*sigh* I'm so pathetic.

[Neostarwcc]

So first off, I've been scared of thunderstorms ever since I was a very little kid. Probably since I was around 3 or 4 years old. I am 33 years old now. So I've been scared for around 30 years now. I don't know what makes me so afraid of them but every time spring/summer comes along I kind of dread that the thunderstorms start too. When I was hospitalized in Utica a few years ago there was a really big thunderstorm going on and the staff at the hospital said "Yeah storms are really common here and they're usually big". The storm was just so huge that I couldn't sleep for hours and hours! I'm just getting sick and tired of my fear of storms! I wish that God would take away the fear from me. But the more I pray about it the more that I'm scared. It's like just like my mental illness I'll have a fear of storms for the rest of my life.

I'd also like prayers and continued support in spending more time with God. I posted a topic about this a few months ago but nothing has really changed since then. I've made some efforts though. I barely post on the Christian forums at all and whenever I want to read the bible with my wife she is like "no" and would rather play video games instead. I say that it is okay every time but it makes me feel extremely guilty that I don't spend hardly any time with God anymore. I always have to make my wife happy and do her needs. It's just in my personality. I mean I live for my wife because I love her so much. But yeah, I keep waiting for her to change and grow as a Christian but it is like God has given up on both of us. That or he has forsaken us or something. I know the bible says that God won't do this but it just seems that way.

Idk she just shows little or no fruit. She says she's changed so much over the years but it isn't evident to me. I mean my whole conversion from an Atheist to a Christian was very evident. I went from a liar and a scammer to somebody who gives back and cares about people. I mean if you ask my family what I was like before my conversion? They would say that I was NOT a good guy. I just wish I could be more patient with her and obviously when I try talking to her about this she just yells at me. So it's like why even talk about it? She got mad at me the other day and we got into a screaming match because I wanted to play my game and she wanted to play hers. Our friend that we've been playing with wanted to play the other game too but I suggested that we play my game and our friend said okay. But my wife didn't like this at all. So we just screamed at each other for at least a half an hour. *sigh* I am so pathetic.

But you know what the worst part is? Every time I bring up that I want to spend more time with God she is just like "Well you never end up spending time with him anyway so idk why you feel guilty because you never change." But the thing is, a year to a year and a half ago? I was on CF ALL the time. That's why I have almost 3k posts. I was well known around here and I made many friends. But then I had to be with her and do her needs instead of being with God.

I admit it, I don't pray anymore and I barely did before. I find it so awkward because I never know what to say and it's almost like I only go to God when I find it convenient or when I want something because a loved one is dying. That's not a way to talk to God. I should be talking to God everyday and telling him all of my thoughts and problems! But of course I've gone to God about all of this but naturally he gives no reply. It's like he hates me for not being with him and around him more (I know he doesn't). I mean I've stated here before that I sin and I sin often. I mean before I became a Christian I did some REALLY bad stuff.

As for reading the Bible? I read excerpts here and there about once or twice a week but I am definitely not as immersed in the Bible as I should be. It's like I'm not even a Christian or a follower of Jesus at all and I'm just deceiving myself. But I know that God called me and that God wanted to save me and did. I am saved, I am a Christian. But I am also a sinner and I am also one of the worst examples of a Christian there is. Scratch that my wife is probably the worst example. We're both lazy but at least I read the Bible a few times a week and pray to God occasionally. I don't think my wife has prayed to God since she first came to him like 8 years ago for salvation. But again I'm not my wife and my wife would NEVER reply to this thread because she hasn't been on CF in forever. Even if I told her to get off of her video game for 15 minutes and come check how I really feel and give people her side of the story, I know she wouldn't. It's like... why do I even bother being married half of the time! I mean, my wife and I don't believe in divorce but if it weren't for that, we would probably have been divorced by now. We argue almost all the time, I can't really talk to her, and all she wants to do is stare at a TV screen and a computer monitor playing video games for literally all day (Neither of us work I'm disabled and get disability and she hasn't worked since we were dating and she only worked for a month or so).

I mean don't get me wrong I love video games and I love spending time with her but my life also belongs to God too. I just really wish my wife understood that. *sigh* But anyway yeah, I'm pathetic.

 

[Rescued One]

I'll get back to you tomorrow. I'm coughing right now.

 

[ilovejcsog]

I think we are all a little fearful of them. i find them exciting but also they can be so intense that I am afraid of them. Each experience is different. i will pray for you but remember God is always with you and if you are in a building you have little to fear right? i never go outside when there is one.
BTw, don't put yourself down like that. Remember what the bible says about fear?

