Single or Single again and thirty

[maltesecorsair]

Never married nor slept with anyone, do want to find someone I can call my own and love for all eternity but I think I have some kind of curse on me- to remain a loner for ever. And I'm half scared of women! (To the ladies who might read this- please dont take that comment the wrong way, it is just that I was raised a loner and I have lived that way all my life).

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I bring up the story of having patience as in the case of Abraham and Sarah wanting kids. They were in their 80s before God allowed them to have kids. So if thats how long it took then I won't complain about being single if I was 80 because I know its in Gods time. Just ignore the world that makes us think we must be married by 18 and have a bundle of kids by 21. Thats the words view, not Gods.

Mind you I just turned 31 a few days ago and am getting married in 3 months. For awhile I was mad at God because I was single for so long. I was even made at society for making fun of the fact I was getting older and not married. Obviously though I repented for being so stupid and getting mad about it and then gave my love life over to God. Thats when I met my fiance.

Another example is my parents friend. He diabetic and they say he wouldn't live to an old age. This man is a wonderful christians, down to earth...etc. He thought he would not be able to find someone either. But at 46 he found someone and married her! They now have two children and are very happy. And even better there is a cure they are getting ready to test on humans that cures Type 1 diabetes.

So not only did God bless him with a wife and children. But thanks to this possible cure he can see his children marry and see his grandchildren!

 

[Ezeretane]

For awhile I was mad at God because I was single for so long. I was even made at society for making fun of the fact I was getting older and not married. Obviously though I repented for being so stupid and getting mad about it and then gave my love life over to God. Thats when I met my fiance.

well the thing is man and woman are not the same
you can wait till 50 to have children but we can't
and even more i don't see myself pregnant at 40: when my child will be 20, i'll be 60 ... doesn't suit me at all
my purpose is not to be bitter about if and try to focus on GOD'S will
but i have to admit : i don't like hearing : i stop thinking about it and then it came by itself
i don't look at every guy asking myself is he the one (first of all because i'll know when i'll meet him) but when people are talking about engagement and wedding and child around you you have to listen and then you think about it
how can you gave up something if you are suppose to trust God for it and even pray for it ?

 

[Ezeretane]

it is just that I was raised a loner and I have lived that way all my life).

how do you mean ?

 

[maltesecorsair]

Well ma'am, have no brothers or sisters, parents didnt allow me to interact with other kids, and I grew up alone. Started to rebel after age 17 or so but cant seem to trust anyone or socialize with anyone. So remained a loner.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

well the thing is man and woman are not the same
you can wait till 50 to have children but we can't

Well Sarah was barren and past the stage of having children. But GOd made her able to have them again. Of course this doens't mean that would happen today, but its still its a good example of the power of God.

and even more i don't see myself pregnant at 40: when my child will be 20, i'll be 60 ... doesn't suit me at all

::cries::
I am 31, are you saying I am to old? Kidding LOL

But yeah I understand. As much as I love children I do realize the older we get the less likley we can have children and as you said, you don't really want to have a child at that age. Neither do I which is why even at 31 I don't really want to have a child.

how can you gave up something if you are suppose to trust God for it and even pray for it ?

I'm not going to lie. Its not easy. Its why around 22 I got annoyed that people wanted me to trust God that he would bring me the right person. I took it upon myself. It lead me down a road of bad relationships, losing my virginity, and lack of blessings. Its a road I look back at and say "Why didn't I just trust in God and have patience!".

When I finally repented of going against Gods will and then told him I would trust in Him for my love life, thats when I met my fiance. And unlike the past where I was "leading" my life, there was nothing bad. No confusion, no messing up, no problems. If anything we as a couple are constantly being blessed. God has provided everything for us to marry even though shes 8,000+ miles away.

For lack of better words it feels like we are in heaven. As if God is hugging us both and giving us wedding gifts. ^.^ Which of course he is since he is our loving Father. Best way to go about not thinking about finding love is to keep yourself busy. Do church projects, go bike outside, start a hobby of collecting moon rocks. Anything lol.

