Singles who talk about being single....

[NW82]

I think people idealize what having a relationship is like. It is wonderful in the beginning but if you fall in love and the other person doesn't or falls out of love, it hurts on levels that you can't understand. Often enough that you wish you never had met them or experienced the beginning feelings of love. Also, even if you get to the point of marrying, there comes a time when you and/or they stop trying to please you and the real personalities come out. This is a hard time because you are trapped in a forever relationship. This often becomes a time when the "two that became one" go back into being two people that live in the same house only as platonic roomates...or worse, roommates that avoid each other. Anger, frustration, and loneliness become normal feelings. This is when many marriages die and people then just become roommates or get divorced. The emotions that come from divorce include betrayal, rejection, and you begin to question your value as person who deserves to feel love. Being single with a focus on being married often has many of the same feelings without the damage of having a broken heart and the status as being a failure in marriage on top of it.

If your focus is on "poor me, why can't I find a relationship" or "I'd just be happy if I found someone to love me", you are wasting your life mourning something that isn't real. We are to learn to be content with the life God has given us and to use our opportunities to serve him and find our selves as single people, individual in Christ. Anything else makes having a spouse/or dating partner your idol.

Being content in being alone all the time isn't living, but that's what you're telling people to do isn't it? Like Lost said, it's not about idolizing a relationship or thinking it will solve problems, indeed it brings a whole new set of them, however it is about not being lonely, about having someone who actually cares whether you're even alive or not, about not being worthless.

 

[blackribbon]

Being content in being alone all the time isn't living, but that's what you're telling people to do isn't it? Like Lost said, it's not about idolizing a relationship or thinking it will solve problems, indeed it brings a whole new set of them, however it is about not being lonely, about having someone who actually cares whether you're even alive or not, about not being worthless.

Being single and being alone are not the same thing. I am saying learn to be content as a single.

I am also saying it is very possible to be married and alone ... and that is a very hard thing because feeling alone while in the same room as your forever spouse is one where very little hope exists. In a dead marriage, you don't feel like anyone cares if you are alive or not...and sometimes they really don't care. Look around you, unfortunately this describes many marriages after 5 or so years.

The people that believe a relationship will solve their loneliness issues are probably the ones most likely to not have the social skills to maintain a marriage...which is very much a social relationship.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you fell in love and had it fall apart? That feeling is worse than being alone.

 

[NW82]

Have you ever been in a relationship where you fell in love and had it fall apart? That feeling is worse than being alone.

Yes, my ex wife cheated on me and left. I'd have to say the pain of that point in time and the pain of 10 years of being lonely, to me, is about equal.

 

[sunshine100]

This would not be a good pool to fish from. The internet is the worst thing for real relationships.

I agree,especially dating sites,you can't trust those sites,because of the fact that you don't know who you are talking to,and the person could go and lie about everything that they tell you.

 

[Paints]

you can't trust those sites,because of the fact that you don't know who you are talking to,and the person could go and lie about everything that they tell you

I don't think it's just the sites where people like that hang out. They show up in person, too. It's just easiest to talk to new people on them if you're working a lot.

For the thread topic: I'd rather be single forever if I never find that best friend supporter type of guy. I'm not trying to fill a job position. I want a real partner. I find far too many jokers, so it may never happen.

 

[Cross Over the Lake]

For me it’s all about personal development in my societal self and my Christian self. As a practicing Christian these both go hand in hand. In fact when I meditate and reflect I write like I am almost 2 people different people. If I am focusing on career, education, personal finance (which includes tithing) or other various goals I view that separate from my fellowship. I may pray for guidance but when it come to walking with Christ I give my undivided attention. So where am I going with this??
Sometimes it seems like people get consumed with singleness. They let it affect their lives in a way that can almost debilitate a person. I find being spiritual and goal oriented is a perfect cure. It not only lets me connect with my Father on a higher level and leads me down a successful path, but it also opens my heart for God to bring someone into my life. It also prepares me to be the man a women can respect and be proud of. That’s what being single looks like to me. I had to change my mindset and Let God!

 

[bèlla]

I think there’s a growing wave of discontent in both sexes on this subject. Many assumed they’d be married or engaged by now. Finding that’s not the case is upsetting for some and demoralizing for others.

While I’m not a fan of complaints. There’s the necessity of recognizing our hindrances may relate to factors within our control. We don’t see ourselves as others do. Mirroring with a friend is eye opening.

It’s important we address the stumbling blocks to companionship and avoid blame and despondency. The more we’re willing to examine ourselves and confront unpleasant truths. The better we become as individuals and future partners.

~Bella

 

[Miles]

Although I'd be thrilled to find a woman who is marriage material, it isn't something I spend much time thinking about. My life is full of responsibilities and interests to explore. My marital status rarely comes up.

One exception is when it comes to faith, unfortunately. Adult christian circles are often couples-centric. Not having a spouse when around other Christians who expect you to can feel othering at times. There isn't any jealousy or ill will on my part, as I'm genuinely happy for them. Ultimately, I am responsible for my own thoughts and feelings. Although I might talk about it here, it isn't something that interferes with the rest of my life.

I don’t get why people who are single, almost complain about being single when you can obviously find someone on here who is saying the same thing.

#GoGeddem

I have to admit, the OP made me smile.

#GoGeddem

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

I talk about being single because it's a topic that keeps being brought up in my life, so I'm thinking about it frequently. I'm content to be single even though I don't particularly 'enjoy' it. I'm definitely not willing to try to change my status. I've been single long enough to have gained a bit of perspective and I can see how a lot of what I experienced during that period of life where I was interested in having a partner was just silliness.

Most people don't like me when they first meet me. Online or in real life. I don't make a good first impression. Very few people in this world were ever willing to take the opportunity to get to know me a bit better before judging my worthiness. The chances of finding a rarity of a woman here are slim to none, so I'll just continue to make jokes or quips about the benefits of being single. Just for giggles. If I can't laugh at my pathetic position in life, it would drive me bonkers.

 

[ChicanaRose]

I don’t get why people who are single, almost complain about being single when you can obviously find someone on here who is saying the same thing.

#GoGeddem

I don't think about finding someone Online (lol).