 

[Mel333]

So first off, I've been scared of thunderstorms ever since I was a very little kid. Probably since I was around 3 or 4 years old. I am 33 years old now. So I've been scared for around 30 years now. I don't know what makes me so afraid of them but every time spring/summer comes along I kind of dread that the thunderstorms start too. When I was hospitalized in Utica a few years ago there was a really big thunderstorm going on and the staff at the hospital said "Yeah storms are really common here and they're usually big". The storm was just so huge that I couldn't sleep for hours and hours! I'm just getting sick and tired of my fear of storms! I wish that God would take away the fear from me. But the more I pray about it the more that I'm scared. It's like just like my mental illness I'll have a fear of storms for the rest of my life.

I'd also like prayers and continued support in spending more time with God. I posted a topic about this a few months ago but nothing has really changed since then. I've made some efforts though. I barely post on the Christian forums at all and whenever I want to read the bible with my wife she is like "no" and would rather play video games instead. I say that it is okay every time but it makes me feel extremely guilty that I don't spend hardly any time with God anymore. I always have to make my wife happy and do her needs. It's just in my personality. I mean I live for my wife because I love her so much. But yeah, I keep waiting for her to change and grow as a Christian but it is like God has given up on both of us. That or he has forsaken us or something. I know the bible says that God won't do this but it just seems that way.

Idk she just shows little or no fruit. She says she's changed so much over the years but it isn't evident to me. I mean my whole conversion from an Atheist to a Christian was very evident. I went from a liar and a scammer to somebody who gives back and cares about people. I mean if you ask my family what I was like before my conversion? They would say that I was NOT a good guy. I just wish I could be more patient with her and obviously when I try talking to her about this she just yells at me. So it's like why even talk about it? She got mad at me the other day and we got into a screaming match because I wanted to play my game and she wanted to play hers. Our friend that we've been playing with wanted to play the other game too but I suggested that we play my game and our friend said okay. But my wife didn't like this at all. So we just screamed at each other for at least a half an hour. *sigh* I am so pathetic.

But you know what the worst part is? Every time I bring up that I want to spend more time with God she is just like "Well you never end up spending time with him anyway so idk why you feel guilty because you never change." But the thing is, a year to a year and a half ago? I was on CF ALL the time. That's why I have almost 3k posts. I was well known around here and I made many friends. But then I had to be with her and do her needs instead of being with God.

I admit it, I don't pray anymore and I barely did before. I find it so awkward because I never know what to say and it's almost like I only go to God when I find it convenient or when I want something because a loved one is dying. That's not a way to talk to God. I should be talking to God everyday and telling him all of my thoughts and problems! But of course I've gone to God about all of this but naturally he gives no reply. It's like he hates me for not being with him and around him more (I know he doesn't). I mean I've stated here before that I sin and I sin often. I mean before I became a Christian I did some REALLY bad stuff.

As for reading the Bible? I read excerpts here and there about once or twice a week but I am definitely not as immersed in the Bible as I should be. It's like I'm not even a Christian or a follower of Jesus at all and I'm just deceiving myself. But I know that God called me and that God wanted to save me and did. I am saved, I am a Christian. But I am also a sinner and I am also one of the worst examples of a Christian there is. Scratch that my wife is probably the worst example. We're both lazy but at least I read the Bible a few times a week and pray to God occasionally. I don't think my wife has prayed to God since she first came to him like 8 years ago for salvation. But again I'm not my wife and my wife would NEVER reply to this thread because she hasn't been on CF in forever. Even if I told her to get off of her video game for 15 minutes and come check how I really feel and give people her side of the story, I know she wouldn't. It's like... why do I even bother being married half of the time! I mean, my wife and I don't believe in divorce but if it weren't for that, we would probably have been divorced by now. We argue almost all the time, I can't really talk to her, and all she wants to do is stare at a TV screen and a computer monitor playing video games for literally all day (Neither of us work I'm disabled and get disability and she hasn't worked since we were dating and she only worked for a month or so).

I mean don't get me wrong I love video games and I love spending time with her but my life also belongs to God too. I just really wish my wife understood that. *sigh* But anyway yeah, I'm pathetic.

Firstly, you are not pathetic! I'm so scared of thunderstorms as well and I'm 32. The lightning and the sound. I just end up frozen and go and hide somewhere.