Because even one your in a relationship, more so a long distance one you have to keep yourself busy since all you think about is that person. Thats moment of finally meeting. Your firsts such as the first kiss, the first dinner together, the first sunset watch together...etc. Although really thinking about those things isn't a bad thing since it keeps the love going and excitement of meeting.

but when people are talking about engagement and wedding and child around you you have to listen and then you think about it

I quoted this last for a reason. When I was single I felt the same way. I avoided wedding because it just made me think of being with someone, then sometimes I would get jealous of the people marrying. I'd get to the point of tears and as stated in the above response I got to the point of desperation.

Of course now that I am with someone and getting married soon weddings just make me cry, seeing couples kissing outside make me cry, seeing a baby makes me cry. But these are tears of joy because I can now see myself in those spots now. I still try to avoid weddings because I cry more then most guys do when I see them exchange vows. And of course when they get teary I do too. ^.^

 

[Stealth001]

I'm 36. I was married for 12 years, and that ended in divorce. She suddenly realized that marriage life wasn't for her. I have a 6 year old little boy. I seeing a young lady. Today, I'm very unhappy and I can't seem to get rid of her. I know, that sounds heartless, but it's the truth. I want to wake up in the morning to a quiet house. She won't get a job. Bills are piling up. All the money is spent before I can blink. Every day there seems to be drama and tons to do with no room for prayer, Bible study, church, recreation, or the basic enjoyments of life. If I sit down for 30 seconds, she finds something for me to do. I'm miserable. I wish she'd leave lol. I long for the quiet, tranquile, solitary, spiritual life. Relationships aren't for everyone. Sex is something that one might miss... but frankly... I'm realizing that sex isn't nearly as important as inner and outer peace. I'd rather have a peaceful and tranquil life and an occasionally struggle with my sexual needs than be trapped in a marriage or relationship that is pure hell. God has taught me a very important lesson... happiness cannot be found in another person. It's only found deep in yourself and a strong and intimate relationship with Jesus.

When I'm single again... if I can survive this and get free... I think I'll wave the banner high and be proud to be single. lol

 

[Ezeretane]

When I'm single again... if I can survive this and get free... I think I'll wave the banner high and be proud to be single. lol

from an objective perspective , i can't agree (even if i'm sure it's an awful situation and i'm truly sorry for you )
if you chose her it was because she was worthing it in the first place maybe she is suffering too
do you think it would be possible for u to fix it ?(sorry for being so intrusive )
the thing is :if i was in that kind of situation i wished the guy will fight for us ( am i too romantic ... probably lol)

well i'm sure you wouldn't say so if you were in an happy relationship
i'm sure it's hard building relationship and that's why i'm very careful before getting involved with people and that's definitely why i'm still single
hard choice

 

[Ezeretane]

but its still its a good example of the power of God.

i'm not doubting God's power , just on my ability to interest someone :let me tell you ,on that i'm definitely counting on a miracle lol

Neither do I which is why even at 31 I don't really want to have a child.

not having a child because you are a fossil of 31 i can understand that but with that sense of humor you definitely need to produce a little one lol

I'm not going to lie. Its not easy. Its why around 22 I got annoyed that people wanted me to trust God that he would bring me the right person. I took it upon myself. It lead me down a road of bad relationships, losing my virginity, and lack of blessings. Its a road I look back at and say "Why didn't I just trust in God and have patience!".

i try to listen to good advices :life is so hard and we don't listen to elders or learn from history
i decided to change that and i can be very obedient (on spiritual ground it's more complicated)
so people say :trust Him , i try my best to do it
i don't date because i don't see the point of it if you already know it's going to be a failure (some can say ,you can't know in the beginning ... well i always see little clues as far as i'm concerned ...maybe i've made mistakes )
as a result , i don't know what falling in love is but you description is very motivating lol
sometimes i feel like i should do a wrong thing to suffer a lot and then reach the point where i can only wait for God
do you see what i mean ?
it's a little bit crazy , i know and i won't do something stupid but it's a big struggle

