one day Jesus will bring you lordship with Him jut like He said He would - when that happens you will loath your times with bad life and promise Jesus never to hurt Him so badly again following bad life instead of Him - and then accusing Him of not loving you on top of all that. Then you will celebrate the truth with all those who have been saved by Him forever and rejoice in the downfall of the wicked along with all of Heaven.

Praying you will ponder on what I shared with you here.

much love and prayer

(The Word tells us where to find Him)


Isaiah 53
Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.


Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.


He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.


Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
After he has suffered,
he will see the light of lifed and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[Paul of Eugene OR]

I feel like God is making it obvious he doesn't like me at all...im stressed and I feel I can't do nothing about it...when I say stressed...this is super high anxiety..I couldn't really eat much yesterday BC I was so anxious...ill end up throwing up.

So I didnt...just ate chips, and I guess from the combo of having an attack and not having anything in my aystem..also the fact I have horrible light.ares, made me stay up the entire night.my body felt horrible, especially my chest...( however , I ate today and my body is well I eventually went to sleep and I feel rested...but I had a night mare..

I know you guys cant do much..... But I need to vent...i can't talk anyone about my anxiety..they have their own lives, and are also stressed to the max...so I just keep everything under wraps..

But its getting to me...to the point...i just want to starve myself and die...bc its just too much to damn deal with, and before you tell me to call a hotline...I did that already and they were 0 help at all...i made a thread about it early..... Anyway...I just feel God is making it clear he does not like me at all...

When I think of my life, I feel absolutely cursed. Because of my anxiety I feel terorizzed in the day and night...im losing my hair,...and been living in a hotel 3 yrs with my family... Were tryin to move but the date always seems to be pushed back...like God is waiting for me to die in this hotel or something. Classes for me start on the 22nd, I barely made it last semester...i worry for this one coming up...sometimes I dont want to see another day

I pray and get no relief, I just wonder...why did god make me if this was gonna be mu life ? I try to be positive ( that's when I'm not on here ) and have faith...I did until things happened..that I wont repeat. I'm just like why was I even born? Youre not helping accomplish anything..just watching me struggle....i just feel like God is just....laughing at me...like my life is a side show to him.

.

Consider the possibility that you are experiencing clinical depression and there may be an appropriate medical solution for your problem. Have you shared this problem with a medical professional?

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

You have read my story in the "Why does God hate me?" topic. I had that topic closed for a reason.

God's heart is breaking for you. He never intended for life to be this way for anyone. I often blamed God for all my problems because He was an easy scapegoat. He was suppose to be in control. He was suppose to prevent all of this.

Then there's freewill.

I often have to remind myself that God is not some sadistic, narcissistic psychopath who delights in watching you suffer. He's suffering himself seeing his most prized creation suffering. Many people in Psalms have felt the same way as you and often vented towards God. God does want to wipe out everything that hurts you and me both but that would mean wiping out all of humanity. We have all contributed to each others suffering. If things went God's way, we would still be enjoying the Garden of Eden on Earth.

God sees all your attempts to seek help on this forum. He sees your efforts to latch on to Him in spite of all your suffering. I latch on to God because I know my life is not going to be any good in this world. Instead, Heaven is my home. My suffering has taught me that this world is not my home. It is only a garbage dump that people pick through looking for things of value. Heaven to me is the city that actually has things of value. Instead of garbage picking, I decided to travel to the city and seek a better life.

My heart truly breaks to see you so unhappy. You remind me so much of myself these last few years when I got out of high school and was a complete mess, trying to figure out who the heck I was and where I fit in to all of this. I can only tell you that even though weeping lasts the night, rejoicing will comes in the morning. God sees your suffering and is keeping notes for compensation.

Blesses are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Thanks for replying, just want everyone to keep in mind, I wrote this on the 12th .... Now it is the 2nd of Sept. and although I do feel a bit down, I dont feel as down as I did when I posted this. I feel different and I'm trying to get grounded in God's word.

Thanks all.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Consider the possibility that you are experiencing clinical depression and there may be an appropriate medical solution for your problem. Have you shared this problem with a medical professional?

It was my situation that was getting me down, that is changing...also I'm trying to think differently and get into God's word and feel alot better than I did when I posted this.

Just want you guys to know...that if I post a msg on a certain day and enough time passes ..like from Aug 12 to Sept. 3rd, I'm definitely not gonna feel the same way.

But thank u all for your concern.

 

[Catherineanne]

I feel like God is making it obvious he doesn't like me at all...im stressed and I feel I can't do nothing about it...when I say stressed...this is super high anxiety..I couldn't really eat much yesterday BC I was so anxious...ill end up throwing up.

So I didnt...just ate chips, and I guess from the combo of having an attack and not having anything in my aystem..also the fact I have horrible light.ares, made me stay up the entire night.my body felt horrible, especially my chest...( however , I ate today and my body is well I eventually went to sleep and I feel rested...but I had a night mare..

I know you guys cant do much..... But I need to vent...i can't talk anyone about my anxiety..they have their own lives, and are also stressed to the max...so I just keep everything under wraps..

But its getting to me...to the point...i just want to starve myself and die...bc its just too much to damn deal with, and before you tell me to call a hotline...I did that already and they were 0 help at all...i made a thread about it early..... Anyway...I just feel God is making it clear he does not like me at all...

When I think of my life, I feel absolutely cursed. Because of my anxiety I feel terorizzed in the day and night...im losing my hair,...and been living in a hotel 3 yrs with my family... Were tryin to move but the date always seems to be pushed back...like God is waiting for me to die in this hotel or something. Classes for me start on the 22nd, I barely made it last semester...i worry for this one coming up...sometimes I dont want to see another day

I pray and get no relief, I just wonder...why did god make me if this was gonna be mu life ? I try to be positive ( that's when I'm not on here ) and have faith...I did until things happened..that I wont repeat. I'm just like why was I even born? Youre not helping accomplish anything..just watching me struggle....i just feel like God is just....laughing at me...like my life is a side show to him.

.

Have you seen your doctor about this?

God is not laughing at you; he is there with you, but you may need the doctor to be onside as well.

I wish you well.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I'd like this thread to be closed, I no longer feel this way anymore.