Should I move church to find a mate?

[GreatistheLord]

Hello,
I have been contemplating leaving my church of over 20 years because of the severe lack of partners. Before anyone asks, I'm in the Uk, and this is not uncommon to have noone your age, let alone the opposite sex. I am involved in this church so I dont get time off, and we dont mix with other churches locally so I'm left with waiting and praying. I'm nearly 40, never married, and am wondering whether I should move church. In reality, because I have been there for so long, I would have to move to another area to go to another church, and my job would allow this. I've reached the end of my tether, and am willing to try anything to find a mate. It's not like christians *have* to get a miraculous answer to every prayer i.e. going to the doctor etc,
Is it ???? Yes, I have asked, asked, and asked God before you say.

I'm sure plenty of people face this dilemma, any thought?

PurposedDriven

 

[chanis]

Hello,
I have been contemplating leaving my church of over 20 years because of the severe lack of partners. Before anyone asks, I'm in the Uk, and this is not uncommon to have noone your age, let alone the opposite sex. I am involved in this church so I dont get time off, and we dont mix with other churches locally so I'm left with waiting and praying. I'm nearly 40, never married, and am wondering whether I should move church. In reality, because I have been there for so long, I would have to move to another area to go to another church, and my job would allow this. I've reached the end of my tether, and am willing to try anything to find a mate. It's not like christians *have* to get a miraculous answer to every prayer i.e. going to the doctor etc,
Is it ???? Yes, I have asked, asked, and asked God before you say.

I'm sure plenty of people face this dilemma, any thought?

PurposedDriven

honestly I think it would be a lame reason to leave a church...I would leave a church if I was spirit led and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was calling me to do that...I'm sure the frustrtaion is there because you long for that person but is God speaking to you in the midst of this...has he told you to hold on? I would seriously take this is up before him and even fast if it's someting that's burdening you that much but don't just get up and leave because you want to find someone make sure it's God leading you to move...

 

[JPPT1974]

There are always pros & cons into finding a mate especially at a church.
If God wants you to have a mate at church that is up to Him.
But lean on the Lord to help you make sure you don't make a mistake with finding a mate.
Or going to church just to find a mate. Or better yet, go to church for the wrong reasons.

 

[GreatistheLord]

Okay, when was the last time you asked God whether you should go to
the doctors instead of asking Him to heal you? Really, its the same thing.

We can ask God for a miracle, or we can do something ourselves. If I go to another congregation down the road, is my life really any different? Apart
from the wife that is.

 

[2Timothy2]

Okay, when was the last time you asked God whether you should go to
the doctors instead of asking Him to heal you? Really, its the same thing.

We can ask God for a miracle, or we can do something ourselves. If I go to another congregation down the road, is my life really any different? Apart
from the wife that is.

No, it isn't the same thing. God has provided doctors, their training, the history of accumulated knowledge etc. He may will you to remain single all your life. Or not. Either way, rejoice in it. But leaving your church just to find miss right? I'd say that's a bad reason, esp if you are being fed the word well there.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

i dont think you should who says you will find your mate at church anyways? You might meet him somewhere else. No one at my church my age and male.

 

[fishstix]

Hello,
I have been contemplating leaving my church of over 20 years because of the severe lack of partners. Before anyone asks, I'm in the Uk, and this is not uncommon to have noone your age, let alone the opposite sex. I am involved in this church so I dont get time off, and we dont mix with other churches locally so I'm left with waiting and praying. I'm nearly 40, never married, and am wondering whether I should move church. In reality, because I have been there for so long, I would have to move to another area to go to another church, and my job would allow this. I've reached the end of my tether, and am willing to try anything to find a mate. It's not like christians *have* to get a miraculous answer to every prayer i.e. going to the doctor etc,
Is it ???? Yes, I have asked, asked, and asked God before you say.

I'm sure plenty of people face this dilemma, any thought?

