So I guess I'm going to be single for life...

[Thunder Peel]

What positive action are you taking to change things if you don't like them? Success is never a certainty in life, but if you're not doing anything then why complain. By doing something I don't mean spending hours on dating sites or whatever. But real concrete action to get what you need if you want to get married. Are you in school working hard to make sure you get that really good job? Are you in the gym regularly and making sure you eat right? Because really, if you have a good job and are in decent physical condition it's unlikely you wouldn't be able to find someone to marry. If you don't have those things then it's unlikely you will find someone to marry you. If you don't want to do the work it takes get those things then you really can't find being single that bad.

When I got my discharge I spent a good eight or nine months being bitter that the uniform groupies weren't there anymore. Then it dawned on me: I'm in my late 20's, live with my parents, and work at Jiffy Lube. Not exactly a real wonder why I very rarely get dates and those never turn into anything. But the other reality is that I'm obviously not that heart broken about being the dateless wonder otherwise I'd be doing something to change it.

I agree with this to an extent but just because you have money, a great job, and a place of your own doesn't automatically get you a date. Plenty of people have those things and are still single while others have less education or a low-paying job and manage to find love. There's nothing wrong with working to better your life but if it were as easy as simply filling out a checklist I think most of us would be much further along by now. Success in the working world or good health doesn't mean love will be any easier or more plentiful.

 

[Sketcher]

I may marry, I may not. When I think about it, the odds of me marrying someone are not good. But on the upside, if I do wind up staying single, at least I'm avoiding divorce.

 

[Keri]

It kinda sucks, but I'm adjusting.

If I were a standard christian, I suppose this would be where I'd start blaming God for it, but I'm not and I won't.

Anyone else want to join the single for life club? It kind of sucks; the drinks are watered down, the music is lousy and the food is stale - you're alone too! But aside from that, it's not so bad.

It's good that you're adjusting if that what you decided. Better to adjust and live a happy single life, than a miserable one.

 

[lone soldier]

What positive action are you taking to change things if you don't like them? Success is never a certainty in life, but if you're not doing anything then why complain.

I agree. I need to stop being so whiny.

By doing something I don't mean spending hours on dating sites or whatever.

Don't worry, I don't.

But real concrete action to get what you need if you want to get married. Are you in school working hard to make sure you get that really good job?

I'm done school.

Are you in the gym regularly and making sure you eat right?

No, but I don't expect my gal to be a gym hound either.

Because really, if you have a good job and are in decent physical condition it's unlikely you wouldn't be able to find someone to marry.

I could find people to marry tomorrow, but it doesn't mean it's what I want. I have standards too. Marriage means nothing good if it's not with the right person you want.

If you don't have those things then it's unlikely you will find someone to marry you. If you don't want to do the work it takes get those things then you really can't find being single that bad.

That's true. But I don't think that's my main problem.

When I got my discharge I spent a good eight or nine months being bitter that the uniform groupies weren't there anymore. Then it dawned on me: I'm in my late 20's, live with my parents, and work at Jiffy Lube. Not exactly a real wonder why I very rarely get dates and those never turn into anything.

If that's what you believe, then be it done unto you according to your faith. I could sit back and blame externals, which may seem to be the problem, but they're really not. It's all about the inner attitude of the mind. I know jobless bums who got girls, so money isn't everything. If you think having all the right externals alone is the answer, you are mistaken.

But the other reality is that I'm obviously not that heart broken about being the dateless wonder otherwise I'd be doing something to change it.

Well that's your choice.

 

[lone soldier]

And still I have hope. I hope that one day I can share my life with a man who gives as I give him. I hope that one day I can have a family and share my life with them. I don't want to be satisfied for me but to give to him, and to my children. I want to genuinely preserve my marriage! I want my home to be filled with children, I can love and cherish. To give them the kind of love my parents gave me. To discipline them the way my parents disciplined me. To sacrifice for them like my parents sacrificed for me. Am I ever strong enough to do any of it? I don't know. I get scared to be a mother sometimes cause I don't want to fail my children, and the thought of failing any of them, makes my soul hurt. And still I think at 27, what have I done to not get something like that in my life? How much time do I need, how much mistakes do I need to make, how long do I need to wait? And still I have hope and I give hope to others cause its that little string I hold on too before falling. I don't want to fall. If I do, I want to be caught my someone who would give me everything I would give them. I work so hard to get somewhere, and that somewhere is not good enough it seems. Its not good enough for anyone. I have accomplished nothing. And still, I hope.

