Someone please help...

[Tch22]

I have been struggling with my relationship with God for years now..
I want to grow closer to him like i was and even closer than that but i have something inside me that isn’t allowing me to do so.

Last night i had a dream, a very vivid dream that i am still trying to understand the meaning of..
In my dream i was laying in bed asleep.. I had my eyes closed. I heard and saw my friend trying to wake me up.
As my friend was trying to wake me up a bright light hit my left eye and i opened my eyes, in the dream, but i was still asleep.. i was dreaming within a dream...
When i opened my eyes this beam of light was shooting through the ceiling.. at that moment i felt something grab my life within me and it felt as if i couldn’t breath.. I could still hear my friend and see my friend trying to wake me up in this dream.. I tried to open my eyes but something wouldn’t let me.. It felt as if i was being dragged out of my body and at that moment i said, in my dream, “Please, no, i’m not ready to go yet, i haven’t made things right with God.”. And right after i said that i actually woke up in real life.. and it felt so real.. as if something was tugging me..

When people talk about God or pray around me or for me i feel uneasy and somewhat uncomfortable..

I want to get closer to God now.. I have a baby on the way and i was to be able to raise her with the love of God..

I don’t know if this is related to my struggle with God but I don’t feel attached to my baby as well.. I have always wanted to be a mother and am excited for what is to come.. I feel her kick and move but I don’t feel like i love her like i should yet and I don’t know why..

I just don’t know what to do to get closer to God.. I feel as if i don’t have the will to do it because i feel as if something is stopping me.. something is giving me these feelings and i cant do anything about it because when i do i almost feel embarrassed when i try to pray or try to read the Bible..

I need help and guidance,..

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Have you received the Holy Spirit?

 

[Tch22]

Have you received the Holy Spirit?

I have before.. It has been about 4 years since i did..
I have been trying to start again but something stops me.

 

[Billy Evmur]

You NEED as a point of urgency the fellowship of Spirit filled Christians

Take a cue from the spouse of the song of Solomon, she ran hither and thither looking for her lover but He was all the time feeding His sheep in the field, gathering lilies.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I have before.. It has been about 4 years since i did..
I have been trying to start again but something stops me.

The Holy Spirit never leaves you. What do you mean by "stops you"? I believe you may be experiencing a season , "not walking in the Spirit". The fact that you are humble about your situation with God right now tells me you are well on your to drinking His Waters again. Take your supplication to the Lord, He will guild you in all truth and conviction. This is the Holy Spirit.
Blessings

 

[Neal T.]

I'm no expert, and won't pretend to understand your dream. Suffice it to say, it sounds like you're really seeking a deeper relationship with Jesus. I hope you'll permit you to share a little bit of my testimony though, as I feel it may help you in some way.

I was an atheist for 15 years and only came back to the Lord a year and a half ago. Moreover, I was raised in an on again off again church family, so I never had a relationship with Jesus before losing my faith. In fact, I never knew such a thing existed. So I'm still very much a new Christian still trying to figure things out in my journey with Jesus.

I found that listening to praise and worship music really had a powerful effect on me early on. It seems so cliche now because so many people say it, but many of those songs seemed to speak directly to what I was going through. I'd be getting ready for work listening to those songs, and get all choked up. I'd listen to them on the train, silently worshiping the Lord, and all of a sudden the tears would start to flow even though I was smiling.

I'm a blind introvert with very lacking social skills, but the Lord also led me to fellowship with other Christians. I marvel even today, a year-and-a-half later, how I am totally comfortable talking with my church family, yet I'm a quiet little turtle who ducks back into its shell around coworkers. Having those men and women of God around me has been a great source of encouragement, prayers, and friendship that I otherwise wouldn't have.

I remember that when I started praying, it felt forced and awkward. I was raised Catholic, so I knew the Our Father and the Hail Mary, but actually talking to God... that was a real struggle at first. I kept at it though. Watching others pray definitely helped as well.

I pray for a good Biblical church near you where you can have fellowship with other believers who encourage and edify you. I pray that praise and worship music will comfort and console you in your time of need. Above all, I pray you will seek the Lord in word and in prayer. Lay your heart at His feet, that He will give you and your baby rest. May the love, peace, and joy of the Holy Spirit come upon you.

 

[Southernscotty]

I read your post and the thoughts of "study to show thyself approved" hit my mind. You need the Word of God in a steady diet or else you will run low and not be at your best :]
Please repent and read Eph 6:10-18 and build yourself up in the Word.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I have before.. It has been about 4 years since i did..
I have been trying to start again but something stops me.

Oh dear. I believe I already asked you this question before. Maybe it will happen a third time.
Blessings.

 

[LoricaLady]

I pray you will be given insight, wisdom, freedom from whatever is hindering you, and a close relationship with your Heavenly Father.