So why did God make me this way?

[Catherineanne]

This is not a debating forum.

Good. I am not debating.

I am trying to help someone in distress to know how to approach God.

 

[Severe Bipolar]

I did not expect this post to grow as big as it did! Thank you to all who have posted. I may have PTSD due to Military service. I do not have flashbacks, however rage, isolation, self-hatred are all there, consistent with many PTSD sufferers. This may or may not be contributing to the problem I already have (Bipolar, anxiety, etc.).

For what this is worth, I bought a Bible and will be going through it today. Maybe I can learn something from it.

 

[rockytopva]

I did not expect this post to grow as big as it did! Thank you to all who have posted. I may have PTSD due to Military service. I do not have flashbacks, however rage, isolation, self-hatred are all there, consistent with many PTSD sufferers. This may or may not be contributing to the problem I already have (Bipolar, anxiety, etc.).

For what this is worth, I bought a Bible and will be going through it today. Maybe I can learn something from it.

Here is a story about a guy who was on his death bed, the Catholic priest giving him his last rights.... And then a healing takes place!

RW Schambach - The Outcome - Psalms 34 - YouTube

 

[BFine]

Good for buying a Bible!

Don't just go through it...take your time, pick a chapter/book and read it,
pray, meditate on what you have read. Take notes. Search/research the scriptures.
Allow the Word to sink in...apply it.

Get connected with a mentor or mature Christian who can assist you.

 

[Catherineanne]

I did not expect this post to grow as big as it did! Thank you to all who have posted. I may have PTSD due to Military service. I do not have flashbacks, however rage, isolation, self-hatred are all there, consistent with many PTSD sufferers. This may or may not be contributing to the problem I already have (Bipolar, anxiety, etc.).

For what this is worth, I bought a Bible and will be going through it today. Maybe I can learn something from it.

If you have PTSD, then it all falls into place, SB. Social withdrawal fits PTSD, but seemed odd for bipolar. (Although I am not a doctor, and I certainly couldn't say for sure what your situation might be.)

Have you had trauma counselling? Anxiety is a symptom of ptsd, and it may well be that some of your other bipolar symptoms are as well. Really this one needs specialist attention. Not everyone gets flashbacks; some people get what is called ruminative preoccupation, which is a kind of obsessive thinking; I get that far more than flashbacks.

I think you have done well to buy a Bible. I would recommend starting with the Psalms; they do their fair share of railing at God, but also trusting in his love and mercy.

You are doing brilliantly; hang in there. And find out everything you can about ptsd; you need a proper diagnosis, and you need to find some hope for the future. This may lead to it.

There is a very good book called Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. It might be a place to start.

God be with you.

 

[Severe Bipolar]

If you have PTSD, then it all falls into place, SB. Social withdrawal fits PTSD, but seemed odd for bipolar. (Although I am not a doctor, and I certainly couldn't say for sure what your situation might be.)

Have you had trauma counselling? Anxiety is a symptom of ptsd, and it may well be that some of your other bipolar symptoms are as well. Really this one needs specialist attention. Not everyone gets flashbacks; some people get what is called ruminative preoccupation, which is a kind of obsessive thinking; I get that far more than flashbacks.

I think you have done well to buy a Bible. I would recommend starting with the Psalms; they do their fair share of railing at God, but also trusting in his love and mercy.

You are doing brilliantly; hang in there. And find out everything you can about ptsd; you need a proper diagnosis, and you need to find some hope for the future. This may lead to it.

There is a very good book called Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. It might be a place to start.

God be with you.

This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've doubted my Bipolar diagnosis for so long and the Doctors don't seem to care to listen to me. I feel most comfortable by myself, alone, in the dark, and away from everything. I feel better in isolation than I do around loving friends/family. My Dad says I need to 'get laid'; as if that's really the solution to life's problems. I guess he doesn't understand that the last thing I want to do is drag a woman into my [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], or the fact that my sex drive is nonexistent, which seems odd for a 25 year old.

I'm going to

 

[rossignol]

I came to my own understanding of bipolar. I see it as a gift as well as a challenge how to live with it in this society. Coming to terms with how your brain works and finding ways to accept it and live with it is important/

With your girlfriend leaving, your head must be traveling to many areas. Rest in the Lord and He will direct you to answers in how to deal with your struggles.

