Should We Break up? 10 month relationship

[happily_saved]

Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. I'm 17, soon to be 18, and he just turned 16 in january. I'm in my last year of highschool, and he is going into grade 11. He had alot of problems at home because his mom n step dad aren't christian so he was going through alot of mental abuse and such. So he moved out and my mom decided to allow him to move in here with us. He's been living here for a few months now. Our relationship isn't a good one at all. We fight constantly, he's rude to me, and he has a real anger problem. He's christian yes. But we have failed in our relationship purity wise. I'm the only one that can overcome stuff like that now and say no to it. Also when we fight he uses force on me. He'll grab my wrist and squeeze it really hard, put his hand round my neck and slap me. And because he does that I need to show him I wont take it so I use some force back. There are times when we get this super love moment for eachother, love attacks, but alot of the time its attitude and non-happiness. I have actually found myself interested in another guy due to how on fire for God he is. What should I do? Please help. It's hard to take a "break" cuz I see him everyday. He goes almost everywhere I go. And like today we spent time apart and when we got together n went to the mall we ended up holding hands forgetting we are taking a break. so its total confusion. i dont wanna play games...

 

[Memory's Flame]

It sounds as though you've already made your decision! (ie being interested in another guy)

I know it may be hard, and you've been with him through a lot it sounds, but you can't stay with someone just because "It's hard to break"... You need to be fair and true to yourself, and to him!

 

[JVD]

Yes...you should break up.

 

[heathen chemistry]

i just want to confirm the yes vote. yes.

 

[Toddbert]

Someone who slaps, squeezes to hard, is rude and has "anger problems" needs help, not a relationship. Painful as it may be, you need to make a clean break from this guy, and urge him to get help for his problems. You can't fix them or make them better, and they will likely escalate into more extreme forms of violence unless he gets some council on how to better handle himself.

 

[daveleau]

Dear Happily_Saved,

Abuse is something that should only be experienced once. After that, maintaining distance should be the main focus of the relationship. If at 18 you accept abuse from a boyfriend, chances are that you will find abusive men throughout your life. Now is the time to break that cycle. If it means him moving out of the house, then that is fine since he gave up any rights to your charity by abusing you. Don't be mean, but don't accept such treatment.

The other boy seems like a great way to go, if you like him and it is God's will. We are told in Scripture to surround ourselves with Christian people. I do not believe that this means Christian-by-statement, but Christian-by-action. We are told to forgive- and you should forgive the live-in-boy. But we are also told to rebuke our brother 3 times, and if he persists to distance ourselves. It sounds like you have rebuked him several times. I'd advise that you do not go out with the on-fire-for-God boy and start making a relationship until you are sure your other one is done. Otherwise, you could end up hurting the good Christian boy by going back and forth between the two. Make a clean break with the live-in boy. Time-off never works. If you need time apart after only 10 months, then there is something wrong and that person was not meant for you. This is seemingly obvious to us because of his abusive nature as well. You need a clean break. Stop seeing him and if he becomes abusive again- CALL 911. There is no room for physical or mental abuse in any relationship.

The live-in boy needs counseling. I would go to your pastor or youth director and talk with him. They will pray with you and give you advice. Then try to get the live-in boy to talk with the person at the church that you talked with.

God bless you,
Dave

 

[bliz]

You need to break up with him.

He needs to move out of your house.

He has already crossed so many lines with you by being angry at you, being violent and attacking you that he is not likely to honor any new boundries you establish. You need to be safe in your own home, which means he has to get out. I am not unsympatheric with his home situation, but this is an unacceptable situation for you to be in. Have a talk with your Mom and tell him that you would like him to move out and why. Tell her about the abuse. I'm assuming that she does not know, or she would have kicked him out as soon as she knew.

 

[Katty]

You are in no way obligated to have to put up with this guy. Does your mom know that this is going on? It does seem like you've made up your mind about what you want and what you don't want, but the thing that you have now is to stand by that decision. This is not a negotiation between you and him, but its a decision made on your part. Its hard to not want to help him because of his current situation, but this isn't your fault. Its so hard not to try to change him and so hard to not blame him for his actions, but no matter what else that he's facing and dealing with, the way that he is acting is not justifiable. Please get yourself out of this situation... sometimes the best thing that you can do for someone is to let them go and have them find the help that they really need even if it means that you're not that help. Feel free to PM me if you need to

~Katty