Never lose hope. Lose that, and it's all over...

Hope is what kept people going in concentration camps in WWII; the same people who survived to tell the tale in books.

I'm looking for my "hope"... but I am finding it to be an elusive thing, this hope. They say, 'keep looking till you find some' but looking for hope can almost seem to be an exercise in futility in and of itself...

 

[Rhye]

Never lose hope. Lose that, and it's all over...

Hope is what kept people going in concentration camps in WWII; the same people who survived to tell the tale in books.

I'm looking for my "hope"... but I am finding it to be an elusive thing, this hope. They say, 'keep looking till you find some' but looking for hope can almost seem to be an exercise in futility in and of itself...

Then I think you should not lose hope either. And I think maybe you should stop over thinking the idea of hope too. Then again these several months I feel like I'm losing all of it but still when I hear someone say the things you say, I just want to jump up and say "NOO its going to happen!" If I can still feel that now then I'm guessing things will be okay and I don't need to be depressed about it.
I don't know anymore, my head is spinning and I need to rest.

 

[ceh85]

Then I think you should not lose hope either. And I think maybe you should stop over thinking the idea of hope too. Then again these several months I feel like I'm losing all of it but still when I hear someone say the things you say, I just want to jump up and say "NOO its going to happen!" If I can still feel that now then I'm guessing things will be okay and I don't need to be depressed about it.
Sometimes, I think maybe I should say, its never going to happen and I'm never going to get someone who is honest with me. I don't know anymore, my head is spinning and I need to rest.

No you shouldn't I think most people feel like that sometimes and it's ok to say that's how you feel. It doesn't make that feeling true. But you know that anyway.
I think it's a sign of strength and faith to not speak that over yourself.

 

[mina]

If you have hope; don't give up! It's there for a reason inside you.

 

[Tamara224]

Never lose hope. Lose that, and it's all over...

Hope is what kept people going in concentration camps in WWII; the same people who survived to tell the tale in books.

I'm looking for my "hope"... but I am finding it to be an elusive thing, this hope. They say, 'keep looking till you find some' but looking for hope can almost seem to be an exercise in futility in and of itself...

I know the feeling.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12

​

I only identify with the first line of that. I read this verse one day in church when I wasn't really paying attention to the sermon. And it hit me that I was very tired of feeling heart sick over having the hope of a husband deferred, and deferred and further delayed.

I think I'll put my hope in something else. I'm not saying I'm closed off from the possibility of marriage, but I've definitely stopped hoping and looking and praying for it. If it happens it happens. In the meantime, get on with life.

 

[EyesOfKohl]

I personally don't worry about being single at the moment. I'm more interested in seeking Elaha at the moment. I know He has great plans for me and all of you, and when the time is right you'll find someone. Some people get married earlier and others later. It depends on what He has willed for you.

We must remember that Elaha knows our hearts desires, when we ask in the name of our Mashiah Yeshua, He will give what we ask of Him.

'If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.' - Matthew 21:22

Ask of Him, Believe and it will happen.

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” - Matthew 17:20-21

“Have faith in God,” Yeshua answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. - Mark 11:24-26

It may not happen instantly when you ask, but whatever you ask will happen, if you truly believe it. Don't give up hope.

I would also like to say, that sometimes He has willed us to meet people, opportunities come by us, but we are so determined in looking for something specific, that we are blinded to what He has given us.

"Never take someone for granted. Hold every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond While you were too busy collecting stones"

Be careful not to loose a diamond while you are looking for stones, but appreciate what comes to you by the will of our Father, Elaha.

Take care and may your hope never fade away.

 

[penNpaper]

It kinda sucks, but I'm adjusting.

If I were a standard christian, I suppose this would be where I'd start blaming God for it, but I'm not and I won't.