 

[Catherineanne]

This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've doubted my Bipolar diagnosis for so long and the Doctors don't seem to care to listen to me. I feel most comfortable by myself, alone, in the dark, and away from everything. I feel better in isolation than I do around loving friends/family. My Dad says I need to 'get laid'; as if that's really the solution to life's problems. I guess he doesn't understand that the last thing I want to do is drag a woman into my [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], or the fact that my sex drive is nonexistent, which seems odd for a 25 year old.

I'm going to

Well, in case it helps, either an overactive or else very inhibited sex drive is another symptom of complex post traumatic stress disorder (the kind I have.)

The book will help, but a trauma counsellor and a proper assessment would seem to be in order.

Anxiety is a major factor of this condition, and there is something which is called triggering (where an event reminds you of a former trauma) and retraumatisation (where remembering a former event leads you to re-experience it, only worse). And of course flashbacks. The combination of these factors leads people with cptsd to withdraw from society because when we are on our own the chances of triggering, flashbacks and even retraumatisation are lessened.

When we go out because all of these can happen unpredictably at any moment we will tend to be very anxious; we have a combination of hyperarousal, a constant state of alert for danger, and hypervigilance, a constant scanning of our surroundings for the least sign of danger.

Half an hour outside the house with that lot, and we end up totally exhausted and fit for nothing except to go back home, close the blinds and try to calm down again. And that can take weeks, depending on how triggered we were when we went outside.

I am no expert on bipolar disorder, but I have a friend who was diagnosed with this, and this is not her pattern. Her pattern is that when her living room needed to be painted, she stayed up all night and finished it, and then went to work the next day, and saw nothing unusual about that.

I would really see what the doctors have to say, and bear in mind about ruminative preoccupation. Flashbacks are a feature of ptsd, but as far as I am aware they do not define it. There is also a chance that you do suffer from them, but do not realise this is what they are. A flashback is a replaying of a former event, but not in normal memory form. Normal memories fade over time and become assimilated into the story of our lives. Traumatic memories replay not just as memories, but as the sight, smell, sound, feel and emotion of an event, and they replay over and over. The reason for this is thought to be because the mind is trying to find out what went wrong; to work out a strategy for the next time that will work against that particular danger. Non specialist doctors will tend to think flashbacks an essential criterion. I would investigate what they are a little more fully, and don't say 'no' when asked if you have them. If you can't say yes, then don't lie, but say you are not sure.

You have the strategy; withdrawal. This indicates to me that there is a chance you have had the hyperarousal, triggering, flashbacks and ruminative preoccupation as well, without realising it. Withdrawal can be caused by other things, but not so much in such a young man, I would think. It is very normal for people with cptsd to get all sorts of other diagnoses first; you would not be the first.

However, as I said, I am not a doctor. You need a doctor.

God be with you.

 

[Hisonshine7]

[quote=Severe Bipolar;.For what this is worth, I bought a Bible and will be going through it today. Maybe I can learn something from it.

This post gave me goose bumps. I will be praying for you.
My pastor always suggests reading the book of John first as he was so close to Jesus.

 

[Hisonshine7]

Sorry, accidently posted above, this, twice and can't delete.

 

[orangey]

My thorn in the flesh is poor mood stablity. Right now I have been tirelessly depressed for over a month. Because I go through these horrible bouts, I can quickly recognize when someone is upset which is a gift from God. I can help others and so can you. Eventually you will see this is our life It is ok that you are not feeling well and angry right now

 

[hopeseven77]

we aren't created fallen, but born fallen. trust Jesus no matter what, He is your refuge.

 

[LekryceMack]

As much as you are suffering my friend other suffer such as more in other areas in their "perfect" life. Nobody life is perfect man. Not mine, though i am "mentally healthy" I get these random mood swings that might as well make me bipolar. The way i overome all the confusion and see the sufferings as a BLESSIN is because i turn to the one drug that will always help in the short and long run. The Power of christ. I dont know what you are going through, your right. But i do KNOW ive been thrpugh some messed episodes in my life and if wasnt for GOD id be dead or nothing. I know its easy to determine why god this and why god that. But with all real compassion im going to tell you to MAN UP and see that the DEVIL exist and takes part of everyday life especially when you allow him. I know its hard man. BUt allow christ in your heart. Repent of the feelings youve had for and trsust him fully. and you will have the blessings and the answers you seek. Not an easy road, but at the end of the day my friend. ITs either GOD or SATAN. No in between, no "safe comfrot belief zone". GOD or SATAN. Now get up and seek christ will all of your heart, and accecpt him to take over your life and guide you to the eternal life. You say "LIfe is a test right? Accept the challange then. are you gonna stay rebellios and mad at the one who can change things around. Or are you gonna seek him and TRUST him to the fullest no matter how bad things get. Cause when you do, he will turn your life around.