So, I'm investing in good earplugs so I can't hear them and a blind fold. I actually hide in my closet when there is an electrical storm but this doesn't mean I'm pathetic although other people might think it is. It just means, I'm super sensitive to sound and flashes of lightning.

Also, it's because the roof of our house came off during a storm so that's sort of exacerbated and justified the fear of storms for myself.

All in all, try and find a way of calming yourself down during a storm. Maybe you need some hardcore earmuffs as well and blindfold thing to block out the sight of them and a good closet that you feel safe in. lol

Keep praying and reading the bible as well. Fear of storms is something I too am dealing with in Australia as they are getting nastier every year. I end up praying during storms.

As for following Christ, I'd start with prayer and reading Christ's story in the NT and ask him to come into your life and your marriage. Simply ask him everyday for help to know who he is and that you'd like a relationship with him.

As for your marriage, my husband, when we were dating wasn't a christian to start with. Overtime, the lord transformed our relationship and he's a christian now because he saw God working in my previous messed up life that opened the door for him to know about Christ.

 

[ajcarey]

I think your story illustrates that being born-again doesn't automatically mean that you'll be a victorious Christian afterwards. A lot of people say things that imply if you were really converted to Christ, your life will be together and you'll be serving God faithfully as an evidence of your conversion; and they'll say how if you're not doing so, you need to really get converted for real this time. But the Scriptures and real-life don't align with that mentality. They teach that there is a need to cooperate with God's work after conversion and grow in grace, put on godly attributes, cast off old habits, fend off opposition to Christ having pre-eminence in your life etc, etc. None of this is automatic and there can be crises after conversion which require deeper dealings with God and which demand a surrender that will seem almost like being born-again once again when made. Inaccurate Bible teaching and lack of godly wisdom from faithful, experienced men can really hinder one's walk and create roadblocks which likely could have been avoided had one been in what ought to be a normal (i.e. faithful) Christian church environment.

I would tell God that I was serious about overcoming the world and being pleasing to Him for the rest of my life (but don't lie if you can't say that, but reconsider to come to the place where you honestly can say that); and from there I'd show Him I was serious by coming to Scripture for instruction EVERY DAY- yet in a manner that is realistic for you to do. He doesn't expect what is really beyond our ability. Perhaps one or two chapters for 10 to 20 minutes. Pay attention, receive the Word at His mouth, and obey everything He shows you and everything that you know to do already (Matthew 4:4). If you miss a day or fail otherwise don't give up, but repent and renew your commitment. He offers grace- yet only for those whose who walk in the light and aren't double-minded (1 John 1:6-2:6, James chapter 1 ,etc). Trust that He wants you to succeed and overcome in being godly, righteous, etc- because He really does. Set your heart singly on pleasing Him and being a faithful steward for Him. If you prevail in that, then you'll be able to bear whatever happens with your wife. She might repent and seek God wholeheartedly with you; or she might leave you altogether. Determine in your heart that you'll be a faithful example to her and that you'll seek God's wisdom with all you have to know when you ought to speak to her, when you ought to stay silent, what you ought to say, how you'll say it, etc. The reality is that if God counts you good and faithful in His eyes in the end you will have won; and if He doesn't consider you such then no gain, no pleasure, and no success otherwise can be worth it.

 

[ajcarey]

I think your story illustrates that being born-again doesn't automatically mean that you'll be a victorious Christian afterwards. A lot of people say things that imply if you were really converted to Christ, your life will be together and you'll be serving God faithfully as an evidence of your conversion; and they'll say how if you're not doing so, you need to really get converted for real this time. But the Scriptures and real-life don't align with that mentality. They teach that there is a need to cooperate with God's work after conversion and grow in grace, put on godly attributes, cast off old habits, fend off opposition to Christ having pre-eminence in your life etc, etc. None of this is automatic and there can be crises after conversion which require deeper dealings with God and which demand a surrender that will seem almost like being born-again once again when made. Inaccurate Bible teaching and lack of godly wisdom from faithful, experienced men can really hinder one's walk and create roadblocks which likely could have been avoided had one been in what ought to be a normal (i.e. faithful) Christian church environment.

