Should I settle too?

[SullenaWriter]

Hi this is my first time posting here. I just need some honest opinions. I am over 30 years old and have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now.
He is very sweet to me, we get along extremely well, but I can't really count on him. We arent talking about one time, but numerous. We just seem to have different ideas about keeping your word. Also, I feel like sometimes, he needs a mom, more than a gf, I guess everyone is entitled to some babying every now and then, but when does it end?
I know that I dont have the easiest personality to mesh with, and I have some health issues that can affect me down the road (he knows about) so Im wondering if I shouldnt just "get over it" and settle?

All of my friends are married or are getting married and for some of them, they know that the road ahead will be very difficult, but they would have someone, so it's alright.
Then there's the we arent young anymore, and it really is just time to be married arguement.
Even the already married ones say things like- well, I just really couldnt find another reason that I was telling him no, and he was a good guy so- why not?

There is certainly a part of me, that doesnt feel like settling for anything, but then another part that feels if I do not, I will be alone forever.

Being married is something Ive wanted for so long.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does everyone give up something in order to be married?

 

[HoosierCanuck]

hmmmm....it's tempting to go with the flow...so to speak. Been there before. Heck, in high school I went out with a guy because 1) he asked and 2) I'd never been on a date and there really weren't any other prospects. The thing was, I KNEW he wasn't right (in my heart) and I broke it off within a couple of months. He didn't seem to upset either really. Fast forward 5 years.....I went out with a guy whom I had gone to school with. He had asked me out...again....dry spell so I said what the heck. We date....keep dating....something inside me tells me that something isn't quite right. I ignore it and consider it to be nothing more than nervousness associated with my lack of dating experience. I end up marrying this guy....and from then it was downhill. We were separated by 11 months...got back together long enough for things to go further downhill and were divorced by 23 months (final). Thankfully no kids.

I'm 38 now, no prospects on the horizon...don't assume there will be for me. But, after the experience with the ex, I know there are worse things than being single. That's my POV. Everyone is different though. I would suggest LOTS of prayer and meditation. Think about the things that annoy you about this guy and really think about whether you'd want to live with those 'qualities' for the rest of your life. If he has a habit of not really considering you/being reliable...I'd consider that a red flag.

I dunno....there are plenty of others here who have a better attitude about dating and stuff who might be able to give you better advice. But...that's my two cents. Sorry for the long post.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

You should never have to talk yourself into marrying someone. Things that bother you a little bit will be greatly magnified over time and close quarters. I didn't have enough sense to have doubts about my marriage, but I tell you that marrying someone who isn't respectful and doesn't treat you right is many times worse than being single.

How compatible are you with this guy otherwise? Do you go to church together? Is he someone who would be a good spritual leader? One of Neil Clark Warren's books addressed compatibility and from what I remember was quite good.

My friend married the brother of her two friends and they both made comments doubting they seemed like a good couple, but the rest of us were all getting married and she felt left behind. She was separated within a year.

 

[covenantwmn]

Ok, i'm not single anymore, but used to be and this forum was home, I have been graciously granted permission to occasionally post. I just remarried last Feb. after almost 20 years alone after divorce, as was my husband as well. I am soooooo glad I didn't just settle, but waited on God. I never knew real people could be in love like this, he is my everything, after the Lord of course. It is so worth waiting for, you want to have those butterflies in your stomach and thrill to his touch, etc. All that stuff is important too. So I say hang on, the Lord could certainly change your relationship to be that, or wait for the one He has for you. There's my 2 cents.

 

[SullenaWriter]

Thank You ladies for answering.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Ok, i'm not single anymore, but used to be and this forum was home, I have been graciously granted permission to occasionally post. I just remarried last Feb. after almost 20 years alone after divorce, as was my husband as well. I am soooooo glad I didn't just settle, but waited on God. I never knew real people could be in love like this, he is my everything, after the Lord of course. It is so worth waiting for, you want to have those butterflies in your stomach and thrill to his touch, etc. All that stuff is important too. So I say hang on, the Lord could certainly change your relationship to be that, or wait for the one He has for you. There's my 2 cents.

