Hey, I read your post and I have some things to share with you.
One of the things that came to my mind is John 16:33 where Jesus says plainly that in this world we will have trouble. The verse also says to take heart because He has overcome the world. This life is not all there is, our hope is in Heaven where there will be no sadness, pain or memory of these things. I see from your profile you're an atheist, but the Scriptures talk about how we are to place our hope in eternal life with God. I cannot change your mind or your heart, all I can do is share information and experiences and hope it resonates with you. In your post you spoke about those who God "blesses" who have it good already. I just want to point out who Jesus said are really "blessed":
Matthew 5:1-12 "Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. 2 And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons[
a] of God.
10 “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
We often equate doing well materially, mentally, emotionally as being blessed by God. But if you look at what Jesus said, it is kind of the opposite of what we think. Yeah, if you are materially, mentally and emotionally well off, the world tends to think you are "blessed". But even in another place Jesus had words to say about that:
Matthew 19:30 "But many who are first will be last, and the last first."
Also, there is the parable about the rich man and Lazarus who was a beggar:
Luke 16:19-25 “There was a rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. 20 And at his gate was laid a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, 21 who desired to be fed with what fell from the rich man's table. Moreover, even the dogs came and licked his sores. 22 The poor man died and was carried by the angels to Abraham's side.[
f] The rich man also died and was buried, 23 and in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus at his side. 24 And he called out, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am in anguish in this flame.’ 25 But Abraham said, ‘Child, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner bad things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in anguish."
I remember when I was a younger Christian I was going through a difficult patch and someone pointed out the examples of the apostles who were stoned, beaten, often hungry, shipwrecked, mocked, etc. But they knew there reward was not in this life (which is temporary). Hebrews 11 is a good chapter to read that talks about this concept in more detail. Not sure if you have a Bible at home, if not Biblegateway.com is a website you can go to where you can read it online.
I also want to address some thoughts that you have... who is to say that when one is suffering from some affliction it is God's doing? Ephesians mentions that there are powers of wickedness. I think that sometimes misfortune has different causes in different cases. Someone's misfortune may be due to evil inflicted on them, someone choosing to do wrong to a person with their free will, a person's own wrong choices or God disciplining a person. Just because someone is suffering it does not automatically mean it is God's fault. The gene pool is horribly screwed up because people have chosen to smoke, drink, abuse drugs, eat horribly, put harmful chemicals into the food supply, the water supply and the air resulting in all sorts of mental and physical diseases that we now have to deal with. God did not tell people to do this, and yet, people want to shake their fists at God for it.
I will give an example of myself. I do not fit the idea of the happy shinny Christian you described. I have a severely disabling form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that dominates my life daily. It became so severe at one point I had trouble eating and doing basic things that most people take for granted. I have felt the gamut of emotions in dealing with this disorder. I have felt anger at Christians who seem lukewarm about making an impact in the world because they seem to have few restraints to do so; where I fight daily just to survive intrusive thoughts and mental tricks from OCD, and I truly want to use my life for God. I have felt frusterated at God because this disorder not only blocks me from accomplishing daily things easily like other people would, it hinders me from accomplishing greater things. On top of all this, I have Asperger's Syndrome. Essentially, I have no desire to socialize for the sake of socializing, and in most cases cannot tell whether or not people like me - even people I have known for years; I just can't read the information in context of my long-term interaction with that person. This runs smack counter to living in society. Yeah, I could shake my fist at God, but you know what... God did not tell my mother to smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol while she was pregnant with me. He didn't tell her to constantly smoke around me as a child or tell her that she should allow me to repeatedly drink off my grandmother's cup of liquor when I was 2-3 years old. Actually, in the Bible He tells humans to love their neighbors as themselves (Mark 12:31) And to do unto others as we would like done onto us (Luke 6:31). Toxic chemicals that go into the body can cause harmful genetic mutations. I am not completely blaming my mother's actions for all of my mental health issues; some of my mental issues (in strictly a physical sense) may be due to genetic alterations higher