I feel like I made a decision in marrying my husband. I believe he has a mental impairment and although he is a teacher he is slow to process information and behaves inappropriately. I have son with him who has a developmental delay which I believe he will overcome. His family doesn't like me. His mother is weird and horrible to me. One of his brothers had a label of mental retardation and overcame it. I didn't truly realize all these things until I got married to him and I can not imagine having another child with him or building a life especially since my in laws treat me horribly. I am miserable
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Brantley Wills
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I'm sorry but I'm kind of blunt about this sort of thing.. NO you shouldn't divorce him.. He is your husband. You made a covenant before God.
There are biblical grounds for divorce but acting inappropriately isn't one of them.
Ok now that that is behind us..
I don't know your story but I've found my self miserable before.. It was all due to my mind set.. Our God is a good God he joined you two together for a purpose.. You may not see it now but remain faithful to him and you will.
I understand the in laws. That's where the leaving and cleaving comes in. Maybe you should ask your husband to stand up for you to his family.. Helped in my case..
Prayers that God will strengthen your love for your husband. That he will bless your marriage beyond measure.
There are biblical grounds for divorce but acting inappropriately isn't one of them.
Ok now that that is behind us..
I don't know your story but I've found my self miserable before.. It was all due to my mind set.. Our God is a good God he joined you two together for a purpose.. You may not see it now but remain faithful to him and you will.
I understand the in laws. That's where the leaving and cleaving comes in. Maybe you should ask your husband to stand up for you to his family.. Helped in my case..
Prayers that God will strengthen your love for your husband. That he will bless your marriage beyond measure.
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I agree with Brantley and would suggest perhaps a move. I ended up 700 miles from my family (who do not get alone well) and that buffer zone has enhanced my relationship with them because we don't have to have daily contact.
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But I think he could be slow or have a mental impairment. My son had milestone delays which he is overcoming but I think he got it from his father and I am terrified to have more children with him.
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Daydream Island
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Daydream Island
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I absolutely do. You made a covenant with God and man/woman cannot break what God has made. If you divorce your husband, it's 'man made' it doesn't necessarily mean that God doesn't sill see you husband and wife in His sight.
Give time, perseverance and wait patiently with confidence that God restores and heals His people.
PS: on your profile it says you are from NYC... Check out this church Hillsong Church NYC - Locations and Service Times | Hillsong
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Full disclosure, I am an atheist so if you are looking for advice from Christians skip my post.
If you are miserable then I would counsel you to seek professional help in assessing and dealing with your situation. One of the great things about modern society is it allows us to correct our mistakes instead of holding us to outdated standards that make no sense. However no one on this board can asses your situation and help you determine your best course forward. A trusted priest or a therapist would be a much better choice.
As far as your vows are concerned, I do not believe in your God but my understanding of him from Christians is he is a God of love. No one who loves another person would counsel them to be miserable simply for the sake of something they thought was a good idea at one time. We are all human and we all make mistakes. It is much better to recognize that and move on.
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Brantley Wills
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Ok this is terrible advice especially to someone who is in a situation where they are debating on such a major decision.
I would argue that it takes far more faith to be an atheist than a Christian. Everything came from nothing???? Or everything came from God?
But that is an argument for another day..
Back to the decision..
God is love.. God is a loving father..
Being a father on this earth I can tell you that I love and adore my two boys. I would do anything for them. But every now and again they get miserable, especially when I will not let them have something that may be bad for them or do something that I know would be dangerous. Does that mean that I love them less??? Oh no, it means that I love them so much that I want what's best for them.
As Christ followers we are called to model Christ. Well if you are familiar with the story of Jesus there is no greater love than God sending his only son to a lost world so that you and I have an opportunity to spend eternity with love/God.
By modeling Christ I mean following his words written in the New Testament. I'm not arguing that Lizam has a perfect life and she's without problems. I'm not saying her concerns aren't real.. What I am saying is that when we chose to disobey Gods word there are consequences. I'm not sure what that looks like in the future but I do know that statistics show that the majority say they aren't happier after divorce no matter the reason. I believe God made it this way purposely to show that if you do things his way it will be better. Just as I tell my little boy that he must eat his supper and not gummies and ice cream before bed. Sure he thinks gummies and ice cream taste far better than veggies but what's better long term??
