sleeping problems

[Nienor]

In the last year I have slowly working on coming to terms about the sexual abuse I experienced when I was 10. It's been a lot easier for me to pretend that it didn't happen, and that's just not wise. But since then, and especially since returning home and seeing my abuser at church once again (he had left for 8-9 years) was really hard on me emotionally. My dad did ask him to stop coming eventually...but the damage was done.

Since last summer I have really been struggling to sleep at night. My doctor gave me a prescription they subscribe war veterans to deal with ptsd, but it hasn't been helping too much, sometimes it makes the dreams worse. I did go off of it for a while, but I decided to go back on when I found myself unable to fall asleep until around 3 in the morning. I have these dreams you see....and he shows up and tells me that he's not sorry, or I have to stay at his house again, or he just appears.

Part of my sleeping problem might be related to stress....I'm a biochem major taking calculus II, physics, and organic chemsitry while working and I'm really stressed most of the time. But I think a subconcious worry that I'm going to be forced to relive my abuse in my dreams is the main thing preventing me from sleeping. But because I've been getting 5-6 hours of sleep each night, I'm sleeping in my classes instead, and I almost fell asleep while working with e coli (at work)....not safe.

I don't really expect anyone to have any advise on this. I have tried sleeping pills, but I really dislike taking medicine, and I'm taking a lot as it is. Mostly I just wanted to get this out because I can't explain to most people because it's none of their business.

 

[bubblefish]

*hug* Hun.. I am sorry that I don't really have advice, since I struggle with that a lot too - especially at the moment.. But I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and leave a *hug* and I am always here if you want to talk.

 

[Johnnz]

Have you ever talked about your abuse with a suitable person? Unresolved issues can bubble away and generate a fair amount of internal tension.

John
NZ

 

[Nienor]

When I did talk to a counselor about it, she retraumatized me....so I haven't really wanted to see another one.

 

[Johnnz]

Some help! Yuk. It could be worth trying someone else. Many people have found talking to a suitable person to be helpful. There are some good people out there.

John
NZ

 

[Nienor]

I think I'm going to try to find a counselor when I go home again. I just don't have the time when school is going to see anyone...

 

[sidnee]

But I think a subconcious worry that I'm going to be forced to relive my abuse in my dreams is the main thing preventing me from sleeping.

I have no real advice, But I feel your pain. And I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[merryheart]

Dealing with sexual abuse trauma is hard, and sometimes takes a long time, but it is possible to do so and come out whole on the other side. Things like not sleeping so you wont dream are symptoms of a problem - not the actual problem. If you are able to work through the recovery steps (and i don't mean a program here - this is custom) the fear of dreaming will be resolved.

Sexual abuse is a very personal crime. The sense of violation is very spiritual. The feelings of shame are intense. This is why it sometimes takes a long time - its just more than one can handle all at once. Go for small steps.

Some things I found helpful:

List what you feel ashamed about. Place a check mark next to any item on that list where you had any control over the situation. Repent there, and over all the rest, when shame arises remind yourself that you did nothing to cause that thing, and that shame is in your reaction to circumstance, not in circumstance itself. You have been strong and brave to get from where you have been to where you are today. You have survived, and are victorious.

List the things that the abuse has stolen from you.
Realize that part of your struggle is a sense of loss over those things.
Grieve over those things.
Forgive the debt that your abuser owes (repayment of loss) and allow the Lord space in your heart to bring you joy in the place of grief
Lather Rinse Repeat

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

Dealing with sexual abuse trauma is hard, and sometimes takes a long time, but it is possible to do so and come out whole on the other side. Things like not sleeping so you wont dream are symptoms of a problem - not the actual problem. If you are able to work through the recovery steps (and i don't mean a program here - this is custom) the fear of dreaming will be resolved.

Sexual abuse is a very personal crime. The sense of violation is very spiritual. The feelings of shame are intense. This is why it sometimes takes a long time - its just more than one can handle all at once. Go for small steps.

Some things I found helpful:

List what you feel ashamed about. Place a check mark next to any item on that list where you had any control over the situation. Repent there, and over all the rest, when shame arises remind yourself that you did nothing to cause that thing, and that shame is in your reaction to circumstance, not in circumstance itself. You have been strong and brave to get from where you have been to where you are today. You have survived, and are victorious.

