So sorry, but....

[overit]

I know it!!
I am really okay.
I kept my eyes focused on the One Who matters the most.
You can say ya told me so, tho'
I accept it; lol!!!

CoolMom, I'm glad it happened now and he was finally very honest, I and others realized right away w/your other post it was full of holes and red flags. It's not a matter of I told you so, it's a lot of us have experienced such things. I've realized something with age, ""In a multitude of counselors there is wisdom,"

When I was young I'd go againts all counsel, especially from a group...me against the world-or it's different for me, or he's different or I know it can work out....but I really take those words to heart now. When I seek advice from someone (whether online w/sisters/brothers I trust or my family/friends) I do tend to carefully consider things when a group of them is telling me the same thing.

Do you think maybe in the future it might be good to completely keep the kids out of meeting anyone you date until you can better measure the relationship, if it will work, how he FEELS about kids, you can observe him with other peoples kids and see if you are seriously compatible b4 they meet a future date?

It protects their hearts...I know some disagree and rapidly and easily introduce the children to the dates, I totally and completely reject this method.

 

[Gimpy]

Lets not judge too harshly. Relationships and love can be daunting. How many times have we held on too long and in the end wished we had let go. Coming forth with our true feelings, although we know we will lose something or someone we hold dearly and closely to our hearts, can cause us or me to hold on when I shouild have let go.
I believe we are all so lonely, and feeling so seperate, that we can let ourselves become blinded by what is standing directly before us, telling us to turn around and leave the same way we came in.
This man who cannot abide by children in his life was brave, and he let go, although I am sure it hurt. And Coolmom is so wise to let him go. So much wisdom is inspiring between two people. This is what being God's children is all about. This is truely about trust and faith.

 

[KarrieTex]

I wouldn't call it brave but a correction.

Most people know they don't like children or want the responsibility before they date someone who does have children. Starting a realtionship with someone with that knowledge is foolish.

However, CoolMom is truly inspiring that she was able to let go and not have the bitterness. She knows where her heart is and that is what is truly inspiring.

 

[overit]

I wouldn't call it brave but a correction.

Most people know they don't like children or want the responsibility before they date someone who does have children. Starting a realtionship with someone with that knowledge is foolish.

However, CoolMom is truly inspiring that she was able to let go and not have the bitterness. She knows where her heart is and that is what is truly inspiring.

I agree!

 

[Gimpy]

Hmmm, wasnt it Jesus who said, "Judge and by the same measure, shall you be judged."

 

[porterross]

Hmmm, wasnt it Jesus who said, "Judge and by the same measure, shall you be judged."

Yes, more arrogant self-righteousness being exhibited here today. It's pretty sad.

 

[Gimpy]

Yes, more arrogant self-righteousness being exhibited here today. It's pretty sad.

No arrogance or self righteousness here. Ask anyone who knows me.
I just take this as one of the most important lessons ever taught by Jesus. Didnt He say the second commandment is as important as the first? Love your neighbor.

 

[CoolMom6]

It's alright, you guys. I am not taking any of the comments hard.
I still will involve my kids in all things I do. When I date, it's with the kids or else it could go a lot longer and farther down the road without a decision.
My children get a piece of that decision making, too, but ultimately it is all up to God.

Thanks to my friends for the encouragement and blessings. I am grateful for you~~

 

[porterross]

No arrogance or self righteousness here. Ask anyone who knows me.
I just take this as one of the most important lessons ever taught by Jesus. Didnt He say the second commandment is as important as the first? Love your neighbor.

Forgive my being less than clear. I was not referring to you, Gimp. I was agreeing with your warning against others citing CM's situation as an earned judgement as if they were panelists on a jury.

 

[Gimpy]

Forgive my being less than clear. I was not referring to you, Gimp. I was agreeing with your warning against others citing CM's situation as an earned judgement as if they were panelists on a jury.

Oh, ok
Thank you. I was wondering if I was being insensitive and I was about to post the question as to whether I was being so.
God Bless you.

 

[porterross]

In the words of St. Paul

1 Corinthians 4:1-6

Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God.


In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy.

But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself.

For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord.
Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both ring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God.

 

[Gimpy]

In the words of St. Paul
1 Corinthians 4:1-6
Quote:

Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God.


In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy.

But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself.

For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord.
Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both ring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God.

Amen

 

[KarrieTex]

It's alright, you guys. I am not taking any of the comments hard.
I still will involve my kids in all things I do. When I date, it's with the kids or else it could go a lot longer and farther down the road without a decision.
My children get a piece of that decision making, too, but ultimately it is all up to God.

Thanks to my friends for the encouragement and blessings. I am grateful for you~~

It's good to see this. I have a friend who falls apart every single time when the guy doesn't workout. Her children bear the brunt of it each time.

Good for you I say.

 

[C.F.W. Walther]

In the words of St. Paul

Good one PR

 

[overit]

Umm, I'm sorry but I"m not being self-righteous here....nobody said she's in a panel of judgement, don't add to what is not there. I'm not attacking or condemning her, of course it is painful. But if I come to a place seeking answers and people respond, are only those that are agreeable to my question allowed to respond, everything else is judgemental?

The scripture I quoted was simply done because it has benefited me, and sometimes something that has benefited me or that I've learned from is also helpful to somebody else. It's not meant in a derrogatory or condemning way but in help.

