Sleep is my only escape from constant blasphemous thoughts, but meds do help

[Job405]

I am bombarded with an unending stream of blasphemous thoughts, many against the Holy Spirit but also thoughts that satan is God (he is not), loving satan (I do not) and various other blasphemies.

I can tell the difference between my own conscious thoughts and these intrusive thoughts. For example I can think a conscious thought at the same time as an intrusive thought comes in and it'll be like there's two thoughts in my brain simultaneously. Kind of like someone talking over someone else.

It's like I have to constantly battle these thoughts with good thoughts to cancel them out, because if I ignore them the following seems to happen:

Intrusive thought: Satan is God
Intrusive thought: Yes he is
Intrusive thought: You think satan is God

It tries to make it seem in my mind that it's me thinking these thoughts. It has a strategy.

Then sometimes I myself accidentally think these thoughts consciously, or think them purposefully but without meaning them and I feel this pain in my solar plexus (center of chest above the bellybutton). Idk if that is the Holy Spirit or what.

My one escape is sleep. I try to sleep as much as I can every day because that's the one place where I do not encounter these thoughts. I have had three demonic dreams but mostly it has been an oasis of peace.

Some meds do help. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and I take olanzapine 10mg, as well as escitalopram (lexapro) 15mg. Olanzapine helps with the hallucinations I used to have, and it also helps me to fall asleep and lexapro helps to keep me calm in the midst of these thoughts.

This all started in October 2019 after I told a lie while being filled with the Holy Spirit. I assume in my case this is chastisement. At least that's what I hope it is, because in the Bible madness is divine chastisement. I believe my flesh may have been handed over to satan as in 1 Corinthians 5:5.

 

[Ceallaigh]

I assume in your case this is schizophrenia.The man in 1 Corinthians 5:5 was practicing iniquity. You are suffering from an illness. It's what's in your heart that matters to God, not what's in your troubled mind, that you know doesn't belong there.

 

[marc b]

Immerse yourself in God, saturate yourself in Him thoroughly, let His Spirit be a stronghold in your being. Build yourself in Him so strongly that you can hide yourself in this secret place and shelter yourself from your thoughts. Then learn to sense the division between your spirit and your soul. Then know that you know that you know, that you love God beyond life itself. And these thoughts does not matter at all, for they are not you. The real you is the one in love with God, safely hid in that secret place with Him.

 

[Tolworth John]

can tell the difference between my own conscious thoughts and these intrusive thoughts. For example I can think a conscious thought at the same time as an intrusive thought comes in and it'll be like there's two thoughts in my brain simultaneously. Kind of like someone talking over someone else

Have you read the article 25 tips to successfully treat your OCD.
I suspect not because you paid no attention to what it says about intrusive thoughts.

Which is to merely say, " OK that's right." And to carry on paying no attention to them.

Part of the problem is you may need medication to enable you to get on top of your intrusive thoughts.

Read the article and talk to your doctor.

 

[garee]

I can tell the difference between my own conscious thoughts and these intrusive thoughts. For example I can think a conscious thought at the same time as an intrusive thought comes in and it'll be like there's two thoughts in my brain simultaneously. Kind of like someone talking over someone else.

I would offer. A couple of things. First the idea of having two thoughts at the same time is impossible. . . other thoughts from without can come alongside . But it is our unseen father that must teach us. He alone is the one good teaching master that we must hear as he gives us his understanding.. . as it is written (sola scriptura) And not the voice of a stranger. to hid doctrines

We who do plant the gospel seed and others who do water it are as nothing. If Christ does nor breath in the newness of born again life then the hearing of another voice was in vain . Study as to how we can hear the voice of comfort and remember he brings to our memory the things he has taught us. .With that labor of love he hems us in like chicks gathering around the mother hen.

In that way he is our teacher comforter ,guide who does actively bring to our new born again minds the things he has taught us .If we attempt to take credit for the teaching authority then we have already done despite to His teaching ministry by the voice of a stranger. Did God really say you shall surely die. . .Look at me and live.

If we would seek after the voice of a stranger it would show we are not to listen to human reasoning other than as it is written . Colloisians2 I believe speaks of the voice of a stranger .

Colloisians2 :18 EVR They always talk about the visions they have seen. Don’t listen to them when they say you are wrong because you don’t do these things. It is so foolish for them to feel such pride, because it is all based on their own human ideas.

Jesus, the Son of man in Mathew 4 the beginning of his ministry of Him and the father working as one God was humbled in and by his Spirit when he was shown all the kingdoms of the world and all the glory of them. He was moved by His Father who worked in the Son to both will and empower Jesus to do His good pleasure. Tt would seem every time the Son needed strength he would reply on the good teaching master . it make the legion of lies flee.

Three times the father gave the words . . .as it is written to His son the prophet Jesus .. It as it is written made the spirit of error flee. it established the one source of the unseen. Faith. God is not a man as us.

Remember who the teacher is who alone brings to our memory the things he has taught No Christian is self taught .Following that teaching law can help in bringing comfort as to who it is working in us with us that has our backs.

 

[Mari17]

I am bombarded with an unending stream of blasphemous thoughts, many against the Holy Spirit but also thoughts that satan is God (he is not), loving satan (I do not) and various other blasphemies.

I can tell the difference between my own conscious thoughts and these intrusive thoughts. For example I can think a conscious thought at the same time as an intrusive thought comes in and it'll be like there's two thoughts in my brain simultaneously. Kind of like someone talking over someone else.

It's like I have to constantly battle these thoughts with good thoughts to cancel them out, because if I ignore them the following seems to happen:

Intrusive thought: Satan is God
Intrusive thought: Yes he is
Intrusive thought: You think satan is God

It tries to make it seem in my mind that it's me thinking these thoughts. It has a strategy.

Then sometimes I myself accidentally think these thoughts consciously, or think them purposefully but without meaning them and I feel this pain in my solar plexus (center of chest above the bellybutton). Idk if that is the Holy Spirit or what.

My one escape is sleep. I try to sleep as much as I can every day because that's the one place where I do not encounter these thoughts. I have had three demonic dreams but mostly it has been an oasis of peace.

Some meds do help. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and I take olanzapine 10mg, as well as escitalopram (lexapro) 15mg. Olanzapine helps with the hallucinations I used to have, and it also helps me to fall asleep and lexapro helps to keep me calm in the midst of these thoughts.

This all started in October 2019 after I told a lie while being filled with the Holy Spirit. I assume in my case this is chastisement. At least that's what I hope it is, because in the Bible madness is divine chastisement. I believe my flesh may have been handed over to satan as in 1 Corinthians 5:5.

I know how you feel, as I've had lots of intrusive thoughts before, and have had thoughts/feelings that I'm afraid are "on purpose." It's so hard to have OCD, because it's like we have a hyper-awareness of our thoughts/feelings about our obsessive topic, and our OCD makes us very very confused about our true thoughts/feelings/motivations. I'm not sure you'll agree with me, but I think this all sounds very much like OCD and should be treated as such. If you're not sure how to do that, I can try to explain some of the strategies I've learned. I've forgotten, do you have (or have you had in the past) a therapist who treats OCD?