PurposedDriven

If that is the only reason you would be switching churches, I'd say no. If you happen to meet your spouse at church, that's great, but that shouldn't be a primary reason for going to church in the first place. Good motives for choosing a particular church would include feeling led there by God, really being spoken to through the sermons or worship, feeling that it is an environment where you will be better able to worship, learn about, and get close to God. After that, fellowship with other Christians is also an important thing to consider in a church, but that generally means friendships in general, not spouse hunting. So if you have other reasons for wanting to switch to a different church, then do so, but don't do it just because you want new spouse hunting grounds.

 

[revelations12_12]

i dont think you should who says you will find your mate at church anyways? You might meet him somewhere else. No one at my church my age and male.

Hi sweetlambofgod


I came here to post man if you feel empty and want to find someone do whatever it takes... After reading every single poster here saying that is a bad idea I kind of feel like a tool. But reguardless I have to admit I would move churches who knows maybe god is giving you these feelings because there is a reason for you to be somewhere else.

 

[GreatistheLord]

I've been in "church" all my life, seen the good and the bad. I'm just at a stage now where I need *good* reasons - theological and common sense. I would never go to
another church unless it was just as good as the one I'm in now, and I knew I was in God's will - But I dont believe for one moment that there is only 1 church where I could
be in God's will. And I dont believe that me being single is God's perfect will either.

 

[GreatistheLord]

I have other reasons, heck there aren't people there my age to have fellowship with, or they've got married.

Do I still need to wait for God to provide?????

 

[Wakeup2god]

Dear GreatistheLord

If you're so desperate why not try a Christian internet dating site or friendship site. I actualy met my sweetheart on a Christian chat site. God is in control my friend. Don't worry about being such and such an age. God is outside of time and can redeem that time for you. They say men only mature when they reach 40, and they say that life begins at 40 (a good biblical number) Believe me it does.

Be wise brother. Don't let your emotions rule your actions and decisions, still don't ignore them either, they can be a good idication of which way to go bit not the final word.

 

[Talie]

it can be hard to find a new church you're comfortable with, especially if you've been to the same one for a long time.

I know what you mean when you talk about the fact there aren't heaps of people your own age around - for me (i'm not attending a church at the moment, but when i was) i found that anyone even close to my age was already married and had kids.

I'd think carefully about what you think is important about attending church. If your primary motivation for going to a new church is to find a mate, you might end up being sorely disappointed if you don't happen to find one there - and woudl you then feel you had to keep moving churches until you find a mate?

Also, what other ways might there be for meeting people in your area (christian activity groups etc - any christian organisations you could volunteer a little time at? dare I say the internet? - though I wouldn't recommend dating services!)

You do need to think very carefully about this, to give up everything you have right now might not be wise - but on the other hand, it may be where God's leading you - but only you can figure that one out.

 

[little esther]

you better make sure that this is what God wants you to do .leaving a church just because you can't find a mate there is not a reason for leaving.if your desire is to be married than my bible saysGod gives us the desires of our hearts. TRUST GOD. i'm going to be 48 in may and i've been in church ever since i was 12, and i'm not married . i believe
god will bring that mate when you are ready for the mate. God must be first in our lives.if going to church to find a mate is the only reason you why you are going then it's wrong. you should be going or (moving) because you love God. i know how you feel cause i've been there.....

 

[JPPT1974]

First find a church in which you feel comfortable in.
Second if the Lord wants you to become a member then do so.
Third get to know people as friends first and foremost.
Fourth if He wants you to meet your mate then that's up to Him.

 

[GreatistheLord]

Lots of good advice here, but there's a point that noone has mentioned.

I still think that much of what happens here on Earth is more to do with a) The choices we make or dont make b) A result of a fallen world that isn't God's perfect will.
It's not a coincidence that there is a high proportion of single men in our church - maybe God wants *all* of them to be single? Maybe the result of a disfunctional church that doesn't reflect the ages, races and sexes of the community it represents. Maybe even the results of church politics that would rather stay isolated than loose precious "young people" to other churches that have plenty.
I do get emotional about this, maybe because I hate the idea that I, and many others, have lost so much for the sake of politics, and a misplaced belief that God would bring *everything* I need without me without me needing to leave the church I grew up in.

 

[JPPT1974]

Lots of good advice here, but there's a point that noone has mentioned.

