soon to be married! - advice?

[ampbelle3130]

hey there! this is my first time posting here.
(in the married forums...)
my name is Amanda & I'm getting married next month!
though you don't know me, I was wondering if
you could give me any piece of advice about
having a successful, Christ-centered marriage,
what would it be?

I would appreciate any advice! Thanks!
God bless. : )

 

[FallenPaladin]

Don't take any wooden nickels.

 

[Conservativation]

Run...(from this forum) before the forum nazi gets you

 

[Key]

There are so many things I want to talk with you about, and after almost 9 years of marriage, I think I am finally getting this down a bit.

But I am a guy and while I am sure what I have to say might be good advice to some point, it would be advice from a guy to a guy.

and I don't know your husband, so, I am going to leave this one to the women here to give you their side of the relationship.

God Bless

 

[Aveil]

Run...(from this forum) before the forum nazi gets you

VIVA EL REVOLUTION

 

[Conservativation]

Viva larga amigo, con gusto

 

[Sojourner1]

Congratulations! My advice to you is to always remember that love is a verb, not a noun. Also, both of you should read the book "The 5 Love Languages" (check this site).

 

[Singermom]

Well, since no one else is taking your request seriously...

My husband and I have just celebrated our 25th anniversary, so I feel "qualified" (yeah, right) to dispense advice. Unfortunately, one of the things I have found is that there ARE no cut-and-dried rules of a successful marriage. There are so many factors to take into consideration: individual personalities, geographics, etc. Each marriage is different, because the PEOPLE are different.

For instance: there is an old rule "never go to bed angry". That didn't work for us...all it did was make for a few very, very late nights, and the tired-er we were, the less sense our arguments made. Sometimes, going to bed angry and waking up refreshed with a clear mind made for a more rational discussion.

Another: I'm confrontational, my husband keeps things inside. We REALLY had to find a middle ground on communication on that one!

Yet another: Some couples need to be together a lot...others desperately need "me alone" time.

I think the most important piece of die-hard, tried-and-true advice is to completely keep God in the center of all you do. Pray together.

However, to me, the absolute #1 thing is: COMMUNICATE! This is of utmost importance, whether it be about the news, the families, sex, education, children, movies, books...Keeping an open line of communication is paramount (second to the above Keeping God In, of course).

 

[blythe_ann]

Hi Amanda. Congrats on getting married soon!
I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to say congrats.

 

[FallenPaladin]

I'll give you a get out of jail free card. If you ever run up the credit card, wreck the car, or throw out his favorite comic book by accident here is what you do to make it all better. Have great sex with him. Afterwards tell him 'Oh by the way...'. A priest who later went crazy gave that out as advice to a woman I know who went to confession to talk about a bill she ran up which she was afraid to tell her abusive husband about. She told me she did it and it worked. He didn't even seem to care when she told him in that way.

 

[desmalia]

Pray and do devotions together daily. If you're not doing it already, start now.

 

[Niffer]

Congrats!!
I would say that the advice that always got me through the tough times were to remember:

1) You are each other's best friends, and on the SAME team.

2) Marriage is about compromise, not winning. Don't try to win, it's not a competiton.

3) Never tear each other down, never EVER do it in front of other people.

4) The golden rule applies just as well here - treat him as you would like to be treated.

5) Pray for each other and with each other as often as possible.

6) Never bottle things up - better to have an argument then harbour resentment towards your spouse. Better to say mean things in the heat of anger, then mean things you keep in your heart and start to believe.

I am very happy for you! Keep Christ center and you'll be fine.

Best Wishes,
- Niff

 

[FaithPrevails]

Congrats!!
I would say that the advice that always got me through the tough times were to remember:

1) You are each other's best friends, and on the SAME team.

2) Marriage is about compromise, not winning. Don't try to win, it's not a competiton.

3) Never tear each other down, never EVER do it in front of other people.

4) The golden rule applies just as well here - treat him as you would like to be treated.

5) Pray for each other and with each other as often as possible.

6) Never bottle things up - better to have an argument then harbour resentment towards your spouse. Better to say mean things in the heat of anger, then mean things you keep in your heart and start to believe.

I am very happy for you! Keep Christ center and you'll be fine.