I would tell God that I was serious about overcoming the world and being pleasing to Him for the rest of my life (but don't lie if you can't say that, but reconsider to come to the place where you honestly can say that); and from there I'd show Him I was serious by coming to Scripture for instruction EVERY DAY- yet in a manner that is realistic for you to do. He doesn't expect what is really beyond our ability. Perhaps one or two chapters for 10 to 20 minutes. Pay attention, receive the Word at His mouth, and obey everything He shows you and everything that you know to do already (Matthew 4:4). If you miss a day or fail otherwise don't give up, but repent and renew your commitment. He offers grace- yet only for those whose who walk in the light and aren't double-minded (1 John 1:6-2:6, James chapter 1 ,etc). Trust that He wants you to succeed and overcome in being godly, righteous, etc- because He really does. Set your heart singly on pleasing Him and being a faithful steward for Him. If you prevail in that, then you'll be able to bear whatever happens with your wife. She might repent and seek God wholeheartedly with you; or she might leave you altogether. Determine in your heart that you'll be a faithful example to her and that you'll seek God's wisdom with all you have to know when you ought to speak to her, when you ought to stay silent, what you ought to say, how you'll say it, etc. The reality is that if God counts you good and faithful in His eyes in the end you will have won; and if He doesn't consider you such then no gain, no pleasure, and no success otherwise can be worth it.

 

[rainingviolets]

You are being too hard on yourself. The Lord sees your desire to please Him and maintain a close relationship. Try to develop a regular, daily devotional routine of Bible study and prayer. Have a regular time and place where distractions are minimal. When my kids were growing up my time with the Lord was right after my husband left for work and the kids left for school. I settled in my comfy chair with my morning coffee, my Bible, my prayer journal, and my notes journal. Now that my kids are grown and gone I still follow that same routine. Once you make that time a regular, consistent part of your day, it becomes as normal as brushing your teeth. Sometimes these daily times are as long as a couple of hours if I get deep into studying something. Some days if I'm busy they may only last 10 minutes. The point is consistency.

Your wife's relationship with the Lord is between her and Him. You can't force or nag someone into a committed relationship with God. Her spiritual walk should have absolutely no bearing on yours. It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict her, not yours.

Concentrate on your own spiritual walk. When your wife is ready or convicted she'll find her way back. If the video games are becoming a stumbling block in both your marriage and your relationship with the Lord, perhaps you need to set them aside for awhile.

Have you tried wearing headphones and listening to music during thunderstorms? Many people are bothered by storms. You are not pathetic!

 

[Joined2krist]

Most people I know are also scared of thunderstorms, you're not alone and you're not pathetic

You need to reawaken your own spiritual life, make out time everyday to read four bible and pray, you can fast too if you're medically fit. Pray also about your wife's addiction to video games and pray for God to change her attitude towards Him. Your wife won't mock you again about not reading scripture as she'll know you do this often, God will change her gradually as you pray for her, God bless

 

[Rescued One]

I agree with others. You are NOT pathetic! Who says we have to be clones of each other? I'm not generally afraid of storms, but I pray for my family and everyone in the path of any storm that's headed our way. One night I was at my keyboard, everything was quiet, then suddenly very loud thunder sounded as if lightning would strike my house or next door. I jumped! I know my heart was racing.

As for time with God, mine has always been just God and me. Now that I'm a widow I have more time. Because I'm in my seventies, I'm used to this. I didn't grow up in a Christian family; we didn't even pray at mealtime. But public school in the fifties was WONDERFUL! Each class prayed at mealtime.

 

[Rescued One]

I find this helpful:

 

[Neostarwcc]

I think we are all a little fearful of them. i find them exciting but also they can be so intense that I am afraid of them. Each experience is different. i will pray for you but remember God is always with you and if you are in a building you have little to fear right? i never go outside when there is one.
BTw, don't put yourself down like that. Remember what the bible says about fear?

Actually I dont remember. I've only read bits and pieces of the bible because most of the time I want to read it with my wife. We haven't read the bible together in a while. What does the bible say about fear?

 

[Neostarwcc]

Firstly, you are not pathetic! I'm so scared of thunderstorms as well and I'm 32. The lightning and the sound. I just end up frozen and go and hide somewhere.

So, I'm investing in good earplugs so I can't hear them and a blind fold. I actually hide in my closet when there is an electrical storm but this doesn't mean I'm pathetic although other people might think it is. It just means, I'm super sensitive to sound and flashes of lightning.

Also, it's because the roof of our house came off during a storm so that's sort of exacerbated and justified the fear of storms for myself.

All in all, try and find a way of calming yourself down during a storm. Maybe you need some hardcore earmuffs as well and blindfold thing to block out the sight of them and a good closet that you feel safe in. lol

Keep praying and reading the bible as well. Fear of storms is something I too am dealing with in Australia as they are getting nastier every year. I end up praying during storms.

