Someone Help Me!

[MCA]

My name is Matthew and I came to this forum in desperate need of help. I will make this as short as I can so I can keep your attention and God willing, someone can save my poor soul.


I grew up in Christian schools all my life. I believed in God with no doubt in my mind. After highschool my Christian friends went away to Christian colleges and I decided to stay home and attend the local university—I didn’t want to leave home. Long story short somewhere or somehow during my years in college, I lost my faith. The kind of loss of faith where you lose 20lbs, toss and turn all night, question every verse in the Bible, and beg God daily for salvation. I searched, read, attended church, talked to my former pastor, and at the end of a hard seeking mode of 2 months or so, I gave up. A stillness came over me and I just didn’t know what I believed anymore.



Four years have passed and due to certain events I am now in the seeking mode once again. Unfortunately, this seeking is coming to a close just like once before—nothing is working. I’ve heard that there is no one apologetic teaching or scripture that can turn the unbeliever because the unbeliever is grounded on his beliefs. Basically the evidence for creation, the Bible, and God himself is viewed from the outside looking in. Not the inside looking out, if that makes any sense. Christians see the world through God eyes, while the non believer sees the world thru secular teachings on natural things and science so its very hard to “get in”. I’ve read several conversion stories where they say that it wasn’t until they found Gods love or started to humble their hearts that they were able to be found by God. For some that would be influenced by a believing spouse, a new born child, a near death experience, and so forth.


At this point in my life I am humbled enough to know that it is only going to be through Gods grace that I am able to walk with Him again. I hope there is something I can do in the mean time that will allow him to send the holy spirit to work in my pathetic excuse for a soul. If any of you have been in my shoes, or have a conversion story you’d like to share, or any type of advice for me, I would really like that.


Thank you


Matthew

 

[BluhdoftheLamb]

Matthew - I hear ya!

Your's is a tough spot to be. From my side of the screen, it seems more a case of removing things that are in the way than it does what you need to add. What can you do to erase negative patterns of thought, or bad teaching?

Let's start with the whole science / vs Bible thing; there is no such conflict. Do you have any problem reconciling the 2?

 

[MCA]

Blood of the lamb: thank you for your good words. I have been watching youtube videos from a channel called slaves4christ. The amount of evidence they have for God and creation is extraordinary. Somehow after watching their videos I'm left . with an "I still can't make up my mind" type feeling. I have read over and over again...something cannot come nothing, and the origins of life cannot be created without God, etc. I have even laughed at myself (followed by deep sorrow), that my mind must be so corrupt that it cannot see something as simple as this to believe in a Creator at the very least. Like I tell my friend its like I have a demon in me blocking my heart with my mind.

 

[BluhdoftheLamb]

Blood of the lamb: thank you for your good words. I have been watching youtube videos from a channel called slaves4christ. The amount of evidence they have for God and creation is extraordinary. Somehow after watching their videos I'm left . with an "I still can't make up my mind" type feeling. I have read over and over again...something cannot come nothing, and the origins of life cannot be created without God, etc. I have even laughed at myself (followed by deep sorrow), that my mind must be so corrupt that it cannot see something as simple as this to believe in a Creator at the very least. Like I tell my friend its like I have a demon in me blocking my heart with my mind.

Well I would make it a point NOT to focus on the literal reading of Genesis 1, or literal reading of any of the Bible, for that matter.

I do agree that faith in God generally does include creation, but said creation need not defy science to be Biblical. Do you see how this is even possible, to reconcile the two?

And satan indeed wants us blinded to God's light, which is why I'm suggesting you focus on removing evil influence

 

[MCA]

Rachel: your words bring so much comfort to me. I will reread this over and again if I have to. I hear these beautiful stories like yours and I want so badly to be able to tell someone one day my story and how one day I just left it all behind to follow Christ. It is very hard I will tell you. I hate science and all these worldviews because they are keeping me from God. My mind just wants to play Mr. Skeptic and my heart is like I want God.