 

[schrodingers_cat_lives]

Before you delete or ignore my post at least spend 1 minute and read what I have to say.

I suffer from mental illness. Bipolar, depression, anxiety. This isn't the "my girlfriend dumped me and I don't know where to go for help!". This is... I can be sitting there eating dinner, with no negative things going on around me, and have the sudden urge to kill myself.

This is the kind of illness that makes me cry myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT and wake up in a psychotic rage. Nothing triggers me, nothing sets me off, there is just something that controls me and I have no idea how to fix it. I spend every day of my life in mental confusion. I have been declared insane. I have seen the inside of more inpatient mental hospitals than I can count. If I were to believe in hell, THIS IS IT. There is no enjoyment in any part of my life, try as I might. Vacation doesn't help, relationships don't help, loving family members DON'T HELP. I am broken.

So why did God make me this way? Is this my challenge? Is that why we go through life, to be TESTED? Never mind creating technological advancements, or attempts at solving world hunger or disease... never mind the idea that we are to progress as a species and help each other; each and every one of us is here to pass a TEST and nothing more!

Oh boy, so strike me down with mental illness so I am no use to anybody and can't contribute to society. That's my test; to be a burden on other people. What a great plan GOD.

Praying doesn't work. Drugs don't work. Having a support group doesn't work. Waiting for 'good things to come' or 'something good will happen, you'll see' is the biggest load anyone could ever tell you.

It's easy to believe in God with your churches and your great, wonderful, happy lifestyles with loving children and spouses and hobbies to enjoy. It's easy to turn to God for help when something goes wrong in your otherwise perfect life. But how is it that when people that really need the help, the people in Africa starving, or those with mental illness, or those who are sexually abused and held captive most of their lives in slavery... where is God for them? Why does God only help those who otherwise have it well, and not help those who are CRYING OUT for his help? What is their test? Why do they deserve that? Why do I deserve this???

And NO, do NOT pray for me. Your thoughts mean nothing to me because they have never helped and never will. Rather than having 1000 people pray for me I'd rather have them pick up a chemistry book to HELP FIGURE OUT THE CHEMICAL IMBALANCES IN MY BRAIN, that for some reason GOD put there. I guess he's a fan for evolution/mutation after all. What a sick joke.

I see this is an old post, but will respond anyway. I relate to much of what you are feeling and going through...even the angry "why" feelings at God. I have bipolar disorder and am currently going through a depressed episode, so i know how much suffering sux and though i have no pat answer as to why God allows suffering, whether on a global or personal scale, i do know that, by definition, it is illogical that a benevolent God "smites" us with suffering in order see if we will pass or fail some cosmic test, nor would such a being inflict suffering upon us out of some petty personal vendetta.

There are 2 types of suffering: 1. Consequential and 2. natural. Consequential suffering happens as a result of something you choose to do and therefore suffer as a direct consequence of that choice. For example: If i choose to inject heroine into my arm, negative consequences will follow. I, not God, brought that type of "suffering" upon myself. Natural suffering is what you seem to be referring to. That is, suffering that occurs with no justifiable reason, for example: being born with mental illnesses, natural disasters etc.

All creatures on this earth suffer, but God didn't enter this world in order to put an end to suffering in the here and now, but he did come to change the outcome of suffering. Of course we look forward to the after life, but there's more to it than that....Christ's suffering, death and resurrection punched a hole in this universe so that we would gain access to a God of comfort in the midst of our present suffering. .....not only that, but he too shares in our suffering and willingly offered himself up to undeserving torture for our sake so that our current afflictions would not be in vain, but, instead, be transformed and, more importantly, so that our current suffering would one day be restored in an ultimate way. "By his wounds we are healed" says the prophet Isaiah, but the healing he speaks of is one of restoration---humanity's restoration and reconciliation to God on a spiritual plane in both this life and the life to come. His empty grave became the portal through which we would find him....find that inexpressible something that feels like home.