As for following Christ, I'd start with prayer and reading Christ's story in the NT and ask him to come into your life and your marriage. Simply ask him everyday for help to know who he is and that you'd like a relationship with him.

As for your marriage, my husband, when we were dating wasn't a christian to start with. Overtime, the lord transformed our relationship and he's a christian now because he saw God working in my previous messed up life that opened the door for him to know about Christ.

My wife has apparently been a Christian from a very young age (like age 3 or so). I didn't convert until was in my late 20s and before that like I said I was an atheist. I'm glad that I'm not the only person afraid of thunderstorms though. Yesterday we had a pretty big one and my friend expected my wife and I to play a video game while the thunder was pretty close last night. We even lost internet and power for a while. I was SO scared! I didn't know if we were going to get zapped or not or if either of us would lose our computers (I built my computer from scratch and it has sone pretty expensive parts in it and my wife's computer I bought on Ebay for like 800 bucks).

Idk it just makes you feel like such a loser when you're afraid of something which really high odds are aren't going to be hurt you. But I've been scared of them since as far back as I can remember.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I think your story illustrates that being born-again doesn't automatically mean that you'll be a victorious Christian afterwards. A lot of people say things that imply if you were really converted to Christ, your life will be together and you'll be serving God faithfully as an evidence of your conversion; and they'll say how if you're not doing so, you need to really get converted for real this time. But the Scriptures and real-life don't align with that mentality. They teach that there is a need to cooperate with God's work after conversion and grow in grace, put on godly attributes, cast off old habits, fend off opposition to Christ having pre-eminence in your life etc, etc. None of this is automatic and there can be crises after conversion which require deeper dealings with God and which demand a surrender that will seem almost like being born-again once again when made. Inaccurate Bible teaching and lack of godly wisdom from faithful, experienced men can really hinder one's walk and create roadblocks which likely could have been avoided had one been in what ought to be a normal (i.e. faithful) Christian church environment.

I would tell God that I was serious about overcoming the world and being pleasing to Him for the rest of my life (but don't lie if you can't say that, but reconsider to come to the place where you honestly can say that); and from there I'd show Him I was serious by coming to Scripture for instruction EVERY DAY- yet in a manner that is realistic for you to do. He doesn't expect what is really beyond our ability. Perhaps one or two chapters for 10 to 20 minutes. Pay attention, receive the Word at His mouth, and obey everything He shows you and everything that you know to do already (Matthew 4:4). If you miss a day or fail otherwise don't give up, but repent and renew your commitment. He offers grace- yet only for those whose who walk in the light and aren't double-minded (1 John 1:6-2:6, James chapter 1 ,etc). Trust that He wants you to succeed and overcome in being godly, righteous, etc- because He really does. Set your heart singly on pleasing Him and being a faithful steward for Him. If you prevail in that, then you'll be able to bear whatever happens with your wife. She might repent and seek God wholeheartedly with you; or she might leave you altogether. Determine in your heart that you'll be a faithful example to her and that you'll seek God's wisdom with all you have to know when you ought to speak to her, when you ought to stay silent, what you ought to say, how you'll say it, etc. The reality is that if God counts you good and faithful in His eyes in the end you will have won; and if He doesn't consider you such then no gain, no pleasure, and no success otherwise can be worth it.

Well the thing is my life is VERY different than it was before despite my many sins. I mentioned that I was a scammer and a thief. I used to dupe and cheat people out of so much money on a video game I played. Not virtual currency either real money and I used my scammed money to pay for playing the game and being able to buy and sell accounts and stuff. I was horrible.

Anyway anyone who knew the old me would say that my conversion is obvious and evident. My parents even hate that I regularly give to charity now. They say that I'm too poor to do so but I just figure. I've scammed so much money that I should give some of it back to poor people like me that need it. I dont even know who I scammed online to give them their money back I've did it to do many people. But you're right my wife and I are living proof that not every Christian is perfect. We all have our sins to deal with. I just wish my wife was as interested as I am in spending time with God. I really hope that God can forgive BOTH of us.