Anyone else want to join the single for life club? It kind of sucks; the drinks are watered down, the music is lousy and the food is stale - you're alone too! But aside from that, it's not so bad.

This is what I've learned in my own life. If you talk negative about yourself or say "I'm going to be single forever...poor me" then your going to buy that lie that Satan wants us all to believe. Don't buy the lies from Satan...his methods are tricky but cheap...also I've done this for myself you got to talk positive about yourself...because if you say it...chances are you will believe it.

Trust me I've said it before...I'm single...no chick going to want me...but I realized that I need to stop talking negatively about my life as well as to keep buying that lie that I keep pitching myself as well as Satan trying to lurk us with...

There is 9 billion people on this Planet...sure enough there probably a few dozen females who are Believers that will check me out...and say I want that type of Man of God. I've encouraged my fellow brothers and sisters on this subject as well as some of my closest friends will knock it back towards me when I'm a sour grape lol

The problem that I'm seeing in Singles so a lot of threads about "I'm single...poor me" "I'm a virgin...I'm not worthy" and "My single life just means that God wants me to be Single forever"

First off...total sins from the pit of Hell...

Satan wants to lurk us with that pitch that we are worthless and that God doesn't love you because your been Single for x number of years. Sometimes we bite and he lurks us into that lie of worthlessness.

If God really wants us to be Single forever...guess what...He wouldn't create Adam and Eve...because He knew that we going to be lonely on this cruel crazy world that He created. It was perfect in all ways until man sinned...then God decided to push the Reset Button and Flood the World. when it got carried away..then He promised never to do it again

If the LORD didn't LOVE us He wouldn't given us his only begotten son, Jesus Christ to DIE for EVERY LITTLE SIN known to mankind. He made a way to fill in that gap between LORD and MAN with HIS SON opening his arms high to reach the FATHER and the LOST SHEEP.

Lone Soldier you ain't alone in this Singlehood stage. Just remember that it is simply a stage in life not some sort of punishment that the Lord is up there in Heaven laughing at our misfortunes in finding a life partner. He loves us so much and He wants us all to be SAVED, LOVED, as well as to HAVE SOMEONE.

Sure there are some rares in which some people are content until death and never married. Some would take as far as the LORD has commanded them to be Single. I ain't going to judge God's will for people BUT I feel like Believers use that "God doesn't want me to be Married so that means He wants me to be Single forever" excuses.

Sometimes we think...our life partners will fall from Heaven but in reality the Lord has His perfect timing and that we as human beings must like get up and be ourselves in Christ, smile a bit more, and say hello to a complete stranger at Church and ect. The purpose of it is not I'M DOING THIS TO GET A WIFE (for the men) OR A HUBBY (for the ladies) but we need to fellowship more and make ourselves friendly.

There are men out there Sisters

There are women out there Brothers

This is from my own experience for I've been through this train of thoughts to the point where I realized what I've written here.

SINGLES BROTHERS AND SISTERS

God Bless,
Drew

 

[SneakerPimp53]

I never said anyone was promised any bit of success just because they did as I described. On the flip side though, you're much more likely to have success if you do have things like a good job and are as attractive as you can be. Nor did I say anything about finding love. Your marriage may be little more than the traditional exchange of sex for provision, hence the good job part of it. Finding love would present an equation with far too many variables.

The thing about standards is they're all well and good if you can get people that meet them to be interested in you. When no one that passes your muster will give you the time of day then something is broken. Or more than likely you wouldn't meet your own standards if they were applied to you.

 

[Stravinsk]

Some of you, given your age, saying "I'm going to be single for life" - I just want to shake my head.

Then looking back, when I was around 22-23 or so, I thought the same thing. I remember one of my parents asked me about getting married someday and I choked up and blurted "WHO would want ME???"

I no longer feel that way - and there's a whole lot of years of life experience, including being married to a wonderful woman - that changed that.

If there is one peice of advice I can give - it's don't let your negative life experiences define who you are. Learn from them - then forget them. Once you have learned from them they are of no use to you. If you have relatives that want to keep REMINDING YOU of who you WERE, especially when you've changed - you have to distance yourself from them if you can. I know I needed to.