up in the family line or on my father's side. When I was older, I used illicit drugs in social situations, which at times took the edge and complexity off of being around other people. (I highly believe this messed up my serotonin levels, and believe this has played a big part in my OCD becoming as severe as it is.) The point I'm trying to make is that when chemicals that have mutagenic effects are added to a system of order, the logical conclusion is that there will be mutations; unfortunately, these harmful mutations effect us in ways we have to live with. That is the effects of sin, aka: not doing the right thing, and therefore you and/or other people suffer. I am not sure what the physical pathology of your disorder is, but I highly highly doubt God caused it. Rather, I suspect it is the result of human beings making stupid careless decisions that had effect on the gene pool, and so now you are consequently one of the suffers in some way like myself, and like every person who deals with diabetes, cancer, bi-polar, etc. The message of Christ is one of redemption. We are in a freakin ugly mess in this world because of people who choose to sin / do what is wrong. If anyone should be angry about being wronged, it is God. People have taken His creation and vandalized it with a cavalier self-serving attitude that doesn't care who gets hurt in the process. Pockets of humanity have refused to do what is right and therefore children are abused. In the case of world hunger, there are enough resources to have food to feed the hungry but instead of choosing to follow Jesus' call to feed the hungry, some people in their own greed in the finance industry engage in speculative trading of commodities which make it almost impossible for the poorest of poor in other nations to be able to have food. Each human in their life span has a chance to make good choices; unfortunately, many of us choose not to and suffering results.
2 Thessalonians 1:5-8 says, "This is evidence of the righteous judgment of God, that you may be considered worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are also suffering— 6 since indeed God considers it just to repay with affliction those who afflict you, 7 and to grant relief to you who are afflicted as well as to us, when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels"
Those who do wrong will be judged for what they have done in this life. In some way, we have all contributed to the broken state that humanity and our world is in today. However, God is extending an offer of grace to not punish us for the wrong we have contributed, and an eternal state where we will not experience the effects of wrong doing /sin. He offers us a way out of this decrepit state we got ourselves in.
Though dealing with OCD is painful and it's tough to live with Asperger's Syndrome, I can use my brokenness to relate to other people. There is something about going through something yourself that gives you compassion towards others who are afficted the same way. There is also sometimes a huge difference in the type of advice and help that is given from someone who has no first hand knowledge of what you're going through and someone who does. I think some of us who have gone through these things have a potential to do a lot of good, and can reach some people at a depth others cannot. I think God can really use people who have gone through very difficult stuff. Before I used to feel so exasperated that I have these afflictions and wonder what use I could be, and I still do get exasperated, however, I have come to realize that these things on top of other painful things I have experienced give me multiple knowledge and experience bases to work from to help others and do what Jesus called humans to do in the world. Even though these things can bring us some of the greatest pain, it can create some of the greatest opportunities for doing good. (Note: I later read one of your responses and saw that you suffer from bi-polar.) Even if you don't have all the answers for yourself, just talking with someone else who has bi-polar can be hugely comforting to someone with it, and that person may be able to share with you what has helped them cope. It reminds me of the Scripture:
Proverbs 11:25 "A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."
I know for myself, being able to connect with others who suffer with the same, and being able to share information I have learned even if I don't have it totally have it mastered, has refreshed me. It has gotten me out of some very dark places, and it has lead to mutual edification, where I have been able to learn from others. I am dealing with my disorder better and able to "live" more in spite of it, because of other people being generous enough to refresh me. I think God wants us to live this way among each other. I know you are in a lot of pain, but I want to encourage you to use what you know about to connect with other people, to get advice and encouragement from other people and to give it. You may never lose having bi-polar, just like I may never lose having OCD, but we will have made good use of our lives and brought healing and love to others, which is God's will for us as humans to live like Christ in the world.
I hope what I shared was helpful somehow, be it the Scriptures or my own perspective on the topic of human suffering.
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Acts 22:16 "And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on his name.’"