 

[Neostarwcc]

You are being too hard on yourself. The Lord sees your desire to please Him and maintain a close relationship. Try to develop a regular, daily devotional routine of Bible study and prayer. Have a regular time and place where distractions are minimal. When my kids were growing up my time with the Lord was right after my husband left for work and the kids left for school. I settled in my comfy chair with my morning coffee, my Bible, my prayer journal, and my notes journal. Now that my kids are grown and gone I still follow that same routine. Once you make that time a regular, consistent part of your day, it becomes as normal as brushing your teeth. Sometimes these daily times are as long as a couple of hours if I get deep into studying something. Some days if I'm busy they may only last 10 minutes. The point is consistency.

Your wife's relationship with the Lord is between her and Him. You can't force or nag someone into a committed relationship with God. Her spiritual walk should have absolutely no bearing on yours. It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict her, not yours.

Concentrate on your own spiritual walk. When your wife is ready or convicted she'll find her way back. If the video games are becoming a stumbling block in both your marriage and your relationship with the Lord, perhaps you need to set them aside for awhile.

Have you tried wearing headphones and listening to music during thunderstorms? Many people are bothered by storms. You are not pathetic!

Hello. You're right that its Gods job to change her and that is should be patient. I am just getting sick of waiting in many different ways. God needs to teach me how to be supportive and patient.

I could try listening to Christian music on my tablet to distract m.h e from the storms. I didn't really think about that. Back in the 80s and 90s and early to mid 2000s you couldn't use any devices during a thunderstorm but you can now. I'll try that the next time a storm comes.

Anyway thanks for your reply it was helpful.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I agree with others. You are NOT pathetic! Who says we have to be clones of each other? I'm not generally afraid of storms, but I pray for my family and everyone in the path of any storm that's headed our way. One night I was at my keyboard, everything was quiet, then suddenly very loud thunder sounded as if lightning would strike my house or next door. I jumped! I know my heart was racing.

As for time with God, mine has always been just God and me. Now that I'm a widow I have more time. Because I'm in my seventies, I'm used to this. I didn't grow up in a Christian family; we didn't even pray at mealtime. But public school in the fifties was WONDERFUL! Each class prayed at mealtime.

Idk if you remember the ice storm of 98 but I was almost a teenager when that happened. Anyway we got a REALLY bad thunderstorm after the ice storm was almost over. It struck our computer and went inside to our house and completely fried our modem and monitor. It was just so scary. That was by far the worst thunderstorm we've ever gotten.

I mean everyone is afraid to some degree but I am just so scared that its like... *sigh*. Like both the flash and the bang just scare the crap out of me! I know they're harmless odds are but yeah!

 

[FutureAndAHope]

So first off, I've been scared of thunderstorms ever since I was a very little kid. Probably since I was around 3 or 4 years old. I am 33 years old now. So I've been scared for around 30 years now. I don't know what makes me so afraid of them but every time spring/summer comes along I kind of dread that the thunderstorms start too. When I was hospitalized in Utica a few years ago there was a really big thunderstorm going on and the staff at the hospital said "Yeah storms are really common here and they're usually big". The storm was just so huge that I couldn't sleep for hours and hours! I'm just getting sick and tired of my fear of storms! I wish that God would take away the fear from me. But the more I pray about it the more that I'm scared. It's like just like my mental illness I'll have a fear of storms for the rest of my life.

I'd also like prayers and continued support in spending more time with God. I posted a topic about this a few months ago but nothing has really changed since then. I've made some efforts though. I barely post on the Christian forums at all and whenever I want to read the bible with my wife she is like "no" and would rather play video games instead. I say that it is okay every time but it makes me feel extremely guilty that I don't spend hardly any time with God anymore. I always have to make my wife happy and do her needs. It's just in my personality. I mean I live for my wife because I love her so much. But yeah, I keep waiting for her to change and grow as a Christian but it is like God has given up on both of us. That or he has forsaken us or something. I know the bible says that God won't do this but it just seems that way.

Idk she just shows little or no fruit. She says she's changed so much over the years but it isn't evident to me. I mean my whole conversion from an Atheist to a Christian was very evident. I went from a liar and a scammer to somebody who gives back and cares about people. I mean if you ask my family what I was like before my conversion? They would say that I was NOT a good guy. I just wish I could be more patient with her and obviously when I try talking to her about this she just yells at me. So it's like why even talk about it? She got mad at me the other day and we got into a screaming match because I wanted to play my game and she wanted to play hers. Our friend that we've been playing with wanted to play the other game too but I suggested that we play my game and our friend said okay. But my wife didn't like this at all. So we just screamed at each other for at least a half an hour. *sigh* I am so pathetic.

