So confused, so alone...

[aywyndham]

I am so torn and broken right now. My husband and I separated back in December of 09', we have two small sons, ages 5 and 2 and I am currently 6 months pregnant with our 3rd son. I have pleaded with my husband to forgive me for whatever I've done that has caused him to believe this separation is necessary, but he is adament on us not living together for now. He actually had me served with divorce papers a month ago while I was at work. I am left in a 2700 sq foot house with the two children, while still working full time, until I am unable to work due to my pregnancy. He had not helped with the household finances and we were facing foreclosure. He's recently had a change of heart to try and help to keep our home, negotiating on the family's behalf to get a modification. He's been more involved with the boys the past few weeks, trying to participate in school activities and helping to get them to appointments and recreational activities. He has given me a few support payments, but nothing in comparison to what I need for the lifestyle we were living. He said he does not want to give me false hopes about the marriage, that he's very upset with me and that he has not forgiven me for not being a good wife. There was no adultery involved, just bickering and my demand for help with the small children, he says this caused him to decide to leave. We have been intimate a few times during this separation, gone on family outings and again, negotiated ways to help save our home, however he recently moved into his own place from his parent's house. I am so sick wih sadness. My children are acting out, confused because one minute they see us together and then it's back to their father being gone, they are sad, I am sad, I am angry. I've prayed and I know God is telling me to "stand firm" but I feel like I am in bondage to this man. I feel as though I am trapped, left alone and abandoned to take care of the kids, the household, still work, while he is enjoying his freedom. The freedom to still claim the title husband when he's with me, but single and free while we're not. I've been talking to my father-in-law, he's my former pastor, but he can't seem to make sense of this. My husband and I both are converted to Christ, so I am so saddened that the man who planted the seed of Christianity in me has turned from his family and from his covenant with God and me, even after I've begged for him to forgive me. I just don't know what to do, I am afraid and confused, I'm trying to keep it together for the kids, but it is so hard. I've been working on ways to make myself a better wife, more softer instead of so independant, which was how I was raised to be by my single mother and grandmother. I've made some dramatic changes, but they go unrecognized, all my husbands sees is the negativity from the past and he often asks, how long my good girl act will last. I feel as though he is punishing me, he finds pleasure in my sadness, but still teases me with kisses and embraces whenever we see one another, as though we were fine. I just don't know what else to do anymore, God has got to see how badly this hurts and how truly sorry I am for my wrong and how my children are suffering and how my husband is behaving. What happened to "one?" He says we're a team, then he laughs about it. I am sick, I am in the lowest point I have ever been in my life... my eyes fill with tears as I type this, as I am ashamed to have professed to so many people that I am married to a Godly man... this is not Godly to me. Any one have a clue as to what could be going on? I have prayed without ceasing for answers, but everyday, it's something new that strikes yet another blow... I need reassurance that my attempts of saving this marriage are not in vain. I need counseling, I need other praying on mine and my husband's behalf... I feel alone.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Guys like not having to be financially responsible. Guys like sex.

Take the sex away and make him financially responsible. Call the district attorney's office in your county or just apply for food stamps and they will do the rest on the financail front. You can't win a basketball game without getting control of the ball.

 

[HisdaughterJen]

I am so torn and broken right now. My husband and I separated back in December of 09', we have two small sons, ages 5 and 2 and I am currently 6 months pregnant with our 3rd son. I have pleaded with my husband to forgive me for whatever I've done that has caused him to believe this separation is necessary, but he is adament on us not living together for now. He actually had me served with divorce papers a month ago while I was at work. I am left in a 2700 sq foot house with the two children, while still working full time, until I am unable to work due to my pregnancy. He had not helped with the household finances and we were facing foreclosure. He's recently had a change of heart to try and help to keep our home, negotiating on the family's behalf to get a modification. He's been more involved with the boys the past few weeks, trying to participate in school activities and helping to get them to appointments and recreational activities. He has given me a few support payments, but nothing in comparison to what I need for the lifestyle we were living. He said he does not want to give me false hopes about the marriage, that he's very upset with me and that he has not forgiven me for not being a good wife. There was no adultery involved, just bickering and my demand for help with the small children, he says this caused him to decide to leave. We have been intimate a few times during this separation, gone on family outings and again, negotiated ways to help save our home, however he recently moved into his own place from his parent's house. I am so sick wih sadness. My children are acting out, confused because one minute they see us together and then it's back to their father being gone, they are sad, I am sad, I am angry. I've prayed and I know God is telling me to "stand firm" but I feel like I am in bondage to this man. I feel as though I am trapped, left alone and abandoned to take care of the kids, the household, still work, while he is enjoying his freedom. The freedom to still claim the title husband when he's with me, but single and free while we're not. I've been talking to my father-in-law, he's my former pastor, but he can't seem to make sense of this. My husband and I both are converted to Christ, so I am so saddened that the man who planted the seed of Christianity in me has turned from his family and from his covenant with God and me, even after I've begged for him to forgive me. I just don't know what to do, I am afraid and confused, I'm trying to keep it together for the kids, but it is so hard. I've been working on ways to make myself a better wife, more softer instead of so independant, which was how I was raised to be by my single mother and grandmother. I've made some dramatic changes, but they go unrecognized, all my husbands sees is the negativity from the past and he often asks, how long my good girl act will last. I feel as though he is punishing me, he finds pleasure in my sadness, but still teases me with kisses and embraces whenever we see one another, as though we were fine. I just don't know what else to do anymore, God has got to see how badly this hurts and how truly sorry I am for my wrong and how my children are suffering and how my husband is behaving. What happened to "one?" He says we're a team, then he laughs about it. I am sick, I am in the lowest point I have ever been in my life... my eyes fill with tears as I type this, as I am ashamed to have professed to so many people that I am married to a Godly man... this is not Godly to me. Any one have a clue as to what could be going on? I have prayed without ceasing for answers, but everyday, it's something new that strikes yet another blow... I need reassurance that my attempts of saving this marriage are not in vain. I need counseling, I need other praying on mine and my husband's behalf... I feel alone.

