So, I heard...

[Ann_of_Love]

...somewhere that Orthodox aren't supposed to pray with non-Orthodox? I would love to pray with my fiance someday...but I'm Protestant, and he's Orthodox. Is that really inappropriate?

 

[Antony in Tx]

It's not that we don't pray with others. It's that we don't pray others prayers, and we don't participate actively in their worship. We welcome visitors, and we pray certain prayers in common; for example the Lord's Prayer/Our Father. If you want to pray the same prayers as your fiance, that is probably fine. What would be something he would probably not do would be to go to your church and take communion, or if your church were saying the Creed, he would not say it with the Filioque in it. This is not a rule meant to exclude people, but to be a warning to Orthodox Christians to be wary and careful not to mindlessly fall into heresy.

Welcome to TAW, and I would encourage you to visit Divine Liturgy and other services with your fiance. It's very likely that he will want to be married in the Orthodox Church, and you will need to be at least familiar with our practices. Also you will need to get to know the priest, and possibly the Bishop. Besides, you may find that there is more you want to do with your fiance, in terms of faith, than just prayer.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I agree with Antony.

 

[Protoevangel]

Yes, Antony is correct.

Now, if you can always follow along with his prayers, that would be a way for you to pray with him.

 

[D+C]

Just to draw this out a little in a way that I hope will be useful to the OP as well as myself- where is the line between holding to the truth of Orthodoxy and respect for others when invited to visit loved ones' churches?

 

[Protoevangel]

Just to draw this out a little in a way that I hope will be useful to the OP as well as myself- where is the line between holding to the truth of Orthodoxy and respect for others when invited to visit loved ones' churches?

I was told by my SF to attend my wife's liberal* Lutheran church at least once a month with her. I was expected to be polite; to stand when the congregation stood, to sit when they sit, but to not pray their prayers, not to sing their hymns, and of course, not to approach their alter or partake of their communion. I never made a big deal of it, I would just quietly get out of peoples way, the same way I do when I have not prepared properly for Communion at my own Church.

Well, my wife is now a Catechumen, and God willing, we will soon commune together again after all!

* I would speak to my priest about the services and sermons when I had a chance. There were times that the liberal message from the pulpit there absolutely floored him. One time, he responded, with a troubled look in his eyes, "that's... downright... demonic." He was absolutely right. This was not a healthy church.

 

[Ann_of_Love]

I was told by my SF to attend my wife's liberal* Lutheran church at least once a month with her.

Oh, dear. I would never ask my beloved to attend my church. I know it makes him uncomfortable, and he'd rather be in his own church. I would really rather he go to his church and worship God than have him come to mine and not feel comfortable doing so. It would feel uncomfortable for me, too, if he was not singing hymns or participating in any way. So, why?

Anyway, thanks for your responses! You've really made me feel better about the whole issue. I really wouldn't mind following along with his prayers - at least once a day or something. I'm rather fond of my own church's prayers, too, you see. And thankfully I'm not so far removed from Orthodoxy as to shun written prayers and liturgical services (I did attend that sort of church once. I ran in the other direction.)

I won't be converting any time soon - at least, not so as I can foresee. I wouldn't convert for him. It would seem like a lie to the church(es involved,) and to God, and to myself, and to him. I would also likely be far more wary of any urge to convert, simply because I wouldn't want to convert for less than satisfactory reasons.

And I would probably not mind going to Saturday evening services, and I'm already thinking of ways to work Sunday in, when we have children - while also finding a way to get to my church, too. It's complicated. I am sure I'll figure it out. I've watched single parents (whether they're really single, or the spouse just isn't coming to church,) try to wrangle in the kids. I won't do that to him. Just won't.

Thank you for your time. And it's nice to meet you!

 

[Knee V]

I won't be converting any time soon - at least, not so as I can foresee. I wouldn't convert for him. It would seem like a lie to the church(es involved,) and to God, and to myself, and to him. I would also likely be far more wary of any urge to convert, simply because I wouldn't want to convert for less than satisfactory reasons.

That's good. Converting because you're absolutely convinced that it's the right thing is the only good reason to do so. Anything else, as you said, would be dishonest.

 

[Ann_of_Love]

That's good. Converting because you're absolutely convinced that it's the right thing is the only good reason to do so. Anything else, as you said, would be dishonest.

I only pointed this out because I've noted Orthodox and Roman Catholic forums often jump at the prospect of a gf/bf/spouse converting. I definitely won't rule it out as a possibility. Just saying.

 

[choirfiend]

You have a very loving and open mentality to the differences in your beliefs and practices! He's lucky to have you; this is a HUGE barrier for many couples, so both parties being willing to compromise (although not compromise beliefs) is a wonderful sign of the kind of hard work that goes into marriage.

More info on marriage in an Orthodox church--you have to be a Christian who received a trinitarian baptism (so start getting your baptismal certificate together, assuming you were baptized Episcopalian with a trinitarian formula, and not in the name of the "Creator, Redeemer, Sanctifier" or anything like that) and the service itself is longer than most and quite beautiful!
Here's a video explanation of a wedding, though there are definitely cultural differences in the little traditions that may be different if your fiance is not Greek.
Holy Matrimony (Quicktime) — Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America

THe text of the service itself will be the same, barring translation differences.
The Service of the Crowning - The Service of Marriage — Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America

 

[Ann_of_Love]

Thank you!

 

[Dorothea]

God be with you, Ann.

 

[Ann_of_Love]

Thank you, Dorothea.

 

[NyssaTheHobbit]

We had a couple of Orthodox friends who, instead of joining in when my husband or son said prayers over a meal, did their own prayers separately. (Hubby's Lutheran.) I found it rather insulting to my husband, actually. I don't think we should be doing that.