But you know what the worst part is? Every time I bring up that I want to spend more time with God she is just like "Well you never end up spending time with him anyway so idk why you feel guilty because you never change." But the thing is, a year to a year and a half ago? I was on CF ALL the time. That's why I have almost 3k posts. I was well known around here and I made many friends. But then I had to be with her and do her needs instead of being with God.

I admit it, I don't pray anymore and I barely did before. I find it so awkward because I never know what to say and it's almost like I only go to God when I find it convenient or when I want something because a loved one is dying. That's not a way to talk to God. I should be talking to God everyday and telling him all of my thoughts and problems! But of course I've gone to God about all of this but naturally he gives no reply. It's like he hates me for not being with him and around him more (I know he doesn't). I mean I've stated here before that I sin and I sin often. I mean before I became a Christian I did some REALLY bad stuff.

As for reading the Bible? I read excerpts here and there about once or twice a week but I am definitely not as immersed in the Bible as I should be. It's like I'm not even a Christian or a follower of Jesus at all and I'm just deceiving myself. But I know that God called me and that God wanted to save me and did. I am saved, I am a Christian. But I am also a sinner and I am also one of the worst examples of a Christian there is. Scratch that my wife is probably the worst example. We're both lazy but at least I read the Bible a few times a week and pray to God occasionally. I don't think my wife has prayed to God since she first came to him like 8 years ago for salvation. But again I'm not my wife and my wife would NEVER reply to this thread because she hasn't been on CF in forever. Even if I told her to get off of her video game for 15 minutes and come check how I really feel and give people her side of the story, I know she wouldn't. It's like... why do I even bother being married half of the time! I mean, my wife and I don't believe in divorce but if it weren't for that, we would probably have been divorced by now. We argue almost all the time, I can't really talk to her, and all she wants to do is stare at a TV screen and a computer monitor playing video games for literally all day (Neither of us work I'm disabled and get disability and she hasn't worked since we were dating and she only worked for a month or so).

I mean don't get me wrong I love video games and I love spending time with her but my life also belongs to God too. I just really wish my wife understood that. *sigh* But anyway yeah, I'm pathetic.

It is important to spend time with God, because it strengthens us. You can spend time praying without your wife, not every prayer time need involve your partner. I am sure you wife loves you enough to let you spend time praying. You will find as you spend more time in prayer your sins, and worries will drop off.

 

[Mel333]

My wife has apparently been a Christian from a very young age (like age 3 or so). I didn't convert until was in my late 20s and before that like I said I was an atheist. I'm glad that I'm not the only person afraid of thunderstorms though. Yesterday we had a pretty big one and my friend expected my wife and I to play a video game while the thunder was pretty close last night. We even lost internet and power for a while. I was SO scared! I didn't know if we were going to get zapped or not or if either of us would lose our computers (I built my computer from scratch and it has sone pretty expensive parts in it and my wife's computer I bought on Ebay for like 800 bucks).

Idk it just makes you feel like such a loser when you're afraid of something which really high odds are aren't going to be hurt you. But I've been scared of them since as far back as I can remember.

Yep, my husband built his computer as well and I tell him to turn it off and unplug it during an electrical storm. It just depends what type of storm.

As for the gaming, maybe start reducing the amount of time spent on it perhaps. It's a way of escaping the real game to play and that's the game of life. I'm sure the lord would want your undivided attention.

Also don't feel peer pressured to play games during an electrical storm. It's not safe.

You're not pathetic either. That's a thought in your head.

 

[Rescued One]

Idk if you remember the ice storm of 98 but I was almost a teenager when that happened. Anyway we got a REALLY bad thunderstorm after the ice storm was almost over. It struck our computer and went inside to our house and completely fried our modem and monitor. It was just so scary. That was by far the worst thunderstorm we've ever gotten.

I mean everyone is afraid to some degree but I am just so scared that its like... *sigh*. Like both the flash and the bang just scare the crap out of me! I know they're harmless odds are but yeah!

That would be horribly frightening and hard to not have PTSD! And I've heard of similar things happening to others. So you aren't pathetic for being afraid of thunderstorms! It's to be expected.

I remember an ice storm that knocked out our electricity. Our house is completely electric. We went to our daughter's in the daytime and because it was dark and we had no heat we put extra blankets on the bed at night. Our pump wasn't working so we had no water either.

 

[Hieronymus]

Hey, i'm pathetic too!

But not forever.