ABout involving the children, of course that is my opinion (and that of most every childhood behavior expert-counselor-attorneys-advisors-and ministers) but she is free to involve them with everyone she is dating and that is your choice coolmom and though we may disagree completely on that doesn't mean I'm judging your right to make the decisions that only you know are best ....and my heart goes out to you for the heartbreak, I know how it sucks.

 

[KarrieTex]

Umm, I'm sorry but I"m not being self-righteous here....nobody said she's in a panel of judgement, don't add to what is not there. I'm not attacking or condemning her, of course it is painful. But if I come to a place seeking answers and people respond, are only those that are agreeable to my question allowed to respond, everything else is judgemental?

The scripture I quoted was simply done because it has benefited me, and sometimes something that has benefited me or that I've learned from is also helpful to somebody else. It's not meant in a derrogatory or condemning way but in help.

ABout involving the children, of course that is my opinion (and that of most every childhood behavior expert-counselor-attorneys-advisors-and ministers) but she is free to involve them with everyone she is dating and that is your choice coolmom and though we may disagree completely on that doesn't mean I'm judging your right to make the decisions that only you know are best ....and my heart goes out to you for the heartbreak, I know how it sucks.

I happen to agree with you.

 

[C.F.W. Walther]

CoolMom, I'm glad it happened now and he was finally very honest, I and others realized right away w/your other post it was full of holes and red flags. It's not a matter of I told you so, it's a lot of us have experienced such things. I've realized something with age, ""In a multitude of counselors there is wisdom,"

When I was young I'd go againts all counsel, especially from a group...me against the world-or it's different for me, or he's different or I know it can work out....but I really take those words to heart now. When I seek advice from someone (whether online w/sisters/brothers I trust or my family/friends) I do tend to carefully consider things when a group of them is telling me the same thing.

Do you think maybe in the future it might be good to completely keep the kids out of meeting anyone you date until you can better measure the relationship, if it will work, how he FEELS about kids, you can observe him with other peoples kids and see if you are seriously compatible b4 they meet a future date?

It protects their hearts...I know some disagree and rapidly and easily introduce the children to the dates, I totally and completely reject this method.

So do you mean not telling your date that you have any kids at all for many dates? Or are you saying to tell them you have kids but just not bring them along till you feel confident of the relationship after many encounters?

 

[overit]

So do you mean not telling your date that you have any kids at all for many dates? Or are you saying to tell them you have kids but just not bring them along till you feel confident of the relationship after many encounters?

Of course they should know you have children upfront, day one.

Yes to the second part, that (again this IMO) unless you find that this a serious relationship and get to know them better and find good compatibility and agreement on how they feel about children, it's best not to involve the kids. Kids tend to get attached much quicker then us adults, it's just added heartbreak when it doesn't work out.

If I wanted to see how they were with children I'd listen attentively to how they speak about kids in restaurants, on planes, about nephews and nieces, about their own kids....measuring tolerance of course. I've found it VERY possible to do this w/out ever introducing the boys.

I've dated quite a bit since the divorce (3 1/2 yrs now), they met one guy I was dating seriously and we did things together his family and mine. They only met one other guy I dated a few times but it was simply as "my friend and I are going to dinner" that was the extent of it.

They have male/female friends and realize I do to and that we spend time with them. THey have boy/girl playdates...they see nothing of a guy friend of the family coming over to visit as they were a part of the family and were friends even b4 the divorce and continue being friends to both my exh and I. These are simply friends I have never dated. I just think it's best for them to not involve them in my dating life (or lack of as I've chosen not to date for the last 6 months lol) as it created additional trauma and bad feelings if it doesn't work out.

 

[KarrieTex]

Of course they should know you have children upfront, day one.

Yes to the second part, that (again this IMO) unless you find that this a serious relationship and get to know them better and find good compatibility and agreement on how they feel about children, it's best not to involve the kids. Kids tend to get attached much quicker then us adults, it's just added heartbreak when it doesn't work out.

If I wanted to see how they were with children I'd listen attentively to how they speak about kids in restaurants, on planes, about nephews and nieces, about their own kids....measuring tolerance of course. I've found it VERY possible to do this w/out ever introducing the boys.

I've dated quite a bit since the divorce (3 1/2 yrs now), they met one guy I was dating seriously and we did things together his family and mine. They only met one other guy I dated a few times but it was simply as "my friend and I are going to dinner" that was the extent of it.

They have male/female friends and realize I do to and that we spend time with them. THey have boy/girl playdates...they see nothing of a guy friend of the family coming over to visit as they were a part of the family and were friends even b4 the divorce and continue being friends to both my exh and I. These are simply friends I have never dated. I just think it's best for them to not involve them in my dating life (or lack of as I've chosen not to date for the last 6 months lol) as it created additional trauma and bad feelings if it doesn't work out.

I again I agree with you. A close friend of mine allowed her children to meet the some of the guys she was dating. When it didn't work out, both her and the kids were having issues with it.

If I had children this is how I would do it as well.

 

[C.F.W. Walther]

I also understand about parents fear of pedophiles and rightly so. This is always a worry. Hopefully with a Christian man this wouldn't be a worry but even on Christian sites a person has to be careful..

I'm not referring to anyone in this scenario, but what if both of you find you are very compatible and really want to advance the relationship and are going to the next step of a serious relationship. And he finally meets the kids and they are hellions. This would be a terribly awkward situation for the man since this might change his mind. This would make a breakup very traumatic for both of you.