Should Men Shake Hands or Hug?

[Monk Brendan]

It's the most certain thing I've said in 5,500 posts.

I never thought that I would end up in an Eastern Catholic Monastery, either. Never say never. God has a way of making you eat your words.

 

[Monk Brendan]

I'm not interested about how Greek men kiss each other. Although it's been brought up many time in this thread, it's irrelevant to this discussion. I'm not Greek, nor do I live in Greece.

I don't care where you live, or what your ethnic background is (although I can take a guess that you live in America, and that the majority of your ethnic heritage is from England.)

 

[Goatee]

Nothing wrong in a good, loving hug i say

 

[jimmyjimmy]

What about those of us who are perfectly fine (translated: much prefer) to not hug or shake hands? Back in the day (in the South at least) a gentleman would never extend his hand first to a woman...feminists have done germaphobes no favor! haha If it were socially acceptable, I would decline all hugs and hands from people to whom I have no emotional attachment. I enjoy the conversation, just not being handled.

Sure.

 

[Monk Brendan]

Back in the day (in the South at least) a gentleman would never extend his hand first to a woman...If it were socially acceptable, I would decline all hugs and hands from people to whom I have no emotional attachment. I enjoy the conversation, just not being handled.

Welcome to the 60's...uh, I mean 80's...no, it's 2016!

My monastic superior is from the south, so even though I am just a ----ed Yankee, I do know how the War of Aggression both started and ended. South started it, South lost. And I know all about how ladies "In the Day" were treated--like the personal property of their husbands. The outward "respect" of being treated like a Southern Belle is not an upgrade from the rights of women nowadays.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

I never thought that I would end up in an Eastern Catholic Monastery, either. Never say never. God has a way of making you eat your words.

It's outside of the realm of possibility. In other words, it will never happen.

 

[AmusingMargaret]

Welcome to the 60's...uh, I mean 80's...no, it's 2016!

My monastic superior is from the south, so even though I am just a ----ed Yankee, I do know how the War of Aggression both started and ended. South started it, South lost. And I know all about how ladies "In the Day" were treated--like the personal property of their husbands. The outward "respect" of being treated like a Southern Belle is not an upgrade from the rights of women nowadays.

I was merely speaking of the etiquette of shaking hands, not wars or women's rights, or the treatment of Southern Belles. You seem to have a bit of resentment toward southerners...thanks for giving my very first post such a warm welcome.

 

[Kiterius]

When did the world become so huggy? I've met people for the first time, and they want to hug me! It's odd.

My guess is that the feminizing of culture has led to this current hugfest.

My motto is, why hug when a handshake will do. (stole that line from Frasier)

I have exactly the opposite motto. For a good long time I was strictly a handshaker, but have abandoned all handshaking for the warm joy of hugging.

 

[Sheep4Christ]

Hi Kiterius.Just out of curiosity are you the one instigating the hugs?

 

[Kiterius]

Hi Kiterius.Just out of curiosity are you the one instigating the hugs?

Sometimes I'm first to offer the hug, sometimes the other person is, sometimes it's a mutual offer to start.

 

[Archivist]

Without psychoanalyzing them, I see the huggers as the insecure parties.

If you were to attend my ELCA church you would receive a hug from many of our male and female members and from our male pastor. If you had come a couple years back you would have received a hug from his female predecessor.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

I have exactly the opposite motto. For a good long time I was strictly a handshaker, but have abandoned all handshaking for the warm joy of hugging.

Do you get permission first?

 

[Kiterius]

Do you get permission first?

Of course.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

Of course.

How do you do that?

 

[Kiterius]

How do you do that?

Why do you ask?

 

[JellyQuest]

I like that even more, but in the west, it won't fly.

My complaint is with the change.

Thers no change..where have you been hiding. ?

 

[Galatea]

Thinking about this some more, what bothers me is that the degree of intimacy is out of line with the degree of relationship. It's disproportionate affection, because they is nothing of substance behind it.

Reading this thread, I agreed with you, yet agreed with others and couldn't figure out my ambivalence. I feel a bit uncomfortable when people I hardly know hug me (except children, that is the exception). I wondered why, since I am by nature a huggy person (with people I know well). I think this post hits it the nail on the head. A hug from someone you hardly know seems to cheapen the gesture.

Many people equate a hug with a handshake now. I think that is the problem, not a problem with hugging- a problem
with making it cheap.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

Reading this thread, I agreed with you, yet agreed with others and couldn't figure out my ambivalence. I feel a bit uncomfortable when people I hardly know hug me (except children, that is the exception). I wondered why, since I am by nature a huggy person (with people I know well). I think this post hits it the nail on the head. A hug from someone you hardly know seems to cheapen the gesture.

Many people equate a hug with a handshake now. I think that is the problem, not a problem with hugging- a problem
with making it cheap.

Yes.

I actually value hugs. Ask my wife. That's part of the reason I don't like this trend. Too many hugs from people I barely know cheapens them. If a hug is as casual as it's now treated, it somewhat reduces it's value.

 

[Kiterius]

Yes.

I actually value hugs. Ask my wife. That's part of the reason I don't like this trend. Too many hugs from people I barely know cheapens them. If a hug is as casual as it's now treated, it somewhat reduces it's value.

That would be like saying that the commonality of handshakes lowers their value. Or the commonality of smiles, winks and waves. All of these things have the value the participants put into them, and no amount of commonality can take that away.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

That would be like saying that the commonality of handshakes lowers their value. Or the commonality of smiles, winks and waves. All of these things have the value the participants put into them, and no amount of commonality can take that away.

Common use lowers value. Rarity and scarcity increase value, e.g, diamonds.

I relational situations, think of someone throws around compliments for any and everything, his compliment reduced in value; however, the value of a compliment from someone who seldom doles them out is priceless.