He is cheating on you and blaming you for it.

 

[singlemomintx]

Are you in a good church where you can get support from others? That's what helped me going through my divorces. You need female friends to give you emotional support. You can't control your husband, so he has to make the decision to stay or leave. It's good that you recognize your faults in the marriage and are giving an effort to improve, but you're also pregnant, and your hormones are all out of wack too, so you may have a slip up on mood because of that.

Just try to take care of yourself and your children, first and foremost!

God bless!

 

[ebob8b]

I will Pray for you that you find peace. Take good care of your children for they are totally dependent on you. Put Christ first in your life and you will be on your way to a better and happier life regardless of the state of your marital affiars. God Bless You and Keep on Keepin on with JESUS.

 

[Dianas86]

I'm sorry your going through so much pain. I can relate to you as I have been going through the same thing for about 2 months.

Me and my husband of 7 years (we have a 4 year old daughter together) separated, he moved out but still we were working on our relationship. He would only come one day out of the week to see our daughter. I was doing everything to change his mind and make him want to be with me. I thought our relationship was improving until I found out he has been seeing one of his ex girlfriends from high school, he's not even remorseful and blamed everything on me. This broke my heart and shattered world. To add insult to injury I found out that while I've been taking care of everything (working, taking care of my daughter, also go to school full time) he's been out partying every night of the week.

Everything happens for a reason I have been talking to God a lot and I feel like he has a better plan for my daughter an I. Even though I'm in pain and I feel betrayed I'm focusing solely on protecting my daughter from this and strengthening my relationship with the Lord.

My advice for you is stop being intimate with him. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Hire a lawyer you have rights! File for child support and alimony. You deserve it and your children deserve it. Your husband is obviously lost and going through something. It might be another woman I wouldnt put this past him. Limit all contact with your husband unless it has to do with the children. You don't deserve the way he's treating you. It sounds like you are a devoted wife and a wonderful mother. Tell him that you are fed up and that you want to go to Marriage counseling if he doesnt then there isn't much you can't do. You can't control how he feels or thinks and if only one person is willing to work at it then this will never work.

Give him some space and pray for him (if you'd like) if it's in your best interest and your children God will bring him back to you. Just please seek some counseling for you and your children. You need to stabalize your life before your other lil one gets here. I'm sharing your pain and I'm praying for you.

Just be strong and put your children's well being first.

 

[Hosannainthehighest]

Guys like not having to be financially responsible. Guys like sex.

Take the sex away and make him financially responsible. Call the district attorney's office in your county or just apply for food stamps and they will do the rest on the financail front. You can't win a basketball game without getting control of the ball.

This is actually very good advice, and if you want to get anywhere SANE you will seek to understand what this means.
Your husband is pulling ALL of your strings. There was NOTHING!!! wrong with the things you were asking for in your marriage, he's getting away with guilt tripping you for something HE needed to have been doing all along, which is be involved with you and the children, and bother to hear what you needed from him.
Continue to beg and plead to him and you'll lose your sanity. Your kids are confused and acting up because you are confused and acting up.
You need better advice than you've been getting, so far it's not helping you at all. Your husband is mistreating you by his behaviour and until you see it for what it is, you'll remain confused and out of control of your own life.