 

[MCA]

Blood of the lamb: I have heard, yes, that science is in fact compatible with the bible. The word day in Genesis could have been used like the phrase "back in my day" or "days like this", which would imply that maybe God took his time and didn't do it in 6 literal days. The same could be said with the supposed big bang..perhaps God could have "sparked" the explosion. God can fit pretty much anywheres it seems. But I do however have a very hard time seeing how evolution is compatible. And evolution connects with millions and billions of years and ties with the big bang. If the million/billion talk is correct then the only way I could see myself as divine would be if God made things in waves--no evolution.

 

[BluhdoftheLamb]

Blood of the lamb: I have heard, yes, that science is in fact compatible with the bible. The word day in Genesis could have been used like the phrase "back in my day" or "days like this", which would imply that maybe God took his time and didn't do it in 6 literal days. The same could be said with the supposed big bang..perhaps God could have "sparked" the explosion. God can fit pretty much anywheres it seems. But I do however have a very hard time seeing how evolution is compatible. And evolution connects with millions and billions of years and ties with the big bang. If the million/billion talk is correct then the only way I could see myself as divine would be if God made things in waves--no evolution.

Ok, this is a beginning. You have never attempted to look at the creation story from the eyes of the audience it was originally read to, correct? There's a whole series of youtube videos, with someone doing just that. Normally I'm not fond of academia on the subject generally, but this University Professor is actually quite good. I don't want you to get all carried away on this niche, but ya hafta start somewhere, and what you've expressed so far tells me you leave yourself exposed to ... wrong thinking in this area.

If I link you to an hour long series, each segment like 10 minutes each, would you watch it? Again, this won't address everything you need to cover, it's just one area that seems to be bothering you.

 

[MCA]

Blood of the lamb: yes I would watch it. My situation in general is VERY strange. Like I tell my friend.. I pray like a Christian,,,seek God/truth like an agnostic,,,,and then when given the evidence I reject it like an atheist. I really don't know who or what in the world I am. I just know that I'm dead afraid to pick up a bible...as soon as I start reading it its like I creak it open slowly with one eye open and the other squinted, scared of any type of resistance I might have...and every time I resist or think skeptically I realize how royally screwed I am..excuse my french.

 

[BluhdoftheLamb]

Blood of the lamb: yes I would watch it. My situation in general is VERY strange. Like I tell my friend.. I pray like a Christian,,,seek God/truth like an agnostic,,,,and then when given the evidence I reject it like an atheist. I really don't know who or what in the world I am. I just know that I'm dead afraid to pick up a bible...as soon as I start reading it its like I creak it open slowly with one eye open and the other squinted, scared of any type of resistance I might have...and every time I resist or think skeptically I realize how royally screwed I am..excuse my french.

Ok, see this info is good! Start in the Gospel of John. Keep a book marker, so you go all the way through to the end from there. Mark anything that "jumps out at you," with maybe a highlighter pen or something. (I actually color code things with 4 colors, that are meaningful to me)

Keeping a separate log of questions might help you? but emphasize just reading it, rather than struggling for your own understanding right away.

The first obstacle to tear down is - IT'S OK TO QUESTION!

God is He who says "come, let us reason together." So you are SAFE

This is WAY more important than the video series, but (looking through my youtube stuff) here it is:

Genesis as Ancient Cosmology - Dr John Walton P1 0f 6 - YouTube

 

[paul1149]

I’ve read several conversion stories where they say that it wasn’t until they found Gods love or started to humble their hearts that they were able to be found by God. For some that would be influenced by a believing spouse, a new born child, a near death experience, and so forth.

I agree with that. While it's good to undergird your faith, or to prepare the way for it, via studying apologetic issues, at root faith is a matter of the heart. The promise of Jeremiah 29.11- is in reference to seeking God with the whole heart.

