Something interesting......

[PassionateOne]

I've noticed. There's some people (over 30, like us) that have some AMAZING posts and advice for younger/single people.

Ex. watch actions, not words from bf or gf.

But, yet, some of those SAME people are married to SO's that treat them like cr*p. I, often wonder, if some of those people are willing to listen to their own advice and 'take actions' to better their own situations. But, it's not only on the boards......I have had personal friends that gave me great advice when my marriage was crumbling and not being treated the way I should. But, yet, they would go home to their own SO and not be treated much better.

I would think, the people that are so wise, would, surely want to 'practice what they preach'.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

That is interesting isn't it!

I think it really has to do with not being emotionally involved in the situation. It is so much easier to see clearly when your emotions and feelings aren't all tangled up in what is going on...and you have no emotional attachment to the person(s) in the situation.

I was watching an Oprah show last week and there was a lady on there who had been in a very abusive relationship for something like 20 years...she and her husband had been married for something like 14 or 17 years but had been together much longer than that.

The abuse started with verbal and emotional abuse (which in my opinion can be just as devastating as physical abuse) and then the past two years it had escalated to physical abuse. She told Oprah that she used to give advice to friends when they were in bad relationships. She would tell them that they didn't deserve to be treated like that and that they should get out - and these friends weren't even necessarily in abusive relationships - just relationships that weren't good for them and weren't going anywhere.

Oprah asked her how she could see other women and their situations and give them advice to leave the relationship and yet she stayed in her own abusive one...her answer, "I loved my husband".

(I'm not trying to hijack this thread to start a debate or discussion about abusive relationships - I'm just using a very complicated situation to illustrate the point of how being emotinally involved clouds our judgement)

As sad, and unbelievable as that sounds, I think that is the case for a lot of people...they can't get enough distance from their own emotions to see that they are making the same mistakes they are advising others to avoid.

 

[PassionateOne]

I was watching an Oprah show last week and there was a lady on there who had been in a very abusive relationship for something like 20 years...she and her husband had been married for something like 14 or 17 years but had been together much longer than that.

Oprah asked her how she could see other women and their situations and give them advice to leave the relationship and yet she stayed in her own abusive one...her answer, "I loved my husband".

I saw that show!! Wasn't it disturbing when they showed the video footage of the actual abuse?! And that poor lady, even today, and talking about it was slouched in the chair and didn't really make eye contact and looked so 'beaten down' emotionally. It is really sad.....I said some prayers for her when I saw her.....that God would give her strength.

 

[SingleDadWV]

I've noticed. There's some people (over 30, like us) that have some AMAZING posts and advice for younger/single people.

Ex. watch actions, not words from bf or gf.

But, yet, some of those SAME people are married to SO's that treat them like cr*p. I, often wonder, if some of those people are willing to listen to their own advice and 'take actions' to better their own situations. But, it's not only on the boards......I have had personal friends that gave me great advice when my marriage was crumbling and not being treated the way I should. But, yet, they would go home to their own SO and not be treated much better.

I would think, the people that are so wise, would, surely want to 'practice what they preach'.

Very interesting. I have always given GREAT advice. They say the only way you really learn is by making mistakes, which means I may very well be the smartest person on the face of the earth.

But yeah, I can't follow my own advice. It's always different when you are the one in the heat of battle, it's hard to get a good perspective. My last relationship ended a few years ago, she treated me SO bad, it was horrible. Some of my friends came and said... "Dude, if this was one of us... what advice would you give us?".

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Some of my friends came and said... "Dude, if this was one of us... what advice would you give us?".

Sounds like some smart friends! A question like that can help to shift your perspective so you can start seeing your situation a little more objectively!!!

 

[archetype]

i wish one of my friends would have approached me that way. well, in a way...one kinda did. its more like he showed me...but that didnt really help. just ended our friendship. but thats a another story. its amazing how much you learn and mature every year that goes by

 

[Eph429]

I left my husband 2 years into our marriage. ( I would have been married 12 years this year ). I give women advice who have been in abusive relationships, to GET OUT!!!! No-one, but no-one deserves to be treated that way, whether you're a man or a woman. I had the courage to pack up my kids and some things and fly out of there. ( I was not saved a the time BTW)

There is always a way out. It's the same with falling for a non-believer. I have been down that road as well, and God is so more important in my life than spending it with an unbeliever, and end up being "le mis", that I gave up being with that someone for the sake of being with someone. I also reflect on what the word says about situations like that, we cannot be unequally yoked. So the advice I give is scriptural, I remind them of God's love and He knows what He's talking about.

