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Should you settle for someone you don't find attractive?

GQ Chris

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Ugly-Guy-Hot-Wife.jpg

LOL. Okay, so dude got his picture taken in a strip club? *facepalm
 
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white dove

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Do you think it's a good idea to settle for someone you don't think is attractive? We hear all the time how looks don't matter, and how looks are fleeting, so is it a bad idea to settle for someone who is not so attractive to you?

No. I like what IDK said. I also, even though I do not believe in "leagues", believe that many people think they deserve people who are very attractive when they really don't. Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean that they deserve you and you them. Because you're attracted to someone who's physically very attractive doesn't make you, yourself, very physically attractive yourself. That's why it's important to consider depth, too. If the physical was all a person cared about, that wouldn't make for any lasting relationship because yes, looks do change as we get older. And if we try to change them, get crazy with plastic surgery, we might end up like some freak show in which case, gross. Just gross. So yeah... it's been said before that looks get you in the door (because there's gotta be something that attracts you physically in the other person), but personality, beliefs, interests... these are things that can help in building up a lasting relationship - especially beliefs.
 
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Blank123

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Not really.

If you asked 100 men what they thought of that lady in the picture I posted, most would say she is hot. Contrarily, if you asked 100 women if they find that guy to be hot, most would say no.

So don't think you've claimed victory yet, my friend.


Are you looking for a woman that fits society's definition of beautiful? Because yes society would say that she is gorgeous, and she does have a nice face but IMHO she's not very attractive over all. The "Lady of the evening" look isn't exactly classy. And honestly it looks like it would be incredibly painful to have those implants. I'm getting back problems just by looking at her.

and he isn't bad looking. He just looks looks like he's dumbfounded because he's probably thinking, "omgosh! I'm standing next to a hot hooker lady!" and has fallen for society's definiton of the stripper look = hott.

If you're looking for a woman you connect with emotionally and spiritually, you might be surprised to find yourself physically attracted to women that society may call plain or even ugly.
 
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Rose of Eden

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No. No matter how she looks, she's going to want her man to make her feel beautiful. He can't do that if he doesn't find her to be so.

And the thing about settling that I don't like is it's unfair... to both you and the person one is settling for. The idea of settling sounds like usery, like I'll take you because I don't like the alternative... not because I'll take you because I love you...and NO human being should EVER be used!!

I agree, settling is unfair to both people in a relationship. Everyone has a desire to be attracted to their S.O. and have their S.O. find them attractive as well. There's nothing wrong with that! :)

The only problem with this, though, is when people think attractive=super hot. If you are repulsed by anyone who isn't super hot and your idea of "settling" is dating/marrying someone who doesn't look like some extremely sexy celebrity or porn star.....then yes, you should probably consider "settling" and joining the rest of us here in reality. :p
 
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Stravinsk

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Do you think it's a good idea to settle for someone you don't think is attractive? We hear all the time how looks don't matter, and how looks are fleeting, so is it a bad idea to settle for someone who is not so attractive to you?

Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone who you originally *did not*find attractive initially? I mean in the looks department. Like they were not *unattractive* but their looks didn't WOW you?

Conversely, have you ever found yourself repulsed by someone who you initially found attractive physically?

I know I have on both counts.

People say "valuing looks is shallow" because on a certain level it is true. When you get to know someone - you become accustomed to how they look. Their attractiveness to you then doesn't depend on what you see every day - it depends on who they are, how they make you feel etc.

Now, that being said - there *are* women I won't pursue based on looks - because the looks are indicative of certain *lifestyles* and accompanying attitudes that I find unnattractive and for good reason.
 
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er72

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No. I like what IDK said. I also, even though I do not believe in "leagues", believe that many people think they deserve people who are very attractive when they really don't. Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean that they deserve you and you them. Because you're attracted to someone who's physically very attractive doesn't make you, yourself, very physically attractive yourself. That's why it's important to consider depth, too. If the physical was all a person cared about, that wouldn't make for any lasting relationship because yes, looks do change as we get older. And if we try to change them, get crazy with plastic surgery, we might end up like some freak show in which case, gross. Just gross. So yeah... it's been said before that looks get you in the door (because there's gotta be something that attracts you physically in the other person), but personality, beliefs, interests... these are things that can help in building up a lasting relationship - especially beliefs.

I like your posts. They make a lot of sense. :thumbsup:
 
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er72

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Are you looking for a woman that fits society's definition of beautiful? Because yes society would say that she is gorgeous, and she does have a nice face but IMHO she's not very attractive over all. The "Lady of the evening" look isn't exactly classy. And honestly it looks like it would be incredibly painful to have those implants. I'm getting back problems just by looking at her.

and he isn't bad looking. He just looks looks like he's dumbfounded because he's probably thinking, "omgosh! I'm standing next to a hot hooker lady!" and has fallen for society's definiton of the stripper look = hott.

If you're looking for a woman you connect with emotionally and spiritually, you might be surprised to find yourself physically attracted to women that society may call plain or even ugly.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way that woman looks. That is why I would ask GUYS, not WOMEN if they find her attractive, because women have a tendency to have very 'different' views of what is appealing to men and what isn't.

I'm looking to connect with a female emotionally, spiritually, mentally AND physically, thereby making settling for someone plain or ugly impossible for me. Sorry.

I'd personally feel like I'm being short-changed by being with a woman I find physically unattractive. I would be thinking I deserved better and that I got gypped because I can't have someone I actually find attractive.

It probably IS in my best interests to settle and go for some "plain" or "ugly" girl, as suggested, but that is a difficult hurdle for me to cross. In some ways, I'd rather date guys over a female I do not find attractive. (No I'm not gay.)
 
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