 

[CounselorForChrist]

i'm sure it's hard building relationship and that's why i'm very careful before getting involved with people and that's definitely why i'm still single

That so important to be that way to. Being uncareful about finding someone just leads to pain.

i'm not doubting God's power , just on my ability to interest someone :let me tell you ,on that i'm definitely counting on a miracle lol

Well I'll be praying for that miracle for you! I know myself wasn't sure if I could find someone even though I was a old fashioned guy, more so since the world doesn't seem to be full of old fashioned people any more. BUt sure enough I found someone after years of trying. Who would have guessed my wife to be was 8,000 miles away lol.

not having a child because you are a fossil of 31 i can understand that but with that sense of humor you definitely need to produce a little one lol

::cries again:: LOL
My fiance loves me sense of humor and I honestly would love a child. Every woman I know says "One day you will make a amazing father!". You seem down to earth to and I am sure when the time is right God will drop a man into your lap, well hopefully not literally because that could be painful. ^.^

trust Him , i try my best to do it

Its defiantly not easy sometimes thats for sure. I got so tired of elderly people telling me that kind of stuff too. But turns out they were full of wisdom after all. Of course when I give advice now I feel like an old fart whos driving younger people nuts. ::

i don't date because i don't see the point of it if you already know it's going to be a failure (some can say ,you can't know in the beginning ... well i always see little clues as far as i'm concerned ...maybe i've made mistakes )

Oh know seeing clues is a good thing. I knew with the last three women we wouldn't work but I was being to desperate and stubborn. Even when the clues became so obvious it was like being hit in the face with a frying pan.

as a result , i don't know what falling in love is but you description is very motivating lol

lol well your welcome. You will indeed know the right one when you meet them. Its hard to describe really but once you feel it you will be like "Wow, that was defiantly God telling me this is the one! I love this feeling!". And then you will be like me talking about it and having to try to describe to young whipper snappers what it felt like.

sometimes i feel like i should do a wrong thing to suffer a lot and then reach the point where i can only wait for God
do you see what i mean ?

I understand. Maybe its part of the reason I ignored the red flags at first with women in the past. I kept hearing people tell me that at your weakest point, God will give you untold strength, patience and faith. Which to some degree was true for me. Many mistakes later I shattered and told him I was sorry and I need his help. Thats when I met my fiance. It blows my mind every time I think about it.

Often our own arrogance in finding someone will defeat us and make us realize just how much we do need God to help us and to give us patience for finding a spouse. After all we often learn from our mistakes. God turns our bad into good. If it wasn't for m past relationships I wouldn't have learned some important lessons.

it's a little bit crazy , i know and i won't do something stupid but it's a big struggle

Yes it is. Just keep your head up and faith in God. Remember, he probably had someone picked out for you before you were even conceived. He knows your past, present and future. Even they day you will die.

And yeah, when the world is picking on us for not finding someone, it does make it harder because its like two voices in our head that wont' opposite things. Your in my prayers sister!

 

[anewday]

I'm in my early 30s, no children, never married, no boyfriend, but I'm trying to be happy with the way things are. God has blessed me in many ways in my life. For whatever reason He has not blessed me with a husband and children yet, and may never. I want children but not much later than in my mid to late 30s, but that is not in my hands, its in God's hands.

 

[Ezeretane]

ok i'm desperately in need of prayer
30 minutes ago ,a friend of mine announced her engagement , i was happy for her but i felt sudently very alone
i realize how much it's a grace to be able to meet someone who is exactly the person you need,want, love etc
in her situation , i saw her desperation before,and her joy now
i've got no word to describe how magnificent God can be to make dreams be true and yet i can't think about if for myself
i just see how much i lost those last 3 years and october is some kind of nightmare anniversary
but i want to be grateful and be happy for others and praise God for all the joy is giving to people in that situation
but for now i can't pray for it to happen
i want to be able to look and focuse on Him not on my little selfish life

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Praying for you Ezeretane! God will give you someone in time!