I see people around here often label themselves "loser" and other such negative general terms and I wonder who told them that and why they listened and still replay it in their head. If you want to define yourself as "unmarryable", "un-loveable", "loser" or what not - you've given up on YOURSELF - the belief will become a reality of your life because you will be acting as if it is true.

 

[Im_A]

Some of you, given your age, saying "I'm going to be single for life" - I just want to shake my head.

Then looking back, when I was around 22-23 or so, I thought the same thing. I remember one of my parents asked me about getting married someday and I choked up and blurted "WHO would want ME???"

I no longer feel that way - and there's a whole lot of years of life experience, including being married to a wonderful woman - that changed that.

If there is one peice of advice I can give - it's don't let your negative life experiences define who you are. Learn from them - then forget them. Once you have learned from them they are of no use to you. If you have relatives that want to keep REMINDING YOU of who you WERE, especially when you've changed - you have to distance yourself from them if you can. I know I needed to.

I see people around here often label themselves "loser" and other such negative general terms and I wonder who told them that and why they listened and still replay it in their head. If you want to define yourself as "unmarryable", "un-loveable", "loser" or what not - you've given up on YOURSELF - the belief will become a reality of your life because you will be acting as if it is true.

I never think of myself as always going to be single. I could die at any given point but I never see myself as the undesirable.

However, I do believe it is going to take a special lady to tolerate the likes of me. I'm proud of that though.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Some of you, given your age, saying "I'm going to be single for life" - I just want to shake my head.

Then looking back, when I was around 22-23 or so, I thought the same thing. I remember one of my parents asked me about getting married someday and I choked up and blurted "WHO would want ME???"

I no longer feel that way - and there's a whole lot of years of life experience, including being married to a wonderful woman - that changed that.

If there is one peice of advice I can give - it's don't let your negative life experiences define who you are. Learn from them - then forget them. Once you have learned from them they are of no use to you. If you have relatives that want to keep REMINDING YOU of who you WERE, especially when you've changed - you have to distance yourself from them if you can. I know I needed to.

I see people around here often label themselves "loser" and other such negative general terms and I wonder who told them that and why they listened and still replay it in their head. If you want to define yourself as "unmarryable", "un-loveable", "loser" or what not - you've given up on YOURSELF - the belief will become a reality of your life because you will be acting as if it is true.

This is good advice, although forgetting the past is difficult sometimes and it can take a lot of work to put it behind you. It was because of a wonderful relationship that ended in a hurtful manner that caused me to pursue lifelong singleness and I had to suffer pain beyond anything I've ever experienced for God to point me in the right direction.

I agree that confidence and knowing who you are in Christ is definitely a big plus and a good path to take. I have a feeling most (if not all) of you here will be married someday. Just know that sometimes God has other plans because He certainly did for me! Lifelong singleness isn't the calling I would prefer but I just try and find joy in it and trust that God is calling me to that lifestyle for a reason.

 

[lone soldier]

Some of you, given your age, saying "I'm going to be single for life" - I just want to shake my head.

Then looking back, when I was around 22-23 or so, I thought the same thing. I remember one of my parents asked me about getting married someday and I choked up and blurted "WHO would want ME???"

I no longer feel that way - and there's a whole lot of years of life experience, including being married to a wonderful woman - that changed that.

If there is one peice of advice I can give - it's don't let your negative life experiences define who you are. Learn from them - then forget them. Once you have learned from them they are of no use to you. If you have relatives that want to keep REMINDING YOU of who you WERE, especially when you've changed - you have to distance yourself from them if you can. I know I needed to.

I see people around here often label themselves "loser" and other such negative general terms and I wonder who told them that and why they listened and still replay it in their head. If you want to define yourself as "unmarryable", "un-loveable", "loser" or what not - you've given up on YOURSELF - the belief will become a reality of your life because you will be acting as if it is true.

Well, I haven't given my age... I'm closer to your age than anyone else's in this topic.

I am kind of the opposite of you, too back then. I was always under the impression that I was this great guy; who had all these wonderful qualities and lots to offer. But I've come to understand the folly of that attitude.