Best Wishes,
- Niff

This ^^

 

[LovesToBless]

Congratulations!

I would say pray, work on your own relationship with the Lord. I hope you do that together, but even if you don't, please work on your own.

Have fun together, find things you like to do together and do those things. If money is an issue, look for free ways to enjoy those things. Life is very apt to be full of stress and responsibilities that drag you down and tire you out. So, take time to have fun and laugh.

Try not to over-schedule yourselves and get rest. Sleep is greatly under-rated in our culture of go-go-go, always needing to be doing the next thing...whatever that next thing is.

If you have problems, get help. There is good help out there, excellent help, actually, but it can be hard to find.

Look back on the good times as life goes on. You're about to get married, it's nice to look back at your wedding and honeymoon pictures.

When things go wrong, seek to truly be forgiving. At times it can be hard to do, but ...it's very worthwhile.

God bless you as you start your new life together.

 

[LovesToBless]

Oh, make your own traditions. Unless traditions hold no appeal to you two, it can be something nice to look forward to. But make them "stretchy" so that if you have to change them as time goes on, you are flexible to do that.

For example, our own Christmas traditions have changed a few times over the years. We keep the ones we can, and focus on what's really most important if some things need to change.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Be aware that you're going to marry a sinner (just like yourself) -- advice we got from premarital counseling.

 

[waxlion10]

Great advice you've gotten here

1) Be careful not to take everything out on your spouse. Now that you'll live together, it might be easier to let a bad day at work or a lousy drive in traffic affect the way you treat them. Resist the urge

2) Keep other friends outside of your marriage. This will help with #1 Sometimes we just need girl time/venting time with other friends

3) Be forgiving.

4) Be humble enough to ask for forgiveness.

5) Figure out a budget EARLY. Who will be in charge? How will you spend your extra money? Same with insurance policies.

6) Say "I love you" every day

7) Don't stop dating each other. Email each other at work, text each other during the day, make your husband's favorite cookies, etc.

8) Have a servant's heart.


AND by the way.... Congrats! Marriage is wonderful!

 

[airest]

Congratulations
​

Well, I've been married 11 years, my husband and I are still learning how to be married. I think understanding is important and forgiveness. Patience is also important because there may be things that start to get on your nerves and you are going to possibly want to change your husband, but nagging and trying to change him isn't going to work. Prayer and patience to allow GOD to work in him will work, but you also are going to learn if you are praying for GOD to change anything about him, you are going to have to pray for GOD to change you too.
Um ... communication is also important. Oh yeah, sex...it's very important...exspecially for a man. Even when you are not in the mood or don't feel like it and don't use it as a means to try and hurt your husband by holding out if you get mad. But of course you are probably going to have to learn all this as you go along. No one is perfect....therefor no marriage is going to be perfect.
​

again...
Congratulations ​

 

[Captivated]

My DD is getting married in seven weeks and I imagined myself saying to her what I am saying to you. First, I'd echo all the advice that's already been given. Then I reminded her to get all the important stuff talked about and sorted out before the wedding. Stuff like who deals with the finances, how the finances are going to work, whether to have kids and how many, who does what in the house etc etc. Match up your expectations as far as possible. It won't avoid disagreement over these things later but it should help to minimise them.

I also gave her some advice that a very wise person gave me when we were getting married 23 years ago (and that I've mentioned here before). There are two phrases that should be banned from your vocabulary when it comes to a disagreement. These are 'you always...' and 'you never...'. They are not constructive and are very likely not to be true.

Finally, I recalled the words my mother wrote in our wedding card, 'let no-one but the Lord ever come between you.'

 

[Mayzoo]

Congrats!!

Young people who are close to their families prior to marriage can be prone to telling their families too much information about your difficulties with your spouse as a means of venting. Though venting is good to a degree (does not solve the problem, but can put you in a better frame of mind to resolve the issue with your spouse), do not vent to your family. They may very likely remember the turmoil and your pain, then naturally because they love you, hold it against your spouse long after you have forgiven him. Share the joy and pride you have of your spouse, but not the difficulties if you can avoid it.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Now and forever.

Again congrats....a marital relationship is the most important, rewarding, and challenging relationship a person can embark on.