My name is Matthew and I came to this forum in desperate need of help. I will make this as short as I can so I can keep your attention and God willing, someone can save my poor soul.
Please remember that GOD is the only one who can save you. I see that you sound a bit nervous about opening your bible. How about bible websites instead then?
Jesus Himself said this:
All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. (John 6:37)
It seems to be fairly common amongst young people to question their upbringing and all the beliefs that came along with that. Attending University where religious beliefs are usually strongly challenged (especially Christian ones) is a tumultuous time period indeed. I once heard that "God only has sons and daughters, not grandchildren etc." That makes perfect sense. Each individual has to have personal faith in God; it is not passed down automatically from generation to generation.
Four years have passed and due to certain events I am now in the seeking mode once again. Unfortunately, this seeking is coming to a close just like once before—nothing is working.
What do you mean by "working"? e.g. Are you looking for feelings and experiences as proof that a personal faith has returned to you *in addition* to believing that what Christianity teaches is true?
I’ve heard that there is no one apologetic teaching or scripture that can turn the unbeliever because the unbeliever is grounded on his beliefs.
Yes that makes sense to me. Like you I went through a stage of approx. 6-7 years where I knew all the Christian arguments but still didn't believe. That was half due to unrepentant sin, half to sincere doubt about the validity of any personal faith I would ever have in a Higher Being.
Christians see the world through God eyes, while the non believer sees the world thru secular teachings on natural things and science so its very hard to “get in”.
That's a bit oversimplified (understatement of the year). All Christians have a previous mindset, emotional baggage, education that remains with them AFTER conversion (being born again and believing in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour). Some of that hold is broken immediately via being able to see things from God's point of view- quite a miracle in fact!
As well as that others like myself in several areas have to really have their minds reprogrammed by God because worldly teachings and spiritual deception has such a strong hold over our thinking (and feeling patterns) it can take time and effort and can only happen by keeping close to God over a long time. The power of sin in fact has to be broken. Sin can be invisible after all.
For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. (2 Corinthians 10:3-6)
I bet you've heard or read this story but I think it is a relevant one:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
It's the same for us Christians as well.
For you interest's sake:
I went through a real twilight stage after I heard someone preaching a few sentences at a local shopping centre in 2006. It really jogged my memory, I remembered what the Gospel was about and so on. I went home, asked sincerely "God, if you're real please convince me that it is the truth and so on."
The thought came very clearly "disprove the resurrection". I knew I was checkmated - I already had all the basic apologetics knowledge - no matter what I was feeling or NOT feeling (had brain surgery that removed all experiences during church services, prayer etc.) I knew the only logical answer is that Jesus had to have risen from the dead...
Did that solve the problem instantly? Oh NO - the struggle began for real. Looking back I realise it was a spiritual one not an intellectual one. I had a lot to "lose" - I have an non-Christian husband, ex-Catholic family, I wouldn't be able to read watch or think whatever I had indulged in since my "faith crisis" started years ago.
I decided that the book I wanted to read was
the Book of Proverbs since I recognized that my thinking patterns were most dysfunctional overall. It also seemed least threatening to me if that makes any sense. I didn't remember any "you're a sinner so repent or else" type of message in it.
I read a chapter a day a few times, looking at what verses jumped out at me then searched for sermons or websites online on that topic. Then and only then did a real conviction of sin start in me. I knew all the theology, recognized I was a sinner *in theory*, I started to see how I was a genuine sinner in need of God's grace for the first time in *many years*. I did not sin outwardly, my thinking is what had become perverted and disgraceful and only God could change my heart.
Your sin and wrong thinking patterns has problem set like concrete over your mind. Don't be scared of whether you feel anything or not when you read the bible or pray to God. God moves when He is ready to do that. Remember that this blind man didn't see everything clearly at first.
http://www.esvbible.org/Mark+8%3A22-25/