That is encouraging. I hope God doesn't have me waiting another 10 though.

 

[GryffinSong]

Don't ever settle. Ever. You deserve the best, and there is NOTHING more lonely than being a marriage in which you don't feel cherished, and in which you feel you can't fully trust your partner. I know this from experience. If you think it might help, try counseling together to improve communication. If things don't improve, I can't say that marriage will make things better.

Hugs and all the best to you!

 

[country woman]

Please don't settle. There is someone special for you, I was in the same position as you, after my break up with my ex boyfriend, he left me with a very young daughter and my self esteem was very broken, I focused on us not on just me

now that I am in my mid 40's and after lots of prayer. I met the man I will some day marry. I met him on this site. we started off as friends, we have been together so to speak for 8 months.

 

[Carolyn H]

Never Settle

 

[kellyc]

not being able to count on your husband would be pretty horrible. it's not like you are settling for a little bad habit or two. what's wrong here is big.

 

[ryanb6]

Sure you can give things up in order to be married. I would not in your case. You not being able to count on him is not a good thing and you shouldn't expect it to change just because you marry. It won't just change. The age argument, allthough it sounds good, is pretty ridiculous. Trust and accountability should be present in a marriage. I'm not saying to break up. If you can work on the problems great. Don't get married in spite of the problems.

 

[Inkachu]

You should never have to talk yourself into marrying someone. Things that bother you a little bit will be greatly magnified over time and close quarters.

This.

 

[iamjcs]

Not with this person.

Trust is very important.

A marriage doesn't have to have everything, but love & trust are mandatory.

God will unite you with the helpmate He has for you; don't give up on Him.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I agree with others here DO NOT SETTLE. I was married for 25 years and my husband passed away 4 years ago. He wasn't perfect, not even close, but I still miss him. That being said, I am going to be 50 this year and some of my friends don't understand that I will not settle. In fact, after having been married all that time, I am raising my standards, and if that means I stay single, so be it. There are much worse things than being single. You mentioned health problems you might encounter down the road. What if he can't be counted on then? My husband was afraid that I would leave him before he died. I thought he was crazy, and since then, have read about many people that just can't take it, and they leave (talk about kicking someone when their down). So I would think that would be worse than not ever having gotten married. But if he can't be counted on now, marriage certainly isn't going to change that, and then you could end up divorced instead of just staying single and waiting it out. I KNOW it's hard to be single sometimes, but seriously it's not a crime to be single (yet lol) Anyway, to reiterate....DON'T SETTLE!

 

[SparkyRed]

I was in a marriage that was not all I had hoped, it was awful, thakfully I was able to get out, thank God. Never get yourself into something that your beliefs would probably make it hard for you to get back out of, its just not worth it. Being married to the wrong person is deffinetly worse than being single.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I was in a marriage that was not all I had hoped, it was awful, thakfully I was able to get out, thank God. Never get yourself into something that your beliefs would probably make it hard for you to get back out of, its just not worth it. Being married to the wrong person is deffinetly worse than being single.

I agree with that!

 

[uniqute]

I was in a marriage that was not all I had hoped, it was awful, thakfully I was able to get out, thank God. Never get yourself into something that your beliefs would probably make it hard for you to get back out of, its just not worth it. Being married to the wrong person is deffinetly worse than being single.

Thanks for sharing that. I know that its true but I do need to be reminded occasionally.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I was in a marriage that was not all I had hoped, it was awful, thakfully I was able to get out, thank God. Never get yourself into something that your beliefs would probably make it hard for you to get back out of, its just not worth it. Being married to the wrong person is deffinetly worse than being single.

I'd rather come home to my kitties than come home to a drunk who verbally abuses....(who even turned out to be homosexual but deceived me into thinking he was this sweet, caring Christian man just so he could be 'married' to please his legalistic family....ugh!)