God is first in my life, there is no compromise. I can't sacrifice the relationship I have with Jesus for an unequally yoked one. It boggles my mind that people are willing to do that. A perfect example are my neighbours, she is saved, he is not, and they got married recently. I have prayed with her, spent many nights giving her advice and God has given her a word using me and she ignored it. I hear them fighting every day.

We can give advice, but will they listen?

MuchLoved
J

 

[PassionateOne]

We can give advice, but will they listen?

So true, so true!! I have a friend, that is married 2 kids, SAHM. And she always tells me how much she admires me, for getting out of my marriage and having the strength to move to another state, buy a house on my own and be a single mom & work. She doesn't know where my strength comes from? I told her, it was pretty much God's doing and He was leading me to a better life. I just trusted Him & 'jumped'.

We'll have breakfast some mornings and she'll tell me of stories about her husband and how frustrated she is because he's very controlling, threatens divorce & to take the kids, etc. I have giver her advice after advice what I think she should do....but it's in one ear out the other, because then she won't talk to me for a few weeks, because she just stays in her same situation.

 

[CoolMom6]

It took me four times to learn the same lesson.
Blah.
But praise God for his forgiveness, mercy and love everlasting.

 

[Gimpy]

It took me four times to learn the same lesson.
Blah.
But praise God for his forgiveness, mercy and love everlasting.

Amen

 

[KarrieTex]

I have been told one of my problems and why I am still single is because I won't take it from any guy.

I am big on leaving immediately at the first sign of abusive behavior.

HOWEVER, what I have seen is that women (should be little girls by their actions) won't take the advice and stay in those bad relationships because they don't want to be alone.

What is up with that???

Why is it better to be with a man and have him hit you then be by yourself and be healthy?

 

[CoolMom6]

I have been told one of my problems and why I am still single is because I won't take it from any guy.

I am big on leaving immediately at the first sign of abusive behavior.

HOWEVER, what I have seen is that women (should be little girls by their actions) won't take the advice and stay in those bad relationships because they don't want to be alone.

What is up with that???

Why is it better to be with a man and have him hit you then be by yourself and be healthy?

Girlfriend, I did not stay, and I would not stay now if it happened again, but I had gotten married so it took me a lot longer and more work to get away....

 

[KarrieTex]

Girlfriend, I did not stay, and I would not stay now if it happened again, but I had gotten married so it took me a lot longer and more work to get away....

I learned very early about abuse. I also learned that if you have a mean right hook you can stop any guy.

The only time a guy put his hands on me, I broke his jaw and nose.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

The only time a guy put his hands on me, I broke his jaw and nose.

You go girl!

I'm sorry you were put in the position of having to defend yourself but I'm glad that you were able to!!!!

 

[CoolMom6]

I learned very early about abuse. I also learned that if you have a mean right hook you can stop any guy.

The only time a guy put his hands on me, I broke his jaw and nose.

Oh, okay, but they probably would have called the cops on me, the kind of men they were, and we had kids together, so the logistics were diff.

Hopefully there will be no next time....

 

[KarrieTex]

Oh, okay, but they probably would have called the cops on me, the kind of men they were, and we had kids together, so the logistics were diff.

Hopefully there will be no next time....

I think he was surprised I did that.

I have dated a few guys that when they have gotten angry I can tell they are the dangerous type or have the potential. I usually ened it within 24 hours of seeing that.

 

[CoolMom6]

My boys' father and I had been together 9 years before he yanked my head out of a car window by my hair.

And my baby's dad continues to hide his abusive side even from the church and the neighbors and everyone believed him that I was the crazy, violent one.

 

[KarrieTex]

My boys' father and I had been together 9 years before he yanked my head out of a car window by my hair.

And my baby's dad continues to hide his abusive side even from the church and the neighbors and everyone believed him that I was the crazy, violent one.

I do not know how you did it. I would have been so angry. Though the surprise from it almost freezes you.

One guy I knew lifted his hand to me. All I told him was that he better hope I didn't get up.

 

[CoolMom6]

I do not know how you did it. I would have been so angry. Though the surprise from it almost freezes you.

I WAS angry; I was hurt; I was devastated that the man I loved hated me that much each time...and I DID freeze; I have PTSD from childhood; cannot scream or do a whole lot but pray...and pray I did, and still do.

I only got thru with the power of the Holy Spirit. My children were meant to be. These men needed someone to pray them into the Kingdom of God...don't know if they will ever make that conscious choice to be different, but I will pray for them until the day I go to be with the Lord.

 

[Gimpy]

Yikes, your guyses taste in men might be criticized by some in society, but not by me