Single at 32 and feeling dread

[DarkSoul999]

I think the more appropriate term is "baggage that's acceptable"... I have literally and I kid you not, had women tell me they would not date a virgin guy who is 30 years or older. It's awkward and makes them suspicious. These are church girls.....

Well I have no interest in women like that. They are not the marrying type.

 

[Sketcher]

I think the more appropriate term is "baggage that's acceptable"... I have literally and I kid you not, had women tell me they would not date a virgin guy who is 30 years or older. It's awkward and makes them suspicious. These are church girls.....

Their loss.

 

[LoveDivine]

Well I have no interest in women like that. They are not the marrying type.

I agree. I think that is a worldly mindset. Anyone who is serious about their Christianity would at the very least respect another person's committment to abstinence.

 

[dhh712]

So perhaps I'm not exactly "old" and it isn't overly unusual for people to still be single at this age. Some people are just holding out for "the one" and refusing to settle.

Thing is....I've never had a relationship that lasted more than 2 months. I had severe psychiatric issues from the age of 7-25 and only started dating at 29 after I managed to land a full time job and a place as a "normal" member of society. For most of my life I was treated like a leper because of the extreme stigma surrounding mental illness. I don't really blame them for this because my personality was utterly exhausting during those years. I was really hard to tolerate.

It is fairly unlikely that I will relapse into depression over this because I'm a health fanatic. My neurotransmitters are working just fine. However, I still have this overwhelming sense of dread that I will be rejected by woman as soon as they find out about my past. So lately I have been acting fake and put on airs around women in the hope that they will never sense the pain and scars that I harbor inside. This doesn't work because they can see right through it.

It is not easy to spend an entire lifetime knowing NOTHING but pure agony and inner Hell and then trying to somehow relate to people who have not experienced this. I just wish for once that woman would stop asking me questions about my past on the first date!!! If I come clean and tell them they look at me like I'm the most disgusting piece of garbage they have ever seen. I've seen woman recoil at me like I'm literally made out of dog ****. Even devout Christian women seem to think that I'm God's mistake. Even my own parents tell me to keep it all a permanent secret! So if I somehow find someone willing to be my wife then I can't trust her with my past...well that's reassuring...

Thing is, I CAN'T change the past. I can take action to prevent the past from repeating again but they really don't care. They are like an insurance company which sees me as a liability. A giant red flag! Every good thing I've done in life is now tainted and worthless!

There is also another element to this. They get to choose from millions of successful thirty somethings who have gone from victory to victory and have zero baggage. I'm not entirely sure why they should choose a guy like me who is just barely starting to get things together.

If I had survived cancer I'd be treated like a hero! Sometimes I ask God "why didn't you give me cancer instead?!" At least there wouldn't be this overwhelming stigma.

It's getting to the point where I might need to only date women who barely speak English....but then once they learn English they will ask the question and I'll be forced to either lie (and drive them away) or tell the truth (and drive them away).

What do I do now? It will take a divine miracle to somehow "catch up" to normal men who have more to offer. Only incredible success will prove that I'm not a dud...

Trust in God to put you where he wants you to be.

To give you encouragement, I was single at 34 and had a *huge* past with baggage. I was transgender before I was converted and I thought that no Christian man would seriously have anything to do with me. Covering up the past was not an option for me. Doing that kind of stuff will only lead to trouble later. The Christian woman who God has for you will be able to look beyond your horrible past to see you for the person God has made you today.

God did have a husband for me however, and how and when we met is so clearly done by the hand of God, it amazes me every time i think about it.

32 is really not all that old for a man to be single. Many people are waiting until later to get married.

Just don't give up, trust in God to guide you, pray to him daily and definitely do not cover up your past!

Best wishes!
-Anne

 

[dhh712]

I think the more appropriate term is "baggage that's acceptable"... I have literally and I kid you not, had women tell me they would not date a virgin guy who is 30 years or older. It's awkward and makes them suspicious. These are church girls.....

They may be church girls, but they are certainly not godly women. It's a good thing they wouldn't date a virgin guy who is older than 30 who has his life centered on Jesus. They would not be a good match for this godly man!

 

[look4hope]

Wow...I would like to tell you that you’ve come a long way and hopefully you are proud of that. It’s a new beginning for you.
How about this....
Enjoy your time meeting people, without the pressure of settling down now. When you do go on dates, like someone else said....you don’t need to lie, but you can always keep it simple and basic. Besides, why should they drill you for that kind of info on the first few dates!?
Women that don’t see pass that and run for the hills when the go gets tough, aren’t worth your time.