We are his living hope and the precise reason why Christ chose to plunge into the furnace. The fire of human suffering can consume us and often does, but if the gospels are true, the agony, death and resurrection of Christ will one day consume pain and death. When i suffer without him, hope ceases to exist for me. The more i unite my suffering to his and make him my living hope, the more i understand his embrace and find refuge within his wounds.

If you want to get a better understanding of why god allows pain and suffering, Check out this link below. Dr. Keller explains it better.

Suffering: If God is good, why is there so much evil in the world?
Suffering: If God is good, why is there so much evil in the world? | Redeemer Sermons

 

[NeedGodsHelp]

I really needed to read this thread this morning.... my depression was kinda bad when i woke up this morning. my dog is in a bit of pain due to a skin problem and that hurts my heart.

i recently surrendered to the spiritual/religious way of life. i think it is helping.

i'm seeking answers.

sometimes i wish someone would sneak up behind me and shoot me in the back of the head.

 

[Ashlantal]

Hey Severe Bipolar . How are you doing ? Been a while since you posted . I just stumbled upon this thread while browsing CF . I truly pray that you realize the MAGNITUDE of the power of God . It sounds like holy-mumbo-jumbo right off the bat, but its a reality bro ...

I noticed that you purchased a Bible . That's truly amazing . You now possess the Word of God . There is so much power and truth and consultation in the words of our Lord . I just hope you realize that God didn't make you bipolar and that He loves you . Once again, sounds like typical Christian mumbo-jumbo nonsense but its the truth ! Read brother, let God comfort your soul & sooth your mind . He can heal , that is a fact .

I personally like to listen to the Daily Audio Bible podcast and read my Bible at the same time . It's a very relaxing podcast that's about 1/2 an hour every day and it keeps you on track with your reading . I highly recommend trying it out , I really think it would help you ! And anyone else who's struggling with reading the Word should definitely check it out too ! God bless man and I love you

 

[schrodingers_cat_lives]

Before you delete or ignore my post at least spend 1 minute and read what I have to say.

I suffer from mental illness. Bipolar, depression, anxiety. This isn't the "my girlfriend dumped me and I don't know where to go for help!". This is... I can be sitting there eating dinner, with no negative things going on around me, and have the sudden urge to kill myself.

This is the kind of illness that makes me cry myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT and wake up in a psychotic rage. Nothing triggers me, nothing sets me off, there is just something that controls me and I have no idea how to fix it. I spend every day of my life in mental confusion. I have been declared insane. I have seen the inside of more inpatient mental hospitals than I can count. If I were to believe in hell, THIS IS IT. There is no enjoyment in any part of my life, try as I might. Vacation doesn't help, relationships don't help, loving family members DON'T HELP. I am broken.

So why did God make me this way? Is this my challenge? Is that why we go through life, to be TESTED? Never mind creating technological advancements, or attempts at solving world hunger or disease... never mind the idea that we are to progress as a species and help each other; each and every one of us is here to pass a TEST and nothing more!

Oh boy, so strike me down with mental illness so I am no use to anybody and can't contribute to society. That's my test; to be a burden on other people. What a great plan GOD.

Praying doesn't work. Drugs don't work. Having a support group doesn't work. Waiting for 'good things to come' or 'something good will happen, you'll see' is the biggest load anyone could ever tell you.

It's easy to believe in God with your churches and your great, wonderful, happy lifestyles with loving children and spouses and hobbies to enjoy. It's easy to turn to God for help when something goes wrong in your otherwise perfect life. But how is it that when people that really need the help, the people in Africa starving, or those with mental illness, or those who are sexually abused and held captive most of their lives in slavery... where is God for them? Why does God only help those who otherwise have it well, and not help those who are CRYING OUT for his help? What is their test? Why do they deserve that? Why do I deserve this???

And NO, do NOT pray for me. Your thoughts mean nothing to me because they have never helped and never will. Rather than having 1000 people pray for me I'd rather have them pick up a chemistry book to HELP FIGURE OUT THE CHEMICAL IMBALANCES IN MY BRAIN, that for some reason GOD put there. I guess he's a fan for evolution/mutation after all. What a sick joke.

if there is a benign God he would not have made us and the rest of the animals to suffer....but there'e wrench in the machine. All i can say is that as sour as lemons can be, god can intervene and add sugar and water thereby using a horrible thing that makes him weep into a healing thing that makes us see the possibility that there just maybe an entity that loves. my ailment can bring remedy as much as it brings sickness....i let it be used to comfort the uncomfortable or glean gems from the truth tellers, where ever, however they may be found. We're all pretty much frakked one way or another...to varying degrees and this history is a pretty bloody and sucky one, so i just keep on looking for those glimpses that tell me there's a crack in the lining of time and space and when worlds collide, if they do...hopefully they do...then i'd be able to answer your question a little better.

