Sin is destroying my life

[Jeremiah4Christ]

I don't know when the last time I posted in here was, but whenever it was, so much has happened since. Bad stuff.

I have been struggling with homosexuality since I was young. My older brother had me do stuff with him and ever since then I've had the sin of homosexuality plaguing me. Before I was a Christian I didn't care that much, I just knew it was wrong. Then when I was a sophomore in high school and became a Christian, I started to have horrible guilt every time I would look at porn or maturbate. I wept after I did it, every time. I am so confused and hard-hearted now. Along the way I struggled with doubt about my faith, and now I don't feel much of anything aside from the occasional joys of Christian living. This has carried over and I don't feel guilt when I sin, I don't repent. I could, but I feel fake. I don't have a true, repentant heart anymore. Is this really a reason to not repent?

I try to get close to God now, but I fall into sin. It comes up when I'm focussing on God and devours me. It calls to me and draws me in. I sometimes combat with a little fight, but I usually give in to the calling temptation. After I sin, I try to get back on track, I try to get into the word, I try and try, but I think I'm forgetting something. The fight that I wage against these sins seems fake, like I'm half-heartedly battling against a foe, and I am ill-equipped for the war. What do I do about this?

I want my joy back, but at the same time I feel so un-willing to ask God for it. I feel like I'm being tossed like a wave at sea. Sometimes I desire God, others I just want to chase other lovers.

In my heart of hearts I want restoration, and I want the joy of my salvation back. I wan to walk side by side with my Savior in harmony, rather than falling constantly at His side. "It would be amazing if He still calls me son." I drug his name through the dirt, I disgraced His name, I defiled the marriage bed, I've fornicated, I spat in His face, I condemned Him to death, pushed a crown of thorns on His head, nailed Him to a cross, and lifted Him up to die - BUT HE STILL LOVES ME AND FORGIVES ME.

I need God to piece my life together. I want the joy of my salvation back.

Please help.

 

[Criada]

Praying for you, little brother.
You are right, He does still love you.. totally and unconditionally.
And every time you fall and come back to Him, He will pick you up and clean you off, and restore you. That's a promise.

 

[Bellicus]

I know that things we experience as children when it comes to sexuality can do something bad with us. But I also believe that it is possible to find freedom from sin in Jesus. I don't think we should expect to have no hopes or accept to live broken lives as Christians, but that there is a new life in Christ for all of us.

All your temptations is about homosexuality? You only able to feel aroused by men, or is this just a part of all of it?

I think it is only natural that you don't feel much regret when this has been bothering you for so long. But I don't think God expects us to cry for every sin we do. I think most of us develop a hard heart from living in this world. Just think of the news. Most people can see news about people suffering and dying and they don't really feel much at all I think, cause they have seen so much misery that their heart have been hardened. So even if you feel like that, then still you can come to God and find forgiveness. Often I notice when I pray that I don't really care about what I pray about, so I also ask for forgiveness about that, but I know that even if my heart is hard, then at least the heart of God is not hard.

 

[UnitynLove]

Check out this womans testimony on homosexuality

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEffQfEAXLk