So lost.

[Mytreasuremyreward]

Hi. I joined this site almost a year ago when I had a similar feeling of being very lost. I never acted on it and I wish I had so that I could look to Godly advice now. My husband and I have been married for almost three years and have dated for almost 9. I am almost 28. We've had many ups and downs but he's been my best friend through it all. Long story short, his father owns his own struggling business. Side note- his father neglects his wife for this business and they both work 6 days a week. Last year, they were searching for trustworthy employees. It's hard to find and I offered to help. My husband was very excited about the idea. My one ultimatum was that I work for and under my husband and have no contact regarding the business with my father in law. I wanted to maintain the positive relationship I've had with him. I would work from home. I was working full time at another job and an opportunity came up at my work to go part time. We decided I would work part time for the family business and part time for my other job. I prayed about it and it just seemed to work out perfectly. Without making this post too long, I never was able to do any work for the family business (or get a paycheck). I realized later when my father in law was clueless about me working for them that my husband had actually never solidified with his dad about me working for them. His dad had ultimately decided against utilizing the portion of the business that my husband planned on me running. So, I was working part-time, had no extra income, and went into debt. I have asked my husband since our marriage for us to have a joint account and that hasn't happened. I have actually had to ask him to help me pay for my car note because I only now had my part time income. I have asked him a few times for help and he only helped me once. I was able to secure an after work gig to help pay off some of my bills, but my credit has gone down. I have been able to find another full-time job that starts in August. Thank God! Last week, my husband told me that the business has been the lowest in sales for the last two years in their niche. I said that working for the business was something that made him happy and if he wanted to stay, he should reach out to his mentor at another branch for help. He said he would do that asap. A week goes by and I ask if he reached out... he said no but I will later this week. I asked tonight and he said no but I will. I asked the excuse and he said he's been too busy and that I was nagging. He finally text him. I am trying to be a supportive wife. I just feel lost. I don't know how to continue following along with this. I'm broke, have tried my hardest on my end to secure a job and tried to be supportive. Please help, and if you got this far, thank you so much for reading to this point!

 

[johndoo]

You may need a marriage counselor.
The way you guys have handled finances confuses me and I don't think your husband's behavior is appropriate.
Neither one of you have taken appropriate actions soon enough to deal with the issues.
He may be passive-aggressive as he isn't following through with all of his good intentions.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

and if you got this far, thank you so much for reading to this point!

no problem

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

You may need a marriage counselor.
The way you guys have handled finances confuses me and I don't think your husband's behavior is appropriate.
Neither one of you have taken appropriate actions soon enough to deal with the issues.
He may be passive-aggressive as he isn't following through with all of his good intentions.

clear boundaries from the start would've helped.
we tend to pay the price for vague promises and communications, later on

 

[Mytreasuremyreward]

You may need a marriage counselor.
The way you guys have handled finances confuses me and I don't think your husband's behavior is appropriate.
Neither one of you have taken appropriate actions soon enough to deal with the issues.
He may be passive-aggressive as he isn't following through with all of his good intentions.

Thanks for your honesty. I was being naive and just going on trusting his word. I'll definitely consider counseling.

 

[Mytreasuremyreward]

clear boundaries from the start would've helped.
we tend to pay the price for vague promises and communications, later on

Makes sense. I feel like most of our troubles come down to communication. I am very overboard anal and try to tone it down for my laid back husband. Have to meet in the middle somehow!

 

[*LILAC]

Makes sense. I feel like most of our troubles come down to communication. I am very overboard anal and try to tone it down for my laid back husband. Have to meet in the middle somehow!

I also feel I have to tone things down when it comes to having to communicate with hubby. Communication is so important and if I just rattle on and on about what's going on in my head, he often looks lost and confused and all gets lost in trying to translate. lol Keep it straight and simple and watch it process!

 

[Mytreasuremyreward]

Yes, lost in translation! I agree that keeping it straight and simple is the way to go. Thanks for your response!