So Frustrated

[byhisgrace7]

Any one want to message each other for support on Christian dating, meeting people, etc? I go online and chat and then feel like I am rejected. What is the point really? Could use some pointers, support. Thank ou.

 

[byhisgrace7]

Thank you for such a quick reply. That's the thing, we exchanged support, ideas and stories and then pics. He wished me the best and was gone. Why did he have to skip? If he wasn't interested in more than friendship I get it but to just run off.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

Any one want to message each other for support on Christian dating, meeting people, etc? I go online and chat and then feel like I am rejected. What is the point really? Could use some pointers, support. Thank ou.

I can relate....I also feel ignored and rejected on CF and these forums

 

[byhisgrace7]

None of us know what is going on in the mind of another individual person so it's impossible to know why this certain individual doesn't respond to you anymore. All I can say is God is in total control of everything so rely on him instead of feeling defeated because someone you liked isn't responding to you anymore. I have experienced two divorces and had two other partners leave me besides. That is what God has given me in my life so far but since I fully trust God and know what the future will be like in the next generation, I don't put my hope in the things of this world anymore. It's going to be destroyed soon anyway.

Then we will never be sad, lonely or frustrated again. Here is God's promise;

Isaiah 65
16: So that he who blesses himself in the land shall bless himself by the God of truth, and he who takes an oath in the land shall swear by the God of truth; because the former troubles are forgotten and are hid from my eyes.
17: "For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind.
18: But be glad and rejoice for ever in that which I create; for behold, I create Jerusalem a rejoicing, and her people a joy.
19: I will rejoice in Jerusalem, and be glad in my people; no more shall be heard in it the sound of weeping and the cry of distress.

Once again, thank you for such a quick reply. If you wouldn't mind, I would feel more comfortable if you started a conversation, as I can't yet. I feel vulnerable putting out my feelings on the boards for all to see.

 

[byhisgrace7]

I can relate....I also feel ignored and rejected on CF and these forums

I didn't feel rejected here. This was on another site. I know I must rely on God totally and not let things of this world get me down but easier said than done.

 

[blackribbon]

Online dating is simply an interview. It isn't a place where people go to "find friends". They are looking for someone to date and someone who meets all their criteria. Just like a job isn't going to maintain a relations with the other applicants after they hire someone or decide that someone isn't a good fit for their position, the people there aren't going to "waste" time talking to someone who isn't someone they want to date because they are focused on finding that one who is. Also, "not getting hired" ... or in this case, asked out on a date doesn't mean that you are really rejected or "not qualified" but simply that for some reason, often intangible, you are not what they see as the right fit.

If you are going to use online dating without tearing up your whole self-esteem, you have to face it very practically and without attaching too much emotion until you really do meet and have a connection. I don't care if you have a 6 month online "relationship", if you haven't really met, don't fall for someone. You are really more in love with how this person makes you feel and you don't even know if your online conversations is really a good representation of the other person.

If you want friendships that aren't based on "dating" criteria, come to talk forums like this one where you can be "friends" with people who are both the same and very different from yourself. Online dating is for one purpose alone and the point where either party doesn't feel like the talk is going in the direction of that purpose, the talk will stop.

I personally, don't do online dating because of the coldness and single purposeness of it.

 

[Servant68]

Thank you for such a quick reply. That's the thing, we exchanged support, ideas and stories and then pics. He wished me the best and was gone. Why did he have to skip? If he wasn't interested in more than friendship I get it but to just run off.

Maybe he wasn't attracted to you physically and didn't see the point of continuing a relationship in which there was no end game that resulted in a physical relationship.

I have been friended by a couple of Christian women on FB whom I did not find attractive. They said they just wanted someone to talk to and fellowship with as Christians. I thought that was great. Then they wanted to meet for coffee and "fellowship". OK, no problem. Then they wanted to hold hands and kiss. Nope. Not going there. Both ended up hurt despite me trying to be as honest and gentle as possible. So now, if a woman wants to be friends and I don't find her attractive, I politely decline.

It's why I have my picture in my avatar. I know I'm not attractive to most women, so I think having my picture as an avatar is just honesty up front. I've never private messaged any females on this site as I don't come here looking for dates, but rather Christian fellowship. Still, I wouldn't want a woman to like my posts and want to get to know me better then find out later she's not physically attracted to me. That's just awkward...

And like you, I find rejection very difficult to let go of and so I'm very sensitive to it's affects on others. I don't want to reject anyone, so when I do, it's just awful.

 

[byhisgrace7]

What you say makes a lot of sense. I don't really know if men and women can be friends sometimes. I haven't found that yet. When you said, "So now, if a woman wants to be friends and I don't find her attractive, I politely decline." That is probably a good idea since it is can be hard for men and women to be just friends sometimes and at least you both would be coming from the same page. It is just hard to know how to navigate friendship and possible dating. It has been a while for me and it can be so difficult.

 

[Servant68]

I met one woman online through Christian Mingle a couple of years ago. We decided to meet at church. When we got done with the service, both of us agreed that we didn't find the other as attractive as we'd hoped. Just no spark. But, we remain friends on Facebook as we have similar interests and friends.

So, I suppose it is possible to be friends with a member of the opposite sex as long as neither of you find the other romantically viable, lol...

 

[byhisgrace7]

I met one woman online through Christian Mingle a couple of years ago. We decided to meet at church. When we got done with the service, both of us agreed that we didn't find the other as attractive as we'd hoped. Just no spark. But, we remain friends on Facebook as we have similar interests and friends.

So, I suppose it is possible to be friends with a member of the opposite sex as long as neither of you find the other romantically viable, lol...

That is great. I am glad you two are still friends.

 

[Servant68]

And do you need to have someone of the opposite sex to share dating frustrations with? Blackribbon on this forum seems like a very grounded and insightful person with a gentle spirit; she may be of great service in hearing your more private frustrations.

And just sounding off on this forum can be great therapy as well. When I've bared my soul on some of my dating frustrations, I have never received any overtly judgemental or harsh replies. It's a great source.

Besides, we need more traffic in this forum.

Apparently us Mature Singles have much less drama going on..

 

[byhisgrace7]

Yes Black Ribbon is very nice and she and I are talking. I am glad to hear this forum is a nice nonjudgmental place. I have been hurt before and treated lousy when baring my soul on other sites and it is no fun. Us Mature Singles have less drama I think because we have been there and done that. Had the drama, didn't like it and don't want to go back!!