Single and requested to be guardian in will for 8-yr old twins

[mreeed]

I have done respite for these boys for seven years and love them dearly. Their single adoptive mother divorced from their 'Dad' who has a drug habit and is a closet homosexual before they could adopt them together (were his son's children). They see him once a week. She has no living parents, and just one brother whose young son has engaged in sexual behaviour with them and no action taken. So she wants them to be safe and raised in a Christian home. She has modest life insurance part to raise, part for university, and also offered to leave me her house.

I am 38 and single, no relationship, and I've been working temporary work off and on for some time to try to tie up some loose ends and move on with more of a vocational life and what God wants from me.

Is there a way of creating a will such that I would be responsible to find them a good home but not necessarily providing it? Any other ways to think out of the box? Are there ways it may make sense to go through the foster system (but with a known person)?

I am tempted to ask her if she has thought of anyone else from the church I attend that she also used to go to; one family in particular used to foster children for several years and they had even stayed with them for a couple weeks when her then-husband kicked her out of the house. She is not close enough yet to anyone in her current church and realizes she may have asked them prematurely.

Anyone else been in this situation of trying to find a suitable guardian or being asked to be one in a tricky situation? I can use prayer and perspectives, I don't feel close enough to God to find His direction. I just want to do do my due diligence before I agree. I am on my third mother (same dad) myself due to death. Lord increase my faith!

 

[Mudinyeri]

Perhaps your "vocational life" is to care for these children.

In any case, nearly anything is possible. Has the biological father given up his parental rights? If not, it may be very difficult to do anything that doesn't involve at least partial custody on his part.

 

[mreeed]

It could be a vocation, who knows, I guess my thought is that it is alot to ask of a single person, but I am considering; I would want to do my best to step up. But I also know how hard it is and has been for my friend, and the boys could really use a father-figure and more stability than I can foresee being able to offer them and I think others would do better, and maybe better to fit them into a structured family than trying to create one from scratch?

 

[Mudinyeri]

... and maybe better to fit them into a structured family than trying to create one from scratch?

Perhaps your friend doesn't know of a "structured family" that can do a better job than you.

With that said, you might sit your friend down and discuss your concerns.

 

[Goodbook]

Sorry are you male..i couldnt tell from your status.

The mother can name a guardian in her will. But she can also name an executor of her estate which means someone can be entrusted for the boys welfare to carry out whatevers necessary in terms of legal things. But a will can only be carried out after she dies.

Is there more going on? The mother is not ill is she?

 

[Goodbook]

We can pray that these boys are looked after by our heavenly Father no matter what happens. Jesus says dont stop children from coming to Him and thr Kingdom is for them.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I have done respite for these boys for seven years and love them dearly. Their single adoptive mother divorced from their 'Dad' who has a drug habit and is a closet homosexual before they could adopt them together (were his son's children). They see him once a week. She has no living parents, and just one brother whose young son has engaged in sexual behaviour with them and no action taken. So she wants them to be safe and raised in a Christian home. She has modest life insurance part to raise, part for university, and also offered to leave me her house.

I am 38 and single, no relationship, and I've been working temporary work off and on for some time to try to tie up some loose ends and move on with more of a vocational life and what God wants from me.

Is there a way of creating a will such that I would be responsible to find them a good home but not necessarily providing it? Any other ways to think out of the box? Are there ways it may make sense to go through the foster system (but with a known person)?

I am tempted to ask her if she has thought of anyone else from the church I attend that she also used to go to; one family in particular used to foster children for several years and they had even stayed with them for a couple weeks when her then-husband kicked her out of the house. She is not close enough yet to anyone in her current church and realizes she may have asked them prematurely.

Anyone else been in this situation of trying to find a suitable guardian or being asked to be one in a tricky situation? I can use prayer and perspectives, I don't feel close enough to God to find His direction. I just want to do do my due diligence before I agree. I am on my third mother (same dad) myself due to death. Lord increase my faith!

mreeed: What is the current state of affairs with the adoptive mother? is she dying or something?
If there is an ex-husband and he gets visitations with the twins, he may seek custody
of the twins, I have known of such things happening when situations in life change
and some people "grow a conscious".

At this point, she be asking...it don't mean you have to do something you feel isn't
suitable to you being you are single, work part time etc.

It's a confusing situation because your friend's ex-husband is actually the twins' grandfather, being
that his son is actually their father.

As a friend I would help her as it is possible for me to do so, which is what I did when my brother wanted
me to take his son and raise him, I didn't take on raising his son full time because the mom was still around and they were
on the outs...they patched things up a short time later, even though he'd vehemently sworn they were over and done with.

 

[Greg J.]

But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne;or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Matthew 5:34-37, 1984 NIV)

One of the reasons I believe Jesus taught this is because to make a promise that you must fulfill in the future means that you believe you will have enough understanding and control of some future situation, but that's an idolatrous assumption. Only God has that capability.

It seems to me that you should not be willing to commit to doing something (unless you feel you have to) that isn't exactly known (because it is in the future), at a time you don't know, in circumstances you don't know anything about. You really have no way of knowing what the kids will be like when they are in their mid-teens. To me, it would be wiser (although possibly less loving) to be willing to accept the responsibility of seeing to it that the children are taken care of, with the option of taking care of them yourself. i.e., willingness to make a short-term commitment rather than a long-term one. Parental responsibility (and their love) doesn't stop when kids move out. It lasts the rest of your life.

For your sake, fix in your mind whether you are willing to be their adoptive parent or if you are willing to foster them until they are adults (guardian). It may not affect your behavior, but it may affect your sense of obligation and the connection they feel to you. For the rest of their lives would you be "mom" or "the person that raised me?"

I trust you are praying/asking God what he wants you to do. In your heart believe that if the responsibility falls to you, that it is actually falling to you and God, and that you would need his help. Involving him (and yielding to what he wants) right now before it is set in stone is a good idea, because then it may be easier for you to believe that he is committed to helping you if the kids become your responsibility.

However, make your decision with a loving, trusting, and wise heart now and leave the future to the Lord, rather than being overly wary. (Matthew 21:28-32)

As others have indicated, the mother may have to do some serious legal work while she is alive so that it is even possible that you would be permitted to have any say at all in what happens to the kids.