How to do that? I don't know, exactly. I would start with a self-examination, and then take it to the Lord. Confess your current state to Him. According to 1Jn 1.9, He then will forgive and cleanse. In Eph 6 Paul talks about praying with "all" prayer. I like that, because it means that prayer is as natural as breathing. Just like faith, we shouldn't force it or feign it. We should just let it happen. Christ has freed us of the formalities of religion. It's all about relationship now. So start relating right from where you are, "just as I am". Keep at it and the Holy Spirit will begin to make serious inroads you need. Read the parable of the unjust judge in Lk 18.1-.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

I will share some things that may kick start your faith. I have had quite a few miraculous encounters and I have recorded them on my website at Know God Personally there is also a link on that site to the following website which list cases of scientifically verifiable accounts of divine healing WCDN.

I have healed a sick woman myself, but mainly I hear from God. I have included a story from my website below. You when you become a Christian will be able to experience the same things.

One morning I got up and walked into the hall and I heard a voice that I believed was God say "How would you like to be stabbed in the Valley". The Valley was known as the rough end of town, and the voice scared me a little, I wondered if I had done something to offend God. I had planned to go down to the Valley to ask people out to church as was my habit at the time. In the end I went anyway regardless of the fear. I walked up to the first person I met and asked him if he would like to go out to church. He said to me "I am an atheist, I don't believe in God". I just said "fine", but hoped to change his mind. He then proceeded to unbutton his shirt and showed me scar marks up and down his chest and stomach. He said to me, "I was attacked by a knife wielding man in the Valley some time ago and spent months recovering in hospital, How could God allow that to happen to me". Then I knew why God had said in the morning "How would I like to be stabbed?". God understood this man, but had a good plan for him. Some weeks latter this man came out to church and became a Christian.

 

[MCA]

Thank you all. Last night my friend who was in the same boat as me is finding her way back to God. And as I wake up this morning I feel terrible because when she told me this, I couldn't say with a sincere heart that I was glad for her. Like I wasn't truly happy for her because I don't believe anymore in Him. This gives me knots in my stomach as I type this. I really am a non-believer. Its so sad because I was putting up such a good fight seeking God and the more I seeked (and didn't find), the more I realized how badly in shape I am. I seemed to have lost the will to find Him too. If you beat someone down enough they are eventually going to stay. I feel like I found this forum a week too late. I found this forum right when I had thrown in the towel. I will still listen to all of your kind words and try my best to keep in the fight. But its hard fighting for something you don't believe in.

 

[paul1149]

Don't give up hope. God is well able to raise from the dead. Smoldering flaxen He will not extinguish. Whatever you have, present it to Him.

 

[motherprayer]

At this point in my life I am humbled enough to know that it is only going to be through Gods grace that I am able to walk with Him again. I hope there is something I can do in the mean time that will allow him to send the holy spirit to work in my pathetic excuse for a soul. If any of you have been in my shoes, or have a conversion story you’d like to share, or any type of advice for me, I would really like that.

Thank you

Matthew

Hi Matthew

This piece above tells me you are already in a place to receive His grace and mercy. Be abundantly blessed, go to the Father, ask Him for forgiveness of your sins, and know that what you ask shall be granted unto you!

 

[RCF]

MCA, one book that you can probaly read in a few days that could be helpful is "More than a Carpenter" by Josh McDowell. In short, he set out to disprove the bible scientifically, historically, and many other ways but ended up following Jesus. It's a little bigger than a pamplet, and will fit in your back pocket. That's good because you probably will not want to leave it anywhere untill you finish reading it. It was very well written, and very affordable. (5 to 10 dollars).

You don't have to reinvent the wheel, see how Josh made his.

Prayers for you,
RCF

 

[aiki]

I grew up in Christian schools all my life. I believed in God with no doubt in my mind. After highschool my Christian friends went away to Christian colleges and I decided to stay home and attend the local university—I didn’t want to leave home. Long story short somewhere or somehow during my years in college, I lost my faith. The kind of loss of faith where you lose 20lbs, toss and turn all night, question every verse in the Bible, and beg God daily for salvation. I searched, read, attended church, talked to my former pastor, and at the end of a hard seeking mode of 2 months or so, I gave up. A stillness came over me and I just didn’t know what I believed anymore.

