Some help with a girl.. Please help...

[The System]

Hey guys... I need some "girl help".. I've liked this girl for quite some time now but I have some questions... My first, I attempted asking her out a month or so ago and she thought I meant as friends.. So is it ok to try again? Or did that just screw it for me right there? My next, is there is a guy that hangs out with her alot and they do stuff all the time together and are really close friends.. Should this bother me? I mean if I were to get in a relationship with her... It already does bother me.. I see her as "unaproachable" because he is there all the time and I can't see having a stable relationship with him around.... And how could I try and tell him to sort of "back off" while not being rude or sounding mean.. But the guy sometimes I think goes a little too far with some of the stuff they do together... This girl and I are really close friends and talk all the time(not speaking literally of course) and I think she as attracted to me as I am her... So if anyone could help me I would greatly appreciate it..
Thank you for your time

P.S. I am sorry if this is in the wrong forum...

 

[katelyn]

I think you just need to be honest with her, hard is it may be. The fact that she mistook your first attempt of asking her out could just be a misunderstanding. If you are concerned about the other guy, maybe you could start out by asking her what exactly she feels her relationship with him is and what her intentions are in that relationship. And then go from there to see if she's interested in pursuing a relationship with you.

 

[Breetai]

If some other guy is hanging out with her, then that means one thing(and here come the flames....), that he wants her. It's a fact(unless he's her cousin or something, in which case they shouldn't be hanging out so much!). You didn't ruin anything with her before. She probably just told you that it was just as friends to test the waters--see how you'd react to that. Go for it! Ask her out again. Let her know what you want. If she has someother guy hanging around her(hopefully you), then that other guy will get the hint and back off. Just suck it up and go for it.

 

[William Nunn]

Life favors the bold brother. Well, women do at least.

 

[Jesusfreekwanabe]

looks like u got some completion , umm there realy is not a way to get him away nicely . in fact u realy dont have to do much to him nor are u oblageted to seeing how as he dose not bother her .
now , she will choose who she wants to speend time with , and of corse let who ever know that she dose not want to speend time w/ . - make any sence .
now u should be a little worried honeslty , he is wooing her , sweeping her of her feet and she may not even know it . - hes smooth .
but the both of you and her have a long friendship to geater too ,
my advice is pressed between to rocks .
1 You had better ask her out in the most posable romatic , sincearest , way befor it is to late , HOWEVER if this fails u might loose a Good firend ship .
2 u can be wonder full firnds till the other guy finly asks her out (then if u think they speend time to geater now! - yeash ),
id start thinking . id put all your heart in this casue you'el be a little un happie if he gets to her first .

tell her how u feel , how much u care , and for your sake do it confedently , gurls like that . rember if something is worth doing , it is worth doing right .

 

[DaveKerwin]

That guy has nothing on you. If you think she is pretty, be sure to tell her. At some point, ask her on a date again, see what she does.

 

[Breetai]

he is wooing her , sweeping her of her feet and she may not even know it . - hes smooth .

--He's probably a putz. Are you gonna let some putz beat you to the girl? Get of your couch, get out of bed, get up and go put your sweet System moves on her! If she's worth anything, she'll go for you. If she doesn't see what's good for her(you), then she's just another girl and you can forget about her. Unless you really want to be just friends with her while the putz gets to go out with her.

(I think I just put another log on the fire. Those nice flames should start heating up any time now... )

 

[SirKenin]

Everybody seems to have this other guy figured out...

I think telling you "friends" the first time was a way of politely saying no thanks. That's based on what little you have provided and my PO.

 

[Breetai]

Everybody seems to have this other guy figured out...

Speaking from both repeated 3rd person experience and repeated personnal experience, this other guy most likely IS looking for more then friendship with this girl.

 

[desi]

Everybody seems to have this other guy figured out...

I think telling you "friends" the first time was a way of politely saying no thanks. That's based on what little you have provided and my PO.

Do you think he should quit after the no thanks? Or can he still win her affections?

 

[William Nunn]

Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say he should try to "win" her affections. Once you get to that point, your continued pursuit usually turns into a bothersome annoyance for the girl. In my experience, the girls who want you most often are the girls who think you don't want them. If you go chasing they go running.

I think you should be brave enough to ask more than once. But once you've gotten repeated rejections or polite brush offs, it's time to either focus on another girl or play hard to get yourself.

 

[SirKenin]

Do you think he should quit after the no thanks? Or can he still win her affections?

I would move on myself. I think she already spoke her mind and I don't think persistence is going to accomplish anything but annoy her at this point. If she was interested, she'd let him know. There would be signs, but I'm not hearing that any exist. Now, if on the other hand she starts showing some signs of warming up to him, perhaps persistence might be a virtue

 

[SirKenin]

Speaking from both repeated 3rd person experience and repeated personnal experience, this other guy most likely IS looking for more then friendship with this girl.

I dunno.. I have friends that are girls, and I can tell you there is no way I would want to get into a relationship with them. Sure, I like them. I can act goofy around them. We talk. Some of them I talk seriously about what might be on my mind as I trust them with secrets. Whatever. I don't want to get into a relationship with them, though. They aren't my type.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Everybody seems to have this other guy figured out...

I think telling you "friends" the first time was a way of politely saying no thanks. That's based on what little you have provided and my PO.

To me, this is bad advice. It sounds like you are saying that he should give up because she pulled the friend card. I completely disagree. If you find a woman that you want to be with, you should not give up so easily. Surely you don't want to be a stalker, but you can't be a sissy and give up. I spent the better part of a year after I was turned down for a date, and now she will be my wife. So should I have given up too?

 

[ftw1029]

I agree with DaveKerwin. If you're close as friends, all you need to do is express yourself in a non-intimidating way. Compliment her. Call her to say hi. Remember her birthday. These are the kind of things that make all the difference in how I feel about a man.

 

[katelyn]

It depends on how it all played out, but the girl could have actually misunderstood when he tried to ask her on a date. I agreed to go on my first date ever being under the assumption that it was going to be a friends thing as usual. He never used the word "date," just asked if I wanted to do something on Saturday. I even thought other people would be there! My friends luckily convinced me it was a date before I went (pointing out that they weren't invited, and doing "something" had turned into dinner and a movie), but I was very flustered since I had "accidentally" agreed to go on a date with him!

 

[SirKenin]

See, that's the problem. There isn't enough information to go on. Based on the limited information available, it seems as though she's given the impression that she'll take a pass. Especially considering how The System is trying to convince us that she is taking a shining to the other fellow and vice versa. That's the clue I'm working with.

Now, we don't know what's on the other fellow's mind, but I don't see this young lady coming up to The System and warming up to him. This information is not in this post.

The time may come where she decides differently. That happened with my Mom and Dad. The System will have to be sensitive to those signs as they come up. For now, just being a friend will have to suffice.

 

[The System]

It depends on how it all played out, but the girl could have actually misunderstood when he tried to ask her on a date.

yes, I know for a fact that it was a misunderstanding....

 

[The System]

Especially considering how The System is trying to convince us that she is taking a shining to the other fellow and vice versa. That's the clue I'm working with.

As far as I know she has no interest in the other guy... And she tells me everything... She has told me many things that she refuses to tell anyone else.. So unless she's keeping it from me she doesn't have any interest in him..
Edit: Thank you all very much for your advice I will probably use most if not all of it... I need now to just contemplate it all and "find an approach"

 

[SirKenin]

Well, if that's the case, there's no reason you can't go and ask her again I would. Details are a big help