I still think that much of what happens here on Earth is more to do with a) The choices we make or dont make b) A result of a fallen world that isn't God's perfect will.
It's not a coincidence that there is a high proportion of single men in our church - maybe God wants *all* of them to be single? Maybe the result of a disfunctional church that doesn't reflect the ages, races and sexes of the community it represents. Maybe even the results of church politics that would rather stay isolated than loose precious "young people" to other churches that have plenty.
I do get emotional about this, maybe because I hate the idea that I, and many others, have lost so much for the sake of politics, and a misplaced belief that God would bring *everything* I need without me without me needing to leave the church I grew up in.

First God's plans and time are different than the world's plans and time.
His ways are always right second of all. Whatever He says goes and rules.
I do get emotional too as well as wear my heart on my sleeve as not just young people but people that are single in their 40's and 50's and want to eliminate church politics too despite our differences. Wished we all got along but that doesn't seem to be the case in other churches. Sad but true.

 

[OhhJim]

I would change churches to find a mate. If it were important to me.

I can't find any verses that say God will provide a wife if we just trust Him. They just aren't there. Now, if some want to do it that way, I have no right to tell them they can't live their lives the way they want. The church you go to probably isn't as important as your personal walk with Jesus Christ. You aren't the pastor, right? The church won't fold if you leave? Then use your Christian liberty, my friend. It's a gift from God.

God looks on the heart. He said so. He knows if you are acting out of selfish motives or not. He made you the way He did, as someone who needs a wife, or not. He made you with human frailities, needs and desires. He understands how you feel. He isn't sitting up in heaven just waiting for you to screw up so He can punish you.

 

[JPPT1974]

The Lord will provide for you only if you ask him but you have to have and put faith in Him that He will provide in His time and way and not ours. That the Lord will also lead and guide you even if it ain't what you want it to be because His ways are the right ways and He will never, ever disappoint you.

 

[lady_of_god]

Lots of good advice here, but there's a point that noone has mentioned.

I still think that much of what happens here on Earth is more to do with a) The choices we make or dont make b) A result of a fallen world that isn't God's perfect will.
It's not a coincidence that there is a high proportion of single men in our church - maybe God wants *all* of them to be single? Maybe the result of a disfunctional church that doesn't reflect the ages, races and sexes of the community it represents. Maybe even the results of church politics that would rather stay isolated than loose precious "young people" to other churches that have plenty.
I do get emotional about this, maybe because I hate the idea that I, and many others, have lost so much for the sake of politics, and a misplaced belief that God would bring *everything* I need without me without me needing to leave the church I grew up in.

You speak as a person that has probably has made up your mind that you are indeed leaving the church you currently attend.

I do agree with the others that say that your finding a spouse as your sole reason for leaving isn't the best reason. Even if you did go to another church you might be there for another 20 years without success. Why is that? The answer is easy....

You may have asked God for what you wanted but the reason it wasn't given to you is because of two things:

1. You prayed but had doubt. You never truly had faith in God that he would provide for you in giving you a wife. There is a saying: "If your going to pray don't worry... if your going to worry, dont pray!" That is very true. You have to turn all things over to him

or
2. You prayed for only what you wanted and never asked God to let His will be done. So many of us are guilty of this. We want, what we want, when we want it.
Remember:"And he said, Abba, Father, all things [are] possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt." Mark14:26. When Jesus prayed he ask for what he wanted but only if it was in God's Will. Sometimes what we want for ourselves is not what the Lord really intends for us...

Maybe you need to start redirecting your prayers that focuses on what God has in store for your life. God knows the desires of your heart already. But if you start serving Him with all of your heart, it will be at that time when you may wake up in the morning and find your beautiful wife laying beside you.

Trust in Jesus.... He makes no mistakes

-Lady

 

[vokewere]

hello,

the lord leads all who wait on HIM trust Him H e will surely order your steps cos the steps of the righteous are ordered by the lord and do not worry your husband will find you cos he who finds a wife...................not the wife seeking...........and God makes all things beautiful in HIS time bless you sis