Sadly, for many Christians, being a Christian means adhering to a set of beliefs rather than meeting and fellowshipping with God. When one actually "tastes and sees that the Lord is good," however, the kind of doubts a stint at university will provoke just can't find any traction within one's mind. When one has truly met with God and tasted of the joy, and peace, and love that He imparts, one cannot be moved to doubt Him in any significant way.

One will not feel a need to "question every verse in the Bible" and "beg God for salvation" when one has God's Spirit bearing witness within oneself that one is really a born-again child of God. Salvation isn't, you see, a thing God gives to you that is separate from Him. God is salvation. If you want salvation, you must want Him. And when God gives you salvation, He gives you Himself in the Person of Christ.

I had a crisis of faith when I went to university. My response to this crisis was to ask God to make Himself real to me. He did - though not the way I expected. If God is really out there and really wants to interact with you, why don't you simply and sincerely ask Him to make Himself real to you? God is not hiding in a closet, refusing to come out and play. No, He is looking for those who genuinely want to know Him. And when He sees a person who is like this, He will move heaven and earth to meet that person.

I’ve heard that there is no one apologetic teaching or scripture that can turn the unbeliever because the unbeliever is grounded on his beliefs. Basically the evidence for creation, the Bible, and God himself is viewed from the outside looking in. Not the inside looking out, if that makes any sense. Christians see the world through God eyes, while the non believer sees the world thru secular teachings on natural things and science so its very hard to “get in”.

And this is why it is required that God save people. We cannot save ourselves. It takes God's power to penetrate the doubts, and justifications, and excuses we make in order to exclude Him from our lives. Only He can reach into the heart of us and reorient us away from ourselves and toward Him. Really, you cannot seek God as you must unless God makes it possible for you to do so. Start to finish, our walking with God is God's doing. What you must do is ask Him to penetrate your heart and mind with Himself and rescue you from...yourself.

At this point in my life I am humbled enough to know that it is only going to be through Gods grace that I am able to walk with Him again. I hope there is something I can do in the mean time that will allow him to send the holy spirit to work in my pathetic excuse for a soul.

God seeks those who seek Him. Keep asking Him to make Himself real. Don't let up on this request. If you truly want God, you won't let up, will you? People who let up on pursuing what they want don't usually get what they want, do they?

If you want some well-reasoned answers to skeptical questions about the Christian faith, I would strongly urge you to take a look at the following sites:

ReasonableFaith.org – Defend Biblical Christianity, Apologetics, Bible Questions
Stand to Reason Homepage - Stand to Reason
RZIM | HELPING THE THINKER BELIEVE. HELPING THE BELIEVER THINK.

Selah.

 

[MCA]

Thanks everyone. I will watch blood of lambs suggested video soon. I will look into the book by Josh Mcdowell as suggested. Thanks Elisha for your words too. I will be honest I have several Christian authored books on evidence and its like they haven't done the job. I have a Case for Christ on the way by Lee Strobel. I hope and pray my heart is open when I read that one as I've heard so many great things about it. I'm having a hard time discerning my beliefs. Just earlier while I was driving home I was whispering to myself "I believe", while at other times, mostly in the mornings as soon as I wake up for some reason, I'm as atheist as they come. I have associated this struggle and lack of belief with a break up. When I have broken up with a girl in the past, for the life of me, I have lost all feelings for her and it will never work no matter what I do. I've thought of this and compared it with how I see God. Like I have broken up with Him and I can never get it back. But with all my might I don't want to believe that. I want to believe no matter how skeptical and "anti-spiritual" I have become, that there is room for me. You see its a little harder for me in this seeking because I have been there. I know what it was like. While a life long atheist has never tasted the other side. In other words I know how far I am from being there and its beating me up inside. Its like right when I think "I have Jesus back, I have Jesus back", I will put it to the test and ask myself...okay now that you have Jesus back could you go out and shout it like before, could you wholeheartedly lead someone to christ without you yourself doubting, and so forth. I imagine these things and I just go right back into my rut.

