So sorry, but....

[overit]

And he finally meets the kids and they are hellions. This would be a terribly awkward situation for the man since this might change his mind. This would make a breakup very traumatic for both of you.

LOL LOL...hellions hehehehehe.....that's possible too! Just as he could have kids I can't fathom living with.

Of course it's a risk and their might be heartbreak but not as much as a divorce. At least us adults are better able to handle heartbreak then kids are and I rather take the brunt then them. My kids and my exbf kids were hurt when we broke up, of course....hence why I'm even more cautious then I was (though I always have been). And again it was a serious relationship gone bad for many reasons.

I do think though that there is a lot you can tell about how they will be with kids just by hearing her/his "venting" stories about the kids or if you are listening to them in the background over several phone conversations. One doesn't count becaues undeniably the day you're wanting to make a good impression whilst you plan your next date the kids guaranteed, WILL BE screaming, yelling, fighting or throwing things hehehehe.

 

[CoolMom6]

I never said I did things any differently than what you had outlined yourself, overit.
I had already been out alone with him for a couple of weeks before he came to my son's birthday party and then he invited us all to a movie.
So...what did I do diff??

I also have more than a handful of platonic male friends.
They come by, call, meet us places often.
My kids do not "get attached" easily; they are even more cautious than me, and rightly so.
But they will straight out tell me "he's great, mom", or "no way, mom" and darned if I do not listen closely.

 

[hope4today]

Umm, I'm sorry but I"m not being self-righteous here....nobody said she's in a panel of judgement, don't add to what is not there. I'm not attacking or condemning her, of course it is painful. But if I come to a place seeking answers and people respond, are only those that are agreeable to my question allowed to respond, everything else is judgemental?

The scripture I quoted was simply done because it has benefited me, and sometimes something that has benefited me or that I've learned from is also helpful to somebody else. It's not meant in a derrogatory or condemning way but in help.

ABout involving the children, of course that is my opinion (and that of most every childhood behavior expert-counselor-attorneys-advisors-and ministers) but she is free to involve them with everyone she is dating and that is your choice coolmom and though we may disagree completely on that doesn't mean I'm judging your right to make the decisions that only you know are best ....and my heart goes out to you for the heartbreak, I know how it sucks.

I'm not sure why overit's original comment was 'judged' so harshly - yes, I believe it was judged. It was comments, questions and opinions that can be heard like anyone elses. I think she has done a good job of explaining herself here. I didn't hear condemnation in the first place. But I did hear condemnation back at her. It's a tough call 'cos how do you call 'judgement' if you think it is there, without judging yourself. I'm caught in this now. I want to talk about it but don't want to condemn. Maybe clarifying intent first could be a good place to start.

This can become a viscious circle I am not judging those who commented on overit's post. We are all doing the best we can and I see a whole bunch of imperfect people (myself included) who love God and want to do his will here. We are all hurt in different ways and sometimes unintentionally push each other's buttons.
Hopefully we can get through the 'ouches' with discussion and clarification.

 

[KarrieTex]

I still say that God was moving in perfect time.

What a great save from heart ache by showing you now instead of later when more hearts could be involved.

God moved in your life in a good way

 

[CoolMom6]

I still say that God was moving in perfect time.

What a great save from heart ache by showing you now instead of later when more hearts could be involved.

God moved in your life in a good way

yes'm, and this is what counts

Praise Him for His faithfulness and mercy~~

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'm not sure why overit's original comment was 'judged' so harshly - yes, I believe it was judged. It was comments, questions and opinions that can be heard like anyone elses. I think she has done a good job of explaining herself here. I didn't hear condemnation in the first place. But I did hear condemnation back at her. It's a tough call 'cos how do you call 'judgement' if you think it is there, without judging yourself. I'm caught in this now. I want to talk about it but don't want to condemn. Maybe clarifying intent first could be a good place to start.

This can become a viscious circle I am not judging those who commented on overit's post. We are all doing the best we can and I see a whole bunch of imperfect people (myself included) who love God and want to do his will here. We are all hurt in different ways and sometimes unintentionally push each other's buttons.
Hopefully we can get through the 'ouches' with discussion and clarification.

I agree. Though none of us were there and it could've turned out quite differently. I was kind of amazed that everyone was in such agreement. Of course we are drawing on past experience usually, and people are not all the same.

I have to admit that most people were in agreement that my last bf needed to be kicked to the curb, and ultimately I finally found the resolve to make the last break up permanent. So, it's good to consider others' opinions, and it's great if we can make a logical decision with all of the facts (wish I could do that more often).

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I concur with everyone saying don't introduce too early - too easy to twist the kids' hearts around.

The only woman in my life that my kids know is my dance partner - and even that causes some issues - they have asked my ex if Shirley and I are dating.

 

[Gimpy]

and there ya go

 

[KarrieTex]

I have said that so many times. However, I have come to realize we always break our loved ones heart. Say a careless word, forget something, no affirmation it leads to a heart breaking at some level.

The whole thing though comes down to how you mend that heart and realize that how you broke it the first and keep from doing that again.

Disappointment which is also heart break is every relationship. Mending and healing is in every good relationship.

 

[Gimpy]

I have said that so many times. However, I have come to realease we always break our loved ones heart. Say a careless word, forget something, no affirmation it leads to a heart breaking at some level.

The whole thing though comes down to how you mend that heart and realize that how you broke it the first and keep from doing that again.

Disappointment which is also heart break is every relationship. Mending and healing is in every good relationship.

A very wise post. Thank you for that.

 

[Gimpy]

And so it goeshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3V7mZtHZZuo&mode=related&search=

 

[Gimpy]

Ooops, tripped