I agree with your advice. That would be what I would tell others to do. Pity I don't FOLLOW my own advice, but then, I am a hypocrite (like all other humans). I don't have a lot of people in my life who limit me and hold me back - quite the contrary in fact! Most of my close friends and family all love me and encourage me in all areas of life! They tell me, you can do it, you'll meet someone great, this bad situation will turn around, God won't let you down, God has blessed me and he'll bless you too if you have faith, etc, etc.

As well meaning as they may be, and as much as I tell others the same, I do not believe this in my own life. I have too much contrary experience and evidence to these claims.

I also agree that we tend to live out our beliefs in our lives. If we believe we are desirable, we will act as such and probably attract others and vice versa. No one told me I was a loser, a failure, a bum or worthless (maybe aside from religion, but that's another topic!), I told myself that. I am my own worst critic. And I value my opinion over others, so in the end, I trust the negative things I tell myself because I know they are true.

 

[lone soldier]

This is what I've learned in my own life. If you talk negative about yourself or say "I'm going to be single forever...poor me" then your going to buy that lie that Satan wants us all to believe. Don't buy the lies from Satan...his methods are tricky but cheap...also I've done this for myself you got to talk positive about yourself...because if you say it...chances are you will believe it.

Trust me I've said it before...I'm single...no chick going to want me...but I realized that I need to stop talking negatively about my life as well as to keep buying that lie that I keep pitching myself as well as Satan trying to lurk us with...

There is 9 billion people on this Planet...sure enough there probably a few dozen females who are Believers that will check me out...and say I want that type of Man of God. I've encouraged my fellow brothers and sisters on this subject as well as some of my closest friends will knock it back towards me when I'm a sour grape lol

The problem that I'm seeing in Singles so a lot of threads about "I'm single...poor me" "I'm a virgin...I'm not worthy" and "My single life just means that God wants me to be Single forever"

First off...total sins from the pit of Hell...

Satan wants to lurk us with that pitch that we are worthless and that God doesn't love you because your been Single for x number of years. Sometimes we bite and he lurks us into that lie of worthlessness.

If God really wants us to be Single forever...guess what...He wouldn't create Adam and Eve...because He knew that we going to be lonely on this cruel crazy world that He created. It was perfect in all ways until man sinned...then God decided to push the Reset Button and Flood the World. when it got carried away..then He promised never to do it again

If the LORD didn't LOVE us He wouldn't given us his only begotten son, Jesus Christ to DIE for EVERY LITTLE SIN known to mankind. He made a way to fill in that gap between LORD and MAN with HIS SON opening his arms high to reach the FATHER and the LOST SHEEP.

Lone Soldier you ain't alone in this Singlehood stage. Just remember that it is simply a stage in life not some sort of punishment that the Lord is up there in Heaven laughing at our misfortunes in finding a life partner. He loves us so much and He wants us all to be SAVED, LOVED, as well as to HAVE SOMEONE.

Sure there are some rares in which some people are content until death and never married. Some would take as far as the LORD has commanded them to be Single. I ain't going to judge God's will for people BUT I feel like Believers use that "God doesn't want me to be Married so that means He wants me to be Single forever" excuses.

Sometimes we think...our life partners will fall from Heaven but in reality the Lord has His perfect timing and that we as human beings must like get up and be ourselves in Christ, smile a bit more, and say hello to a complete stranger at Church and ect. The purpose of it is not I'M DOING THIS TO GET A WIFE (for the men) OR A HUBBY (for the ladies) but we need to fellowship more and make ourselves friendly.

There are men out there Sisters

There are women out there Brothers

This is from my own experience for I've been through this train of thoughts to the point where I realized what I've written here.

SINGLES BROTHERS AND SISTERS

God Bless,
Drew

This is a really good post, BTW. Even if it may be difficult, if not impossible, for me to accept, I appreciate your words.

 

[Luther073082]

It kinda sucks, but I'm adjusting.

If I were a standard christian, I suppose this would be where I'd start blaming God for it, but I'm not and I won't.

Anyone else want to join the single for life club? It kind of sucks; the drinks are watered down, the music is lousy and the food is stale - you're alone too! But aside from that, it's not so bad.

Why do you think this?