So, About Scrupulosity.

[Chance7]

Hello.. So, I’ve recently been reunited with God after backsliding(because of this issue, Exactly)and I would like to hear what people have to say about it.

Now, I’ve had OCD in a very severe form(think, going in and out of doors and performing a series of rituals in between, every time)and it ruined my life for years. It was my God, before I got medicine. But that’s no longer the case. Ever since I Became a Christian, The medicine no longer works and I think that’s for a more nefarious purposes.

See, I have had problems with my Faith from the Beginning. Believing I’m in God’s Grace. And having faith in Jesus for salvation, but, like now, that’s not always the case. The OCD and intrusive thoughts were really strong in the beginning, and for that reason, I ignored it because I didn’t think it was glorifying God. However, a lot of “sins” were still off limits. Foods, clothes, words...

The problem with that was, I thought that if I did them anyway, it would somehow be a sin. I would for that reason abstain from it. Even though I knew better. So, basically, I was moderately legalistic. Now, I’ve had two different attacks like this and a good bit of it “in the meantime”. I want to hear what you think

So, the first one happened at the very beginning. I was just discovering the Love of God and I was doing okay. The commandments didn’t bother me. But then I took a turn. When I started to feel God’s love, I also started to feel intense doubts and impulses. So, I prayed to be “saved” many times. Even though I knew in my heart it was okay. I also began to OBSESSIVELY. count my sins. Everything I did was somehow a sin. Everything I wanted to eat or wear or do became a game of life or death. And for this reason, I was praying “I’m sorry” prayers to God. For every thought I had. And for every action I did. This was agony and it began to affect my family because of concern. I was so serious about it that it made a mockery of Christ and just looked like OCD. But eventually, I just stopped caring and fell away for a while.

Now, the second time, was much worse. Much. I had been convicted by what I KNEW was the Holy Spirit and I began to come back to God. I felt SOOOOO much love and I was tearing down condemnation and coming close to God when again, this OCD starts to rake over. This time though, I looked up something that might as well have said “your going to come close to the most agonizing experience you will ever have in your life”. Romans 14. “Whatever is not from faith is sin”. This, was like throwing a mixture of Gasoline and oil on a fire. It burned heavy and hot for a long time. EVERYTHING was “are you sure this isn’t a sin”. As a result of that, I began to cut out foods from my diet until I started “fasting”. And yes, it was torture. Not because it was a fast, but because it lasted about three weeks. Every day, everything I wanted to eat would send me to hell. Then, pail said that if we feel this way, it is better to abstain. So, I ate almost nothing for three weeks. I was sick and dizzy and mindless and malnourished and even dehydrated because some days, even water was a sin. Before this, I had gotten so close to God again. But I was so sick and I couldn’t do it anymore because I thought everything was a sin. But this time I could have died, except for the grace of God. I had never even fasted before. So, I gave up and went against it all and felt the love of God again but eventually fell away because I was exhausted from trying to “please” God.

Now, let me ask you. Knowing what you know about me and knowing that in my Heart I only want to be free from this to be able to enjoy God and live for him, also, knowing that these cycles could actually kill me, would it be a sin to Go against my “conscience” and do the things(like eating and drinking and doing morally neutral things)anyway? You gave to understand, when I’m in these cycles, I don’t really feel any love for or from God at all. I also usually hate my “religion”. Which might explain why I usually just fall away from God afterwards. But when I concentrate on God, I feel so much peace and that’s usually when I go against it. However, that reminds me of the verses that say God is patient and when sin abounds, Grace anounds even more. So, maybe God really just doesn’t like it? Everything in my mind is twisted when I get like this and I had a major breakthrough with the Lord just a few days ago. Surprise, this starts happening again. I’m not trying to make my sins into something that I have an excuse for. I am trying to live for God and be free from what scrupulosity does to me. I think it’s from something other than God. Plus, these things, I know in my heart aren’t sinful. But my mind constantly condemns me. I want to feel God.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Prayers for you.

I wonder first if you've spoken to a doctor about this, and also to someone who can give you pastoral care? Whatever you need to get through this, depending on what the cause of your problems are - you might want to seek help to get that sorted out.

No, God does not hold it against us when we are being hounded by our thoughts.

To eat food and drink fluids as necessary to sustain the body is not a sin. We are created beings with material bodies, and it is necessary to maintain the body. It seems that struggling with these thoughts is pushing you away from God. That is no spiritual benefit and not what God wants for you. So the first necessary thing is to begin to get whatever help and guidance you need to deal with that.

God loves us and desires us to be reconciled to Him - so much so that Christ became man, suffered, died, and rose for that purpose. He is not looking for an excuse to condemn anyone.

We are expected to care for our bodies. How can it have any meaning, to "love our neighbor as ourselves" if we don't take basic care of ourselves. It is expected that we will. Eph 5:29 - "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church"

Prayers for you.

