First off I'd like to say that it's encouraging to see that there are other Christians struggling with self harm. Obviously it's not good that we're hurting ourselves but it's nice that now I can talk to other believers about this and know they understand it- at least more than Christians that never hurt themselves on purpose. I've tried explaining it to family and friends that are Christians and I either felt like they were disgusted, frightened or confused and not like they understood it at at all.
I first self harmed 5 years ago and did it off and on for around 2 years, not knowing what I was doing, only that I wound up hurting myself whenever I got really angry and/or frustrated. I knew I wasn't trying to kill myself, just to let out the anger.
I moved out of home to live with friends in another state and didn't self harm the entire time I was away from home though I felt the urge to do so a few times. My youngest sister got into self harm and while I was away my mother told me about it and showed me some websites so I got to be a little more aware of what I was into. Earlier this year I joined an anxiety chatroom and befriended some self harmers and learned a lot from them (No, not other ways to hurt myself but why we self harm and ways to avoid it) .
It wasn't until I moved back home that I realized that self harming is like alcoholism, you can go for years without self harming but still be one like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic even after years of sobriety. Within a week after I moved back 'home' I started having bad fights with my brother and father and I went back to self harming.
I went to an ER twice two nights in a row, not because of my injuries (they were not serious) but because I was hoping to get put in the mental ward so I could get away from my father and brother constantly triggering me. The counselors in both ERs thought since I wasn't suicidal they didn't need to keep me so I was released whether I wanted to be or not. I take paxil for anxiety, I was only taking it once a day but the second counselor I saw figured it was wearing off two quickly that way so she recomended that I break the pills in half and take half a paxil twice a day. It has helped with my anxiety and self harm (Haven't hurt myself since then and that was late September) but I still go through bad spells like this past wek where my anxiety is nearly unbearable and I really wanna hurt myself. Yesterday was the worst day I'd had in a long time and I came really close to self harming, but I joined this forum and hung out in the chatroom and the urge to selfharm wore off. I'm a lot better today, more calm and don't feel like hurting myself, at least for now.
Avoiding what triggers me and distracting myself seem to be my best coping skills. I read a lot of books and spend a lot of time online doing whatever I come across to entertain me.
I first self harmed 5 years ago and did it off and on for around 2 years, not knowing what I was doing, only that I wound up hurting myself whenever I got really angry and/or frustrated. I knew I wasn't trying to kill myself, just to let out the anger.
I moved out of home to live with friends in another state and didn't self harm the entire time I was away from home though I felt the urge to do so a few times. My youngest sister got into self harm and while I was away my mother told me about it and showed me some websites so I got to be a little more aware of what I was into. Earlier this year I joined an anxiety chatroom and befriended some self harmers and learned a lot from them (No, not other ways to hurt myself but why we self harm and ways to avoid it) .
It wasn't until I moved back home that I realized that self harming is like alcoholism, you can go for years without self harming but still be one like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic even after years of sobriety. Within a week after I moved back 'home' I started having bad fights with my brother and father and I went back to self harming.
I went to an ER twice two nights in a row, not because of my injuries (they were not serious) but because I was hoping to get put in the mental ward so I could get away from my father and brother constantly triggering me. The counselors in both ERs thought since I wasn't suicidal they didn't need to keep me so I was released whether I wanted to be or not. I take paxil for anxiety, I was only taking it once a day but the second counselor I saw figured it was wearing off two quickly that way so she recomended that I break the pills in half and take half a paxil twice a day. It has helped with my anxiety and self harm (Haven't hurt myself since then and that was late September) but I still go through bad spells like this past wek where my anxiety is nearly unbearable and I really wanna hurt myself. Yesterday was the worst day I'd had in a long time and I came really close to self harming, but I joined this forum and hung out in the chatroom and the urge to selfharm wore off. I'm a lot better today, more calm and don't feel like hurting myself, at least for now.
Avoiding what triggers me and distracting myself seem to be my best coping skills. I read a lot of books and spend a lot of time online doing whatever I come across to entertain me.