 

[anna ~ grace]

So first off, I've been scared of thunderstorms ever since I was a very little kid. Probably since I was around 3 or 4 years old. I am 33 years old now. So I've been scared for around 30 years now. I don't know what makes me so afraid of them but every time spring/summer comes along I kind of dread that the thunderstorms start too. When I was hospitalized in Utica a few years ago there was a really big thunderstorm going on and the staff at the hospital said "Yeah storms are really common here and they're usually big". The storm was just so huge that I couldn't sleep for hours and hours! I'm just getting sick and tired of my fear of storms! I wish that God would take away the fear from me. But the more I pray about it the more that I'm scared. It's like just like my mental illness I'll have a fear of storms for the rest of my life.

I'd also like prayers and continued support in spending more time with God. I posted a topic about this a few months ago but nothing has really changed since then. I've made some efforts though. I barely post on the Christian forums at all and whenever I want to read the bible with my wife she is like "no" and would rather play video games instead. I say that it is okay every time but it makes me feel extremely guilty that I don't spend hardly any time with God anymore. I always have to make my wife happy and do her needs. It's just in my personality. I mean I live for my wife because I love her so much. But yeah, I keep waiting for her to change and grow as a Christian but it is like God has given up on both of us. That or he has forsaken us or something. I know the bible says that God won't do this but it just seems that way.

Idk she just shows little or no fruit. She says she's changed so much over the years but it isn't evident to me. I mean my whole conversion from an Atheist to a Christian was very evident. I went from a liar and a scammer to somebody who gives back and cares about people. I mean if you ask my family what I was like before my conversion? They would say that I was NOT a good guy. I just wish I could be more patient with her and obviously when I try talking to her about this she just yells at me. So it's like why even talk about it? She got mad at me the other day and we got into a screaming match because I wanted to play my game and she wanted to play hers. Our friend that we've been playing with wanted to play the other game too but I suggested that we play my game and our friend said okay. But my wife didn't like this at all. So we just screamed at each other for at least a half an hour. *sigh* I am so pathetic.

But you know what the worst part is? Every time I bring up that I want to spend more time with God she is just like "Well you never end up spending time with him anyway so idk why you feel guilty because you never change." But the thing is, a year to a year and a half ago? I was on CF ALL the time. That's why I have almost 3k posts. I was well known around here and I made many friends. But then I had to be with her and do her needs instead of being with God.

I admit it, I don't pray anymore and I barely did before. I find it so awkward because I never know what to say and it's almost like I only go to God when I find it convenient or when I want something because a loved one is dying. That's not a way to talk to God. I should be talking to God everyday and telling him all of my thoughts and problems! But of course I've gone to God about all of this but naturally he gives no reply. It's like he hates me for not being with him and around him more (I know he doesn't). I mean I've stated here before that I sin and I sin often. I mean before I became a Christian I did some REALLY bad stuff.

As for reading the Bible? I read excerpts here and there about once or twice a week but I am definitely not as immersed in the Bible as I should be. It's like I'm not even a Christian or a follower of Jesus at all and I'm just deceiving myself. But I know that God called me and that God wanted to save me and did. I am saved, I am a Christian. But I am also a sinner and I am also one of the worst examples of a Christian there is. Scratch that my wife is probably the worst example. We're both lazy but at least I read the Bible a few times a week and pray to God occasionally. I don't think my wife has prayed to God since she first came to him like 8 years ago for salvation. But again I'm not my wife and my wife would NEVER reply to this thread because she hasn't been on CF in forever. Even if I told her to get off of her video game for 15 minutes and come check how I really feel and give people her side of the story, I know she wouldn't. It's like... why do I even bother being married half of the time! I mean, my wife and I don't believe in divorce but if it weren't for that, we would probably have been divorced by now. We argue almost all the time, I can't really talk to her, and all she wants to do is stare at a TV screen and a computer monitor playing video games for literally all day (Neither of us work I'm disabled and get disability and she hasn't worked since we were dating and she only worked for a month or so).

I mean don't get me wrong I love video games and I love spending time with her but my life also belongs to God too. I just really wish my wife understood that. *sigh* But anyway yeah, I'm pathetic.

A) I am terrified of water. So your fear of thunder is not that bad. It's ok.

B) Your marriage sounds tough. Instead of confronting your wife, pray for her.

C) Don't let her unkindness or pessimism keep you from a relationship with God. That is the most important relationship in your life. Keep fighting, keep going. Read the Bible. Pray. Do your best to love and serve others.