 

[Ezeretane]

Praying for you Ezeretane! God will give you someone in time!

thank you
i'm sorry , yesterday , i just freak out in a very selfish way
not very proud of it
i want to be truly happy for engaged people , pray for the struggles or trials that may accure like family issue, money , background differences, complex etc...
there is so much to pray for you all guys
and as a single i kind of have the time lol
yes my life would be so much easier if i though about praying instead of complaining
wow be careful , i'm living my VVSM (VERY VERY SPIRITUAL MOMENT) lol
take care of you and your half

 

[welshman]

Better to be single than in the wrong relationship because you wanted something that was not in God's time.

 

[Ezeretane]

Better to be single than in the wrong relationship because you wanted something that was not in God's time.

i definitely agree with that but i'm still perplex about the fact that it takes so much time
most of the time it's because we need to be ready or something but it would be far more easier to just tell to everyone what we need to fix
even if in my case i'm not sure it's fixing something that i need anymore but more to understand that it's all about grace :i'm trying so much to be compassionate , mature, not getting angry or distressed for nothing, understanding other point of view,being open minded , trusting God ,praying for the right thing
well i'm TRYING to do all these,still in process ;p
but i think it's not the good way of doing it
which is weird because i thought that singleness was a moment to focus on God and learn who we are and what we need, to understand that life is not easier because you are 2 but there are others struggles
i'm thinking about so many things that it freaks everyone out lol
i thought it was good, i 'm not so sure now
and i'm a bit tired of it :i should probably just let things happen and stop being afraid of doing something wrong or missing a precious point ...
and breathe ...and pray ...

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Thinking about this more. I am happy just to be 31 and alive! When I read the obituaries I so often see young people dying, even babies. Waking up alive today is a gift from God. Especially since for once I've been clinically dead twice. And also because doctors said I wouldn't live as long as most and friends said I would never find anyone.

 

[sampa]

Hey Sampa Have you heard wait for me by Rebecca st James

Ace thanks for sharing that song. I think I heard it in the 90s. Blessings in the journey

 

[Evie1980]

Hey thought that I would add myself to the list. Let's see I am currently in the 6th country of residence for work since graduating (including my home country of Australia) and have worked a couple more jobs than that in those years (around 11). As much as I love it I think I am getting old and tired and am missing all the roots that people make when they stay in the one place. Having said that, I am more open to the will of the Lord and able to follow His guiding so I am thankful for this journey. Slowly I know that He will bring in other plans into my life. This is not the end but merely another step. I hope and pray one day I will be married with children but that is in the Lord's hands now. As for me, I will keep walking with Him.

 

[Tamz]

I'm 36. I was married for 12 years, and that ended in divorce. She suddenly realized that marriage life wasn't for her. I have a 6 year old little boy. I seeing a young lady. Today, I'm very unhappy and I can't seem to get rid of her. I know, that sounds heartless, but it's the truth. I want to wake up in the morning to a quiet house. She won't get a job. Bills are piling up. All the money is spent before I can blink. Every day there seems to be drama and tons to do with no room for prayer, Bible study, church, recreation, or the basic enjoyments of life. If I sit down for 30 seconds, she finds something for me to do. I'm miserable. I wish she'd leave lol. I long for the quiet, tranquile, solitary, spiritual life. Relationships aren't for everyone. Sex is something that one might miss... but frankly... I'm realizing that sex isn't nearly as important as inner and outer peace. I'd rather have a peaceful and tranquil life and an occasionally struggle with my sexual needs than be trapped in a marriage or relationship that is pure hell. God has taught me a very important lesson... happiness cannot be found in another person. It's only found deep in yourself and a strong and intimate relationship with Jesus.

When I'm single again... if I can survive this and get free... I think I'll wave the banner high and be proud to be single. lol

This sounds like my ex lol.. thanx for sharing, it gives me some hope that he will realise and learn the same as you, and find peace