I know this, I'm not perfect and neither is my wife. We are currently separated for somewhat similar reasons. But I love her with a love that cannot be explained. Other than Christ Jesus she is my everything. I have been miserable with her and her with me, but that doesn't change the love I have for her. I am called to love my wife as Christ loves the church. That means lay down my life for her. I tell you I would do that very thing right now even in separation. I cannot give up on her because Jesus didn't give up on me. Sure it would be easier for me to say bye, and move on. I could find another and enjoy life/sex/etc. but long term is that right? I'll bet I wouldn't feel as miserable.... Is that love though.. I once heard a cute saying that is so true and I'll end with it..
No God No love
Know God Know Love
Your in my prayers..
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GrowingSmaller
Muslm Humanist
It would be cruel of you to divorce over your own child. Imagine what it would be like for them, I had similar issues with my parents, being not that bright. You have a duty to your child I think, the end of selfishness comes when you make that leap.
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Finding your claims unconvincing requires no faith at all.
You think my advice is terrible? You think that some random person on the internet is going to have better advice then a trusted priest or a professional therapist? That strikes me as a pretty hard sell.
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PsychoSarah
Chaotic Neutral
You don't have to give birth to another child: if you want to keep building a family, but a genetic defect is present in either parent, it would be perfectly reasonable for you to adopt additional children if you desire more.
Also, in-laws are never a reason to divorce; if you have awful in-laws, don't interact with them. I recall no biblical passages that state you have to be around them.
If you had to get a divorce, not speaking in its relation to the bible, just your own personal happiness, it should be a matter of the relationship you have with your husband being unhappy, not your relationship with his family. Does your husband still make you happy?
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No he flirts with other women, behaves inappropriately, embarrassed me a few time in front of his family, and I have to teach and lead so many things he also had a video of another women on his phone dancing and the video was only focused on her chest. I am sorry to post so much but I don't want to tell my family. I am upset because I am in my 30s and do not want to spend the rest of my life with someone who is like this. I believe he is cheating by he will not admit it
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PsychoSarah
Chaotic Neutral
Ah, the sin of adultery, is it? Depending on what denomination of Christianity you are, you can get the marriage annulled for that, or it is considered a valid reason for divorce, both of which do not go against the bible.
Remember, he agreed to the same obligations as you in this marriage; if he is committing the sin of adultery, he is not keeping to a basic biblical standard. You need not stay tied to such a sinful man. In the book of Matthew, Jesus says "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery". He was addressing men here, yes, but he does state that sexual immorality is a valid reason for divorce.
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Thank you so much I can't get him to admit it I have phone records pictures and videos but according to him if I didn't catch him I can't prove it and I am accusing him. This is driving me crazy and I am praying for clarity. He never admits to anything until he is caught we have a therapy session scheduled for this week and I will bring up the phone records he doesn't know I have it
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PsychoSarah
Chaotic Neutral
-_- well, gee, if you have video of it, I'd say that's pretty conclusive. I'd keep those phone records, pictures, and videos; they'll be useful for taking your case to have the marriage annulled, or in divorce court.
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PsychoSarah
Chaotic Neutral
Actually, the strained relationships tend to hurt kids more than the divorces do. I've experienced my mother divorcing two times, once at the age of 5, the other at the age of 17. I am not emotionally scarred from either instance.
In fact, the first divorce was over the fact that my mother's first husband was beating me, so I'd hardly call that a detriment to me for her to leave him. So, yes, they divorced over me. LizaM isn't getting a divorce over her child, however, it's other issues.
For the second, there was nonstop arguing, and her husband was being unfaithful. Once again, life IMPROVED after the divorce, since the emotional environment was so toxic prior to it.
I am autistic, so I suffer from sudden, drastic change more than the average person, yet I still am not emotionally scarred from either divorce. Kids are tougher than you think.
There are two people involved in LizaM's marriage: herself, and her husband. If he continues to be unwilling to improve, it won't matter how hard she tries to maintain the relationship; it's gonna fall apart, and while it does, the tension is going to get higher and higher. It wouldn't shock me if her son is already suffering a bit from it.
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