 

[BluhdoftheLamb]

its hard fighting for something you don't believe in.

But you're not fighting for something you don't believe in. You need to seek the truth, for the sake of knowing what it is ...

"You are blessed when you're at the end of your rope, because then there is more room for God and His rule"

 

[aiki]

You see its a little harder for me in this seeking because I have been there. I know what it was like.

I'm not so sure. Certainly, you don't sound like someone who has truly met with God. Doing so is permanently life-changing; the lure of atheism is forever deflated when God ceases to be just an idea and becomes real and personal. I mean, how can one encounter God, the Creator of the Universe, personally and come to doubt Him ever again? Some people seem to think God is so small, so underwhelming, that He can be met and forgotten, but this isn't the sort of God the Bible speaks of. Let me tell you, when God gets in your face, you'll never be able to return to doubting. Many Christians have reduced walking with God to rituals (attending church on Sunday, tithing, praying, reading the Bible) and made Him merely a concept to defend. No wonder such believers often wander off into skepticism and sometimes full-blown atheism. They have mistaken the fruit of a relationship with God with the relationship itself. I love my wife and so I clean the house, and do the dishes, and run to her favorite chinese restaurant for congee when she is feeling sick. But these things I do because I love her and she loves me. They are the result of my relationship with my wife, they are not the relationship itself. In the same way, all the praying, and Bible reading, and church going are not the relationship one has with God but the result of that relationship. Perhaps you've had these things confused.

While a life long atheist has never tasted the other side. In other words I know how far I am from being there and its beating me up inside. Its like right when I think "I have Jesus back, I have Jesus back", I will put it to the test and ask myself...okay now that you have Jesus back could you go out and shout it like before, could you wholeheartedly lead someone to christ without you yourself doubting, and so forth. I imagine these things and I just go right back into my rut.

Friend, if you had Jesus once, you never lost him. You can't undo what God has done. If God has saved you, you are forever saved. God doesn't adopt us and then cancel the adoption when we get ornery and disobedient. Your behaviour has nothing to do with being saved and it has nothing to do with remaining saved. God accepts us only on the basis of Christ's redeeming work on the cross. And He continues to accept us on the very same basis.

Selah.

 

[MCA]

I agree with that. While it's good to undergird your faith, or to prepare the way for it, via studying apologetic issues, at root faith is a matter of the heart. The promise of Jeremiah 29.11- is in reference to seeking God with the whole heart.

How to do that? I don't know, exactly. I would start with a self-examination, and then take it to the Lord. Confess your current state to Him. According to 1Jn 1.9, He then will forgive and cleanse. In Eph 6 Paul talks about praying with "all" prayer. I like that, because it means that prayer is as natural as breathing. Just like faith, we shouldn't force it or feign it. We should just let it happen. Christ has freed us of the formalities of religion. It's all about relationship now. So start relating right from where you are, "just as I am". Keep at it and the Holy Spirit will begin to make serious inroads you need. Read the parable of the unjust judge in Lk 18.1-.

What you have stated about prayer is basically the only thing that gives me any type of hope. That is, that through this terrible lack of belief and skepticism and so forth, the only sign of faith that I've kept is my ability to pray. I can doubt and unbelieve or even be indifferent to God all day, but for that minute that I pray to God, I believe. You may have been just using prayer as a mere example, but to me it reminds me that something inside..something past my brain/mind/thoughts, is some sort of faith. Last night when I went to bed I told myself there was nothing I could do anymore nothing works and I even told myself that I would cease praying...my fan was off there wasn't a single bit of sound in my room and I couldn't help it...I prayed...God I'm here and let me be ready when you are