 

[Loven God]

I know with bipolar that death seems like a easy way out at times , but it is God who should deside when it is our time to die . If death becomes a srtong feeling get on the phone and call someone you can talk to , if there is no one they do have hot lines and there is always someone you can talk to . I have the same kind of day's . I do understand . I use to feel the same way . Why did God make me this way ? Then he showed me , it was to helps others . So now I lead a group at my church for bipolar and depression . In my weak times in the end God has made me a little stronger each time . I still struggle every day but it does keep me closer to God so that is a blessing to me . If it were not for God I would not be here but He has taken my curse and turned it into a blessing to where i can help others .

 

[schrodingers_cat_lives]

Before you delete or ignore my post at least spend 1 minute and read what I have to say.

I suffer from mental illness. Bipolar, depression, anxiety. This isn't the "my girlfriend dumped me and I don't know where to go for help!". This is... I can be sitting there eating dinner, with no negative things going on around me, and have the sudden urge to kill myself.

This is the kind of illness that makes me cry myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT and wake up in a psychotic rage. Nothing triggers me, nothing sets me off, there is just something that controls me and I have no idea how to fix it. I spend every day of my life in mental confusion. I have been declared insane. I have seen the inside of more inpatient mental hospitals than I can count. If I were to believe in hell, THIS IS IT. There is no enjoyment in any part of my life, try as I might. Vacation doesn't help, relationships don't help, loving family members DON'T HELP. I am broken.

So why did God make me this way? Is this my challenge? Is that why we go through life, to be TESTED? Never mind creating technological advancements, or attempts at solving world hunger or disease... never mind the idea that we are to progress as a species and help each other; each and every one of us is here to pass a TEST and nothing more!

Oh boy, so strike me down with mental illness so I am no use to anybody and can't contribute to society. That's my test; to be a burden on other people. What a great plan GOD.

Praying doesn't work. Drugs don't work. Having a support group doesn't work. Waiting for 'good things to come' or 'something good will happen, you'll see' is the biggest load anyone could ever tell you.

It's easy to believe in God with your churches and your great, wonderful, happy lifestyles with loving children and spouses and hobbies to enjoy. It's easy to turn to God for help when something goes wrong in your otherwise perfect life. But how is it that when people that really need the help, the people in Africa starving, or those with mental illness, or those who are sexually abused and held captive most of their lives in slavery... where is God for them? Why does God only help those who otherwise have it well, and not help those who are CRYING OUT for his help? What is their test? Why do they deserve that? Why do I deserve this???

And NO, do NOT pray for me. Your thoughts mean nothing to me because they have never helped and never will. Rather than having 1000 people pray for me I'd rather have them pick up a chemistry book to HELP FIGURE OUT THE CHEMICAL IMBALANCES IN MY BRAIN, that for some reason GOD put there. I guess he's a fan for evolution/mutation after all. What a sick joke.

Heman's Cry of Darkness | Redeemer Sermons

The Bible is incredibly realistic about the inevitability of suffering in this life and about its effect on people. Psalm 88 stands out among the psalms for its lack of hope and for the way the psalmist criticizes God. In this sermon, Tim Keller shows how we can stay close to God even when everything outside of us is going wrong and when our hearts feel a million miles from God.

 

[Loven God]

My life if far from easy and I have tried to kill myself servel times , I do suffer daily , but does not mean that I have to stop trying to find a better way to live and become stable . I chose not to live in a pity party but to fight and fight hard . In my fightin I get knocked back alot and have to start all over again , but I refuse to let bipolar rule my life and suck out all of my joy . No every day is not good ,most of them are not . but giving up on life and wondering why I am like this is not going to help . God does have a plan for me and I will keep fighting until I know what it is . That is just how I feel and of coruse you do not have to agree . I have no conrtol over my moods , it just happens but I am bound and determed to win this fight .