List the things that the abuse has stolen from you.
Realize that part of your struggle is a sense of loss over those things.
Grieve over those things.
Forgive the debt that your abuser owes (repayment of loss) and allow the Lord space in your heart to bring you joy in the place of grief
Lather Rinse Repeat

I can't do an awful lot but agree with a lot that's been said in this thread, and especially in this post. John makes a good point about finding a suitable person to talk to...I know there are some uber-crap counsellors out there, but not all of them are like that. It's more a matter of finding one who is right for you - shop around before you settle. If you're paying for their services, you deserve to choose someone you connect with and trust. (Anyone woth their salt won't be offended if you don't connect with them and try someone else).

Otherwise, I can't do more but re-affirm merryheart's post and maybe reccommend a book I'm reading at the moment called "The Courage to Heal: A guide to women survivors of Child Sexual Abuse" by Ellen Bass & Laura Bass (and add a trigger warning to it). All of this won't help with the sleeping to begin with, but if you can find someone to work through this with (friend or counsellor), it will get easier with time .

 

[sethad]

In the last year I have slowly working on coming to terms about the sexual abuse I experienced when I was 10. It's been a lot easier for me to pretend that it didn't happen, and that's just not wise. But since then, and especially since returning home and seeing my abuser at church once again (he had left for 8-9 years) was really hard on me emotionally. My dad did ask him to stop coming eventually...but the damage was done.

Since last summer I have really been struggling to sleep at night. My doctor gave me a prescription they subscribe war veterans to deal with ptsd, but it hasn't been helping too much, sometimes it makes the dreams worse. I did go off of it for a while, but I decided to go back on when I found myself unable to fall asleep until around 3 in the morning. I have these dreams you see....and he shows up and tells me that he's not sorry, or I have to stay at his house again, or he just appears.

Part of my sleeping problem might be related to stress....I'm a biochem major taking calculus II, physics, and organic chemsitry while working and I'm really stressed most of the time. But I think a subconcious worry that I'm going to be forced to relive my abuse in my dreams is the main thing preventing me from sleeping. But because I've been getting 5-6 hours of sleep each night, I'm sleeping in my classes instead, and I almost fell asleep while working with e coli (at work)....not safe.

I don't really expect anyone to have any advise on this. I have tried sleeping pills, but I really dislike taking medicine, and I'm taking a lot as it is. Mostly I just wanted to get this out because I can't explain to most people because it's none of their business.

It gets better over time, but I'm sure stressing yourself out with work and school isn't helping either.

 

[Illuminating*Theopneustia]

Okay.. So I know already that anything can say isn't really gonna fix everything. In the end, I can't get rid of the dreams. Only God can do that. But I'd like to try and do my best to help you cope with them or something..



The first verse I found to post here was Hebrews 13:6.. and I decided on that because even if you trust the Lord to help you with your mind, it's not always easy to trust Him with your heart.​

Passage Hebrews 13:6:
"So that we may boldly say, 'The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.'"

​

The next verses were Isaiah 53:4-5. Not only does God help you in troubled times.. He's bourn (proper grammar? o.-) them Himself. He wants to take your pain. And sometimes it's hard to remember to give them all to Him..
​

Passage Isaiah 53:4-5:
"Surely He hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted."​

But He was wounded for our transgressions; He was bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement of our peace was upon Him, and with His stripes we are healed."

​

Aaand.. after that.. Deuteronomy 31:8. God not only is a helper and a bearer of pain. He is a protector. He won't ever leave you. He'll be there for you always.​

Passage Deuteronomy 31:8:​

"And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed."
​

If you would like some more verses, I could send point you to some more.. I hope they help at least a little
I'll be keeping you in my prayers. Take care and God bless.​

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

How are you doing Neinor?

 

[ForAMomentIWillFly]

Nienor (hug)

I have sleeping problems too. I've been prescribed MANY things, some of them alpha-blockers, said to help with PTSD, such as Pravosin and clonidine, but often it did make the nightmares into flashbacks if I forgot to take it. I've been on sleeping meds galore, trazodone, amitryptelene, ambien, benedryl, hydroxl, valium....the list goes on.

I cannot offer much in the way of suggestions...(warm milk?) but PM me if you ever wish to chat.

 

[Pure_Heart]

Ask God to take the painful memories from you and hold them for you until you are able to deal with them or come to terms with them on your own. I have done this and it works wonderfully.

Also, each night I ask God to control my dreams. I give God control over what I dream and He protects me while I sleep. It's actually really simple and very effective!

 

[Carolyn H]

Nienor,

I saw someone because I was reliving it over and over...again and again...it feels like there is a monster in your brain...and you don't know when it is going to come out of hiding to "get you" again. I found a safe person to talk to...and women seem best for me. This helped me bunches!

Praying for you!