 

[eleos1954]

Hello.. So, I’ve recently been reunited with God after backsliding(because of this issue, Exactly)and I would like to hear what people have to say about it.

Now, I’ve had OCD in a very severe form(think, going in and out of doors and performing a series of rituals in between, every time)and it ruined my life for years. It was my God, before I got medicine. But that’s no longer the case. Ever since I Became a Christian, The medicine no longer works and I think that’s for a more nefarious purposes.

See, I have had problems with my Faith from the Beginning. Believing I’m in God’s Grace. And having faith in Jesus for salvation, but, like now, that’s not always the case. The OCD and intrusive thoughts were really strong in the beginning, and for that reason, I ignored it because I didn’t think it was glorifying God. However, a lot of “sins” were still off limits. Foods, clothes, words...

The problem with that was, I thought that if I did them anyway, it would somehow be a sin. I would for that reason abstain from it. Even though I knew better. So, basically, I was moderately legalistic. Now, I’ve had two different attacks like this and a good bit of it “in the meantime”. I want to hear what you think

So, the first one happened at the very beginning. I was just discovering the Love of God and I was doing okay. The commandments didn’t bother me. But then I took a turn. When I started to feel God’s love, I also started to feel intense doubts and impulses. So, I prayed to be “saved” many times. Even though I knew in my heart it was okay. I also began to OBSESSIVELY. count my sins. Everything I did was somehow a sin. Everything I wanted to eat or wear or do became a game of life or death. And for this reason, I was praying “I’m sorry” prayers to God. For every thought I had. And for every action I did. This was agony and it began to affect my family because of concern. I was so serious about it that it made a mockery of Christ and just looked like OCD. But eventually, I just stopped caring and fell away for a while.

Now, the second time, was much worse. Much. I had been convicted by what I KNEW was the Holy Spirit and I began to come back to God. I felt SOOOOO much love and I was tearing down condemnation and coming close to God when again, this OCD starts to rake over. This time though, I looked up something that might as well have said “your going to come close to the most agonizing experience you will ever have in your life”. Romans 14. “Whatever is not from faith is sin”. This, was like throwing a mixture of Gasoline and oil on a fire. It burned heavy and hot for a long time. EVERYTHING was “are you sure this isn’t a sin”. As a result of that, I began to cut out foods from my diet until I started “fasting”. And yes, it was torture. Not because it was a fast, but because it lasted about three weeks. Every day, everything I wanted to eat would send me to hell. Then, pail said that if we feel this way, it is better to abstain. So, I ate almost nothing for three weeks. I was sick and dizzy and mindless and malnourished and even dehydrated because some days, even water was a sin. Before this, I had gotten so close to God again. But I was so sick and I couldn’t do it anymore because I thought everything was a sin. But this time I could have died, except for the grace of God. I had never even fasted before. So, I gave up and went against it all and felt the love of God again but eventually fell away because I was exhausted from trying to “please” God.

Now, let me ask you. Knowing what you know about me and knowing that in my Heart I only want to be free from this to be able to enjoy God and live for him, also, knowing that these cycles could actually kill me, would it be a sin to Go against my “conscience” and do the things(like eating and drinking and doing morally neutral things)anyway? You gave to understand, when I’m in these cycles, I don’t really feel any love for or from God at all. I also usually hate my “religion”. Which might explain why I usually just fall away from God afterwards. But when I concentrate on God, I feel so much peace and that’s usually when I go against it. However, that reminds me of the verses that say God is patient and when sin abounds, Grace anounds even more. So, maybe God really just doesn’t like it? Everything in my mind is twisted when I get like this and I had a major breakthrough with the Lord just a few days ago. Surprise, this starts happening again. I’m not trying to make my sins into something that I have an excuse for. I am trying to live for God and be free from what scrupulosity does to me. I think it’s from something other than God. Plus, these things, I know in my heart aren’t sinful. But my mind constantly condemns me. I want to feel God.

But my mind constantly condemns me. Condemn or conviction of sin?

If the Holy Spirit is convicting you of sin ... then repent and ask Jesus to help you overcome it. He will forgive you and then begin helping you. Condemn ..... ie .... you are going to hell, you are not worthy etc ... no .... that's from Satan.

God Bless.

 

[Chance7]

No, it’s unfortunately not conviction. The Lord’s conviction brings true Godly sorrow in my life. This is like every thing I do is a “sin” when I know it’s not. But if I do it anyway, I feel not peaceful conviction but anxiety and CONDEMNATION. And yes, like everything you just said. Those are it exactly. Mostly hell, God hates me, and I’ll never be Loved by God. It’s awful. But I don’t know if it’s satan or my conscience telling me that all these things are sins. I suspect satan but not sure. If I do act against it, I feel condemnation and apologize to God profusely and the cycle continues, which only gives me stress. I suspect it’s satans way of hindering my Faith